What Does 'I' Represent for You? - 14th November 2017

As long as you feel that the mask is real, you can surrender the mask or inquire into the reality of the mask. So if you look at satsang, most of satsang is an invitation to surrender. Whether we say 'don't believe your next thought' or whether we say 'allow everything to come and go,' whether we say 'remain open, remain motionless,' it's just an invitation to let go of this concept, this representation of 'I' which could mean some things for you. Now whatever that something might be, even if it is a highly healing spiritual notion, in the design of the play, it will be a trap and it will cause the psychological state of suffering. This is what Papaji was talking about when he said 'be vigilant till the dying breath.' It only meant that when the pinch of suffering is coming, notice that the 'I' represents something, and surrender that something or inquire into its reality.

So in this way, vigilance is not that you have to become like a security guard or something, constantly checking 'what's coming, what's coming, is that a thought, is that a feeling?' No. Check that. You think that doesn't sound very free at all. It is only that when something is pushing a button, we are not getting into some sort of Advaita denial of it, and we are happy to expose it in the light of our own being. That is vigilance. Haven't you seen, not as wonderful those who have been in satsang for a long time, you've seen this happen, isn't it? 'Father, this is what's happening to me, but actually I know nothing is happening to me, I am awareness.' 'No, but I'm feeling this I, I think this, but actually I'm aware.' So this conflict of playing with two opposite notions is causing this inner war. That is why I don't want even the concept of great concepts like 'I am that' and 'you are that' or 'I am God,' 'I am awareness.' These should not become concepts because they will only participate in your conceptual war, either with the world or with yourself.

So using the thorn metaphor, this is the string that has been used to light the funeral pyre, but throw the stick also in the pyre. So now many of you have heard it many times. Can you say that yes, it is this 'something' which is identity, which is the ego, which is the source of all suffering? And I see that as I surrender it, as I remain open, as I inquire, I find that this 'something' is meaningless. I cannot be that which I have believed myself to be. You are coming here, you will report that 'here there is some fear or wobbliness or something.' It seems like this is the withdrawal symptoms from the idea of 'something'. And I'm telling you that satsang is here every day so that you can get over these withdrawal symptoms. Mooji often uses the term 'naked'. You can feel naked all of a sudden, to be without the concept, to be without the notion of yourself. And that is why you rush to picking up something from the past. 'Father, it was so clear yesterday, but then something happened, my partner said this or my children, somebody said this, and then all this happened to me.' All of this, whether you realize it yet or not, is an escape from this fear. Or even if you say, 'Ananta, today, today, today I have really got it.' In using this great mind, 'This is it, today I am really hearing you for the first time, really heard what you're saying.' I'm saying it is not even that. Even this can be an escape. The fear of being conceptless, notionless. The 'I' which represents someone or something is as much fear as the 'I' which represents someone who hasn't caught it yet. Both are not true.

So there is wobbliness. Let's wobble together. It is completely fine. So for some, it is here now. There might be others who might think that 'there is no fear, so I must not be getting what you say.' But it is not a prerequisite. It can be completely sober. Only something was dropped that never was. Something that I was. It can be a very simple recognition. Or for some of you, and someone reported this, was that big joy could become just an end of this 'I am so beyond.' So what comes as a side effect of the inquiry, don't allow even that to make a representation out of you. Now there are some temperaments where neither surrender makes sense nor inquiry is making sense, but you might feel like 'I just like coming here.' It is like coming to satsang. 'I don't know what he's saying, I have no idea about this I am something.' You see what is going on? Nothing but a lie. Come, and that is fine. But there might be some, and especially if you are new, who might feel like 'surrender, inquiry, no, and I don't even like coming here. I don't even like this guy's face or his voice, nothing.' You see? It's just somebody has told me 'this is very good, this is very good,' my friends told me, my family too, and I am just here. And you don't have to do that. Don't have to torture yourself because what you will end up picking up from satsang is a new set of concepts. As I have told all of you, don't force anyone to come.

Don't be affected by it, what they might report about it. Because you might invite someone to satsang, again you might feel like 'today it was really good, wasn't it?' And you ask and they're like, 'Oh, it is all nonsense, I didn't get it.' It's fine. In the play of conditioning, in the play of temperaments, every temperament is unique and some will play with other ways to rid themselves of this 'something,' whether it is chanting, with some other meditation technique, whether it is Hatha Yoga, it doesn't matter. Whatever consciousness is taking care of itself. But if you are in this place now where it seems like 'I look, I can check my notions, that I don't know why but I know that my life is the self-concept problem,' then the recognition of this truth is already starting to become apparent. So actually in this short time we've encapsulated this entire quest for freedom. All the clues for your inquiry are available because to inquire, it seems like you need one pointer concept which ultimately will be thrown into the fire, but something which seems to light the way. Who am I? Can the perceiver be perceived? What witnesses all things? Can that itself be witnessed? What is the unchanging one? Is there something which is unchanging? What does not have a boundary, either of time or of space? What is beyond the four states? Now you do.

