What Am I Actually Saying? - 23th November 2016

So let's... yes. So right now, that which you're saying 'my body' is actually experienced as what? So there are some sensations. What calls it 'mine'? Sensation is being experienced. We can go really slowly. Some sensation being experienced. Experiencing of a sensation. To make it 'mine', where does the mind come from? Experience the sensation right now and see if you can say 'this is mine' without interpreting it, just without labeling it.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. What is the mechanics? Yes, yes. And that mechanics translates into right now, in what way? Whatever the belief might have been, whatever the concepts you have picked up in the past might have been, does that play out in me calling this sensation mine?

It's the same thing. This 'me' is another sensation. Is it sensation or is it an imagination? What is it? Is it a block? What does it feel like? Let's look at that. We have time. This is very important. Where does the 'me' come from? Feeling is sensation. Distinguish: is it separate from the sensation? Chase it. Don't let it go. Chase it down. It's like a feeling of 'me'. The feeling is experienced. How? Is it a sense of existence?

Yes. What is mixed on top of the sense of existence? What is there? But how is that experienced? How do you experience a belief? There's a feeling which feels like what? Like a sense of separation like that, or what do you call this 'me'? Yeah, this body. Yeah, yeah, at me. Yes, yes. So something is thrown, some sensation comes up in the body and the movement of the hand happens at least.

So that's a very good idea. No, if you didn't know, you see, that 'I'm going to throw this at you,' then you have to think about it to avoid it or catch it? It just happens. So the sensation happens, the movement of the body happens on its own. Yes. That's why to see this 'me', what is it, is very important, isn't it? What are we calling 'me'? There's a sensation which is the body. So you have sensations from this body; they seem to define the borders of this body. What makes it 'my' body? What brings the 'me' into the body? Then I said, is it the sense of existence? You say that there is a 'me' that is mixed up with even that. So what is this 'me'? Is it a sensation? But a sensation means something that is experienced sensorily. So are you experiencing this 'me' as if through our inner perception? Is it experienced as a sensation or what is it being experienced?

Yeah, what is it? A feeling or sensation? Both are energetic, isn't it? So is this 'me' being experienced as that? That which gets mixed up with the sensations of the body and gets mixed up with the sense of 'I am' itself? That maybe I'm expecting that there will be kind of...

Look at the same body and not feel the same as it feels. Something that is not of 'me'. In fact, it will be experienced even more openly, the sensations of the body, because our attention is not getting split between the attention going to thoughts and sensations of the body. Then the sensations of the body will become even more clearly experienced. But the labeling as 'me' will stop. What makes it 'me'? That sound was also experienced as a sensation, you see, but why is that not 'me'? Is it because the habit has been to label this set of sensations, which seem so intimate, that 'that is me', which makes it feel like, 'Oh, but it's natural to call this me but not that me'? Or is there something more than that? The person concept is not the same 'me' concept.

Yes, yes. But see, the concept has not... this feeling of this body... so I'm asking you, is there such a feeling of 'mine' unmixed with the thought? Is there, in the purity of feeling itself, is there such a feeling which is 'me'?

Huh? But that's why I'm saying it's so beautiful that now everything is dropped. The sensation is arising. What makes it 'me'? The witnessing of a sensation? Is that enough to call it a 'me'? Witnessing is happening. Nothing we can see is arising unless it is witnessed anyway. So there is sensation. Now what makes it my sensation?

Example... check, check... ask, yeah.

So forget about that now. Now there is this experience of sensations which we can call the body. What is it that makes it 'me'? Is it connected? Can there be a concept without an idea or a thought? Is there a 'my' which is separate from this awareness which is witnessing this? Separate from... there is an entity called 'Shari' or 'me' or 'Kapil' which is experiencing this sensation called the body? Can't find. And it is not that type of 'can't find' that we haven't looked enough; it's that type of 'can't find' where we looked and looked and we can't find. So at what point will we come to this seeing that 'I looked in the entire house, my spectacles are just not there'? Is there still a lingering feeling that there might be? It's a sense of contraction, yes. But how does that sense of contraction become 'my' contraction? A sense of contraction or any sensation is just a sensation. It is phenomenal movement. Does that prove the existence of a separate entity?

Yes. It's like when you go to these modern movie theaters and the airplane is crashing, the seats start shaking. So it gives the effect as if you are in the airplane, you see.

So the sensation is experienced, but is there still 'my' sensation? You're looking for the truth; all that needs to be done is to let go of the false. Maybe the experience of contraction is interpreted as 'that's the me'. Yes, yes. Okay, I know the two hands went up, but just bear with me for a while. So it is seen: I am this absolute witnessing which is aware of this phenomenal play. Then some sensation can come. The interpretation of the sensation is not picked up, or the interpretation of the sensation is picked up. These are the two alternatives. Now, presuming that there is something that you can do about it, presuming then, what would you advise someone who came to you with this problem that 'okay, this sensation is coming and I'm calling it my sensation'? You would say, 'Don't label it mine,' knowing fully something. So that's why we come to: don't believe your next thought. Because no matter what the sensation is, it can be very strong vibration, you see, but unless you say, 'See, see, this is me,' until we get that signal from the mind, even then we cannot report it as 'mine'. It might seem very intimate, it might seem very close, it might seem like the closest thing that ever is experienced, until we buy this idea, this signal from the mind: 'See, this proves that it is yours. It feels so much like you, how can it not be you?' You see? Without that, you cannot even report that it is my sensation, isn't it?

And yet when we look, both the so-called methods are discussed here, isn't it? One is let go, surrender everything that is happening, let it happen, it's all God's problem. And the second is that if the idea has been picked up that 'this is happening to me' or 'this is mine', then inquire whether there is such a 'me'. Who am I? You see? So it's right here, right now. It's that present what we are talking about every day. Just right now, you are the Self. End of story. But if you buy a 'but', the same one that buys the 'but' can also drop the 'but'. And it chooses to buy the 'but', or all is also its will as Consciousness. Now, in the designated roles in this play, you find that in most of humanity, it is saying 'buy, buy, buy', itself encouraging itself to buy. And there are some who are playing in the role of 'don't buy, don't buy'. That's all that's really going on. Now, can the ones who are saying 'buy, buy, buy' or 'don't buy, don't buy' actually make any difference? Not really in the ultimate scheme of things. It is just the roles that everyone is playing. And yet, as long as it feels like there is a separate 'me', the appearance of one who says 'don't buy' or 'inquire' seems to be a beautiful happening, a beautiful event in their life.

Okay, so it is just this point. Right now you are free. There are no 'buts'. But if you buy the 'but', then it is said: don't, or inquire into who it is that you're presuming yourself to be. This is surrender and inquiry. It is that subtle. When you make a teaching out of it, it can seem like 'okay, this, this, this.' It is actually that simple. Like you're sitting quietly, then suddenly you say, 'Okay, I have to get to my destination,' isn't it? Then you start walking. Satsang says, 'No, no, stop. You're already there. Let go of this idea.' Or, 'Who is it that you're trying to get to? Who are you trying to become? Who are you already?' But no 'but'. In this emptiness, are you the doer or the non-doer? It's too empty to make any report. It feels like work to contemplate this. The point is that there is no concept of doership at all. It is only after we picked up the concept of 'me' does the concept of dropping the 'me' or picking up further ideas of the 'me' arise. Who doesn't see that right now they are free?