Your Being Has Told Me That It's Always There - 19th January 2018

Now, if your reaction is 'Is this it?', then either you're making a limited picture out of it or you have a mistaken notion of what it should be like. Because what you're discovering is that which all the great sages have discovered. Look at the effortlessness part. Everybody, I exist effortlessly. Effortlessly. What about it does not come and go? I cannot turn it off and on. You try to stop the 'I'. Just 'I'. You see that all perceptions, all sensations are perceived in the light of your existence. Without you, could you perceive a sun? You can see that everything shines in the sunlight, but the sun's shining... you want to be there to perceive this light. Pure existence. What lights up this?

If there's something that can happen in the phenomenal world, it can't dent your Being or scratch it. Not a small scratch on me. And from together, yes, because we are paying obeisance, we must come to some conclusion. So we're doing it.

So whenever I start contemplation, you should know, I just put the attention on it. It happens somehow on the body sensations first and on the mind, and then just checking what is here, you know? So the body sensations work, yeah, the mind, and I just stay with all these sensations, just being aware of my body. And then usually it becomes very calm and the mind very peaceful at this point, but bodily sensations are more active, like in a peaceful way, you know? And then sometimes I'll just be here because it's very pleasant and there are no problems. But sometimes, let's say, because you see what is aware of even that, and also doesn't feel like inclined to ask that question, just want to go fresh. And also then I come to this like a vibration kind of, like a peace, which is not the body sensations, not the mind, but something like a vibration. Still, it's like it has no heart, but there is a quality like a peaceful vibration, and I feel it's a bit connected to the body. This one I would call 'I Am'. I don't know if it's... and then again, I just feel like if I ever come to here, I feel again like also without nowhere else to go, just feel like to stay here in this place because the vibration is very light and you feel like spaciousness. And then sometimes I'm not inclined to ask this question again, 'What is aware of that?', but something if I do, then the quality changes. If I put attention onto that vibration, it's like it feels that one is even more without quality. And then I ask myself, 'What is aware of even of that?' It seems to be even more in pure quality. Yeah, it's like sometimes it feels like, if I could imagine, it's like it's outside, you know, of all of these vibrations. And then I ask myself, like, so which one I am? Or this vibration is part of this which is the awareness? And sometimes there is a bit of that conditioning that comes, but gently it feels like no. And this more often, you know, which is aware then this which one... because when you come to this vibration, you feel like the mind stops. So this where you think you are, also the story is gone, you know. So often it's like, you know, hours per day. Not for every now and then, this often means it cannot be not here enough.

So that which is aware of even this primordial vibration which you call 'I Am', when this is contemplated upon, where does that leave you?

I mean, like experientially, what is left? You know, that point is just like... just fine. I'm just fine. But as the 'I Am' comes up, I see that it seems more qualitative than just this absolute awareness itself. And yet, do you find that any real separation is there except in the quality of existence itself? It's like there's an 'I' and there's a 'you', or does it still feel like this is the 'I'?

It's just... yeah, that's what I wanted to ask you, like what is the difference between... because sometimes this 'I Am' feeling is so connected to the body, but I still don't feel to call this 'I Am' feeling because it's more a body feeling kind of, because it's felt... the vibration is felt in the body kind of.

See, if you find the vibration in the body, I know that it seems like that is something contained in the body. But just check what is the true position of things. See whether it is the sensations of that which we call the body which are appearing within it, or whether it is appearing within some sensation. What are the sensations?

It's probably more once I put attention to this vibration, so it produces some relaxation feelings in the body, but it's not that. It's just like an outcome of that putting attention.

Yes, right. It's a byproduct of being with the sense. I can experience some sensations in the body, yeah, but no sensation contains it.

I think I used to look how I got this peace. Like also during the day, I feel like I'm more with the body sensations. Like if you find me working and you would ask me, 'What do you know now? What do you experience now?', I would say I'm experiencing the body and the mind, and I wouldn't say I experience the space or what is inside what disappears, you know?

But if I were to say, are you just experiencing some sensation which we call the body? Can you experience it without being aware of it? Is it outside the field of being aware?

If I put all attention in some sensation, even then your awareness is there. Yeah, I guess I cannot say that once you find me in the interaction, yeah, I just report of what I'm experiencing more, that gets to the bottom of what you perceive. But that which is perceiving the perceiving itself, you know, that which is aware of the perception... and this one, if I stay more and more of this, then for example if some tension comes or something, some nonsense belief, then straight away it's not believed because just a moment ago I checked myself and it has no power, you know? Because you know the true place which you have checked. And that's I feel like my job now is just to confirm this placement, and illusions cannot come anymore because it's more confirmed with the truth. But conditioning, like when I go out, they keep reminding me of, you know, 'your body'. But yeah, just staying with this very natural Being. Seeing that, oh my God, what happened? The truth is not going anywhere. Yeah, sometimes when the trouble comes, before I used to just go hide it with some experience and positive, but now the concentration comes to really what is going on, check what is true and not. It's like I don't accept any tension now in the body and rechecking it's my position, you know? Because you feel like if it's inside, you're free now and you go to Being, kind of enjoying peace now. But I believe that I really trust my own. And I guess I never even liked this question, the difference between 'I Am' and awareness is not so important to know, but you know, it was just on my mind.

It's very fine, just because although there is no real distinction, and yet qualitatively there is a big distinction. It's like the finger. I say, well, you see actually you see the hand itself, but it can appear as if it's just a cell itself. But when you say I find no difference at all, it is just to say that you would actually be at that place where you would say that a 'person' never happened. I didn't wake up this morning. I was reading in your book and you said the same, because some teachers they don't really explain the difference between this and I was following that which doesn't explain. But as it follows, why not, you know? Before sometimes it's for instance, actually it can seem confusing. But what it is, is to see that you are just oneself. And yet, completely in this empty nothingness, it can play with all things. And arrogance is gone from it. It was something... it can be very meaningful to know from the human mind trying to reach them. So I just... thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Baba.