What is Coming is Actually Going Now - 22 May 2015

Just see it as one appearance. I don't want it to be like a knowledge scene. It's just something... it has to just like an insight. Just... I don't want any knowledge.

So first start with this understanding. If it becomes insight, then let it become insight. So the understanding is: what is anything? There are two ways things make sense to you. There's awareness. There's awareness and then there's appearance. Whatever the content of the appearance might be, just learn... so if you can put all the appearance in one bucket and say 'one appearance,' then we can see that I am always the big 'A' which is awareness, and everything including body, actions, words, everything is energetic play of this appearance. If you see like that, then whether insight comes, whether all this appearance is coming from awareness itself or it's separate, it's okay. That can be an insight. But as long as you can see, not like just a concept, but you can see it's another appearance, that's enough oneness to start.

It's sometimes it's seen that even this body is part of... I mean, it's... it's very clearly seen that this body is... first the sense I am appears, then the body appears, then the world appeared. It is the sense I am appears in the entire world including the body of you will be okay. Now body is here, does the world appear? The root of it must be first this 'me' because this is my world. It's always... so it's the same question of why, if awareness is all there is, then why does this consciousness come from awareness? Why did it create this consciousness?

That's what we said, no? There are various two, three different explanations for it. My favorite one is entertainment. You can say if you like to experience, love to experience something, because in deep sleep not even love matters, right? And you see that all these things we clamor for so much, and yet in the night if you're not getting sleep, then you're trying and crying, 'I want to get sleep' and 'I want to get sleep.' You know, it's like... in fact, it's very good you ask this because somebody, you know, Dr. Vijay on Facebook, he sent this question on Messenger to me and I never... I always, because there's so much that goes on, I forget to answer it. It's very good that you answer that you ask this question, which is: what happens at death? The same as what happens in sleep. So in death I could have a dream, like after I die it could mean something. Yes, as you're getting you the perspective that you are the supreme one, not something in the world, right?

So then... so then basically death is just changing with disappearance onto some other appearance? Is that... I mean, oh, so how do we know this is not the only level of this game that we will be playing? Maybe we say it's my consciousness, but suppose it's your consciousness only today and tomorrow somebody else plays the role of Jesh? Who knows any of this? Do you know, Father?

No, nobody knows. Because all I know is that I am this awareness and from this awareness this game starts. Starts with the presence of... actually some of you might think what's happening? It's very good because this is what I always say, but now you... it's clicking. You always say, 'Yes, yes, it will only happen to that guy.' You know what will happen here? So what I say, and let me repeat for everyone, is that seeking, the search for freedom, also starts as a personal journey because the person feels that they will get some peace, they will get some joy, they'll get some freedom. Something, something is promised to the person. Now this promise is also failing because nothing is being given to the person here. So the person is bound to throw a tantrum and say, 'But what's the point then? I'm not getting anything. I wanted all these things and now I'm not getting anything.' So this one you must see: who is this one throwing the tantrum? And this one you see that you are still the witness of this one. It is not you. It pushes all the buttons convincing you it is you. And this, if you can stay with me during this time, then I tell you that this one can be... I'll lose this power anyway because so far it has been helping you. 'Yes, let's go to satsang. You know, this is good, it's helping. See, we are so much more peaceful now.' It's saying, 'But okay, I get it, you're awareness now. What do I... what do you think?'

You see this voice, it feels like it's come to a point where like I come to satsang because I love you and you know all of that. Like I see that there's oneness, I see that whatever, and some parts of it looks like it has been seen here. And then now it's like... but now like you were saying, you have to be like vigilant all the time and like it's all day I'm in this, you know? And like sometimes just quiet and then I can't like enjoy like normal people and they just keep quibbling about the world, you know? Like, 'This is my in-laws.' Some people just keep quibbling with the world or somebody else or the maid and it was like there's more interest in them... like there's no interest in that and it's all gone. But then what am I doing? Like that 'I' is now like... I don't go meet friends, there's no interest. So they wonder what's happened to me. Then when I see your picture, Satguru's pictures, there's tears rolling around. I know I'm not this way.

Actually it's very good because you know what is happening? Don't use these words often. What is really happening and why this love is important: if this was in some way a person is being killed. When this person is being killed, it feels like it's like something is feeling like it's being waterboarded or something, tortured. So this person has been killed. It's been... you know, I don't like to use the word 'kill' so I say 'dissolved' usually. But that's the... this is what is coming up. You see, 'Why you're doing this to me? You know what's happening to me? I don't have legs to stand on. I don't know what's going on.' Very beautifully you said that, 'I'm just here because I love you so much.' And if this love was not there, you would not be here. So this love gives like the honey which attracts you and then you come and you get sorted so that, you know, it pulls you in. And the person also feels, 'Yeah, so nice and loving and all that.' But this one has to go. See, the strong medicine is about this one to go. If it's supposed to be only nice-nice and we're just catering to the person again, then what's the point of satsang? There's so much... everything in the world, entire world is catering to the person.

You're like... two nights ago I got to call it two or three in the morning after that for a while because I was feeling trapped. This annoying stuff came up and... and then I just... the thought that came to my mind was just 'die.' Whatever it is that has to die and just die. And I can understand what I think it's the same kind of trapped feeling here that... that that you get. And it's also seen that I can... is that because the person does not exist, you cannot do anything, right? So that is the frustration which is coming from the mind. But you are this... in this play you are this consciousness, right? Which is the one doer which is creating this.

I don't get that. Yeah, you will. I don't care. Yes, because 'I don't get that' means 'I don't understand that mentally.' In fact, but is there a world without you? No. In that itself, if you contemplate, you will see that you are the source of this world. There is never a world without you.

So am I the consciousness?

Your dynamic aspect, which is like one of your fingers, you know, not even that... that close, is the one who is moving. You are the... ultimately you are the witnessing of even that moment.

But the thing is when I move the hand, there is no... there's nothing happening there. So how am I moving the hand? Because I'm not... there's no doer.

Because it's not controlled from the body. We have believed always that 'I must move my hand' or 'I move my hand.' The hand is just moving.

So then how is it a movie? Is I consciousness? And for awareness it is the movie? Consciousness is the light of the movie which is controlling the movie like that? It is not controlling it like... it becomes... it gets into... like some people make this concept, right, like souls enter everybody and that... that soul is like the sense of I am is fed like this, as if it's in the heart region or something. It feels like in the head region, but it's not here. It is prior to time and space. It is like the light which is being... this light first creates the screen of time and space and then projects. Because our perception is... that would be very good for the person if you could see that the person is doing everything, then that's what fantasy would come true. At first this person has to get out of the way, then you see that your own light is doing projecting. It's like the finger which blocks this and there's my monsters, I guess.

I'm still asking you as a person who's projecting it. If it is dependent on this coming on and off inside you, then it must be you.

The screen of time and space and then projects because our perception is that it would be very good for the person if you could see that the person is doing everything. Then that's what fantasy would come true. At first, this person has to get out of the way, then you see that your own light is doing the projecting. It's like the finger which blocks this and there's my monsters.

