Openness Is The End Of Suffering - 28th April 2016

So I was going to say, when resistance is felt in the body, say towards... so you're in a conversation with someone who you just feel the resistance, you just don't want to be in their company any longer. There must be a natural way for this to unfold and to move away. But thought says, the thought must come to say, "I don't want to be in the company." But I guess, is that true? Because what we are calling resistance is different from what I am calling resistance a little bit. So the sensation is appearing in the body like a sensation of repulsion or something is coming in the body, you see? But without the label of repulsion or resistance, without this labeling of it as resistance or repulsion, it is some sensation which is experienced in the body. And you'll find that just as the sensation came, the movement in your body is also happening. So the movement is happening to move away; that is also happening. If the words are coming saying, "Can I just need some space?" or something, you find that that's also just happening. But if the thought is coming, that is also a happening.

Now our mind tells us this story that you need to have this thought to take that particular action, but it's not true. And you can see it in this conversation. Maybe not really thinking about what is being said, it's just arising spontaneously. And just like you are witnessing them, the seeming you is witnessing these words, the seeming I am also witnessing these. In this openness, there is great trust. Otherwise, you would be so much worried, "What am I going to say next?" or "What's going to come?" It's just going. See this in the same way: what's happening through your body, through your hands and feet, through your mouth, is also happening spontaneously. It's just an idea that we need our thoughts to take these particular acts. And many times, even when we do believe those thoughts, "Then I must take this action," you find the mouth is saying something else. I think that example is awesome, that many times we decide when we go to work that, "I've had enough of this. My manager is here. I hate her. I hate him. Yeah." And you show up that, "I see her and I'm just going to tell her I quit." And the manager comes in front of us and you're saying, "Yes, yes ma'am. What can I do for you today?" So it's not dependent on that. It's just an idea. Because something precedes something else, we feel that it is the cause of that.

It's very true, and I experienced this today. It was subtle, but for some reason there was just this need to clarify things. It's really good, and I think this is breaking the idea of the doership. Because the thought creates the idea that I am an individual doer, and when the action happens or the action does not happen, then it clarifies on that idea and makes me either proud for having lived up to the expectation of my thoughts... so it's just solidifying the dual identity. But we have found that it's independent, irrespective even of belief. Actions are happening on their own, just like thoughts are happening. Many times we find that the action happened and then we're having to explain ourselves and think over that, "That just happened. I don't know how I said that. I'm so sorry. I don't know how that happened."

Actually, everything is happening that way. Instead, you should be explaining, you should be saying that after every line in satsang, I should be saying, "Sorry, I don't know how that happened, how I said that," because I don't know, really. You see? There is not a sitting and thinking about it and saying, "These are my notes for satsang," or "This is what I will say next," or something. But as you go along like this, then we learn to trust this so much more and more. We trust this now. We see that it's just this moving on its own. Life is so beautiful now. The one that takes credit or blame actually does not exist. And it is impossible to take credit or blame, to feel guilty or proud, without believing our thoughts. Actually, I want to say—I don't know why—but what I want to say is that even if we just became a vegetable... if the mind gives us this fear, "No, as you just become a vegetable if you stop believing your thoughts," but even if I was to become a vegetable, I'd be a very happy vegetable not believing my thoughts. And not a vegetable, because I've seen that it needs the thought to make me suffer or the idea of suffering to arise.

And so sometimes there's a thought that will arise, like for example, "Let's go and do the washing up." I don't know, and do the washing. And then awareness of that thought will come and will be recognized, and "Oh, you're going to pick up that thought." And then there's an awareness of that thought too.

So the thought is there, attention has gone on it, and another thought came, "Oh, no."

Yeah, the thought that says, "You're going to pick up that thought."

Yeah, so you picked up that one already. Yeah, that's what you say. Okay, right. And the thought says this always, this thought upon thought. Let's see if this is true. Let's wait for the next thought to come and see what happens.

I wonder where you got my t-shirt.

Oh, yes. That is a thought, you see? And then I said it and it just happened. In this, is there an individual doer sitting there saying, "This is what I'm going to do"? No, it's just a flow, just one. You got involved, by the way. Yeah, like when life becomes without this burden of carrying the individual, the non-existent individual entity. Just an idea, this false belief in the existence of a separate Ria. So there is no Ria. Do you cease to exist? You exist, and the play of existence will continue as long as it would like to. It doesn't need the labeling, doesn't need the identification with name and form.

A thought is arising now, just there's no edge. But just the thought is arising. It is no edge. There's no edge, but there's this some... what do you mean by like a truthful... yeah, because first of all the thought was, "Let's just go to the edge right now and just drop it all. I don't need that going on. I don't need that one." And that's all just... it's a very common one, yeah, which we often use. It's not true, but I guess there's so much in and out going on in this being of vastness, contraction. Does it... as a seeing, it will play out the burning, the bliss, I guess. And then in all of this, is something happening to the witness? Nothing. But there's still identifying happening, and I know that there's nothing I can do about that except I'll be giving you next time. But as long as there's a sense that there's an 'I' that exists in this way...

You see? And if it doesn't seem natural for us to just say, "It's all God's to take care of," or "Master's to take care of," but even the one that believes doesn't exist. So how to not believe it if that one does not exist?

Yes, but if this is seen, then the idea that "there's nothing I can do about it" will also not be believed. Because this 'I' is which one?

Yeah, it still seems that there is an 'I' that believes that there's nothing I can do because it was seen live. Good, good. So there was something you said which was, "Yes, but even this 'I' can't do anything about it now." This 'I' was which one?

When I'm identified with the identification, who cannot do anything about it? It just seems like that's part of the play and there's nothing that the character here can do at that time because she's so lost in the identity. And there's a knowing of that.

Yes. So does this character here actually come into existence? Right. So if it never comes into existence, if it never comes into existence, then we'll find it very hard to say, "Oh, but I can't do anything about it." So somewhere you are holding on to this idea. Something like this a few days ago, she was saying that, "I don't like it anymore. I don't like to be identified." But the 'I' who doesn't like to be identified is also an identification, an identified 'I'. So as long as there is a sense... so let's roll back. Is it seen that the 'I' can never come into existence?

Yes, I would say it has been seen, but it's been believed or forgotten. And that seeing is not real anymore. Yes, even though it's not real anymore. So if I were to ask you now, can the 'I' come...

This ideals something like this a few days ago, she saying that 'I don't like it anymore, I don't like to be identified.' But the 'I' who doesn't like to be identified is also an identification, identified 'I'. So as long as there is a sense... so let's roll back. It is seeing that 'I' can never come into existence. Yes, I would say it has been seen, but it's been believed or forgotten and that seeing is not real anymore. Yes, even though it's not real anymore. So if I were to ask you now, can the 'I' come alive? Or do you see it as life? Can we know it? It just seems silly, okay. But you can look together and say: what would we have to do to make this separate identity come alive? Even when thoughts are nourished with our belief, is there a real entity that is born? So that which is here is always here, and the imagined one can never actually be here. This is what I meant when I said there's the journey; the seeming journey is only some sort of a stubbornness or a refusal of what is. What is here now?

Perception of thoughts and sensations.

Good, okay. So perception of thoughts and sensations is happening. Are you here or no?

I am here, but I don't know what else happens.

