What Is This: 'What Is'? - 2nd February 2018

It's like the puppeteer has been playing with all these puppets, and one of the puppets it really likes and seems very intimately attached to this puppet and said, 'This is what I am.' Then in the game of this puppetry itself, it invented another to come and remind it. That puppet which you have designed to remind yourselves: How long will we relate to sensations that we call the body? How long will we relate to the appearance of the sensations and let them convince us that this is our boundary, that we are limited by this container? The very experience is contrary to this. You see that these sensations are contained within you, just like all sensations are. You also experience many bodies in that which you call dreams. You've experienced yourself with no body and no phenomena in that which you call sleep. Many times during one's life all this happens. That's why it was said once: 'Those who recognize what is there, what you are in sleep state, who recognize that in the waking state, it's called awake.' Those who recognize what they are in sleep state, but recognize it in the waking state.

But if it seems complicated, what do I have to tell you? That you are meeting the enlightened being right now. Whose existence can you truly testify to? Can you truly say you are? You can only say 'I am.' What is the basis for saying 'I am'? Why do you say it? Because you are direct. This 'I am' is 'I' which is aware. Does the same apply every time? It can sound like when we are talking about awareness and consciousness, we can speak as if we are talking about two. But the 'I' is the same. It's like a peacock. One peacock. When the wings are open, it is open; the beingness is present, consciousness is present. Consciousness has become Krishna, the peacock, as you are. And only this we can speak. Everything else that we speak about is the play of those appearances happening in your existence, in your life.

It feels sometimes, it feels like something exists, but I can't really say it is 'I.' Does it feel like the existence of another? Just a sense of being is present. You cannot refer to it as 'I'?

It's very natural for it to happen, especially as you are deepening your insight. It could become more natural for you to say, 'I am just aware even of this being.' There is awareness, yes. And who is aware of this awareness? Because suppose you had no reference point to what 'I' feels like. It's a very beautiful point, and you must take this very slowly, because we got used to associating 'I' as something. Now, as we are coming to this awareness which is aware of even existence, it's one aspect; it can feel a bit alien to call this 'I.' So when I ask you, 'What is aware of this awareness?' you'll say that 'I' is aware of this awareness. And if I was to ask you, 'How did this awareness report to you?' the questioner just came down. This one, yeah, it's good to smile at it. I can see this one's wings are broken, but it seems... and although it is so clear that I am aware of all of this, it can feel a bit strange because that 'I' which I used to refer to myself as for so long doesn't seem to be present. There is just this awareness.

So when we say awareness is aware of its existence, and this play of existence is happening, which includes the movement of this body, the movement of this mouth—all of this movement is happening within existence. There is an awareness which is aware of all of this. That leaves no room for an 'I,' and yet it is your direct insight. So if I was to say Atma is having this discovery and she is telling you, 'Same here,' yeah. But because we have identified ourselves with something limited for so long, it just feels like there is no 'I' as such. But what we are saying even with that is that, 'Wow, I see that there is no I.' I mean, this is your own direct insight. But this 'I' is very different from what you used the term for in the past. For a while, you can see it will seem to oscillate. Then you will find that it's more unnatural actually to refer to that being that we call 'it' and refer to that as being or 'I.' That will start getting more unnatural. I'm just being. And then here you will read the scriptures, you will hear the words in satsang, and everything is pointing to that 'I' which is this awareness, the Self, and its dynamic aspect which is consciousness.

But at times it just feels really imaginative, you know? But what can happen with that? So it's fine; you don't need to call it with the truth. But many times what does happen, as I've seen in satsang, is that when we come to this insight, this discovery of awareness that is just effortlessly here, then after a few days what happens is that, 'Ah, when I come to Father, because he's going to tell me "Who are you?" and I see that I'm just gonna tell him nothing is happening to awareness, that is just fine. But can we talk about me for a minute?' You see? So when this dichotomy is perpetuated, then it can seem like how the 'me' is having a beautiful insight about this awareness, and then 'How does it help me?' And I've seen this many times over the years. That's why I made up this metaphor of carrying this 'me' on your back as you pass the portal of 'I am' to this awareness. It can feel like, 'I'm having this beautiful insight, now what happens to me because of this?' And you see that this that we are used to calling 'me' is that more than your reality or this awareness? My beingness? Not really. And so it's like the 'me' is actually quite, quite strong with being practiced in the world. But actually, so what is it actually? Ever known? What is really needed?

So I don't often say you must listen very carefully to everything I'm saying, because what is needed is just here already, you see. So it doesn't matter what is happening in the last time. What is true is available now, you see. And that is what you were checking. Yes, there is just awareness here, which is aware of existence now. I don't know this already. And now, so if you do not have any idea of what happened in the past, what seems most independent? So this is the best news: that we don't need any recreation. And it doesn't matter however you were listening or not listening, just in this moment, awareness is here that is aware of my very existence now. I don't know yet where to put 'I.' And the sages will tell you that put it there, that which is the most unchanging. But it is the best way. It's just a clue to see then, how can I find my true myself? The sages say find that which is the most empty. Just as a clue, is this 'I'?