I guess I'm still asking you as a person who's projecting it. If it is dependent on this coming on and off inside you, then it must be used, right? But you know how you talk about a movie in the projector and the screen? So it's not like... so I can see the projector and I can see the screen. So I know when the projector comes on, you see the image from the effect; it goes off, but the screen is still there, right? When the projection... whether it says that the first thing that comes when Being comes on, it creates a screen of time and space. See, is there time and space when Being is not?

You know, I have one more question, Father. Is that, am I aware now? That takes me to this place where I am just aware, right? Then why don't I just keep asking myself that question all day long: 'Am I aware?' Because this one, again, this person wants to make something out of it. And if you give in to that, it becomes a practice and it becomes only lead to irritation. Oh yes, yes, shut you up.

So what is actually happening is that this person, it said, 'I am your friend, I am your ally, let's go on this spiritual trip together.' Now you came to the banks of the Ganga, you took a dip, and you want to say, 'Okay, I'm not your friend.' And this imaginary friend is reacting: 'What's the point? I got you here. Now see what you're doing to me. What's the point of all this? Come, come, we'll have a normal life and we have normal problems like other people.' Oh, this is the voice of this one. 'Come back with me, it's nice over there. Here there's nothing.' What's it saying that? And if we did not have this ally of love, then who would come to Satsang like this?

Um, like this, so there's two people inside me. One is the straight person and one is the awareness. The awareness is watching the person today. And I'm just... so after that whole part of the incident, the next day, like, I was like totally identified with the person. And I had gone and taken my arms out shopping and I was judging them and judging the world and making my normal pidgey selves. And I was like, 'What the hell is this?' And the money... I'm like letting small kids then come and why have I come? And there's anger. And then like the memory wants to... the thoughts, I wanted to hold on to some past memories which make me really angry and upset. And they make me so like sad that they almost sweep sad, if you know what I mean. Like they don't want to let that... this whole drama happening. But it's funny, it's the... I'm not being able to... like, I'm watching it but I'm not. It's not funny, it's like there's some anger which is coming up. I don't know what's... it's something. You have this huge dialogue with me in the taxi. I don't know how I came also. I was having two minds of fact. You remember once I told you that you at least have some advantage? Yeah, yeah. Then I used it yesterday. It was really good actually. I used it and then it says, 'Yes, but your previous life was so good. At least you were sad and you knew that I'm sad, I'm suffering.' Okay, there were some at least some moments. Now you are completely clueless.

But if you can stay with this for just a while, that's what I say, isn't it? That when it seems unstable, unsteady, then if you can just stay and you can see that this is just another play, another way of appearances. The same voice, the same guy saying all kinds of nonsense. And it's pushing some old buttons, some ancient stories which have been arrested. The past was holding on to them. Now it's taking the opportunity because it feels like, 'Okay, she's coming to Satsang.' You can see what what is the... like, it's picking up the memories and replaying them in front of me just to get me and succeeding in some places.

Um, I think I don't know, I think it's succeeding.

No, if you're here, it's not succeeding. Here it cannot succeed. There's a beautiful video of Mooji which is on YouTube. You do a search for 'The mind can be crazy' and then say it says it knows the ego knows it's in trouble. So it's calling everyone. It's called this cousin, 'Come, come, come, this one is getting away, so let's use everything that we have.' It's very good that these kind of energies are getting pulled out because if you have them somewhere inside and it shows up later, then what's the point? Let it come. Because it, this person, let me repeat again, so it seems like this one has said, 'Let's go to Satsang,' so thank you. This one said, 'Let's do spirituality.' So now this one is not finding any benefit because... but while it was saying, 'Okay, bliss is here, it's nice,' but then it says, 'Even this goes.' I've always said from the beginning that all states which are coming will go. And if you're here just for some state, then you will fall into this trap. So this voice will come and say, it says, 'Even the bliss is gone now. So nice initially, so what's the point?' The point is the discovery that I am not this one. But if you still have some allegiance to this one, then it will get some belief. That's why I say that everything that you hear, you must check on. You must check for yourself and see that it's true. Otherwise, you quickly start believing this thing, you know? Or the mind was like this and I became a person again. Show me how now you became a person. That I cannot believe because I cannot believe that can happen here. I cannot believe it can happen there. The person is always a work of fiction. So you can never really become the person really.

Energize these concepts with some belief like it's just coming and it was all welcome frustration and limitation and it's just coming and going. And then this thing came and I think the frustration is more that I could see that awareness has nothing to do. And this frustration that until now there was something to do when I went for something like, you know, not giving me thoughts or seeing... no, this one is like, 'I don't want to do anything like what like that.' That 'I' has been like the last remnants of this doership need to be gone. Let's just take... it's not nice being in that space and I know this, this 'I' is only saying this, but it's not... it's not candy really being in awareness. It doesn't matter what comes and goes, but when you are in that mind space, it really matters what goes.

It doesn't still matter, but it feels like it looks like that. And if you are still caught up in thoughts and feelings, then it will seem like these things are relevant. So every Satsang, actually, I'm giving you this dose which is taking you away from being caught up in the thoughts and feelings.

You also want to say... she said before Satsang started, the first couple days, it's just like all these weird resistances start coming up. And actually it's been like um very shanti, shanti being, you know, in the Satsang and it's just so much peace. But then like something will happen, the mind will just grab ahold of it. Just weird resistances and the drama queen inside just makes everything like... just this is just one example and it's so irrelevant actually, but just like the heating here sometimes and actually over the past few days always gonna have to live. That's actually nothing but it's just... just these resistances come on. I don't only one left.

The person needs completion, so you know, yeah. I need... uh, most of the time my solace is in listening to Mooji or all these beautiful sharing that happened. Really, it's beautiful. But left alone to myself, the universe puts in some, you know, some challenges. More challenges that somebody wants relationships with me and then I know I shouldn't, I should stay with myself. The best thing that should happen to me is lots of times and yeah, presence and energies is coming because of Satsang and challenges are being... before I feel like I need to give you some some pointer which will help.

Now that I can see this one there, so it's... it's the seeker that has been even... but it was not really, it didn't feel very strong. But I think that's the one that's right now really concerned. And I can see this one that thought that it helped it, it did its job of, you know, me seeing being in the awareness or bringing the attention now and go watch it later also. If you want me to take it away, there's one thing you must do. It is that you must let go of your grip on all of any of this. Just be completely open. Just drop anything. Just be completely open. Let everything come and move. Yeah, don't exist, don't resist it. Don't try to fix it. Don't say it should be there, it should not be there. And say, 'I should do this, I should not do this.' That everything which is coming, let it come. And then your this openness itself and you will find that everything is being taken away. And what you felt is coming strongly is actually just going strong. It's just labels. How do you know it's coming? Maybe it's just going. So if you don't make something out of it, just stay, just stay open.

