We Cannot Suffer Without Believing this Voice - 20th Oct. 2015

Thank you. And in the retreat, I felt there was one special treat, which is this concept of Rajan. And I've noticed that since we've come back also, whatever interactions we've had, whatever questions I've been getting, it is: 'I want to get rid of Rajan.' So just for those of you who were not there, maybe I can take a couple of minutes to just explain what this Rajan thing is, because you might hear it often today also.

So basically, there is this voice. There is a commanding voice which is saying that 'I am Rajan and this is what I want.' And Rajan is actually a placeholder for your name. It's actually a placeholder for your name. But this voice of thoughts, which is saying that 'This is what I want, this is what I need, this is where my life must go.' So what is happening actually in the process of self-inquiry is only, firstly, to check on the existence of this Rajan. So just like we look in this room, sometime I hear the voice of Rajan saying 'I'm Rajan, I want this,' but can we see this Rajan? Can we find it? We see that we don't find it. In the same way, when we look inside, see: where is this one who claims to have this voice which is saying that it is me? Where is Rajan? And it is not found.

So we look around for this entity and we don't find it, because we realize that it's not this body. Because the needs and desires that it has, the aversions that it has, are not of the body—not only, at least, of the body. Very few are directly related to the body. Simplest example being freedom; it wants freedom, but the body is not interested in freedom. So where is this one? So we've been looking for this and we realize that it is not here. In this room, in this space of being, there is no separate entity. But funnily enough, it seems like there is a speaker through which this non-entity is speaking. And this speaker—and when I mean speaker, I mean not the entity speaker, though I mean the technological speaker that is attached to radios and to television—so this speaker is carrying the voice of this entity which cannot be found. And these are our thoughts, claiming to belong to an entity. But whenever we look for this entity, we cannot find it.

So the only trouble, no matter what it is saying, is that we are buying something that this non-entity seems to be sharing. That is the only separation, that is the only suffering. No matter what it is saying, we cannot suffer without believing this voice, without believing a thought. Now one thing I noticed that happened since we've come is that Rajan itself has gotten hold of the Rajan concept. Rajan is now saying that 'This is Rajan which is speaking, see? This is now... this Rajan should go.' This one is also the same guy. It's very easily been able to abstract this into: 'See this one? We see this one. This one... no, no, this voice is still this one.' The same guy.

And because although it had the advantage that you were able to just look at it and say 'Where is this entity Rajan?', it was helpful because we were able to look objectively. In this way, it was very helpful for me to guide all of you in the inquiry. But the disadvantage was that very quickly, it is our identity. It started then saying that 'I don't want Rajan.' And this one that doesn't want Rajan is also Rajan. That is why it's important to correlate it back and to put our name instead of Rajan. Who is this one who's saying 'I must be rid of the ego also'? Now you're saying that 'Oh, I see now, I see. Oh, this is the troublemaker.' You have to be a little vigilant too: who is speaking now? Because very quickly this trickster can take this also and say, 'Yes, I figured this was the whole point of the retreat. I figured that all I have to do is get rid of Rajan.' This 'I' is the Rajan voice.