This is good. So the time perception is not happening, you're aware of time like this. They say that right now what is here is perception of thoughts and sensations, but you are also aware of a time where no thoughts and sensations are perceived. Right now, in the manifest world, but is there some real experience of silence? So irrespective... so suppose now the thoughts and sensations were just to leave one by one, would you still be here or no?

Well, I would still be here.

And you know this or no? Or you are aware of this or no?

I am.

So all that which can come and go, if it was to go, would you also go along with it?

No, I'm still here.

As what?

As 'I am' itself.

And that which is aware of even this now, this one that is here, is it interested? Does it have some desires and aversions, likes and dislikes? What is the only way for this one that is here to pretend to have likes and dislikes? Only after believing a thought, yes. So is this one bound in any way right now?

No, but I have to say—and this is coming up quite a lot—is the present, and I'm not that because I named it as a subtle annoyance with the present.

Because there's an annoyance with the present? Because you heard that 'I don't like...' you heard that, is that what it is? This is just a thought. It is not possible to create any sense of annoyance without buying a thought. What I wanted to actually... is one of the rare ones. It is an annoyance with the presence because what is the thought telling you?

Well, I can't say it because there's a thought coming up of arrogance. Oh, I don't want to see.

Let me see that. All of these—arrogance, guilt, annoyance, regret—all of these are thought-based. And yet you find that there are just emotions or sensations which can be present, like anger can come, a sense of frustration can come, some other bliss can come, joy can come. There is coming and going very naturally in this flow of appearances. And just like you're sitting on the side of the road, you don't know which car is going to come next. So we don't really know which sensation will come. Whether the mind tries to make a story about it, and something is playing with all of these sensations also. Something likes to play with all these sensations. And somebody comes in silence, at some point there is so much fear, so much fear, and yet people pay money to get that fear. If you have not heard this from me earlier, you're wondering what it is. When we buy these expensive tickets to rollercoasters and rides, maybe on top of them, whatever we are experiencing, strong fear comes. You know, it takes you very high and it just drops you. Some of them are just like that, just drops you. You pay so much money for bungee jumping and things like that to experience what? What is it that we want to experience? We just label it excitement; it doesn't make it energetically different. If that kind of fear was to come to you now, right now, like you just jumped off a cliff or something, you'd say, 'Oh, and I'm now... what's happening to me? What have you done? I can't come here to this place.' So it is our labeling and our conclusions they're making about these things which can get the seeming suffering to happen. The sensation exists as sensation. And also the past few weeks, so often now we've seen the vastness of our own being and we've seen that it's untouched with any of this. It's truly not touched with any of these things. So then coming back to everywhere now, you find that if all the thoughts were to go one by one, they go, you find that you are still here. The thoughts have gone. And same for sensations; if they were to all leave, then that which remains, can we say anything, any conclusions about this one? That's okay. Whatever is happening in the body, don't try to resist. Have no sense of control about anything moving in the body. Don't worry about how it looks, whether it disturbs someone, nothing. Forget about just this. Then we look together and saw how the thoughts were just coming. There was this observation of the face. I know, really the movements are really just... yes, really. You can say, ever mind, it's okay.

No, don't worry about... so whatever it was, wow. I think that's not being exposed to the sun. The thought came of like, 'You can't say that,' and then another thought came and said, 'Oh look, you're identified again.' That's the one-two punch. Yeah, and now I'm back. Not really.

Good, not really. So because we can check this also: what went back into identity? The belief in us, or just belief went? Okay. So what got identified? Just because being attached itself to an idea, does it change the nature of being in any way? Does the question make sense? Just because being, which has the power of belief that it is here, believed the thought, did that act of believing change the nature of this being or consciousness? No, it didn't. That's why it's one big pretense. Even when belief goes, there is no actual person or no identified one who comes into existence, just an idea of one. The question is from the mind, so just don't answer if you don't feel that it's taking us on the right, you know, good way. It's a bit harder, I know. You have to another respect. I'd like to reassure her and she's recovering. This is the way we use with you and I. Children can tell me anything they want. How does that... you know, it must have been the wrong chat because I've completely forgotten, or there's something to be spotted here. So to see that the mind is just playing, it just being able to come to the game. And it was said then, 'Oh, how dare you, how dare you.' And I didn't find it an arrogant request or something; it just was very natural to say that I feel this coming from the mind. So don't worry if you feel it's going to side-track us. Don't be sweet also, anyway, it's okay. The second punch, the guilt punch, is the one which is the real knockout because that had a different tone. 'How dare you, how could I, how could I?' So where we stopped was we were checking: even with belief, even with identification, did something really happen to consciousness? Nothing. But then what suffers?

Yes, it's an idea that we have when we pick it up.

So consciousness, it wants to experience this taste of separation, wants to experience the taste of suffering, and that's why it's playing this game of suffering. All of this is one big game that consciousness is playing all-knowingly. Although we might use examples like, 'Oh, this is we have forgotten himself by God himself,' and you have a habit to use new things just as part of the play. Actually, everything is part of God's play, including the using of these examples. And if you were to say, 'What is the higher truth?' the higher truth is that all of this is God's will. It's all God's doing. Even the identification, they're playing with identification, saying, 'I don't want to be identified, I don't like the ego anymore.' All of this is also part of the one play.

I've got such a big spiritual ego, it's ridiculous and unnecessary. So just give it to you because there's something sitting again. I know this, I've had this experience lately. Doing it is in order then identified again and then bit of the... it's so huge and I can feel it. Anger.

Nothing at all. Don't buy the idea that it is huge. For you, it is nothing. And when I say for you, I mean for consciousness. Not for you, but searching... he told me for me it's nothing. It just is for you to be hooked. So what you are, this is nothing. What is it? How can it survive without your belief in the next one? How big is it? Show me. It's just a thought accompanied with varying levels only. Not even a tiny insect. And it itself is telling you the idea, 'I'm so huge.' So you see how huge it is? It helps me keep it. Even the idea how huge spiritual ego is, is coming from the spiritual ego. Spiritual ego feels good. 'I discovered the spiritual ego, it's true.' And then sometimes come back, 'Oh, you are gone.' And then there'll be awareness of this arrogance anyway, like, 'I look so good, you disordered others, you're getting better at it.' Do you think I spotted, I came to this revelation, how huge spiritual ego? No, you don't. It is the same everywhere. It is when self-censorship says whatever it is, it just... I don't want to run some miss-enquiry. So whenever you feel it's a good time, or just actually going to feel anyway, you can look at the time. Doing good, just wishing all the weapons. It is... you never ever ever have to worry about what I think about you because the thoughts which appear here are as useless as any other thought that appears anywhere else. This little initiative, or if you say that this is going to sound like... you're just going to sound like how a father sounded when he said to Guruji, 'I'm not going to leave, oh I can't say that, I just don't want to run, I don't want to hide, I just... it's too much in and out of this.' But I can't... and I don't... yeah, I know who I am, but I really... oh, I really know where I'm not there.

But that which you've seen yourself to be, is it painful for that one? Is it painful for each one? Firstly, forget about what you've seen. It is not important what you see. The only thing that is important is what you're seeing now. The truth doesn't need to rely on the memory of what I've seen about it. It limits what is in the word 'original' because anybody can say, 'Father, you see that the too in and out, in and out.' What is in and out?

Attention. Attention to... I don't know how to describe it, Father. Sitting in a... sitting in a... and not being located in the body, but being everything moving all together. And just knowing that I'm everything, and then suddenly I'm contracted back into this body.