And you know what is happening? All of you made this prayer, isn't it? That let any arrogance get beaten. So this feeling that 'I had got something and now I'm losing it' or 'I was awareness, now I am a person.' They still... who was awareness? Did a person ever become awareness? So this seems to be a common story which I'm hearing, which is that 'I was awareness and now I'm feeling that I'm losing it.' Who was the awareness? No person has ever become awareness. Also, just like it puts a flag on various things throughout the life in the story, it says to this, 'I got it, I got a relationship.' And then freedom is freedom from this one who is putting the flag, is putting the tick on. And this because your feeling for freedom was authentic, you didn't stop at putting the flag. You still made this prayer that if there's some arrogance of this, let it get beaten. That's what's happening. Because it is still the mind voice which says, 'I understood, now I am this.' One still has to get dissolved more and more, then it becomes just nothing, next to nothing.

I've given you all the tips, all the pointers possible, and I really truly believe that just in this: don't believe your next thought. I wonder how things are. It must be that some resistance comes to this simple pointing. 'No, it's difficult, let's not believe.' So all, all thoughts can come. Let's be open. And she said very something very interesting and I want to validate if it's true like this. So let's say, okay, we say, 'I'm not going to believe my next thought.' So first, like she said, be completely open to thoughts to come. Let's wait for thoughts to come and let them come. Let attention also go where it has to, just don't give it your belief. And the thought will get your belief if you expose it. If there's a thought that gets my belief, I will also expose it. Let's see what happens. Also in the hangout, you can unmute your mind. If there's nothing, you can come up and unmute and see what it is. If you're on YouTube, you can type it up. Let's test this.

Often when I go to speak, there's this... um, I can see it. It's like it's dropping this filter of my own just goes right like... um, it says something really um very destructive about just anything that is coming out here. It's like it's like a little flashing or something like that just before you go to sleep. No, for example, um if I was going to say something on the hangout here, then it would... it's like a little... well, it's just the mind. It comes in, but it's very vindictive and it's very... yeah. So it's almost like a voice that's wanting to pull the rug or ridicule anything that would come out of this mouth. So I'm just exposing it because it's like a little... it's like this little flash thing that comes in and I just get disorientated, destroyed, I think.

Thank you, because this can play like everything that is appearing, it can sit like one judge and passing judgment. 'Oh, this is like this, this one is like this.' You yourself, you know, it's just sitting there and just um this comment.

Very, yeah. So it's almost like a voice that's wanting to pull the rug or ridicule anything that would come out of this mouth. So I'm just exposing it because it's like a little—it's like this little flash thing that comes in and I just get disorientated. I think...

Thank you. Because this can play like everything that is appearing, it can sit like one judge and passing judgment: 'Oh, this is like this; this one is like this.' You yourself, you know, it's just sitting there and just... this commentator has put himself in the position of the judge. So the exercise, the point that we are doing now, is just to see. Because Allah said very nicely that, 'Oh, but that's difficult. How do you do this? You say it so simply as if it's easy, but is it so easy?' So I said let's play with it, let's experiment for some time. And it's a simple experiment. Let's together do like this: let's be open to all thoughts to come. So whatever this one is saying, let it see. And even if attention is going to it, the one that gets belief, you share that. Let's share that.

Where I... it was with... I felt to come up today anyway to kind of expose something because a lot of people come up and it's easy, I think Parvati was saying the other day, it's easy to kind of sit back and be comfortable in that. And so it's good to kind of come forward and... yeah, it's not something that gets belief, I don't think. But sometimes it's observed that other people's interactions with you... and there's something sort of within, you know, the mind comes up and it'll say something like, 'Oh, they have a special relationship with him.' There's a little bit of like jealousy, you know, very subtle, very mild. And so, you know, and I think possibly that that's been the reason why I've just thought I don't want to... I don't want to just come up and speak to try and cultivate this special relationship because it's a fiction, it's false. So I didn't want to... I didn't want to kind of go with that. So it felt okay just to be silent. But it's good that I've been able to come and share that and for that to be seen because, you know, this kind of... what is it that I'm clamoring? You know, you mentioned the word clamoring. What is it that this is clamoring for? It's clamoring for some sort of idea of a special relationship with Ananta, with a Guru, you know? And that's nonsense because there's no distance with the truth. So yeah, I think it's been helpful to expose that at least. But it doesn't... I wouldn't say it gets my belief to endorse it by coming up every time that I'm in satsang just to try and say something or ask a question to try and cultivate this idea of a special relationship. Thank you.

Very good. Very good that you say this. Very, very good. You know, because what is happening is that it's saying that these people, they want to do... they want to have some sort of a special relationship with Ananta, and I am too special for that. So in this, it is using this—what seems to be some people clamoring for attention or some people clamoring for this thing—to say that, 'No, no, but I'm beyond that,' you see? 'I'm not one of those.' So it's very good that you are able to spot like this and say that, 'Yes, yes, this is here which is still sitting and judging people.' So I want to just come up and expose things. And as you expose it, you will discover the truth. Actually, in your heart, you already know that there is no distance. It's very good that you expose this button that the mind tries to push and says that these people are trying to get a special relationship, you know, 'I have to... I'm too pure for something like that,' or 'I'm too special to want to create a special relationship.' So this one can go. Like I say, it's not the desire for special relationship, it is not an aversion to special relationship; it is just neutrality. And from the neutrality, moment to moment, so fresh like this. I'm sure even today you would have felt that you're not going to come up and say, but somehow it just happened from a place of neutrality. This neutrality is very good. No desire for anything, no aversion to anything, because all desire, all aversion only comes from these concepts of the mind. Then you are completely free because you are not decided. You have not decided 'I will not speak' or 'I will speak.' Just if speaking is happening, you're just watching it and saying, 'Whoa, what word is going to come out next?' You don't know. That's so fresh and beautiful.

I like very much, I like very much these kind of conversations because, like I said that day—and I really maybe brought it on after that—was that I would rather not... I feel I was maybe speaking to Jyoti when we had this conversation and I said I would not speak to you through some filter of niceness or some false humility or something like that, this veneer of something which you feel you have to put on when you're speaking to me. Because first then you dissolve that filter and then get to the real point and then look at that. So it's very good you all coming up now and saying, 'This is what it is.' All that nice goody-goody stuff can come later. Let's get to the root of the problem. Let's get to the meat of it, which is very good. And like I was telling you that day, that it takes a lot of love to even do like that because you're in a group of people, you know, feeling, 'Oh, what do they think about me? I come and share like this.' First is this dropping of the self-image that 'I want everyone to feel that I am one awakened person.' Maybe that is the first self-image which needs to be dropped when we come up to expose with this integrity, which itself is so beautiful. Because many times what is holding us back is this: 'I'm supposed to be awakened now. I'm actually feeling this and it seems real to me, but if I come up and expose here, then people will say, "Oh, this one, we thought they got it,"' which it doesn't really happen. So it's very good that you drop the self-image and you're able to just come and say this. Then we are really working at the root. Then we are not postponing. And the mind very conveniently, like he said that day, very conveniently: 'But why you have to come and expose in satsang? You can work on this yourself.' He also says, 'Yes, yes, yes,' because we were just in this simple process of saying, 'Yeah, is there a thought which is getting belief?'

