Who Is This I That Is 'Am-ing'? - 10th November 2017

So what is here that has been giving the thief to this identity? This is Consciousness or Being. In dreamless sleep, is there any identity? Then what happened when you occur? First identity, first things have a pickle. Let's see. When you wake up, at least I can tell you from my experience, there I exist. And then I exist, and then the senses started to function. I noticed this body is here, along the bottom the world is here, and then all these emanations of the identity, they come. 'I have to do this to be, to do that to be this one.' All, all the task list means welcome identity. But first the sense of existence has to come. That which I asked you: can you stop being? From arises 'I am,' it comes. Now, what is the identity? The identity is 'I am something.' Before that 'something,' you are empty of it. In fact, right now you are empty of them. But if you think about it, then you will fill up that line with something because 'I...' Now you are... give it. Tell me if you know. Yeah, I am too. So this is it. So this is it. Have to come right now. Individual seconds come first, but I can't even realize before that. Yes, actually time comes after here, but it's okay. You don't have to go too far. You can say that there is no time between my existence and my identity. Actually, first your existence is, then identity. That's what we come to the extra point. This what you see, and this is all Master key. You will naturally just be when the notion is very... then 'I am something' comes, suffering is bound to happen. That is the byproduct of this identification.

Now, and I say, do you see this now? The usual reaction is the mind will come with a 'but.' So every day we talk about this 'but.' So they are empty of identity now. Yes, but... which is what? Another concept come here for mind. Now, what has happened is that our habit is become to pick up the concept. 'It couldn't be, it can't be so simple. I have been reading spirituality for so long and in self-inquiry for so... been to so many ashrams. But what you are saying is that it's as naturalistic in my existence right now?' You didn't even do anything. We didn't even take me to the inquiry. You're just saying that without this 'some,' this 'I am.' But I'm just saying that that is the usual human condition. Then this part will come. Mind will not give up so easily. So it presents a part. But you will explore these birds and you will find that all of them again relate to that one that you don't find. And what is the main... we made in the beginning? Can you find it? You will not feed it. So tell me your 'but.' It does not come for that one. You cannot turn your 'but' which is not personal. So I said that you see yourselves, it is present without any suffering unless you think about it. Usually that thinking comes in the form of a part. Especially when you are having a direct experience of AOP right now, the mind will come with its box. Now these birds are referring to you as a person. So nobody's using you. And if somebody is judging you, that is Satsang then. Sometimes what happens is there, I like to have this conversation right up front because what will happen is even after one Satsang, you could pick up some new spiritual concepts and then I don't have to clean up even those concepts. So before you can pick up anything, can you catch your train is so? So this heart can also come with you because what is the mean are using referred to? And that to me that the thought is saying is it person? So what did we say? Whatever has to do with the person, we are not building till you... and then we come to this understanding of what the Zen masters like and say: let all thoughts come and go, just don't serve them tea. So popular. But even this work you will get over. 'I try to meditate,' isn't there? I am showing you that the fruit of meditation is before you have the intention to meditate. Have any intention? Because what you are right now, your mind has forgot something individual. But I am showing you that what you are right now is not limited in any way. This Consciousness is... it's a bit and it can be a bit too much of a hot seat too fast. But the point is, then comes the actions come so soon. Doesn't know this...

So popular, but even this work you will get over. 'I try to meditate' is in there. I am showing you that the fruit of meditation is before you have the intention to meditate. I have any intention because what you are right now, your mind has forgot something individual. But I am showing you that what you are right now is not limited in any way. This consciousness is... it's a bit, and it can be a bit too much of a hot seat too fast. But the point is, then comes the actions. Come so soon, doesn't know this is so easily actually that you can say despite knowing, and you only do these things like my family people tell me and we actually split personality, you know? That there's one Ram Dass who used to go to incredibly... Bravo. He says if you ever feel that you're in... like spend a weekend with your family. Here at this kind of satsang, I have to be honest with you and tell you that our resonance will be very strong if you are willing to give up on everything that you learned, especially the spirituality. But if you are attached to that, then it seems like you have some resistant struggles in the middle and you get along with them again. So I will come at you to drop every... all the non-dual teachings that you are attached to them into word it, yeah.

