Who Is This 'I' Who Doesn't Know Who I Am? - 2nd June 2016

You are this question we were starting to look at, and we were saying that if you keep all knowledge aside, it seems like at the moment I don't know who I am. And you were saying, 'Who is this I that doesn't know?' That's exactly what we are looking at. So it can be that for a while this inquiry can seem like it is an attack, actually, in some way. See, because some resistance, some mind will come and say, 'But, but, but, oh, I know all of this stuff, and don't presume that I don't know.' It's not a presumption at all, actually. It's just that we are looking at something together, starting from the perspective that I don't know what's going on. Fresh, completely fresh right now. So it is not a conversation of a teacher and a student; it is just one contemplation together which is fresh, and we are starting from this unknowingness to see if something can be reported from this unknown.

So what do we find? We find that the appearance of various sensations, some sounds, all of that is here. These are perceived, but the perceiver we don't know. There is a perceiving, but who is the perceiver? We don't know. So all of this, all these different appearances are perceived: sounds, sensation of the body, some sense of emotions, some hunger, some thoughts. Is that all that is perceived? No. There is also present the sense that 'I exist,' 'I am.' This presence is also perceived. As I contemplate this presence and I continue to perceive this presence, I find that although it seems to emanate from this physical location or the heart, I don't find that it is restricted to a physical location. So can I look and see where it ends? The sense that I exist, I am, presence.

As I am looking, I see that all that is experienced is sensed within the same presence, same here. All sounds, all visuals, everything is here. Nothing is there. Even the sense of something 'there' is being perceived only here within this Being. I find no boundaries of this. It needs no thought to confirm what it is. It is just present as presence itself. Everything which is experienced seems to appear in the same space of Being, this that I am right now. As I see this, I find no way to make this go away. I cannot stop being. It is just present. And yet there is the memory of a time where even this was not, and then I woke up. This woke up. Even this memory is arising within this Being now.

That which is perceiving even this presence, that which knows even that this presence is here—what is the separation between that and myself? There is awareness of this presence and there is awareness of this awareness. I am aware of this presence. Does this awareness belong to an entity? I find no entity here. I find nothing here with any attributes. I find no start or end to this seeing, this awareness. I see now that I am this, prior to the sense of 'I am.' This is what remains here. I see no up or down, no in front of or behind. I find no movement of time. And the light of consciousness seems to be nothing except a tiny light in this house at the back. It seems full of limitless space. That which encompassed and diagnosed now seems like nothing but a tiny light. I am aware as nothing but awareness itself.

Look at this. I am here yet now. This is the flow of attention towards the sensations. They do not touch me at all. Attention towards these thoughts, which are not speaking about me. There is attention towards the sounds in this moment, which are heard, but I do not find myself in this sound. I remain prior to all of this. Can the attention come back to this presence? And I see that I am this. This I know, that I am. And I know that I know. I am aware of this sense of existing, and I am aware that I am aware. What will this mind, which is only used to reporting about objects within the existence, say about me? 'Yeah, they're inside this bundle of flesh and blood, lives him.' No. I am that which is prior to the light of God.