Yes, yes, yes. So the thought was coming that I'm not getting this. Yeah, right. So that's the part that...

So now don't believe it.

Can I go on? Yes. I couldn't see me like when I do this because it's with me much of the time at this point. But sometimes I ask yourself, why is it seem to be working right now? But it seems what happens is it's not so much a thought that's getting a response like I believe, but it's sometimes what happens is when it happened—this really breaks—it happened right now. It's nothing. It's just like, 'Yes, sorry,' like that. But to control attention is very tricky.

So you say, okay, let attention also... let's go into the mumbling and the attention is there. Of course, in the ideal case, the attention would also not go, which means the mumbling doesn't exist for you. Sometimes the attention goes and it doesn't get belief. Once you've seen that this belief is causing all this trouble, then you will find that most thoughts are now coming and going, don't get belief. And I have to wait a while for something really juicy to come and sink my teeth in it and say, 'This one, you see, this one I really want.' And then that moment we made some sort of a choice to give our belief to it, just like to say that, 'I am enjoying this play because I still want to play with this concept. You want to play with this. There's some juice in it for me.' Mooji used to use this juicy example a lot. 'That's juicy,' he used to say very often when I met him. So this juiciness is coming from where? From what in the past has been nourished and given me something from the past. Like she said, when it was very juicy, something to see, it would seem harmless. It was coming, let's indulge. Not harmless. You've got somewhere and now you're doing that. It's life. I'm not playing in politics. It's very good.

It's just... it seems like lost. Like what's happening to you, kind of like... kind of weird. Like I would just watch the play and, you know, the mind is trying to figure all of this out like this. That now it's saying like... and then... and it's scared. There's a fear that it's saying that if you saw all of that and now you're still getting into the person's face, but there is still scope that you know... you see that you're not allowed, but there's still scope that you can... things don't be... of any of this. There is a point when I get that strength. Like now it's like every small thought, you know, once a big thought or whatever...

What is happening is that the voice of the ego, the mind, the same guy of these doubts... so when they get spoken out, it triggers. But residue of that is there. Very good, it got triggered. So the same cleansing, the same cleaning up that happened before, there must happen here also. Like my Master says—the examples are always not very elegant, so I will also use an inelegant one—which is that many times when we are sick, you feel like when you vomit, you feel like it's done, it's fine. But you... so just like this happens, that a lot of this cleaning up, egoic cleaning up happened. You see, 'Yes, I'm perfectly fine.' Then something comes in, triggers that. You say, 'I'm perfectly fine,' and you drink, you know, something with a lot of spice or something, and again it gets triggered. It needs to be vomited out again. So then... but it will not be to the same extent. It's very good that this trigger can happen like this. And somewhere I was wishing that it would happen like this, that we would drop this veneer of niceness and you just come and say, 'This is what it is.' This is such an authentic conversation and not... you're not shying away. We're not... all that rubbish is thrown aside. Let me come and say this.

It feels like, like what is the point? And what... like what...

Yes. So when it says, 'What is the point?' then we should say, 'Okay, what should be the point? What is it that you wanted?' And so the mind says, 'It's okay now. You know that, you know, just if you start suffering, don't believe your thoughts,' you know, all that. It's like the mind is trying to pull you back like, 'Okay, now you know a way out, the thing you want,' yeah? Which itself is very beautiful already to start with because it says 'you.' It's more distant, some voice and saying 'you.' We don't know who. Either I am just this being, this, and I am aware of this. How you speak is that you tell me whether that is asking what is all this. But the beingness itself goes out secure. That's all that's happening. That's why I say... somebody also said earlier that, 'Why this entertainment?' Because it doesn't feel like... I think for me it feels like more to that I'm all there is, I'd like to have some fun. Maybe that seemed more true in this case then to say, 'I'm all there is, I don't experience love.' It doesn't... I don't know. Maybe it's just implemented. We have come to this place where this is just withdrawals. It's just a withdrawal symptom. 'No, what are you doing here? Just have a smoke, you'll feel better.' What you said, 'I know it's hurting me, it's not nice to believe those old sad thoughts.' Because the deepest addiction is the addiction to our mind, more than any other addiction we could have. And when this withdrawal is coming, it is trying all its tricks. 'Yes, yes, you are... yes, yes, you have the power now to give up smoking. We just have to come here, so let's have a smoke.' Anything. It's pulling all the tricks, all the tricks possible to get you to keep... always there. Many are seen like this who very lovingly said, 'Yes, yes, he's true Master and he's always available to me. Let me go enjoy myself for some time and come back.' So the... I guess coming to your whole thing was that even the fact that 'I don't get it' is also just a thought.

Yes.

Because there's nothing to get. This is the funniest thing. In every satsang I say, 'You are that.' There is nowhere...

Come here. So let's have a smoke, anything. It's pulling all the tricks, all the tricks possible to get you to keep always there. Many are seen like this who very lovingly said, 'Yes, yes, he's a true master and he's always available to me. Let me go enjoy myself for some time and come back.'

So the, I guess, coming to your whole thing was that even the fact that I don't get it is also just a part of it?

Yes, because there's nothing to get. This is the funniest thing. In every satsang I say you are that, there is nowhere to go, nothing to get, and still the mind comes here. You still don't get it. You buy it. I guess you're waiting for some fireworks, yeah? Some something. That's why I say, okay, define 'no' like um...

And although I'm realizing the one that is looking is only in three of them, yes. So what Buddha was, you are right. Tell me how you're done always, yes. But if I say anything, then the mind says, 'Oh, anything is too much. What do I do now?'

It's very simple. It's like saying don't eat that entire pizza, right? So I can say don't eat that pizza, and it seems I said don't eat the next bite. Then you can't eat the pizza, can you? Can you eat the pizza without eating the next bite?

So I didn't find it because of suffering in that sense. And also it's not like every morning... like sometimes you ask my Father, like, 'Would you have this or would you give up all this for freedom?' or something like that. So it's not like I wake up every morning saying that I want freedom or I'm certain no matter what I'm gonna get. I don't have that kind of fire, and yet I'm here. So there are two kind of... the mind plays two games with me sometimes. Sometimes it's like, 'Oh, you're so cool that you come here without suffering.' So that's the other thing. And sometimes this game, like it's like an inferiority game, that you're not worthy enough. No, that I'll never find this or I will never be this. I'm just using the words, but I will never be the awareness or whatever. You know what I use it because I don't have that fire or because I didn't have that suffering, so how will I ever achieve it? So it's like swinging, just the mind things.

