This Playground is Too Small For Us Now - 29th April 2016

Who's this one? The same one. Don't buy what this one is selling. I know it tries to sound very meaningful what it is telling you: 'Yes, yes, I am getting this insight, I see it now.' You see? But this is the reporting naturally which is going on, and it is tied up with a lot of things. It is tied up with some sort of a need for validation of the report, need for validation of the spiritual insight, need for validation that something is happening to you. So this checker is not just asking for you to validate; it is asking for us to validate it, and that starts again in building this.

It's like seeking the validation. It's a tight bandage.

Yeah. So actually, it's been a companion for you for some time now. The entire so-called spiritual journey for you seems to be about coming to these insights and checking on them and the reporting of them. And now you're coming to this point where even this is being suggested to be let go of. Let the emptiness remain like that, even if some fear comes that 'Without this, what will happen to me? This is how I've been leading my life for so long.'

Oh, auspiciousness, Father. That struggle to be in this emptiness...

Yes, good. So let's look at this struggle. What is the struggle? Some sensations are coming, or what is happening?

Father, the moment there is a closure, I enter this silence. Next moment, something is restless. Once you open the eyes, or just there is a line of just falling free, it does not happen. It's like I want to just let my hair loose in this space of nothingness.

And that is that I'm with you. Together we can see through this. So allow everything to happen and don't pick up anybody. Remain as nobody, and nothing will happen to you. I am here together with you. Let all fear, all resistance, whatever is coming—sensations—let it come.

It's a sense of much disturbance. It's just like drowning, and I was struggling to breathe.

Don't worry, you will continue to breathe. Allow the feeling of drowning to happen. It's okay. Nothing will happen to you. Don't fear anything at all. We are scared of this silence, scared of our own nothingness, because the mind makes it feel like this is the empty nothing. But it is only empty of concepts, only empty of ideas of ourselves. From this, all fullness comes actually. So embrace this silence. It could not harm you. You can check how the mind tries to resist this, how it comes up with ideas and thoughts to take you away from this. Some fear can be coming; allow fear also to come. Don't fight it. Don't resist it.

So there's a constant screaming, 'Help me.' Constant. All the time screaming. It's not happening. You know what it's like? A holiness... something seems like it's screaming for survival or something like this.

It's very common like this. Let it scream. It's okay. What is appearing? You are the witnessing of it. Now, in which way is that which is appearing affecting the witnessing? Does it paint the witnessing power? Does it stay with the witnessing? Like I'm trying to rewind with the witness, or stay with that.

That is you know... nothing needs to become one with the witness. Who are you right now? What are you right now? Oh my god, it's my eyelid.

The witnessing is happening, and along with it, there is this screaming, 'I can't do it.' That's also appearing, yes? Now, for so many years, for so long, we have been checking on the content of what is appearing and reporting from there, saying that 'This is what's happening to me.' Now, although now if we are checking anything at all, if you are reporting from anything at all, we are reporting from: Who are all of these appearances appearing to? Who is aware of this screaming voice? Let's check on that and report on that.

Is it getting too scary or too confusing?

Cloudy? We can check who the clouds are appearing to. Your vision cannot be distorted by appearances. Even if the appearances seem to get cloudy, you are aware of the clouds. What happened to this awareness? Did that also become cloudy? So report on this one, not on something which is appearing. You're on mute; somehow you have to unmute.

Well, I just... is it that it also is acting like we're used to referring to it as 'that,' as if there is some distance between us and that? Is it 'that' or is it this? So much, you are not semantics. You're really taking because something is saying, 'Oh, that is just that only, nothing is happening to that.' See, what is that? Not what you are. I used to report on that, not able to say, 'This is me.'

Yes. But then what is you? Is it 'I don't know what I am,' or is it 'I know I am Supriya who is aware of her awareness, but the awareness is not what Supriya is'? Is it like that?

I found... but you have to check and see if it is true. There is this Supriya that you are. If you can find it, then why do you believe it? This is my eyes, the police, and something we can't even fathom. This body, this form also appears in the same scene, and that is the point of confusion.