So, you know, this is... what actually it is, is consciousness speaking with consciousness. Consciousness reminding itself. It's the Leela. That is where it is: consciousness reminding itself that it is not unique, it is not what the mind is claiming to be that exists, the lawyer of the person. So now you're absolutely right. I'm very happy there, which means you are diagnosing the problem. Spiritual... but if I say something, then some knowledgeable... 'Oh, this one you had said this. Oh yes, yes.' Design you already actually... what am I not presenting that which I know will be like that? It's coming here. Everything I see, though I do it, the concept is what is... what is that the root of Advaita? But I understand 'I am that,' 'I am just I.' All these concepts have been chopped away. The only push will press of those concepts was to burn all the other concepts. But here we're not going to replace the concept 'I am a person' with the concept 'I am awareness.' That is useless. In fact, better to carry the concept 'I am a person' than to carry the concept 'I am awareness' to that the suffering that can come because of concepts like 'I am awareness' is not home then 'I am just a person.' But here you will have insight into this, that you're aware. The collimation, my power comes from my mouth, but you will see it for yourself. You will taste different.

And you're right that after tasting is happening, then the mind will try and use even these concepts to seem to get in the way. So here, if this openness is there, that I've invested years learning all of these concepts but actually I'm ready for that open, that naked truth right now. And to you, whatever I might have, it's true for most of the time in satsang, go there in dreaming of the concept. The other thing is to be there for me. It is music to my ears when you say 'I don't know.' You feel very bad sometimes to say 'I don't know' because if you like, 'Oh, my feelings are exam, I have studied I Am That seven times.' Because our conditioning has become later, 'I don't know' has become a bad, you know, phrase to use in school. You can't say 'I don't know.' Each other to do low boxes here. The 'I don't know' is very good. That means your identity is... you don't have a concept to fill in the blank book coming to that. And from 'I don't know' to the truth, it's very easy, super simple. But 'I know' is wrong. So do this: 'I know' is not at least what we have claimed 'I know' to be, to the conceptual knowing.

So if you have to press spiritual concepts, like you rightly said in your family, rightly said, you say something to you, but where it is that the place in culture has to become John living through insight. So concept, you know, person, then I will ask you something else. Perception knowing, don't give too much value to that. That which you are perceiving also don't know. Matrix emotionally or you're feeling peaceful and happy, they can... you're not resisting that it can be. But we are looking if there is something beyond all of this of the general perceptions and emotions and sensations. Want to be honest? So this is the knowingness with the capital K. The parent is sitting, but it is coming to... it is coming from the memory of some experience, but it is coming because you're feeling a certain way. Who is the one that is witnessing? What is the reporter? No concept can help you. You can say 'I know that I have no sleep' with you just to function. What is your insight? This is the question forward to continuing this journey, this inquiry.

The sages have done us a great service because they, you know, such potent rules and be not to hold them in our intellect basket and say 'I know this, I know that, I am the unchanging witness.' Just by a concept to be going, you use that as a clue. It is said that you are the unchanging. Find that which is unchanging. World changing, body changing, parts changing, emotions, sensations, impressions changing. We can see it changing. Dreamscape changing, sleep state also coming in. Who witnesses all of this? What I can change you, which is not what you think you have because I have an object and you will not become... you know, 'I want to know the sun rises from the eastern way.' I want the specific clear that if you tell me the truth is it... but I cannot tell you the truth. We will discard the false, you see? You will not find the truth with something that I say. You will use everything that I say to discard the false and you will see that the truth has always been apparent.

So if I am only giving you one direction, then you will mistake the words which are coming from this mouth to be the truth or something. It is to set mistaken impressions. Let us pointers. The pointer is not the destination. If you go too much to the left or something, the pointer will be 'go right.' If you go too much to the right or something, the pointer will be 'go left.' Which one is the truth? Go right or left? Depends on what is the current condition. So if you're holding on too much to a shape or inquiry and I will say 'stop everything, what are you now?' If you feel like nobody can... well, now you must do the in-questioning. You never know what can arise in satsang. But the point is that we are coming to our positionless existence, functionless existence. There is no 'what am I to do,' there is no 'where am I to go.' It is only the dropping of the pretense and the recognition of the truth.

Everywhere you go, most places in this world, we will receive new concepts. Now we don't want satsang to become also one of those places. It's better to see and understand anything. I don't know anything to say, 'Yes, yes, I got all the concepts that you were saying today.' I never had it with them to my spiritual knowledge because motionless, contactless, the truth is no gotten to you now. The mind might not give that certificate yet, but empty of the... but it is clear what you are right now. Don't wait for articulation of this. Even before you can say 'I am Atma,' before you can say 'I found Atma,' these notions are the masks. 'I am something something' is the mask. Something you have to keep. Even devotee... you don't have a devotee is not being a devotee. Empty of notions is the best devotee. It was the time where these notions seemed to have a lot of magnetic attraction. It is coming to some adopted by Guruji that is to undo this magnetism from these notions.