Throw them both away. If that's something, it's amazing. This one, oh, there are many requests to come up with and you can see, see, I have this function building and it's become a habit. Beautiful music just gets me there. A lot of... I never got to search but not that kind of a feeling. I always wanted freedom even when I had a beautiful wife, I mean when I was here in the midst of family. And now I see if I don't have that, then you know the mind, you know with our way is going outside. You will discover that actually, like, this is your natural state. You are saying that my state usually is to be conditioned and to be distracted. And for many of us, because the habit is there, that's why you call it the addiction. So the addiction is saying that addiction is your natural state; this freedom from the addiction is an unnatural state for you, we need to do lots of work to do it. What I am saying is that once you just leave everything, let it be exactly as it is, then you already see that this is your natural state. The drag is so powerful, the drag of they attract your attention very strongly, some of these. But belief is easier to manage. Belief means alertness. No, I feel that when I lose alertness then this story goes on. Belief is not alertness. Alertness again has to do with keeping the attention here somewhere in the present, something. Alertness is not that. Belief is just whatever it could be saying, but it keeps... it's another dimension. It's a little bit, it's a little bit that happens because we're just used to this habit of picking up every thought which is coming. So it's like this heavy burden that we've been carrying. So initially it seemed like a little bit of effort to keep that down. That's become like a comfort zone for us. The person would say, 'Just drop this person.' Oh, that seemed like a lot of work. Actually you realize that once you put the heavy bag down, and to pick it up... long liver. And I don't say anything in satsang which I've not myself tasted. So I tasted this when I saw that when it was said 'keep these thoughts away,' it seemed like effort, something to be done. But now I can say truly that it's too tiring if I were to try and believe my thoughts. It's too, too unnatural. And if it's possible here, it's definitely possible. So it's easier not to, it's easier not to go with it or just... yes, yes, of course, much easier, much easier. You will find that this sense of 'I' will keep dissolving more and more. This 'I would rather,' you will find great trouble in saying 'I would rather' is true. Is this one other? What's here now? Where does the frustration come from? It's just the same 'I' which is frustrated that it cannot get rid of the 'I'. This 'I' must give up now. The person is trying to get rid of the person, is getting frustrated that 'I can't get rid of the person.' The reflection is trying to get rid of the reflection and saying, 'This reflection is not going, what do I do?' Okay, there's a queue. Okay, Janie wants to come first. This is wow. If you believe this when I say you are home, or will you believe your mind saying your mother? Suppose you have this choice. Yes, not too much. Namaste, Father.

Can you hear me? I don't really want to come. Um, yeah, just the last since... since satsang's the silent retreat started yesterday with Guruji, just such a huge, just a huge, huge, huge resistance and also just also not wanting to hide anything either. And I know that if you say to me like right now nothing's happening, but yet I don't know, this always happens.

Nobody can convince me that something is happening to you. No matter how good your story is, you will not come. And because you can't see any happening from here, then you forget your own story. That's what happened. Nothing happened. And because I could not be fooled by your story, you cannot be fooled by yourself.

I'm really trying to get back because it comes back so often. We started speaking and she said, 'I really don't want to come up.' I'm saying I should start wearing a helmet in satsang, just energy. Oh, like I literally have to pin at the moment the last two days. And also this is all as I'm saying this, I just can, I can also see it's nonsense. Like feeling like I'm having to actually hold myself in the chair, just it's a physical energy that that's being brought into, like just a physical reaction to satsang. And um, but it's also I don't have to, you know. But also what, what, what came up in with when Paravati was sharing, you said belief belongs to Consciousness, not the person. And what see the person also has gone from belief, not the other way around.

Yes, yes, yes.

And this is what I... it's like this is with... I'm such a Father, this is very good. You know what happens? It's like it's pure grace that removes or everything drops and then it's like there is no one, there's nothing. Nothing has happened, nothing has ever happened. There's nothing, there's no sense of 'I', there's no sense of awareness, there's no sense of nothing. There's just nothing. And then somehow this, the sense of self arises and something is believed in, and then there's this person trying to be awareness. And 'Are you aware now?' and not believing thoughts. But while that's happening, it's like all those efforts are seen to be complete nonsense because it makes no difference. Because nothing that this illusory identity can do can get back there, because this one's not even there. So it's almost like the seeking identity, when you say what that thought of trying to get it, which is just a thought, that that, that is what the something, something buys into that. It's that old seeker as if there's something to find here. And and somehow, and I know what I'm saying to you is just a story again, but somehow I just wanted to bring it because it keeps coming up as well. Somehow it's, it's kind of like you also said to me the other day after that, that, that YouTube with Mooji, with Guruji, it's kind of like I wish that it's almost like this, this pressure to... it's all rubbish, I know, but like, like somehow this imagined one feels like it has to live up to something. And it's, you know, I just really, it's like I, I can't. It, it just can't. It should try so hard but it can't. It's like that created a second level kind of illusory identity that has to live up to having had that experience, which just, just which is nothing. I know that doesn't make... I don't... doesn't make any sense, but it's, it's all such... it's all nonsense. But that's, it's a very um, it's where that it gets in the back door of trying to, yeah, the shadow trying to grasp the sun and say, 'Look, I'm the sun, I'm the sun,' and I can't. You know, I just, I know it's nonsense, Father, but I don't want to. And I always feel like there can be, okay, this 'I', don't touch this, okay? And you know what happens now? It's like thought to say, 'Okay, now I got it, I just mustn't touch up.'

Yes, this is exactly, yes. I know it's all nonsense. So who knows it's all nonsense? Don't take this one, because this time is only going to get frustrated. And when it gets frustrated, I've seen that only one of two things will happen. One is that this frustrated 'I' will burn itself to death, almost to death, or it will say, 'No, no, this is not for me.'

It's burning itself to death, Father, totally. And as much as like there is something that he wants to move away, it can't. It is like that the love or the pull or the, the devotion to choose or whatever. It's just I... it was a... I was away last night in satsang. It's like all this, the mind was trying everything, all these...

But see, I love it when it can be just direct like this. For some of you I can just say don't touch this. I know you can get it. It's that sneaky 'I' that comes to try and claim it. Okay, well this is what it is now. Okay, it's all vast and empty and there's nothing. It's like, 'Okay, it's nothing, all right. So now we know it's nothing, now we can be nothing.' Yeah, it says, 'Yes, yes, I know all this, so what's the point? Still I don't get it.' Yes, this is all that satsang has to offer, then I'm done with it. I've, you know, passed the course, I'm done now. It never says that. It never says it's passed the course. It's just a hopeless case. It's just a hopeless case. You know, it knows all that but still same thing. Yeah, the same thing. The arrogance is all the same. And and then it becomes... and there's another thing I wanted to expose, and this I know but it's it's something that um, there's often a preoccupation with appearance as well. What disappearance is looking like? Is it looking all peaceful and serene or um, like there is a vanity here, Father, that I mean that I also want to to put in the fire of satsang and to expose because it's it's a very kind of um, subtle trick that that the mind plays here. It's like, well, and it's all just, it's all nonsense, but still want to bring it to the fire. It's like, well, if you can look good at least then it's okay, you know? As long as things externally are looking a certain way, it's kind of like you can, you know it, then it's okay. And it's such nonsense but it's a, it's a, it's an ego game that um...