That's it. Right now also, the body is not so much the problem. What does the body want right now? It is the thing about... very innocently, poor thing gets all the blame from us all the time. 'See, this body is the problem.' If the body could speak, it would say, 'But what am I doing?' It's not the body so much as the idea of the person that owns the body. 'My body.' With this 'my body' is this 'my body' is the this one? It's the same one that is 'my relationship, my money, my freedom.' If the body could really speak, it would be like, 'What freedom? Why are you talking about that? Let's talk about lunch.' It is sitting quietly while they're singing, not causing any trouble at all. It is the presumed owner of the body, presumed owner of our relationships, the presumed owner of our spiritual journey. This one, the non-existent one, this we cannot find and yet it gets so much of our belief. That is the divine mystery.

Fathom something that is... do something between... work... there is a sensation, there is a thought, there is a feeling, whatever. Something then just seen, some just like a wall, some resistance, Father.

So what is the resistance doing to you? If the mind was not saying, 'This has to go,' this is clearly here. What is it doing to you?

In just the sense of how you summed it up, this idea of this is charged with lying, literally standing in some sort of a thing. It's literally, literally, literally standing up from there, from your side.

It's like constriction. It's not happening. Here's what you do: escape to the balcony and we had Sunday if it's possible. Yes, it'd be good. Something is there. I said I want to meet, get something in here. Yeah, you go. Next week, somebody can come. I think this is exactly how I see that.

And even this is not touching your awareness. Who are you right now? What is appearing in front of you? Who are you? Not what is your experience, who are you? What is happening as a sensation? Because this question is being asked: Who are you? I am because you are here for this. I know this because you have been and returned. Those who come just for, 'Something for me, I want happiness, I want peace, I want something, something, something,' those do not last very long in satsang. Your urge must be for self-discovery, for self-realization, and not to give something to the false self, to the made-up imagined identity.

It wants me to find... no, is it that remains untouched through all appearances? What is it that is not coming and going? It is you. Can anything ever happen to that which is not at least... nothing can ever happen to that because it isn't it. And nothing can ever happen to you in reality because you remain untouched through all appearances for eternity. And every time let's say we say that 'something is happening to me,' it is not a reporting from the truth because we are just going with some sensation which is appearing or some thought which is appearing which is saying that something is happening to me. But you are that supreme one to which nothing can happen. You are that to which this entire manifest creation is nothing more than a grain of sand. What can hurt you?

So the inquiry is a simple verification. When the thought comes and says something, verify it and check whether it is true or not. There are two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey. Only two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey. The first way is to trust the voice of your own presence which is speaking in satsang and to follow. The second way is to buy the story that the mind is telling you completely and not trusting this voice in satsang at all. These are the two ways to end it. Now, the way to prolong it is to listen to both half-half. Listen to both half-half and it will seem like a journey, more and more urgent, little bit of this, little bit of that, little bit, little bit of that.

So I am saying to you that there is no Supriya and nothing has really ever happened to you in reality. Now, are you going to give this to the mind to check, or will you check for yourselves? Is there a Supriya? No Supriya, then there can be no problem. You drop all allegiance with your mind, drop all belief from this one. Allow everything to come and go. Don't fear any sensation, don't fear fear itself. You see how the mind is not a true representative of the truth, and the voice that speaks in satsang is your own true voice, your own presence speaking untouched. You are unborn, undying. You have no desire, no aversion. There is no bondage or freedom for you. That which is not coming or going, that which witnesses all comings and goings—you witness the birth and death of this universe within you. All realms are born and dissolve.

And even these words cannot come close to defining your true glory. Don't believe that voice that tells you that you are just a bundle of flesh and blood, the voice which tells you that you can want something and you can need something, the voice which says you have to get somewhere, you have to become something. You've had your fun doing as this. Now, with open eyes, check on what you truly are and don't wait for the false voice to give you a report. Stay with what you see for yourselves. That which is undying must be here now. That which we call God, if it is true, then it must be here now. If we don't believe any ideas about what God should be, then the experience of God is here now. And you are that which cannot be labeled even as God. You are that which cannot be known phenomenally, and you know this. Not from a thought, not from your intellect; you are prior to this. And you are aware of this without the hypnosis of your mind which relies on your own belief. You can no longer pretend to be this non-existent person. There is no such thing as darkness; even that which appears dark appears in the light of your own true Self. Stop playing with these tiny ideas about yourselves. Let's play together as one. Don't go with this voice.