A Tendency is a Belief that 'I Am Something’ - 3rd July 2017

Pranam, Ananta Ji. I recognize myself as awareness right now, but I have some innate negative tendencies due to childhood impressions that come into operation and pull me into their delusions and successfully color my perception. Your advice?

So, you have defined this entire play of delusion. This is how the sense functions, you see. The variety. When you check, you see that you are this final witness, this backdrop, which is a Nirguna Brahman existence. You see that. You see. Then what happens? You say, 'I get caught up in some tendencies.' There are some tendencies here. So, what is the meaning of this? First, there must be a sense that you exist. There can be no tendency unless there is a sense of existence. Like this, 'I am' leads to the tendencies. It only means 'I am something.' Tendency only means that 'I am something.' Nothing cannot have a tendency, or that which is limitless, boundless, cannot have a tendency. The tendency must mean first that 'I am something.' So, this awareness is a sense that I have, and the tendency is that 'I am something.' Now, here with the 'now,' you say when you check, you see that you are this awareness right now. Notice that even the sense of existence is effortless. Although the tendency comes, we won't even look at the past and why they came. We talked about it in the past, that because appearance could be here, you think this happened. You say, 'due to childhood impressions.' But in the right now, if you check, can you find that you are awareness? Then how is it that you become something else? And it happened without the thought? If you thought, there will come... what are you? We're not trying to push away thought, but imagine for a moment that no thought came. What are you then? You just are, empty of a concept of yourself. You continue to exist. If the thought vanishes, you also vanish? No, you are now.

Now, after the thought comes, you notice that it is either believed in—I mean, what does it mean to believe it? It means to say that it is true. Something gives its assent to the thought, says the truth value is one. Then thought is true. Not only that, it also says that it is meaningful. It could be that there are 100,000 grains of salt in a container. This is true, but it is not meaningful. And this concept becomes a condition for you? It doesn't, because it might be true, but it is not meaningful. So, that which we say is true and also has meaning for me, that becomes then a conditioning or a tendency. So, it is to hold on to this condition, to hold on to the tendency, which is taking so much effort. Because what is the concept? It has to come as a thought. So, we have to give attention, of course, it goes to it, and we have to say that it is true and meaningful. Then it becomes a belief. So much work is happening! Although certainly I feel like I'm asking you to take the method, it is actually to come to effortless soaking in this moment right now. Before I give you a moment to even think, you must be empty of this condition. Now. Now. Now. And I am saying 'now' many times. The mind might be saying, 'but, but, but...' Waiting with the objections. Mind has a condition to offer you, and I have the pointing 'now' to offer you. What are you right now? I know that you are empty of condition.

The consciousness has given itself the ability to pretend as if lies are true about it. If you can, the sense is up to you again as any condition can apply to it. What you're discovering about yourself in your own report is that you are without any attribute, without any limitation, without any color, shape, or size. What every condition is telling you about yourself is that you are limited. You are a body or some type of a person. You have desires. That is completely the story from the mind. But in this moment, you have a discovery that 'I am this awareness' and none of this really applies to this event. That is why the inquiry is beautiful, because you keep coming to this recognition of the truth of what you are. That which is false will look more and more meaningless. As it starts to look more and more meaningless, you'll find it more and more difficult to give belief to these concepts which are telling you your limitations, which are telling you that you are a duration between birth and death, that it is this bucket of flesh and meat that is you. So what the mind is saying, so these are conditions. Whatever the condition might be, even a spiritual condition.

So then what is it that, as long as there is a sense of doership, what is it that I can do till I come to the authentic discovery, full of integrity, that there is no individual here? What is it that I can do? Almost all spirituality is based on that, isn't it? Because if all the Masters know that there is no individual over here, why do they give all these instructions? Why did this Guru give self-inquiry, meditate, do good? Conditioning itself seems so magnetic to consciousness that it can seem like 'I cannot be free from this unless you tell me what to do.' Let me see if I can tell you all what to do and you can decide what is the most comfortable. The first is just let go. Surrender everything to whoever you have some devotion with. The point of having that devotion is that everything is that one's problem. If you say, 'Father, we have some devotion for you,' then you let everything be my problem. Now, this one is a tricky one, because as you give up what is to be done to Father, you also must give up what is the experience also to Father. So Father to do everything and Father to experience everything. Otherwise, it is only half-surrender, that 'You are the doer, but I am still sitting here as an experiencer of what it takes.' It is half-surrender or none at all. Then just start with taking thoughts as surrender. It's okay.