Well, I know this. I know this because what happened is, some of you know the story again, which is so I had this beautiful first time in the hot seat with Guruji, and then those days we were in Thiru. So after that I would just go and sit at Ramana, you know? And one day what happened with... I was just sitting there and then people came and they started bowing down to me. Said, 'Oh, what's happening? Is there like a hello? No, what's happening?' you know? So maybe something shifted even outside. So I felt like asking some people, 'What do you see?' You were just sitting there in the big hall and just sitting in the corner and some people started, you know, bowing down to me. What happened? Vanity comes like this and says, 'Yes, maybe something special is being seen from outside.' It's all like you said, all nonsense. It's all nonsense. It's all nonsense.

Yeah, it's just like being a pretty girl looking pretty, looking, you know, and presenting a pretty um, appearance. And and somehow even although if it's like a mess on the inside, as long as it's okay.

You see, you were just sitting there in the big hall and just sitting in the corner, and some people started, you know, bowing down to me. What happened? Vanity comes like this and says, 'Yes, maybe something special is being seen from outside.' It's all like you said, all nonsense. It's all nonsense. It's all nonsense, yeah. It's just like being a pretty girl, looking pretty, looking, you know, and presenting a pretty appearance. And somehow, even although if it's like a mess on the inside, as long as it's okay on the outside. And it's all nonsense, but somehow it's a subtle thing that plays here that I wanted to expose as well, because there's no need to... it's nonsense. There's no need to hide behind anything. And I don't want to, you know, not a single blade of grass... I could just... it's all nonsense. And even the one saying it is nonsense. I feel really that Grace is lighting such a strong fire in Satsang. This is just that this person who is realizing there is nothing in it for me here, allow this one to come and jump into this fire. Absolutely fine. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, I'm really missing the YouTube chat today, so before Devika comes, just give me a minute to just run through everything. I read through all the chat on YouTube. I know I'm not able to read it all aloud like this, like every day, because there's a lot of it, but very nice. Thank you so much. Here, Devika, my dear, you can come.

Thank you, Father. I again, I really don't want to come up. I can barely breathe. There's a big tension in my chest. It's just very, very physical. The thing that I wanted to expose is that there are tendencies that used to be, that used to appear here in the waking state, and they just don't at all. And they're coming to me at night in my dreams, really strongly, every night, again and again. And they say two things. The first thing is, 'You see how much fun you could be having if you didn't bother with this Satsang nonsense.' And the second thing they say is, 'This is who you really are.' And I just... it's just because they keep coming up again and again, so vivid. And I just want to just, oh, just to let it, let it all become like thoughts.

When you're really sleepy, or do they come in your dream?

No, in dreams actually. In very vivid, colorful dreams. And then the dream character over there also starts to suffer.

Then I will also come in those dreams. So right now, it's found that in the waking state you are surrendered at the feet of the Master, so it tries to get you in the dream. And when the dream character also has had enough of this nonsense, then the Guru will appear there also. There's no escape, is there, at all? Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. What you really want? What do you want to believe? If you truly want freedom, then there is no escape because that's your truest desire.

Escape... the trouble only comes and sometimes some of you want one foot there and one foot here. And that's the thing. I can feel, I can feel this pull from these old behaviors. I can feel the, yeah, I can feel myself being drawn to them. So that's why it's just... and I know that they're nothing, that there's nothing that compares with the joy of knowing the truth of your own Self. And that I also know the feeling of desperate longing, of imagining separation. I know that so clearly. And so, but it's, you know, it's strong, that feeling, that feeling of being drawn. And so I just, yeah, I knew I wanted to just bring it here and just put it at your feet and just burn it. Just burn it. And there's also a small thing that I wanted to expose as well. It's just whenever I'm doing something that's good or kind or loving, there's this little narrating voice saying, 'Oh, see how lovely you're being now. Oh yes, you're being the light. You're being so wonderful.' And it's just, it's like it's either trying to take credit for it or trying to create this lovely spiritual ego about anything positive. And that feels like it's not so strong, but that can be burnt too. So you can have that as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

For all of you as consciousness, as one consciousness, I feel like saying today very much that stop being Arjuna. Stop being the seeker now. Enough. Let's have fun as Krishna. Because many of you are coming now like Arjuna later in the Gita who says, 'Yes, yes, yes, I get it, I get it, and it's all there, but can you show me your true form?' You know, 'Show me, give me an experience,' basically it is. 'Can you give me an experience?' And as my Master says, I'm sure Krishna was a little disappointed to hear that question. This is not for Devika, by the way, I'm just speaking generally to all of you. Which is that after the truths of no form, you are that from which all forms appear, after it's been clearly said and clearly explained by Krishna, after so much of all of that, Arjun still says, 'Can you give me an experience? Show me your Virata Rupa' or whatever. Just another experience. So like Mooji says, it must be disappointing for Krishna to hear that kind of question. And yet in his compassion, he says, 'Okay, experience you want?' and he shows himself like some huge... how does it matter? Any experience which is coming is going without you. But you can then say, 'Okay, this is what Father says.' Do you really know that you are not that Arjun who is still asking the same question so many centuries ago?

I don't mind answering, don't get me wrong. I don't mind answering the same question over and over because I know that conditioning has taken a long, long time, and the cleaning up of this false conditioning can also seem to take a lot of time. It's okay. But as part of the process, I want to keep reminding you that you are Krishna. You are not. Stop wearing the hat of this person who wants freedom. So this one will only say, 'Yes, yes, yesterday you got it, today you don't have it. I got it, I lost it. I was aware in this, I'm a person.' And you know, as even the words are coming from your mouth, you know that it's all nothing. Yet there's some sense of allegiance to those because at least it feels comfortable to be the seeker. 'At least I know I'm a seeker. I'm a seeker. This awareness thing, it seemed like, you know, something exotic. I don't know what to do with this.' Nothing will ever convince your mind that you are free. If you keep waiting for the conviction to come from the mind, then I cannot compete with this mind. Because I tell you every day you are free, you are that. But if you are giving what I say to the mind and saying, 'Okay, this is what Ananta is saying, maybe because he just loves us too much, that's why.' Not like that. It's because you are this awareness, completely unchanged by anything that could happen.

It can never be that I can love you so much that I would lie to you every day. What kind of love would that be? 'Oh, he loves us so much, he comes every day to us and he lies to us.' How can it be like this? Or the second can be that he's really blind, he cannot see me. Either I'm a liar or I cannot see. This is what your mind is saying. 'He doesn't see all the trouble that you really have in your life. He just says you're free. He doesn't see that you're a person.' Most of the time, I know all of these tricks. They are nothing. This mind is nothing, nothing. It is never able to touch you. Just a voice. It's only a voice. First, you stop being scared of this voice. And yesterday it was quiet and today it's so loud. Stop being scared of what it is. It's nothing. You will never convince me that it is doing something to you. And if you drop your allegiance to this mind, it is enough. It is enough. You don't have to believe in any words which are being spoken here also. No belief is required. You will see, it will sound like you are speaking and it will seem like the voice is coming from inside you. Exactly what you would have said has been spoken in Satsang. Because if it is only about making your mind feel better, then there are many, many places. There are many wonderful psychotherapists which are there, who are there in this Sangha also. But this is not about fixing the mind. This is seeing that you are not the mind. Just forget about it. You have this power and you will see it is nothing. And you will laugh at how it took so much of your belief.

