Whatever Follows 'But...' is Never the Truth - 17th October 2016

We had this beautiful retreat at Rishikesh, and for me, it felt like my work is done. Then, sure enough, you play this game there saying, 'I am awareness, but...' or 'I am Consciousness, but...' You see, it's usually after these retreats, after this strong immersion into the truth, that the mind comes up with the best doubts. Sometimes it can even seem like in our life situation, the most terrible things seem to be happening. There is never a 'but.' There is never ever 'I am awareness, but...' And you can say something follows the 'but' which is valid, because nothing has ever happened to you, nor will it ever happen. So, if we did not have this power to believe, this power to pretend, then we would not even be able to enjoy this game like this personally. So, if at least nothing else, know that it is a game. You have seen this, all of you, that the most truth that can be spoken in satsang is simply 'I am awareness.' Ultimately, even that is not conveying the reality. But what follows the 'but' is never ever true.

And I'm not asking you to believe this. We don't need to believe this. All we need to do is check: If I am the witnessing, what are we saying? 'I am the one solitary witness.' If I am the one solitary witness, then what could ever have happened to me? So, whatever is happening, if you feel that something is happening, find out who it is about. Who is it really about? Otherwise, we keep going like this on and on. Does awareness have a story? Then how can you have one? And immediately the mind will come, 'But, but...' Then you'll say that, 'Yes, yes, but I have a dynamic aspect and not just this primal witnessing. There's also this dynamic aspect called Consciousness.' So, Consciousness emerges and the play of 'I am,' all of this drama starts. So, who are you trying to help? God? You're resolving things for who? Who is suffering? Awareness? We, that unconcerned one solitary witness who stays cool through everything? No.

So, all this game, all these doubts, who do they belong to? Consciousness. So, when we say that this is happening to me—and it's funny that for most of us that were in the retreat, I've already got reports that something is happening with me—this is the play. Who is this one? What we are really saying is that, 'Yes, I see I am awareness and my dynamic functioning is consciousness, but still, can't you help the person in some way?' The non-existent one. We still have some allegiance toward them. And who is doing all of this? Consciousness itself. The point is not to make any of you feel guilty, just to point out that this is the way the game plays. The magnetism, the attraction of our personal ideas seems so strong that we could be deeply immersed in the truth for a week experientially, not just conceptually, and yet something quickly comes back after that and says, 'But what about me?'

Who has ever been able to resolve things for this 'me'? We feel like we'll come to some final resolution one day. You will come to a final dissolution maybe one day, but not a resolution. You've seen all the things everyone has tried. Relationships we tried, money tried, healthy body we tried, search for freedom we tried. Is any of it for the 'me'? Did the 'me' become satisfied, quiet, content? It just doesn't happen. You see, that is not the programming of this voice. This mind is not programmed to be done, ever. It is only programmed for more and more and more. And it'll sell you the message of more and more, sometimes saying, 'Almost there, just almost there. Now I'm coming to this truth of myself, but if I could also just do this part, you know, because this part gets in the way.' Of what? Of who?

Yes, yes, all that is okay for satsang, but 'my life,' you see? 'My...' who? We refuse to answer. Does this mean that something must be renounced? That life must be renounced or something? No. But we can renounce the story, this false one, this idea. It is not to be found in the body. The person is not to be found in the body. You can't surgically find this person. Where is it? It is not to be found in being, in Consciousness. It is not to be found in the witness of all of this, this one awareness. It is not to be found in this realm outside. The only evidence of this one is circumstantial. We have some emails from that one and they appear in our mind. In the inbox of our mind they come: 'Yes, yes, this is left to do. Yes, yes, you're not free yet. You're almost there, we'll get there.' This one is just the emails, the circumstantial evidence of the non-existent one. And we want to clear up this inbox. All of us have that nightmare, in the corporate world especially, you know, the inbox doesn't get clear. So you're trying to clear this inbox. It doesn't happen.