Oh, how are you contracted in this body? Yes, you are not, is what I'm saying. What is the contraction in the body? It's just the content of your appearance changed and it became broader. You couldn't find this sense of being located within the body, and then something came back to feeling the location, the feeling of being located within the body. In this movement, what happened to awareness? Nothing happened. Nothing happens at all. So if the mind was not saying, 'But that is what I like and this is what I would... that is the expansion, this is the contraction,' if it didn't label it for you then, if the mind didn't label... yes, until the experience was such a beautiful expansion and now you're back to contraction. Experience or not there, then it's all in the mind. It's all in believing the story. So I can have the experience of however many experiences, or I can be completely... tell me if I'm wrong, I can be just contracted in the body, but it's only when I believe the thought that it should be some other way that there is resistance. It is believing in this thought which is the resistance.

You know, saying like this then there could be many hearing the same. I would be happy, I would not be complaining about contraction at all. This is why I didn't want to say, because I know I'm happy you say, because it is exposing some spiritual beliefs. That my spiritual belief is that there would be...

Tell me if I'm wrong. I can be just contracting the body, but it's only when I believe the thought that it should be some other way—this is believing in this thought which is the resistance. You know, saying like this, then there could be many hearing the same. I would be happy; I would not be complaining about contraction at all. This is why I didn't want to say, because I know I'm happy, you see? Because it is exposing some spiritual beliefs that my spiritual belief is that this location within the body will not be my primary experience.

No, it doesn't have to be that way. The one who is directing this movie knows what he's doing or she is doing. Sometimes the expansive experience, sometimes feeling like I'm located within the body—it's okay. Yeah, nothing at all. What is all this about? The dropping of this doing is what it's about. Just yesterday I said, no, that the doership is the strongest leg for the ego. 'What should I do now?' Don't go there. Just tell me what it is. I started becoming good at reading eyes. This is because I've been at this for more than three years now, so I just can read expressions. Don't ask me 'who now?' because you're a 'what should I do?' The answer to that one, that's the only one. The best way to answer 'what to do' is to ask 'for whom?'

Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. If you are Richa, if you are Richa, you can sit here. If you're Richa, then all you have to do is not believe your next thought. If it is that you are Richa, then don't believe your next thought. Can you do that? If you say you can't do it, then I'll tell you something else. Yes, yes. So if you still believe you're a separate entity—mostly still believe that you're a separate entity—don't believe the next thought. If you find that this seems too difficult, then is it rare that you go along with the content of your thought, or is it predominant that you go along?

No, it's not predominant, but there are certain ones that push my buttons.

That's okay. I have told you also what to do with these certain ones: pull them into your inquiry. Is it because you say that that is not predominantly how I am going with the content of my thought, but there are certain ones that push my buttons or seem attractive? Same thing. So these ones, what to do with them? So take an example.

Oh, like, okay. Oh, Simon, I should have more money. No, I should have someone.

Everybody's idea of 'someone' is different. Everybody's idea is something different. Some will see the money that you have right now and say, 'I wish I only had that much.' But this is which one? Obviously, God doesn't know how much money to give you, so God is out. So which one now? Just money today? No, I do mean you're coming close to making some money, actually. The thousand-dollar reward is there. But it looks, it seems to be so real. Does it really seem real, or are you working hard to make it seem real? Don't make any effort and tell me if it really seems real in your presence. It is only when you step out.

And when I go out and something happens, yeah.

That will reduce as you've been coming to satsang more and more. The sense of being in and out of the satsang will reduce. What it cannot feel after a while, it will not feel like you are so much in and out. It will not feel like the presence leaves you, because what is happening here is you're experiencing your own presence, and your own presence cannot leave you. It's just that the destructive energies are being burnt in the fire, are dissolving in the presence. So you are experiencing your own presence, which cannot leave you.

There was another thought, maybe three days back then, and it was—oh, you remember the talks on three days back? Yeah, they've been a good one. When it occurs, it was a scary one, and I explained that I lost everything. I've lost my presence. I'm seeing it, but atrocious presentation, and it seems to be so real that I cried and cried and cried. And when there's so much around that the mind is dwelling on, and I'm seeing him doing it, doing this to myself, and I don't know how to get out of such. And the exact 'don't believe your next thought' thing was not working anyway. So what are the times in which it doesn't work?

Like some, and maybe thoughts come little on me like, 'My life is done, I lost my presence,' and hopefully you erased and you're not on anything, complete waste, and it's all been wasted now, get your life together or something. So these thoughts are coming, saying 'don't believe the next thought' is not working because belief is going. Then what to do? Say, 'Whose life is wasted? Who has not been going doing anything?' So these ones that pressure buttons, the inquiry also doesn't work. Then what to do? Pray.

Now I can't even pray, and you believe it is okay. Prayer also doesn't work. Then what to do?

Just breathe mindfully. Bring your attention to your breath. It's funny. And again, a gentle mantra. If that's not working, therefore, now I have to lift. I mean, I'm not normal. I can't. Well, I can just run mechanically, but you know where this is going anyway. She was there in this satsang. Then if that is not working, then what to do? Do some yoga, pranayama, better soon, something else. If that also doesn't work, let them go to sleep. And after waking up, somebody said, 'You said somebody said sleep also doesn't come.' That I cannot really speak about because that is not my experience. When we sleep, it's always been like I didn't go to sleep. I sleep, but then after waking up, yeah, then they start from square one. Don't believe your next thought. So tiredly created resting. Do not believe your next thought is the restful state. It is the belief—it is tiring to believe a thought. It is tiring to just allow it to come and go.

See, take that gentleman's example. So what do you say? Open this door, open that door, let all thoughts come and go. You don't serve them tea. Now what you are saying is to not serve them tea is tiring. It's not. It can seem like that because that habit is to serve them tea every time they come. So it is the sitting down, allowing them to just come and go, uninterested in what they are saying—that is effortless. Then everything, whatever is happening, it's just happening. Yes, and there's nothing to do about it. Even the doing through the body is happening. There's nothing that you have to do about it. There is no doer. So doing is also one big thought. There is an idea. It's an idea. Doing, both ideas. Neutrality is not concerned about any of this activity. It has to do as long as you're in the world, like everything else, meaning allowing the doing and the non-doing.

So anything, whatever, yes, whatever. And in whatever we make, try to make choices, and then we want actually what choice-making, great decision-making, because there is no decision-maker. So again, in that also, whatever is happening, yes, I'm right now asking you this also, it's happening.

Yes, of course it is. Are you choosing which thought will come next? No. Thoughts are coming. We could be saying anything now. The only point where you feel like you're the decision-maker is whether I pick up the thought and do what the thought is saying. Yeah. Now the thought is coming on its own. It could be anything. So that part is gone anyway. Now the thought is coming. Who is deciding whether to pick it up or not or do something? Can you find this one? Is there a teacher who's there saying, 'I will do this or not do this'? No. Again, it's an idea of what? Making a decision. No, the thought is coming on its own. The sense of decision-making is also happening on its own. Action is happening on its own. All is just happening in the thought.

The thought comes into that job, yeah, just a thought. And then the guilt and for certain, all of it is also just happening.