So many of you have these things, you know, you have these laughing experiences or you see others who are laughing. What is that laughter that comes? It's just a mixture of all of this and you realize that it was all this one big joke. Even this whole freedom trip, huh? It's like that story, I don't know, one of you posted it which I read on Facebook. And he posted this very nice story. There's this man who gets put into this prison and there's a wooden door. And they close the door and every day some food comes to him or something happens. And then he gets... he's getting older, depressed in this prison. So the day when he's really desperate... okay, I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember exactly how it went. One day he's really desperate and he goes to the door and he bangs his head against the door and the door opens. It was never closed. Just so fast, he bangs his head against the door, the door opens and he realizes there was no prison. They never closed it. Will that man laugh or cry or do both at the same time? That is exactly the reaction that you see in Satsang. You won't know whether to laugh or cry because it's so much of a joke. You have never been bound. It's only been my mind story. You have never been sad, you have never been happy, you have never been anything at all. You have only witnessed all of this play.

So I come through a Google Hangout and I come to you inside your imaginary prison and say, 'Just step out.' You don't even need to step out. You are not in a prison. You are already free. And you say, 'Yeah, yeah, I know this is only what you say every day. Now how does it help me? I don't know what to do.' Like the drop is saying, 'I know, I know you will say I am the ocean, but how does it help me?' You see the trick here? You say help the drop, you say help the prisoner. I am saying there is no drop, there is no prisoner. I can't see it. And when I ask you to check, you can't see it. And then you say, 'What? I don't want to check. I've had enough. What do I do?' This is the whole divine mystery. This is the play. 'No, I'm in this prison and you are not helping me.' But you're not in a prison. 'You have no compassion for me.' Should my compassion mean that I start believing this imagined story? Should I just keep reminding you that there is no prison? And you know, it's simple because all I say is just check. Don't take my word for it. Okay, you feel you're a prisoner? Don't take my word for it. You just check. And you check and you say, 'Yes, yes, you're right. There is no prisoner.' You know? But the prisoner voice is saying, 'But so what do I do then?' Just check what you are. That's why Bhagwan has given us these three words: Who am I? There is no sufferer, nobody ever. With no arrogance, because many years I've also been like this, completely like this. 'I don't get this I Am thing. I don't get what is in it for me.' I've been there, so I'm not... I'm just laughing along with all of you.

So all these examples in Satsang are not exaggerations. It's like you signed up to participate in a play in a theater. You signed up to participate in this play, and midway through the play you forgot that you signed up for this play and you started feeling that 'I am this character now.' I'm coming and saying, 'No, no, you are not this.' You know what my mind is saying? That 'I must, I must make my life better in this play.' I say, 'No, no, this is not... this is just something you're posing as.' It's a language like, okay, Priya goes to her live-action role play and then suppose midway through the live-action role play she forgets that she's Priya and she starts believing she is that priest. What are you going to tell her? You will sound exactly like me. I tell you, okay? Okay, you will sound just like me. Just imagine you having this conversation with Priya and she's saying, 'No, I'm a priest.'

I must, I must make my life better in this play. Say, 'No, no, this is not... this is just something you're posing as.' It's a language. Like, okay, Priya goes to her live-action role play and then suppose midway through the live-action role play she forgets that she's Priya and she starts believing she is that priest. What are you going to tell her? You will sound exactly like me, I tell you. Okay, okay, you will sound just like me. Just imagine you having this conversation with Priya and she's saying, 'No, I'm a priest. I have these priest clothes. There are all these people there. I have these weapons of the priest. I am in the Middle Ages.' You say, 'No, no, yeah, come, come with me. Just look inside and see what are you. Are you really this priest?' You will sound just like satsang.

This is one huge live-action role play in which every character is convincing you that you are this one. But the designer of the whole play also created some fail-safe mechanism. He said, 'Okay, okay, when they forget, then one of you will play the role of the one who reminds them.' This role, even this is a role being here, because nothing is really happening to you. Nothing is really happening to you. But there must be one voice which comes and says, 'Remember, remember what you are.' So if you hear, satsang is exactly like this. The question is: are you tired of playing? If you're tired of playing, then come on. It cannot be that one part of you says, 'I want the play also and I want to be the truth.' When you play, there are no limitations to this game; you just play, it's okay. But you cannot use spirituality to make the play better because that was the person's promise, isn't it? 'Come, come, this money doesn't work, relationship doesn't work, healthy body doesn't stay, so then let's... they say you know this spiritual thing really works.' There is nothing in it for you personally here.

And anything you will find initially also, it might seem nice, but you will get irritated by it. Initially many of you will come and say, 'What's so nice here? Everybody is so loving.' And after two weeks you say, 'So irritating, everybody is always this candy-sweet love, love.' If you're still looking with person eyes, then it's not going to give you anything. Are you tired of playing person, person or not?

Namaste, Father. Okay, let me turn up the volume a little bit. And can you also just speak up a little bit, maybe? Yes, my house is asleep so I'm a little quiet. Um, is that better? Yes. So there's not much left to say after that, but since I spoke with you a couple weeks ago, there's been so many storms and burning and collapsing of everything and tantruming. Yeah, and I was mad at you because I couldn't remember why we were supposed to drop our next thought. I was so mad about it. I was so mad about it. It's just even to be mad at me, so completely open, and I hated being mad about it. Um, I couldn't really convince myself I was that mad, but there was still a tantrum. So it's moved... the storms have moved through for now. It's been very beautiful. I'm very grateful for that.

So there's something that's here that I've wanted to expose for a long time, many months, but I always talk myself out of it because it feels very minor and kind of silly and just not that important. And it's this thing that happens during inquiry or contemplation, either on my own or even in satsang, in which I get, you know, so, so sleepy. And either if I'm on my own I fall asleep, or I go to a place that feels very bizarre. It's not quite asleep, but like dreaming starts to happen. And there used to be a lot of frustration with it, like 'bad seeker, I'm not doing it right, I'll never get there,' blah blah. And then there was just um, like, 'Oh well, it doesn't matter because nothing matters,' you know, sort of this Advaita but not really, just kind of dismissing it. And now there's not... there's not a lot of charge around it, and yet I feel stronger than ever to bring it to you because it feels like there must be something that doesn't want to let go. I mean, like so sleepy it hurts to try to stay awake. It's not... not with you, it happens with you. But if you do a contemplation, I'm scared to close my eyes. And if I'm in the hangout, it helps a little bit, but it just feels like there must be something that's holding on and I don't want... and it fuels the identity. I don't want to give it too much attention, but it just felt like it had to be said.