Sometimes it might be good to just take a few minutes and say, 'What are my top five notions?' Yourself, not to even expose... expose them in your own life. What is it that still, when it comes from my mind, that you feel like, 'What, this is... this is true'? Self-inquiry in this. I always dislike... you can say life is always perfect, but actually the word 'perfect' has a wrong connotation at times. So why not to say life is just life? Because when you see 'perfect,' then you imagine things of utopian sort of ideal. It's always this life. But to suffer life, you have to have a limited notion about yourself. Because I know that you are God, I know that I am God, and God cannot... but when I believe myself to be something limited, everything can become an opportunity to suffer. But once you start in consciousness itself, so as to enjoy its motionless existence, very rare for it to go back to in feverish about motion.

So I am also reassuring you they tracked to track the wave full of concepts along. Now try this concept this way. And if you have a report that you sleep this and since then my life has become a full mix. It happened with me. You sure? Australian, Russian, but American, you see. So she said, I had this on whenever I told her that your concern that if you hand over your life to God, He's just going to make a miso soup or a hash of it. He and says, 'Father, that is my concern. I'm surrendering it or something.' This is what I remember there. 'I'm surrendering it.' Next day she came to satsang and she had this pretend anger with me. 'Father, whatever, I'm very angry with you today.' What happened? She said, 'You said to hand it over to God and I've been a practicing psychotherapist for 20 years, never missed an appointment. And I handed it over to God and for the first time in 20 years I missed an appointment. I gave it over to God and He messed it up.'

So this giving it over to God cannot be done with an expectation. No, what am I saying? This is not a... it's not an excuse. But we still... if you still have an idea of what my life should be, then that is not surrender at all. So it is that expectation which has to be surrendered. You know, it's not the cheat code to getting your desires and he is going to hand over to Guruji and then Guruji and make sure I have a million dollars in my bank. Might seem to have, but when the expectations are not met, can also come, 'What are you doing? You don't know how to do this. I didn't do a good job.' So the idea that 'I am the doer' and the idea that 'I am the experiencer'... you are the doer and you are the experiencer, and this you will be seen to be. I only are connected, it's fine. But from in the spirit of surrender means you are the doer and you are the experiencer. Who am I? One of this is yogi yogi. You are playing with yourself. To surrender is to surrender this move-aside entity. Then you start to see that the neighbor... what does it mean? You surrender. Oh, just to lay by consciousness itself.

Also human existence has been feeding this cat that you cannot find. At least that much you have to admit: you have not found this person and you have been feeding. Who has been doing it? Consciousness. Why? My favorite theory is entertainment. Even that is not true with the mind of reasoning behind consciousness. There is no such thing. You cannot say why this consciousness, why consciousness wants to do this. It just means that everything is basically the will of consciousness. We can say it is the Leela. I can do... can say it is entertainment. Consciousness was born by being everything, so then it wanted to play as if it is another. Prakash, Antik, and the speed is between us. Sometimes, you know, this misconception can be rather the being is only like these bodies. So either being here and the being there... and I usually say I really want to space that is also consciousness because one consciousness.

Father, when you talk about this identification from suffering, my aunt died seven hours ago. In this moment, I am having trouble with the identification.

So when an event has happened, then we must not have an expectation that grief should not come now because I am becoming free. Grief is also part of the natural functioning of this existence. So allow room for this grief to come, but see if there is a one who is grieving. So in the brief, grief can be fair, but the griever is not a sufferer is. And then what you will discover, and this is that in your being there is so much space that all of this grief can come but doesn't make a scratch on being. It only seems to gain her identity, which was never real. Anything only emotions about yourself.

Grief is also part of the natural functioning of this existence, so allow room for this grief to come. But see if there is a one who is grieving. So, in the grief, grief can be felt, but the griever is not a sufferer. And then what you will discover is that in your being there is so much space that all of this grief can come but doesn't make a scratch on being. It only seems to dent an identity which was never real anyway. Only emotions about yourself can be attacked. So grief is another aspect of consciousness; it can be allowed to come and go. All the flavors in this entire spectrum of sensations, consciousness is playing this way to taste all of this—sometimes joy, sometimes grief. Don't confuse the rising of a sensation or an emotion to be an identification. When you pick up the idea that 'I am suffering,' that is identification. Before that, it is all just moving sensations on the screen of consciousness.