So consciousness which is identified as Richa is glazed with guilt, remorse, pride, arrogance, specialness—all these things. Consciousness which is not identified as anything at all is just free from all, not playing with these sort of toys anymore. I don't want to tell you which sort of toys you play with because that will become an expectation, you see? That is not come here. If I am not free, you know better be another integral who wants to know what to do next. Whose voice is that? Mind's voice is the mind's voice. Are we not done with catering to this voice? Yeah, but it just doesn't get exhausted. Even this one doesn't get exhausted. It will make you exhausted by believing it again and again. Yeah, because sometimes I feel I'm running out of moves. I don't know who. It's very good. And I've been cornered so badly that now what you will do? No, you must evaporate. You can be cornered so badly. The one that has been cornered actually never existed. So the idea of this one is evaporating.

But that feel is so strong that what is the person? Feel like you're being cornered or you don't have anything else to do. Contraction is becoming more fear, anxiety.

Yeah, but without the labels 'fear,' 'anxiety,' what the message is, any of that, well, more of interpretation. It's only interpretation which is so diluent. Don't believe this thought for me. Okay, believe your next ten thoughts, then we return you a free pass of ten thoughts. Which one do you want? Nothing. All of them seem the same. When I tell you to believe, when I tell you not to believe them, then imagine. Okay, all of you believe your thoughts. Then who's this Lane? Now when you say believe it, it's like, you know, you're useless. You're not understanding right now. No, I don't really want to know. Don't believe it because it's not about you who's useless. Okay, find out who's the one who's useless. Me as a person? Oh, yeah. Well, Richa, Richa person thought me that I should have done this or I should have done that. It's an idea of yourself. This is the big game, and you're fooling me right now. The big game is what? Getting in denial of what is here right now and we are giving complete allegiance to that which never existed. But it seems to be so real at times.

That means you would let's come to know. When you say now that everything is fine, every now everything is fine, and you can only be in the now, therefore nothing is ever not fine. Okay, step out of the now. You see, in the now everything is fine. Then I'm not on the now, there it is double. Okay, so step out of the now and show me. Then I start believing the thought. Okay, now step out of the now. This thought is also coming now, exactly. When you say 'be now,' then it's in whatever is happening, it's okay. Thought comes and goes. Then is that that moment is fine, you see? And later it becomes propositions. Then thought is all of these are returns. More means there is no return in future's field, and she must be here now. This is what I mean. We are in denial of what is now, and we have given so much approval to that which never was that when I'm saying just check who you are, something is saying, 'But I must be Richa. What about after satsang? I must be Richa.' You can never become Richa.

But sometimes it feels like the moment, the moment, it's just when the thing is up, it's like it's happening and it's gone, and it seems to be like a dream. Like are we all living in a thought suddenly? I mean, a lot of times thought comes in and it's a very different feeling, and then everything gets so much in the head. Like what's gone like this, which is gone like this moment is gone and it's gone, you can't do anything about it.

There's a doorway which is called belief in your next thought. You walk through the doorway, you're pretending to be a person. If you don't walk through the gate, then you're not being yourself. So is it I'm playing with myself? This is what? Not a thought? Yeah, yeah. So let this one also go. You don't need to make any conclusions about yourself or anything or anything. But for just any meeting, I like the whole sign it and stamp a poopy. Otherwise, all these ideas that 'I am nothing,' 'there is no phenomenal existence to my reality'—all of these are just fancy words. This is okay, all these are okay in satsang, but after satsang what must I do? You see, there is no after satsang. Yes, now who are you? Sticking hands. This is the click, you see? The more Richa and why?

Yeah, so let this one also go. You don't need to make any conclusions about yourself for anything or anything. But for just any meeting, I lighted the whole sign it and stamp a poopy. Otherwise, all these ideas that 'I am nothing,' 'there is no phenomenal existence to my reality'—all of these are just fancy words. This is okay, all these are okay in satsang, but after satsang, what must I do? You see, there is no 'it' down. Yeah, yes. Now, who are you sticking hands? This is the click, you see. The more richer and yet habit is to speak as each other. I'm helping you lose this habit by saying don't go with your thoughts. It's more of a habit and conditioning. This conditioning is: what are you presenting yourself to be? Whatever it is, person one, person isn't. Because you know the question doesn't even... the mind is not a believer in mind, otherwise then there are no questions of your own. So because of conditioning, we believe again and come back again. In thirty writers room, deeply nourished beliefs in the past that seem more magnetic for our beliefs now back to you.

If I say, 'I want to go to Mars on a SpaceX rocket,' this is great. Leave this thought. Came no number, no association. No association. Association means what? That if you were born in an astronaut family and everyone says you must become an astronaut or anything like this, and suppose you had this life of trying to get into NASA and none of that happened, and you had the thoughts 'I'd never be able to go into space, never interplanetary travel.' If you had this full story and then SpaceX made the announcement three or four days ago that they're sending a rocket to Mars, then the thought came, 'Oh, I should go on that rocket tomorrow.' To have some with me, because you don't have any of that backstory, never of that condition before, the thought is unattractive now. Because there's belief that 'I am this one,' she had this kind of lives, these bearings, this husband, these children, this is my situation, no money, no relation—all this story is there. So when the thought is coming, same where that astronaut thought is the same energy construct. Are they different in any way? This is energy which is appearing. Both thoughts are seen, but movie is because they have nurtured beliefs in your identity in the past. They say in telling you Jota now, because in the now all the past is actually dead against our ideas about them which remain. And if you don't buy the next idea, then there is no past actually. This is the fastest page of the sum and believing in more when it is not even existing right now. The past is dead. You make a condition out of the past when you believe some idea about the past. It's gone.

So yeah, no, it seems to lighten, but whatever, however it is, gone. You're just not there in the future. You can never be. Past is dead. In the future you will never be, but mind goes there. Then mind can go anywhere with mind in watch, just at all. Yeah. And the thought can also appear only in the now. It might be about the past or about the future, and we have the power to pretend to be concerned about past or future, which is never really impacted in reality. The power of belief is our power of pretense. I know you are studying with the word pretend to make. Yeah. So it's always like always living in Satine. I was always living in a pretend, you can say like that. Except I always in thought Tony, except in your city. Yeah, no, it's never a reality only those time. And then when there is nothing other than that, this is all is. And it goes back and forth, then only the trouble comes. If our belief is going, then trouble comes. How you double yourself now? Like, 'No, I can't.' Are you working hard too? Yeah. Okay, now what can happen about it? Asking for trouble. Okay, what can trouble me so I can resolve it now without this thinking about it?

You and these hearts can be anything. Yesterday I was hearing also this of his own which is called fakira. Fakira means in the tongue they were saying that 'I'm so in love with my poverty, I'm so free in this poverty, so happy to be this wandering fakir, wandering beggar, that I don't want all these troubles that the ones who have money have.' So these hearts could come to. Oh, if this heart is coming that 'I don't want to be,' or you're not creating that thought in the same way someone who had no money also had these heart thing: 'So happy I'm so light, I don't have any anything to do with all the problems of the rich, I just have my small bag and I'm wandering about.' And then your children will be calling me saying, 'Would you tell her she's on the road with a small bag and she is not bothered about the recipe because she bought chocolate hearts.' There's no end to it versus candy machine is perpetual medium. Women run out of misery because it becomes something else. Does he think that if people come to... but when will the mind stop? When will it stop? How much trouble does it have? Endless. The mind doesn't have to stop. You have to stop believing the mind. So I've told you now what to do: don't believe the way. And those which those things which get your belief over and over, then you pull those into the inquiry. And then we also said if neither of these are happening, then what all you can do. Thank you.