It's good, it's good that you say this because you leave it, let it be my problem. Because even here, what happened in satsang is that sometimes this... every word is heard in satsang. Sometimes, you know, every word is heard in satsang, and sometimes he starts speaking and I find myself not there at all. Not distracted or anything, just in some other state, and the words are just coming like music. This is this quiet. It's not sleep because being is still there, so I know it's not sleep. Something is just grown. So all of this is the grace of the Master's word itself. Even if the sleep comes, it's okay. The body needs rest, then sleep can come in. Especially in the US, I know the timing is also a little bit sleepy.

So, but it can happen when I'm wide awake, super alert, drink coffee, totally alert, and close my eyes and thirty seconds into a contemplation I'm... it's... I'm out.

Yeah, it's okay. It's completely okay.

I just don't want something to hold on that I don't know about.

No, no, this is okay. Are you being direct with me? It's completely fine. Sleep can come. I remember that Garima, when she was in satsang the first few times, she would do something I shared with some of you, which was that she would go close to the stage and she would go lie down next to the stage and go to sleep. Then Guruji one day said that, you know, it takes a lot of trust to be asleep in someone's presence. And I've heard that for the first time in my life and I found it so true. You cannot just go to sleep if there's no trust. So there is some sense of relaxation that can come, some holding on to this person or the mind which is dropped, and that relaxation in satsang, you can just go. It's fine. All this is being done by the energy of satsang.

And it happens in the inquiry as well. Like, I'm halfway through an inquiry that's something that's super freaking me out, right? I do the inquiry and at least half the time I fall asleep middle of the day, sitting up. Just if it's resistance, I just want to expose it. It just... I don't... I don't know. If you tell me it's okay, it will leave you.

You must leave it because it is... even if it is resistance, to say that it is resistance in this case is not helpful because it puts additional pressure on you to try and stay awake, which tires you even more and you sleep even more. And the inquiry will become instant for you. The inquiry will become instant for you. So if it's freaking out that I'm sitting in the inquiry saying 'Who am I?' and after ten minutes, five minutes, three minutes, whatever it is, I fall asleep, then you'll see that you don't need three minutes for the inquiry. You don't even need three seconds.

When I'm engaged with someone, if I'm in conversation or driving, something that requires alertness, the inquiry is very active. Even in the middle of a conversation, it can be watching and inquiring, yeah, looking. It's only when I get... when I get quiet.

Yes, but also you don't have to make it effortful like this. That you're conversing like this and at the same time there's some more... Oh my god, went out there a little bit, Father. What did you say? I said that we don't have to make it so effortful also. Then we're having a conversation with someone and in the background we're saying 'Who am I?' Is it like that? What do you say? Or no?

It's um, sometimes it might be. It doesn't feel effortful, it just happens. But sometimes it's watching to see if it's a spiritual ego talking or what position I'm coming from, and then even that's seen because then the voices are all just fighting it out sometimes. So all of that is watched. There's so... there's just an awareness of all of it.

That inquiry just happens when it is meant to happen. When it is not meant to happen, then let it also not happen. So you bring yourself, or this imagined self, out of the picture.

Okay. I just don't want to delay anything. Yeah, I can't even take this seriously, right? I mean, I take it seriously, but I can feel like this even feels personal. I know, I know, I know you know. I know I'm not even not bothered by it, and yet it felt so important. I just... I've delayed before and I don't think that... I don't want to just... don't delay.

Not touching the 'I.' Yeah, so right now you can choose not to touch this 'I' and no delay. That's the good news about all of this, isn't it? Because the Self is always here. It takes no time. Even through, you know, I never know how... what happens after we have a conversation, so I can never predict. So like you say, sometimes some strong feelings come, some frustration, anger can come. All this, even this is seen. It doesn't really matter what comes. Just if you are able to see that I am this awareness itself, then all this can come. It's okay. It's all part of our play. It's all part of our Leela, what happens externally. But internally, if you're being brought to a point where you see you're only this seeing, no matter what appearance is coming or going, then it doesn't matter that you guys feel more bad about all of these things. They don't affect me at all. Because you and your feeling also, you say, 'Oh, but I love him so much, then how can I have such angry thoughts about him?' and all of that. It's okay. I just see the love.

I couldn't even get mad at you. I was just mad at the pointing. Yes, I wanted something out of it. It's the same tantrum that everyone's describing. It came through about four days ago.

So it just... every few months we have tantrum season in satsang. Well, I said every few months we have a tantrum season because some... something gets built up and then it seems to come together, this energy, which is very good. Or maybe actually what's happening is the rest of the time has been built up, built up, built up, and then every few months it has to explode. It was good though, because the few days I tried to really be a person again, it was really miserable, awful, so much pain. It was not worth it. Quickly, as Amaya reminded us, the satsang there begins in twenty minutes. Thank you, my dear, thank you so much. Quickly read up the chat again is open. I want it to come up, something which only takes two minutes. You want to share?

Uh, not much. I don't want to... I won't take much time, Father. Um, just... just wanted to share um, what I've been going through first couple of days, Father. Whatever everyone has um, shared here, I've felt that too. Like how Father Fuji also felt, I have gone through the same thing as well. Um, but now it's a little different for me. I don't know what it is, but it's just like uh, something from inside is turned off. There is some neutrality about everything. That there are thoughts coming about my dad, thoughts about the custody, thoughts about the sickness, thoughts about future, everything. But everything is same. There is nothing like a reaction going there. It's all seen. Um, but um, I don't know, it feels very weird to me. Nothing is like making sense, you know? Um, being here also makes nothing like... should I be here? Or it's not like I don't want to be also, but um, it's... I don't know what kind of... is it a state or is this some... I don't know how to explain that in words, Father, but it just feels like nothing, you know? Just nothing. I don't know where this is coming from also. I wanted to check with you, Father, what it is. I'm not sure if I'm on the right track or... it's not that I have the belief of person. There is acceptance of everything and clear understanding also about everything is happening. I don't have to do anything, you know? Whatever is happening is happening. But at the same time, this is this complete uh, I can say in words like a blank, you know? Just like a blank thing. I don't know what to do, Father.

So as awareness, awareness has no trouble with the black holes. You just stay. You don't touch the 'I.' This is my message to all of you today: don't touch that 'I' and you will find that all these tantrums of...

Acceptance of everything and clear understanding also about everything is happening. I don't have to do anything, you know. Whatever is happening is happening, but at the same time, this is this complete, I can say in words, like a blank, you know? Just like a blank thing. I don't know what to do, Father.

So as awareness, awareness has no trouble with the black holes. You just stay. You don't touch the 'I'. This is my message to all of you today: don't touch that 'I' and you will find that all these tantrums of the mind will also get dissolved. It is when this nothingness is coming, this emptiness is coming, the mind is trying to say, 'Oh, but this is a little like this, it's like this.' It's just nothing. Just don't touch this mind. Don't touch this 'I' itself. Okay? Okay, my dear.

Let's play the invocation because we don't want to clash with Guruji's satsang time. Thank you all so very much for being in satsang today. Okay, thank you Claire for moderating. Thank you so much. We can turn the broadcast off now.