Is this 'I'? I don't know. I already said it's the most beautiful. It's like a hypothesis, but it's unverified. It's so good it's verified. You don't know the contrary.

So just one more line of enquiry, which is: So when you see that this awareness, it is here and it is aware of even existence, what is your position?

But it's easy. For now, it just feels like there is awareness which is aware of presence and existence, and I don't know where to put 'me' or 'I.' There doesn't seem to be any.

And I said that that is very good for now. No change in position and the strange...

Because my own seems like it's not a change in position because you're saying 'I don't know.' If there was a hanging on to a particular position, I am saying, 'No, no, that is me.' I can see what I'm having experiences of awareness, but if it's still changing, then that would be sort of a holding on. But 'I don't know' is never...

To you, Guruji. One time you were saying to someone, 'You're Atma, not Batman.' One of the spellings was A-T-M-A-N. There's one in our Sangha who spells it that way. Maybe a list of people of our security team. So one of them was called Atma. So she wrote 'Batman.' It was a point. The point was that, you know, Atma is effortless because you are it. Any mask that you put on will be... then you will pose as something. You pose as Batman. This mask is a mask of concept, of notion. The mask of individuality is played only with an idea of 'I.' All emotions can come, all worldly appearances can come, but nothing makes a person out of you. Nothing makes a limited one. Obviously, only when consciousness itself gives assent to the idea of limitation and it gives it value, otherwise this river of appearance is just flowing on its own. There is no individual to be found here. Why do some appearances come as they come? Because...

As Brahman, this mask is a conceptual mask of motion. The mask of individuality is played only with an idea of other. All emotions can come, all worldly appearances can come, but nothing makes a person out of you. Nothing makes a limited one of you, unless consciousness itself gives assent to the idea of limitation and it gives it value. Otherwise, this river of appearance is just flowing on its own. There is no individual entity to be found here.

Why do some appearances come as they come? Because that is the will of consciousness. So why anything? Consciousness. This is acceptance. So most naturally you are this beingness, you are this Self, effortlessly. The mind is the seller of masks. Oh, you will become a very special one. Even the notion of freedom can be used by the mind to make us so caught up in our individuality. This is called the spiritual ego. What is this originally discovered to be? Oh, look at how special I am because I have discovered that we are allowing it to appear and disappear. This is different from giving into assent and putting on the mask for the special one.

Both allow directly so that satsang is used to remind us not to put on the mask. But even though putting on the mask or not is the play of consciousness, why does it happen? Consciousness. Why even upon hearing all of this? One aspect has the role of the alarm clock. The response to it will erode. You see, it is in the qualitative play; it seems to play differently. That's all that happens. Whether you put on the mask or not, to consciousness nothing has ever really happened. From the play, it can seem like it is played unburdened without a mask, or it can be played with identity. As long as consciousness wants to play with the mask, it's like this.

Because all that's what we're trying to come up with, the right language for this. Yesterday, just these words are meant for what? Just your not-knowing of it is enough. There is no other knowing of it, you see. Whereas you see this, and the funny thing is that not only that, the mind can play with the opposite position also. Just make sure that you don't buy into spiritual ego, okay? Which is, you know, because even that can become a position as well. As in, 'I got it, I've come to something.' You haven't come to this. All positions are just wonderful, except the mind is trying to sell. But also seen, and I don't want anything. Just no mind. The mind might try to sell things. You don't even have to call it beingness. It is so much this pressure, this stage, and my attention should only be it. Like one of the best gifts I can give any of you is to keep reminding you that you are Atma, effortlessly. God is here and there is nothing greater than that. And you are.

I just feel free. I noticed today while sharing something, then I just noticed our play and there I just want to share it. So maybe like the last maybe two weeks were kind of very busy with my health and everything. I was still in you inside, but like having to put so much attention and energy, somehow it also focuses differently. And so then I said, like last night, I just listened to the Guruji silence because I just feel the experience because it makes me in this place. No mask is present. The taste of your maskless presence. To come into the silence, they take a negotiation vacation.

What kind of twister? It's not as if there are any, because as long as it is natural, not 'I like it.' Maybe it's, I realize it's part of sleeping because sometimes it feels like an 'I' when it's arising spontaneously, but no, there's no 'I'.

It's not on your will here to figure out the room. Mike, I came, I retreated with things, a box. Yeah, easy. Is it easy to set up a meeting here? Stays within. From this sudden, you'll also need a mic. Yes, it will also be good because if you cut out, the sound was good in the retreat, the mic that I was using.

You are saying that is Diana's birthday. Happy birthday, my dear. I know that Satguru's grace is taking fully, full care of you and your heart's true longing for these truths is getting recognized and satisfied to its full satisfaction. All of us and all love and blessings to you. And it's so good, so good. We might get a lot of them; they came in and it was really strong. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Mooji Baba.