Oh, there's a question queue, very very question queue here also. So we'll alternate. We'll check back in with the eye and see where she is. I'm just here. That's a big spiritual ego, a small one, or any ego then we get about anything now. Any taking about what is I see a shamash mediations have said this. Yeah, there was initially but it so just been disregarded many times recently. Your ideas can come that to be free implies that content of my experience must change. It's not that. It is the voice which is a complainer experience which starts to drop away. The voice which is saying 'what's in it for me?' This is good, this is bad. This constant interpreter, we subtitles, they start to fade away. The experience can be anything. We have also had many spiritual experiences, but these days when I have them, it's like: what happened to awareness? Nothing. It was a nice movie that came and played. I enjoyed it very much, just like a movie. I can download a torrent, you get banned again, this Krishna. Just like that movie can be watched on. What happened to awareness? Nothing at all. You wanted to come still, lady?

Yes, I was watching this film last night about Jesus and it was amazing. And just to see as well how when—obviously it was just a film—but like the way it was depicted with his followers, I could see it was satsang. Like it was exactly the same. No, they were just all sat around listening. And what does it mean? It's called Risen. Things are looking. Yeah, maybe we can rent it on iTunes in... yes, superb. But then, but one of the things—I don't want to spoil it now—but he said before he liked them, 'I'm going now to my father's house to prepare a place for you.' And I just wondered if maybe you could talk about exactly what he meant. He says that in the movie just before Jesus was healing, he said, 'I'm going to my father's house to prepare a place for you.' He's saying what for do you feel it meant?

I feel it's a very beautiful expression of reassurance in some way. Also say, 'Don't worry, you are taken care of, and the end of your body will not be the end of you, and I'll be there.' When you've also had to experience, they say that when Tom and I had this near-death experience and Jesus was waiting for me at the end of it and he was there to take care of me. So this sense of saying that truly I'm not leaving you and I'm going to take care of you is there. I actually prefer what Bhagwan said. He said, 'Where could I go? I'm here.' Yeah, because it was super obvious that... but I thought it was that when he said 'my father's house,' he means presence, you know? Like he means this truth of what is. And just look at it that way. It exists that this unchanging presence is always here for you.

And then those... there was something I wanted to expose as well because any time those who I have to see, although now I have this sense of being banged so might as well set unclear so might get that. But many times what happens is that the masters or they spoke in some words, but what happens is that what is written down very often is what the disciples understood from that. And you see it from all the books including I Am That, including some of the older scriptures also, that you find that a little bit of lost in translation happens. So it could be that something is being spoken in satsang but it is... you became super goo will do the one who's bad. There's so much gratitude because I'm I guess not I know and I feel it in my heart that by being able to be here and to ask you that actually it's asking the same one and it's like the live version rather than the pre-recorded.

And gambling who's answering is as you know you're with soccer right? Only pin one, only ever been one. And the voice of God Enzo just like we evolved in one. The voice of the person, the dance know between these two actually you can look at that like William in the yang just dancing perpetually in be dance. The voice of the truth and the voice of identity, the voice of suffering is advanced because it's not to be taken seriously at all. And like yeah I think I heard one so that it was some composer and he played this amazing piece and somebody in the audience and I just canary but what does it mean? He said, 'I'll show you what it means' and played the whole thing again. Okay, thank you so much. Thank you. It's a very good example. It doesn't need interpretation. Okay, there's a queue so Neil can come first.

So Father, yesterday I had a terrible feeling about that in reality when they talk about the secret entity. So it's all basically it's all fake. I mean it's one thought after the other after the other. So you know it's all fake, hundred percent fake. I mean it's just unbelievably fake. So when we draw on thoughts I'll be difficulty fake totally. I mean totally. I mean the God is the biggest fraud, that's the word that came to my mouth. I mean the biggest forever. But anyways this is harder to control.

Yeah, because he's the one who's creating all these fake thoughts. If he wasn't creating all these thoughts, my goodness y'all would be awakened. We wouldn't even have to try, you know? It's all about thoughts.

So what I realized is that when the thought is not there, all there is is eternal now or hereness for this ominous whatever we call it, right? This is this reality what is, like you keep pointing to hundreds of times and it just doesn't go in. And the beautiful thing is that I have that understanding, you know? I understand that all there is is this and there's not a whole lot to it, nothing beyond it. And that's why we kept saying that it's so simple because there's nothing to look even, right? So the pointing... but I still feel I don't feel kind of I'm unlike bass bass or anything. I'm still feeling that I'm associated with the body and that's when I think I kind of feel that I'm kind of stuck. I don't feel like openness, you see what I'm saying? So you could give me like... oh this one who's speaking now is Richmond. It's not my office for fraud, fraud, fraud, fraud. And all I'm trying to whatever I am saying or whatever I am doing is all fraud, hundred-percent fraud. But again this fraud is trying to figure out to get rid of the fraud, that's even a bigger fraud.

So it is very good. Is this in the done real and you seeing it, which is good? Yeah. Then if all this is fraud, then why play with the fraud now? So forget about it, close the chapter. If you feel like this, I would love you to get really like this. Like will you... I want to tell you all because the mind plays a trick with this that your authentic voice is the one that is speaking in satsang. This is your authentic voice, you see? The voice of the fake one, the fraud which is appearing as thought energy, is not your authentic voice. Why I am emphasizing this is that even now when were Tosa tongue can be heard, it can hear it can be heard as if it is a montage voice or some gurus voice of others voice or something.

I would love you to get really like this. I want to tell you all, because the mind plays a trick with this, that your authentic voice is the one that is speaking in satsang. This is your authentic voice, you see. The voice of the fake one, the fraud, which is appearing as thought energy, is not your authentic voice. Why I am emphasizing this is that even now, when the words of satsang can be heard, it can be heard as if it is Ananta's voice or some guru's voice or someone else's voice or something else. But the whole point of satsang is you come to satsang to hear your own authentic voice. Otherwise, what happens is that you will take the words of this voice and give it to the mind and say, 'What do you think about this?' and then you say, 'I agree with this' or 'I don't agree with this.' Believing still, because that appears within your heads in some way, we can say that appears so intimate to you that this voice too seems outside and that voice still seems inside. And as you start recognizing more and more that it is my voice, this one, my presence is speaking these words and not these words in the head, then that sense of spiritual journey, this sense of progressing, not progressing, not understanding the word, not doubting the teacher, you know, doubting the teaching—all of this will drop once you know that this is your voice which is speaking. It is not some Ananta, some guru, or some teacher.

And you make a very valid point, Father. But the thing is, this fraud has taken me for a ride for so long that I actually have lost my ability completely to trust any voice whatsoever. I believe it's all connected because I never knew what is right and what is wrong, so I'm kind of painting everything else as fraud. And I think it's your own thing, so eventually with the time, I think it is great that understanding will come on its own or that insight will come on its own, and I'll wait for that. But I want to thank you for this insight. I mean, even with hours, I was amazed how big of a game this is.

It is very good to, when it's not clear, drop all voice—intuitive voice, mind's words—if you can stay like that. But if it is just a mental thing itself and you find yourself consuming more and more mind thoughts and not listening to the satsang voice or your own intuitive voice, then you know that that was another corner of the fraud guy. Okay? So this is what must be meant by vigilance: to just check and say, 'Am I truly dropping all voice?' Because there truly comes a point where nothing is needed to be said, no voice is needed to be heard, and that is now, actually.