When I was very young, I feared the void I felt to be inside of me, not to be me. Therefore, and thereafter, I started to collect dispositions and characters to build a 'me-ness.' I felt as a kid I needed a character to function in the world. It is now the mirror; it is now returning around that thought.

Exactly, exactly. Jesus, he said only the children will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. 'The children' doesn't mean that this enlightenment is only a possibility for those who are less than seven; it means those who are innocent. The same innocence, empty of concepts, empty of notions. So I know absolutely right, she is saying actually satsang is this turning around a picked-up conditioning. Because the truth was very apparent. In fact, many of us, if we were to report our childhood, we will say, 'Father, yes, it was so apparent to me when I was a child.' So now it is just this: we picked up so many notions, conditions, and now they have been dropped. And if there is something in this claim of having been deluded and then consciousness having been deluded and then freeing itself from the delusion, it seems to be of some delight for consciousness.

Is that becoming too much? The fear of it?

Yes, yes. This is what I've been talking about for the last few days also, that whether we call it the fear of death or we call it the fear of the unknown, I'm here to tell you that if this fear is there, I'm happy to hold your hand and tell you that this fear was experienced here. This worldliness was experienced in full intensity here, but my Master was holding my hand. So I am holding your hand. If you're here physically, I'm physically holding your hand. If you're not at a physical proximity, I'm holding you here in my heart and I'm telling you that the fear is unfounded, even if it feels like you're dying. The moment you're empty of the next notion, you can feel like this—for many of us—that death is coming. But this is only the death of the pretend one. Don't let any interpretation of this fear make you believe another concept about yourself.

In fact, one of the primary reasons why having a living Master is so beneficial is that he can take you through this fear, reassuring you nothing will happen. This fear is very primal, and yet for those of you who are not experiencing it, please don't make it another benchmark: 'Oh, I haven't yet gone through the fear, so I must not have cut it here' or something. As I said, usually it is a common thing to experience this fear. It can feel like the fear of death. Maharaj at one time said, 'Till you go through your death, you will not find freedom.' This is what he meant. I'm here for that, my dear. I'm here. You can do that. No fear, no matter how big it is, is stronger than your being. It is not stronger than the Satguru's presence. Let's see this fear through together. You are always taken care of.

I know that sometimes I can see these things very simply and say, 'Just don't pick up a notion,' but I know that in the face of this emotion, many times a strong feeling can come. You feel gone, boom, not knowing what is going to happen. It can feel like 'I'm dying, this is the end of me.' It is not. You are discovering that you are endless. You are deathless. I'm here to tell you that I have seen this through, and so can you, and so are you. Very simply, I say don't fear the fear. Very simple almost-truisms are helpful with this. I tell the devotee how great Guru Ji is. There are various responses to this fear. Sometimes we might say, 'No, no, I am done with this, it's not coming, I'm not ready here, I'm going to come back later, I don't want this, this is too much.' Some latch onto some spiritual concept. See, 'Here, I got it!' Actually, in the moment of suffering in satsang, fear is coming and you almost recoil because of the fear. 'Okay, ha, yes, yes, that was it, I got it, that was it.' So you're referring to some experience over and over again from the past. Know that this one is just like a recoil. Because if you have to refer to the past, what you're actually saying is that you are not that now.

We all get caught in this whole thing where we keep talking about some experience we had, like an awakening experience. It was no big deal. In fact, you are that now. So this fear can come with various responses. Like I was saying the other day, it is not always fear. Sometimes it can seem like a joyous excitement too: 'I'm not this body, nothing contains me, I am beyond all things.' As I see it, I am feeling that exciting joy of not being contained. Sometimes that can come. Many times fear can come. But whatever is coming, know that it will pass. Don't get too scared or don't get too attached with any of the byproducts. Some get very attached to the bliss also of an experience and say, 'That was when I was free, this was coming.' This has nothing to do with the reality of you. This is reversible. So the surrendering, the leaving it at the feet of the Master, all of this is for this. Whatever your favorite notions are, remove everything that has happened, just leave it. And everything that is going to happen, just leave it here. Nothing is your problem. Not really. Not all the comments made for this regard. Thank you all so much. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti. Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Satguru Ki Jai.