We've encapsulated its entire quest for freedom. All the clues for your inquiry are available because to inquire, it seems like you need one master concept which ultimately will be thrown into the fire, but something which seems to light the way. Who am I? Can the perceiver be perceived? What witnesses all things? Can that itself be witnessed? What is the unchanging one? Is there something which is unchanging? What does not have a boundary, either of time or of space? What is beyond the four states? Now, you don't have to remember all these clues. Just anything, anyone which appeals to your heart, you can take. And for those for whom any of this sounds like it is too much effort or something like this, just let everything go. But just to say 'I'm letting everything go' is not enough. Nothing can be your problem. That is why Guruji uses camphor in the fire ceremony. Let us surrender; leave no residue. Nothing is yours. And here you will see that surrender and inquiry are the same. 'Nothing is yours' and 'You are nothing' are two ways of saying the same thing.

My mind doesn't trust that without its control bad things will happen. Yes, the mind is not designed to trust easily. So the mind will always give you messages like 'What will happen without your control?' or 'You better take charge of your life' and all of these things. But it has given all these messages for so many years—30, 40, 50, 60 years at least that you remember, actually millions of years. Has it been able to sort it? Has it resolved your life in all these years with the seeming control? Is life so good? So now try it my way. And the struggle will be if you try to sit on both these chairs at the same time: my way and the mind's way. If you try to mix up both of them, then you will suffer. Instead, you will struggle in satsang; you will throw tantrums. In that sense, all this will happen.

I said no, stay in the pain. You can either surrender or you can be trying. To have a Guru means that you have no way. To have a Guru means you will no longer be turning to your own way. You can see when you dream, how are you going to run your life? And yet life is taken care of. And from this infancy, you will see that you are a Guru. No, I cannot say this. From this infancy, you will see that you're even higher than that. But as long as we trust the mind's way, it will get in the way, you see. So don't worry about changing the quality of your mind. This one is designed to be like that, to convince you of your individuality. It is a beautiful design of consciousness, designed to convince that which is unlimited that it is limited; designed to convince that which is timeless that it is born and will die. So don't worry about changing this one. Let this one come and go, say whatever it likes, but you remain empty. Empty of any notion, empty of any concept about yourself.

It's completely possible. If it were not possible, why would I say it every day? Then I must be the most deluded one. Consciousness would not bring this satsang to you every day if what was being shared was something which was beyond your grasp. Then you say bad things will happen. No, it's just children's talk for me because here your presence is here, our being is one. Atma, Guru's grace is always there for you, reminding you that everything is taken care of. But it will never mollify any idea about yourself. Yeah, only God. Sometimes it can seem like to a child that a parent is being so mean. Almost the parent is saying, 'Just go beyond this, beyond into what you are.' And the mind will be screaming, 'But did you take care of the me? You didn't take care of something.' The parent is saying, 'But this is not you. This is just an idea you have about yourself. It is your imaginary friend.'

Now, I've made it very simple for all of you. I feel like I've made it very simple. But all confusion is confusion about the 'I' and behind that, it's a representation of 'I' as something. So confusion means suffering. And now we will define what suffering is: grievances, resentment, pride, guilt—all these psychological afflictions are suffering. The basis for all of this is a misunderstanding about who you are. How to find it? If there is a misunderstanding about who I am, check for yourself and see who this 'I' represents. In today's satsang, we have broken down all these ways and looked at what it could represent and how to let go of this notion, of this representation. That's all, actually, there is to it.

Now you might say, 'Look, what about the Self?' As you're empty of the notion that 'I am something,' the Self is apparent. You don't have to take a step. The Self is apparent to you right now. You might not believe it, but I don't need your beliefs. Your belief is only to something conceptual. The Self is not conceptual. You are the Self right now, whatever the mind might be saying, whatever emotion might be saying, whatever body pain you might have, whatever might be happening in the world. You are the Self and this is apparent to you until you start playing with your mask. Even as you're playing, it is apparent to you, but then you play as if you are something individual.

So let us spend five minutes in silence. And silence, I've repeated over and over again, is not just the absence of outer words, but the absence of any belief, the absence of any notion about yourself. We'll go out with our life. Don't feel that something has to change. Don't feel like you have to pick up any notion about yourself to function, to speak, to walk. For any action, from this space, all can come. So even if you speak thousands of words, it doesn't make a difference to your silence because your mouth has become an instrument for consciousness. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Atma Guru Sri Mooji Baba Ki Jai.