And that's why I love the silence, you know, sitting in silence, which is the best thing. Because, you know, mind questions won't have to be other parts and like always I've heard it's like a bottomless pit, you know? You answer one and another pops up, it never ends. I mean, for four years I've seen that it never ends, so it's like it's a useless game. I have a couple of other questions but again I'm going to put them on the side. I'll just say very important, I'll ask next week. But thank you. There's a big line, I'll let others speak. Thank you so much, Charlotte.

Thank you, thank you, my dear. Very good. I feel you should stay with this until clarity emerges on what is my authentic voice, what is the voice of my intuitive presence. Till then, I'm not buying anything at all. It's very good. The whole point of the words in satsang is actually to get you to this silence, to see that you don't need anything at all. Therefore, the words of satsang are just to bring you to the recognition of what you are. They cannot really bring you to the point; they point towards the recognition of what you really are and to help you look at your conditioning and to dissolve it, to drop it easily. Because all this conditioning has used lots of words. Lots of words have been used to create this conditioning, these ideas about myself. So we counteract these thorns with this thorn of satsang, and then the words of satsang also can be kept aside. No words are needed in reality. The voice in satsang is not an outer voice, and all that it is doing is bringing you to the recognition of your own authentic voice.

A bit low. Even now? It's okay now. Okay.

The feeling is I don't want to speak like this, can't get those words to come up. Same thing, even you were there with the same. But the one question, when you were there and now when you come, there's no question whatsoever. No, there's never been. Okay, even there's never been like a question like for a very long time. I should not then to question like so what you said yesterday when I after satsang, like the urge to come up even without having to say anything. And you said something about just like you don't know what's going on here like this. And out of nowhere, like I'm sitting back there and something like a volcano, right? It feels like this volcano just starts erupting. And so it's just like I want to... a good volcano.

Neither here nor now. Yeah, yeah. There's no interpretation about it. It's enjoyed like this. But you can, like the body shaking, like I'm feeling like every cell of my body like just like vibrating like this. Just like that sense of bit like aliveness then, like something and say like it's alive but it's like just like an appearance of being like alive. And when you talk about like the fear, people paying for this fear, yes, I also used to be one of these like going like skydiving, jumping out of planes. It's like with you and then sometimes even like in front of Guruji, you are like the fear is there and I was enjoyed so much like didn't to pay for it, just the fear.

I just got reminded actually, when I was little then I used to live in a country in the Middle East and they had this big amusement park and one of the rides was called Pirate. And you must be familiar with it, so it's really cool both ways, the ship that goes. It's really scary. I still love it. It's something because it's so scary. Could you see like why it helped also is because you know somewhere that you see here, so the experience is here, the reassurance that nothing had happened to me. That is what we pay for. Then this is just like satsang and actually it's just like life, because we see that nothing can really happen to us and then the appearance of this fear itself can be enjoyed like you see. Because also the sensation of fear is there, but really you know that nothing can happen to me in reality and appearance. So then in satsang we are coming to the discovery of what we truly are. And when this is seen, then the idea that something can happen to me sounds more and more ludicrous. It sounds funny. What can touch this? It has no label, has no form, has no size, shape, location, is not to be found in time and space. What can hurt that? Funny ideas, it just doesn't make sense at all. So just like when we know that we are dreaming and we know that nothing in the dream can hurt us, same way like this, then this becomes like that.

And what convinced me always that I'm a dream character? Only the thought. So my position will not change.

Important to see, not as if the position has changed. It is not even that really that the content of our experience changes; it is just that I am not believing myself to be that which never existed. So it's funny that actually after hearing this and seeing this, so far still can go on with the idea of being that somebody. And yet this is the power of prior conditioning. As I say, keep coming to satsang so that prior conditioning also keeps it all so empty. Like other, like there's nothing to them like this, like they arise out of... they're like the empty emptiness and then back settled back into things. Therefore, they must be watched intensively and under the terms of engineers goes back into emptiness. Must be what emptiness itself, we can say. Like anything which appears is as empty at that point. We can say that contains no difference actually even between consciousness and awareness, because if consciousness is made up of awareness, then what must be aware in it? There's no thinness. You are happy like this. Nobody meeting nobody at the best.

There's such a clear difference between like you say this intuitive voice which is so like quiet and silent and it's just saying just melt away. Just like it's like advising whatever it is that one time I believed myself to be just to melt away just now, just melt into us. No meeting. If you were to meet as people can match this meeting, there is nobody meeting you.

Yes, he says even the laughter, silent one of those old black-and-white comedies. Yes, they retorted so funny. Now you found the comedian in your head. You always in this is now order gave me now it feels like sometimes it needs to be confirmed like the game is a game for yourself about yourself like thousands of times sometimes before it's like, 'Oh, it's actually like this.' Even though it didn't confirm that you can find them confirm never changed you. There have been many times in my life, like out in this life, where I said and I feel now that I like just died right here. Linguist, that's okay. Yeah, good ending. So yeah, an ending to a story that never began. What you want to know?

Yes, I had an inland Viveka and then canceled. Actually, the questions which I had, they got answered, but I don't remember the answer of suppose. So it is increasingly becoming difficult to comprehend what you are saying in the satsang. I mean, you are speaking something, but these are just the voices what you are speaking. What they need, they are somehow not registering. The mind is becoming very, very slow, so as such very silent. But there is an urge to know the Advaita. No, there is an urge to read Advaita, address that. Yes, yes. And though because it is so much confusion here, there is so much intermixing here between the consciousness, awareness, super consciousness, and even the Guruji also uses them, you know, very frequently. So I thought that I will get some clarity maybe in Advaita, but I'm not able to again understand as whether the mind slowed down a lot. I mean, somehow the thing is registering, nothing is registering. And what I feel is that there is no distinction between the awareness and the consciousness. It is all fusing now. It is all fusing now actually. Sometimes even it appears like the consciousness itself is the witness actually. If the witness is like, you know, illustrated at even the subatomic level itself, as if the, you know, even the tiniest existence knows that, you know, that I am, and it is aware of it. So I think that is all I have to report. And so I don't know, I mean, if I should really do the forced self-inquiry because it is becoming almost impossible to do. We require, you know, as such there is no need, so that is what I see. I don't have any other thing to report except that I don't know, a bit of a kind of a conceptual inquiry. The Maharaj, I think I suppose, also where Adi Shankaracharya says that even the Brahman is illusion and the instructor, that is the experience also, addicted to the experience also. There are no words, there are both terms, there is no analysis, there is no contemplator. And until there is an impulse, then there is no awareness also, until you want to be, he wants to be aware of itself, there is no awareness also. So I was just thinking that whether the Brahman itself is an illusion? I don't know that is because what Adi Shankaracharya has said this. So I thought maybe you came across some experience like this, because from Maharaj, that is to be and after awareness we don't go beyond awareness. And the Maharaj says that it is a selfless self. Actually, I've been warned not to refer to the books because people think that I am talking conceptual, but they are my doubts. So that is why I have to refer to somebody like that because that's a burning question for me. How can the Brahman be illusion if it is Brahman itself is an illusion and what is there left? But then again I'm aware of it.

