This Playground is Too Small For Us Now - 4th May 2016

No happening to the one that is saying 'Yes, yes, yes' is right. In the morning, this checker thing happened. Who is this one? The same one. Don't buy what this one is selling. I know it tries to sound very meaningful. What it is telling you, you say, 'Yes, yes, I am getting this insight, I see it now,' you see? But this is the reporting, actually, which is going on, and it is tied up with a lot of things. It is tied up with some sort of a need for validation of the report, need for validation of the spiritual insight, need for validation that something is happening to you, you see? So this checker is not just asking for you to validate it; it is also asking for us to validate it. It doesn't stop because in hearing this, still it's like, 'See, see the validation.' It's until I...

Yeah, so okay. A companion for you for some time now, the entire so-called spiritual journey for you seems to be about coming to these insights and checking on them and the reporting of them. And now you are coming to this point where even this is being suggested to be let go of, and let the emptiness remain like that. Even if some fear comes that 'Without this, what will happen to me? This is how I have been leading my life for so long.' You see?

Auspiciousness, Father. It's a struggle to be in the emptiness.

Yes, good. So let's look at this struggle. Yes. So what is the struggle? Some sensations are coming or what is happening?

Father, the moment is... at your silence, this silence and emptiness, something is restless. And once you open the eyes, or just the line of just falling free does not happen. It's like as if to just let myself lose in this space of no-space.

And that's exactly... I'm with you. Together we can see through this. So allow everything to happen and don't pick up anybody. Remain as nobody and nothing will happen to you. I'm here together with you. Let all fear, all resistance, whatever is coming—sensations—let it come.

It's awesome. There's so much of disturbance that's as of like drowning and like a struggle to breathe.

Don't worry, you will continue to breathe. Allow the feeling of drowning to happen and stay clean. Nothing will happen to you. Don't feel anything at all. Most of us are scared of this silence, scared of our own nothingness, because the mind makes it feel like this is an empty nothing. But it is only empty of concepts, only empty of ideas of ourselves. From this, all fullness comes, actually. So embrace this silence. It will not harm you. First, can check how the mind tries to resist this, how it comes up with ideas and thoughts to take you away from this. Some fear can be coming; allow this fear also to come. Don't fight it. Don't resist.

All this now... there's a constant crying and screaming happening.

Constant what?

The type... screaming. It's a scream. It's not happy. It's not happening. You know what? It's like as if there is something saying... it seems like it's screaming for survival or something like this.

This is very common. Like this, let it scream. It's okay. You are what is appearing? You are the witnessing of it all. The witness is now. In which way is that which is appearing affecting the witnessing?

It doesn't affect the witnessing, Father, but it doesn't stay with the witnessing. Like something is trying to be one with the witness, sort of a thing that just came up.

Nothing needs to become one with the witness. Who are you right now? What are you right now?

But right now, it's like as if that's just that witnessing is happening, and along with it, there is this extreme... I can do it... that's also appearing.

Yes. How for so many years, for so long, we have been checking on the content of what is appearing and reporting from there, saying that 'This is what is happening to me.' Now, although now if we are checking anything at all, if you are reporting from anything at all, they are reporting from... who are all of these appearances appearing to? Who is aware of this screaming voice? Let's check on that and report on that.

Let's... it's really getting too scary or too confusing. Cloudy.

Cloudy? Or we can check: who are the clouds appearing to? Your vision cannot be distorted by appearances. Even if the appearances seem to get cloudy, you are aware of the clouds. Now, what happened to this awareness? Did that also become cloudy? So report on this one, not on something which is appearing. Now you are on mute. Somehow you have to unmute.

Well, that just is... that also is passing as... we're used to referring to it as 'that,' as if there is some distance between us and that. Is that 'that' or is it a 'this'?

Imagine where you are. Not semantics—you're really checking. Because something is saying, 'Oh, that is just that only, nothing is happening to that.' You see, if it is 'that,' is it not what you are?

I used to pick from that. I'm not able to say this is me.

Yes. But then what is you? Is it 'I don't know what I am' or is it 'I know I am Supriya who is aware of her awareness, but the awareness is not what Supriya is'? Is it like that?

Exactly like that, Father.

But you have to check and see if it is true. Where is the Supriya that you are? If you can't find it, then why do you believe it? This is Maya: the belief in something we can't even find. This body, this form also appears in the same scene. And that is the point of confusion, it seems.

Right now, not so much. The body is not so much confusion.