I use from very sheer the melange that is to be an actor. Awareness, we don't go beyond awareness. And the Maharshi says that it is a selfless Self. Actually, I've been warned not to refer to the books because people think that I am talking conceptually, but they are my doubt certificates. So that is why I have to refer to somebody like that, because that's a burning question for me: How can the Brahman be illusion? If it is Brahman itself, is it an illusion? And what is there left? But then again, I'm aware of it because what I have read is just a play. I just heard somebody, you know, which isn't that tiny, maybe some 2,600 years ago somebody wrote something; it has appeared as a sentence and I have just read it. Brahman again is a terminology. So this is all again a kind of a turbulence, it's a flux, transience. I don't really have to think about it because it is as good as like not existing at all. So I can take it that way also. From the enquiry point of view, is it even Brahman is illusion? Then how do I know? I know because I'm awareness; that again is a valid thing. But do you have any experience like this when you are doubting that even beyond the witness there is something? Wait a minute, look, I thought I was awareness of me, and that was my experience—awareness being aware of itself. But it is an impulse. It is an impulse. There is no movement as such, absolutely no movement. It is totally still and selected, and it does not even know what is the meaning of the stillness or the silence and all that stuff. It does not know until there is an attempt to look at it and decide who is looking at it. The word awareness comes; otherwise, if there is no effort, nothing is there. So I just wanted to have your say on this, Father.

Yes, okay. So it's very good. These contemplations are very good. Also, here there was great joy in these contemplations to read something from the scripture and then just to check back with our own direct experience and see if this resonates or not. So it's very good. If you feel like that to contemplate, it's very good. So in this contemplation, you must go with what your direct experiencing is. You can use what you read in the scriptures as triggers, as pointers, and then remain in your own seeing, in your own experience of what is your own self-realization. So this is very good. I find this very beautiful actually, that you want to contemplate all these things. I don't find that for you, although it might have started off very mental, but now I don't find that it's so mental actually. You're looking at things. You're using triggers which might be mental or from some book, but then you're clarifying with yourselves and seeing: What is this? What is the meaning of this? The awareness also is not it. There is nothing wrong with this contemplation just to check, and I'm very happy to hear your report on this after you've contemplated it. Very happy to hear it.

One thing I want to just be with you also is that the word awareness or the conceptual awareness is not awareness. So when we see that, it is seen that this is awareness only after the impulse is there to check. Yeah, that is when we come up with the idea of what it is. After the checking happens, we say, 'Yes, this was awareness. Yes, this is awareness of awareness.' But prior to that, is it the state of not knowing? Is it the state of not aware of an awareness? You can check on this. And whatever the experience might be, whatever the content of the experience might be, or even if it is an appearance of emptiness or blindness or nothingness, is there not an awareness of it? And you must, like you're doing, go with your own seeing. Use these as triggers to check on your own thing. And I'm very happy to hear your report after you check on this: What is beyond awareness? Because many sages have said many different things. Even Papaji, for example, has said beyond awareness there is true love. Then he has said many things about this: that which is prior to awareness, that nothing I am. Many have spoken like this also. But see what really resonates for you. And it's not a visual, not a creative mental image. You see what perspective you have in the discovery of that which is ultimate. What is the position during the discovery of that which is the Absolute? So I don't want to discourage this contemplation in any way. I'll use the opportunity to argue with you if I have to, if your report does not tally with what is experienced here. But right now, I want to give you the full space to contemplate this question.

Thank you, Father. Thank you. Thank you, my dear. Thank you so much.

Akka wants to come there, I think. Youngest first.

I just realized, I've been contemplating thoughts and 'don't believe your next thought.' So the Simpson spoke like about a week ago, and for the longest time I've been so used to thoughts coming and just disregarding them and thoughts coming and disregarding them. But I realized that there was always this subtle belief that they were my thoughts, you know, that they somehow belong to me. And just sometime in the last few days, I realized, but then they're nothing to do with me. And it just felt like a hand going like that, or just like I'd in a very kind of subtle way always been just holding on to the side, no, just clinging on. And it was just a, 'Ah, don't need to hold on.' And it was just...

You know, this is very good. It's very good because it can be, for the longest time, there can be a sense that 'I am disregarding my thoughts' or 'I am not believing my thoughts.' And that 'me' can persist in the 'me' that is disregarding their thoughts. You as an exhibit of what we are, just appearing and disappearing, really had nothing to do with them. They're not about me at all. Very spacious to find this. And this is effortless, isn't it? And seeing is, then it is not an effort to not be. Although initially it might have seemed like some effort—'I'm disregarding, I'm not believing'—then you find that it is just a simple allowing everything to come and go. Let go of that support that she was talking about. This is simple. It's freedom. It's freedom. It's just... it's not doing or not doing. It's just... I'm going to say again, this is what is. This is freedom. No need for any interpretation, subtitling, commentary. I love you so much. I love you so, so much.

Thank you, Father. Father, sound is lower today for anyone else? Question mark. I don't know actually, I might be speaking softly or could be a setting on it. We'll look at the recording. Yes, yeah. Be quite sure what I'm going to say. I just have a kind of strong sense they come. Maybe it's like, boom, maybe it's like a prayer or something. It's like whenever I say something in satsang, it's just... are you so like instantly... so like instant. Like either instantly like with the prayers, like answers are... and it's like given something. Even a snake, just like there has been lots of like kind of contemplation and have come in here and maybe like all different kinds of contemplation, but they're not really like separate from a jitterism. But like the main thing, and I think you said it already or something, I don't know how to say it exactly. Like sometimes there's like a tendency to just like disregard the phenomenal world and you know, like... and it's not like even like it go if there's something. I don't feel like it's just like I just genuinely no interest in example, just generally this is just now interested in anything like kind of. So when did this occur to you? No, it's just like there and like you joke about it all the time. I'm like, I don't like minds, I like it for like a phenomenal. Okay, so the one thing I keep using of witnesses, you still appearance or disease. So like naturally, like I don't really say like I want to be like that, like I don't want to be in the world and just like disregard the world. Like if someone came to me and says they feel like sad or something, I don't want to go, 'Yeah, whatever.' Like no, it never... it didn't happen like that.

Oh yeah, more like the contemplations just let it like lots of insights and sometimes I hear you like saying things like, you know, insights come every day and maybe it's a little bit like even judgmental in a compare. It's like, but I don't even care about insights. And in a way it's true though, like well binary lots of like insights or come on and then there can be like just like very slowly like a sense as if like I know something. For like I'm just so like grateful to life because it doesn't allow me to hold on to stuff for like any amount of time at all. As soon as it's not like life stuff like okay, it just shows me that I can't say that I know anything at all. So somehow I just want to like to say this in satsang that like as soon as I feel like I know something, then it's like the openness is not there anymore. No matter how subtle it is. So just I don't know, just like I can see that like even though there's... I don't know if there's like personal ideas or something, but like it's like it seems like ideas like just they're just like disappearance and like in the moment then there's no sense of like in knowing anything at all and there's just like no ideas. Even though I know you say this is like al-zahraa that's... oh no, it's just like wiggling like so much more care that hello life is just like too beautiful and it's not even been like as often when I feel like everything is like beautiful it's because of plus like pharmacy summer. But at the same time I'm just like well it's like but I can't explain anything but I'm just like really like come to say that this form is not like separate. Not even like I don't know whenever we say that. Just I'm just here for truth and that's it. Like this existence is not for anything else and I know like it's an all in here so I don't even need to say it. I know why I'm saying it for, it was just like some article Maffei. And just one more thing I want to say is like sometimes like ideas can be very beautiful and like you said something yesterday I think after satsang, you said... I know you were saying something about ideas and you said like even ideas like then that we see like when we read quotes on Facebook from like Ramana and everything and obviously like they're so beautiful but it's so true that all I do think they're still ideas because such beautiful ideas come here. Like even just like even like the like that I want to offer my life to goddess and it's so beautiful that in a way it feels so true like go it's matter clear because even that is like it anyway it's like an idea. So even like these really beautiful ideas I want to like just give them back like you gave them a marine giving them back to you to make a new report.

And already you say that you need time, that there is a sense that 'I know something now,' it gets flagged up or something happens, it's taken away. This time is not the best time. And I find this integrity to be able to come and speak and say that even the most holiest idea is ultimately still an idea. And I see that what is here in reality, the absolute truth of what I am, even this idea does not apply. Even the idea to God is not true for me, not because I have a sense of judgment about it, but more that I see myself to be this non-phenomenal formless nothingness which is not even an active participant in this view. Nothing really to be done about this one. As long as we continue to speak from this emptiness, from this direct seeing, then there can be no trouble. But if they themselves have become ideas, then that is what sometimes causes... so like this we can just speak from what is and you can see that that which I truly am is untouched with any of this play and no idea really applies to it, not even the holiest one. And this can be a beautiful expression of the truth and I enjoy hearing this. I could hear this... I could hear you speak all day actually, but a minute it becomes...

If you continue to speak from this emptiness, from this direct seeing, then they can be notable. But if they themselves have become ideas, then that is what sometimes causes trouble. So like this, we can just speak from what is, and you can see that that which I truly am is untouched by any of this play, and no idea really applies to it, not even the holiest one. And this can be a beautiful expression of the truth, and I enjoy hearing this. I could hear you speak all day, actually. But the minute it becomes a thing, it's just an idea. You know, even what Bhagwan said, if you don't change in that way... so many times when we come to the recognition of what we are in this, then his insight can come. But repeated insight will become knowledge, then they become the most painful knowledge. And you yourself see already that if there's ever a sense of knowing anything, then it gets wiped away anyway.

So hear this: that even the holiest concepts don't apply to me. Even what Bhagwan said is actually untrue from what I find myself to be. There's great joy and appreciation in hearing this, which is coming from a place of, 'Even what Bhagwan said doesn't apply to me because, you know, I'm beyond all this.' Then it can be great. But what is this? How intelligent the ego talking! So this is the beauty: the same word, same content can vary in its resonance. So it can be completely fragrant like it is right now, or it can become, when it becomes stale and given to the mind, then it can become just, you know, ideas. It's ideas of specialness. We can just embrace not-knowingness. That's also what I want to tell you: that you remain true to whatever you see. Whatever you are seeing, remain true to whatever you see and don't worry so much about how this expression is coming across.

Even doctors can come across as incredible people. Even the great sages, you can initially come across as very not caring, not compassionate, not loving. But after you spend some time in their presence, then you see that there is great love there. So the expression will play differently. And I'm not predicting it, but if in your case it has to play in a way where anything you come across is very hard on the outside or, you know, uncaring, and just like you said, somebody said heartless or something like this, I'm completely fine with that. Maybe that is the way of consciousness to bring only those who can deal with this kind of stuff, only those who are strong like that to stay with you. I'm not predicting how it's going to be or anything like this, but I don't mind if it has to be like this as long as you're remaining true to what you are seeing. Then the expression can play in any way as you remain true and open and full of integrity in your expression.

Then I'm not at all concerned about what people are thinking about you because I know that those who are finding the truth about themselves, whether it is nice or not externally, they have only love and kindness to offer to this appearance. Even to this appearance, knowing that it is an appearance, and not from this case of, 'Oh, I am offering love.' It is natural, just on its own. So there is nothing that you have to work towards. Everyone is saying that today we understood you. Anything else? God bless you. Does anyone want to come? You can come in. Namaste.

Pranam, Father. Do I do something? Just talk to you today, Father. Something you wanted to share, yeah. And sorry, the words... there's been some... it's the same, so to speak. We've seen some silence here, like everything, but this doesn't happen. And the way it seems to be playing in the life here, so everything seems to be falling away, even externally. And my marriage is falling apart. My marriage... can you hear me, Father? There's just something that the system is moving away from. I can't even say what it is. It's just moving by itself. Everything just happens by itself and there is something that's just... it's just moving, yet not moving. And it's just... it's grace. And pain arises because there is a seeming ending to something, but it can't end. But it's all just so perfect. And there's just like... I just... I don't know. I don't know from... I don't know. I don't know what. I just... I don't know. It's just something wanted to share, like it happened and somehow something doesn't... I actually, I can't even say, but like something just kind of sitting that up. I can't even say that something just... things are moving away from this relationship. And whether it's not a cause or effect of anything, it just seems to be happening. I don't know. I just wanted to bring that. I'm feeling like it's clear that this is what it is and it is going to be separate.

Oh, it's yes, that's clear. Okay.

It's clear, but there's no decision. It's very clear. Just in itself, it's clear. I have no idea how it's moved and not... you know, there's even... there's a lot of... there's a deep pain in it, but there's deep, deep love. Deep love. But it doesn't... and I'm not minimizing that, but that also doesn't seem to matter somehow.

If you find that you're coming from this non-conceptual place and there's nothing that you're holding on to as an idea about marriage, your partner, or anything at all, and you find that this life is moving, it can move a lot and that's just the way life is moving. Nothing that's true. So in the play, if something can be done about it in the play, it is only to check whether I'm coming from some... I'm presuming myself to be some concept or some idea about myself and you. And that is not true. It's just another appearance of movement of this phenomenal energy which is here at heart. Here, you know, to feel like a happening, this is sacred. So you see how it is, therefore not hiding behind any concept, being open to being vulnerable, seeing hurt, not in denial of any appearance here. It's seen as an appearance and yet it is felt and experienced as well as an appearance. Yes. So again, as long as there is no 'me' for something, then we are in great peace.

Sorry, Father, my kitchen language is... yeah, conceptual blocking, no feeling whatever is appearing and it is just moving in a way, non-conceptually. Then even this we have to see as grace, as a blessing. And yet I find beautiful grace unfolding when we have no idea about ourselves, including the idea that I have no idea about marriage. This is... those can be a big block. And emptiness is not the idea that I'm empty. It is empty. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh, wow. There's no... no idea whatsoever how it would... how this would even be explained to my partner. Like, it hasn't been broached, but it's just... it's just become clear. What it's like... there is no... it would just... I don't even know. It's been coming a long time. It's very clear. It's been a long stage. It's just... I so don't have any plan about it.

Yeah, there is no... can have no capacity for that, Father. There's no capacity. Like, there's no capacity for reason or plan or idea or... yes, we already have the capacity, but it just becomes too much to go there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're sitting here and I want to go pick this hundred kg bag and keep it on your head. So we have the potential, maybe not yet, but some might have the potential to pick it up. There's just no inclination to. Why would you want to?

Yeah, yeah. I just want to bring it to Satsang and just like yesterday, that I don't have a plan. I don't have a plan to not have a plan.

Yeah, exactly. The mind is just waiting to hear anything, then... and I can deliver anything then. Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you. I love you. I love you. Love you. Love you. Thank you all so very much for being in Satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Ki Jai! Jai! And Krishna, there's something wrong with the internet on my end, beloveds. Ultimately, the internet's own idea is just to end the broadcast now. Thank you, thank you.