What does the body want right now? It is sitting about very innocently. Poor thing gets all the blame from us all the time. 'Hey, this body is a problem.' If the body could speak, it would say, 'But what am I doing?' It's not the body so much as the idea of the person that owns the body. 'My body'—like this. 'My body is doing this.' This one is the same one that says 'my relationship,' 'my money,' 'my freedom.' This one... if the body could really speak, it would be like, 'What freedom? Why do we want all that? Let's talk about lunch.' It's not causing any trouble at all, just sitting quietly. It is the presumed owner of the body, the presumed owner of our relationships, the presumed owner of our spiritual journey. This one, the non-existent one—this we cannot find, and yet it gets so much of our belief. That is the divine mystery.

Father, still something... there is still something between the world. There is a sensation, there is a thought, there is a feeling.

What is the 'something'?

Well, just feel some... just like a wall, some resistance, Father.

So what is the resistance doing to you? If the mind was not saying 'this has to go, this is still here,' what is it doing to you?

It just is like this. So how you summed it up, this idea of this 'I' which is larger, which is like literally standing in the face sort of a thing. It's literally, literally, literally standing up.

Where is it? From there, from your side? Okay. It's like construction started happening... was happening here, so we escaped to the balcony and we had Satsang. If it's possible, yes, it'd be good. Something is... I said I want to meet... get something in here. Yeah, you go. Next, Vishwamaria, you can come please. Sorry, no, I just say this just reminds me this is exactly how it goes. I see that, and even this is not touching your awareness. Who are you right now? Not what is appearing in front of you. Who are you? Not what is your experience. Who are you? But what is happening as a sensation because this question is being asked: Who are you?

I am because you are here for this. I know this because you have been in Satsang. Those who come just for 'something for me'—'I want happiness, I want peace, I want something, something, something'—those do not last very long in Satsang. Your urge must be for self-discovery, for self-realization, and not to give something to the false self, to the made-up, imagined identity. It must be to find: What is it that remains untouched through all appearances? What is it that is not coming and going? It is you. Nothing can ever happen to that which does not exist. Nothing can ever happen to that because it isn't. And nothing can ever happen to you in reality because you remain untouched through all appearances.

Every time that we say that 'something is happening to me,' it is not a reporting from the truth because it is going with some sensation which is appearing or some thought which is appearing which is saying that something is happening to me. But you are that supreme one to which nothing can happen. You know that to which this entire manifest creation is nothing more than a grain of sand. What can hurt you? So the inquiry is just a simple verification. When the thought comes and says something, we just verify it and check whether it is true or not.

There are only two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey. Only two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey. The first way is to trust the voice of your own presence which is speaking in Satsang and to follow. The second way is to buy the story that the mind is telling you completely and not trusting this voice in Satsang at all. These are the two ways to end it. Now, the way to prolong it is to listen to both half-half. If we listen to both half-half, then it will seem like a journey—more and more urgent, little bit of this, little bit of that, little bit of this, little bit of that.

So I am saying to you that there is no Supriya and nothing has really ever happened to you in reality. Now, are you going to give this to the mind to check or will you check for yourselves? If there is no Supriya, then there can be no problem. You drop all allegiance with your mind, drop all belief from this one. Allow everything to come and go. Don't feel any sensation, don't feel fear itself. You see how the mind is not a true representative of the truth, and the voice that speaks in Satsang is your own true words, your own presence speaking.

You are untouched. You are unborn, undying. You have no desire, no aversion. There is no bondage or freedom for you. You are that which is not coming or going, that which witnesses all comings and goings. You witness the birth and death of this universe within you. All realms are born and dissolve, and even these words cannot come close to defining your true glory. Don't believe that voice that tells you that you are just a bundle of flesh and blood, the voice which tells you that you can want something and you can need something, the voice which says you have to get somewhere, you have to become something. You've had your fun playing as this. Now, with open eyes, check on what you truly are and don't wait for the false voice to give you a report. Stay with what you see for yourself.

That which is undying must be here now. That which we call God, if it is real, then it must be here now. If you don't believe any ideas about what God should be, then the experience of God is here now. And you are that which cannot be labeled even as God. You are that which cannot be known phenomenally, and you know this not from a thought, not from your intellect. You are prior to this. And you are aware of this without the hypnosis of your mind which relies on your own belief. You can no longer pretend to be this non-existent person. There is no such thing as darkness; even that which appears dark appears in the light of your own true Self. Stop playing with these tiny ideas about yourselves. Let's play together as one. Don't go with this voice.