This Is the Crunch Question For All of You

Where? Except your head.

Well, I want it to be obvious. Well, Father, I live with this head. This is my everyday experience. Not every day, of course, just two weeks' experience let's say. I mean, it's said, but this is how we experience life, you know? This is how I experience life. It's head or it's in the heart, wherever it is, I don't know, but this is what I expected.

Nobody has ever experienced suffering. You may experience pain, but suffering is something that you work hard on conceptually. It is not an experience.

Well, maybe it's not suffering, I don't know.

Yeah, no, it's suffering. I want to see your nose suffering. I am suffering, you see. So now the entirety of you should suffer. Can I see your nose suffering?

No. Anxiety or me doesn't separate. Like the place you have shown, it's just so obvious. It's always here. It doesn't suffer. But I cannot connect with it because I am this. This is just nothing and this is just purity, but I'm here suffering. Like how I experience life, I don't know, like yeah.

So there is no suffering except in your head. And what you're saying is that the head is very attractive to you right now. Or are you saying the head is forcing you to be with it?

No, it doesn't have this power. Yeah, it cannot. But I really connect with it when... okay, when he say you don't have money and yeah, I mean when you say something like this and prove me in actuality in life with experience, I just too much with it. Like I connected it.

You use the wrong label. What you're calling actuality is it? What you're calling actuality is what? How I experience life? Yes. So you want to talk about the content interpretation. It's not how I experience it. You want to solve it in the interpretation or in reality? In reality, reality is already solved, you see. In reality, absent of desire, it's already solved. Desire is the invitation to suffering. You want to have also and not... do you want to have desire also and not suffer also? That is impossible.

Yeah, I don't like... okay, it's a resistance to what is appearing. Isn't it a desire? Because what is appearing is not enough. Something should either come or go from this blob of appearances, then I'll allow myself to be happy.

What is getting in the way of your being right now? So that nothing is what you need to be happy. Hey, properties that you need nothing to be happy. You need that nothing but you have... I don't know either.

Um, like I start... I feel like, okay, I forget, sorry.

You don't feel like, my dear, you think like. You don't feel like, you think like. So to stop thinking like and get me here further. Yeah, you're really always here, like background. You are always here, but again, don't hold two hands. If I'm always there, then don't hold two hands. Just hold my hand and don't... the mind can help you. Don't allow the mind to tell you your experience of life. Easy. Your mind is telling you your experience of life. You are not experiencing life firsthand. It is saying: 'This is your experience.' So in my experience, this is what is happening in my life. Nonsense. Yeah, because the nonsense and its interpretation of life is nonsense. So both sides is nonsense. It's like one side is garbage, the other side is also garbage.

Then I don't feel to defend that because when you speak it's too clear and even in general it's strictly better. Why? Like even right now, who is interpreting what is happening? I didn't understand.

Who is that or not? Who is interpreting or determining the nature of what is happening right now? Even when you speak to me, then this happens. Who is saying that?

The one that I take myself as always.

So stop it.

Okay, can I really stop? Stop now? No, tell me, can I really do this?

It's done now. Don't start again. The truth is just here. That's why I have to win. I have to win because the truth is just here. See, I can just do this. This is finish. The mind has to say: 'But yesterday when this happened...' So much work. And I can just do it. Done. Who's got the easier job? Because the moment is on my side. Then you say: 'But Father, what actually when that...' Then the mind comes, egotism comes with the offer saying: 'But this is not enough because it's not always like this.' Yes, it's not always like this because you buy this stuff. He's like saying that I enjoy the cold, I enjoy the cold, but I don't know, I keep walking into these saunas, man. Place which has got the steam really hot. You have these Turkish baths in Turkey. Is this like that hot? Are they hot springs? Okay, yeah. If you enjoy the cold, don't dive in. If you enjoy the presence of God in your heart, don't go to the head. Yes, Father, of course I enjoyed... and now you're thinking, my dear. I'll see it in your eyes. Yeah, because I want... no, don't solve. Yeah, stay with me. Come, come. I'm with you. Stay, stay, stay. Don't figure out, don't understand. Stay with me. You don't see it, but you still can't believe it. If you stop looking at the hand actions and all the truths you know, hold one hand. Either your mind or mine. You can do it. You want something from both. It's not going to work out well.

Yeah, I think I want something from there.

Have you not suffered enough? It's offering... just feel so attractive. What is it? What is his offer? I am offering you God right now in your heart. Yeah, but you've got life is not always... is not always God. What is it? What is its offer? What the mind's offer? Some exciting life? What is it? Yeah, it's up with a... well, it's something beyond. Beyond God? No. There is something beyond? Beyond happiness? The actuality of happiness? There's something beyond? No. I'm not... happiness is a byproduct. I am talking about your reality as pure being itself and actually even beyond that is the awareness of this. What can the offer be from the mind that can be greater than that? Easy. This is the crunch question for all of you. If you still have something which you want from the personality, from the personal experience as it may be called, do you think and you want God at the same time, then it seems like a roller coaster, you see. It's like you want to hold on to the stuff that you think you have personally and also create more room for God to come. I don't want my stuff to go, but I also want God. But wouldn't that be nice? So but that is the mental way of living. You leave your head. You can do it. Just leave it. This is the problem. Don't believe it. Don't believe it because belief is in your head, you see. So I'm not fighting with your head. Just leave it. Don't be... it has to be silenced. Little tips? No, just leave it. You have no problem. Nothing needs to be determined. Nothing needs a solution. Just leave.

If you promise to take care of it, I will leave it.

No, no. Surrender without guarantees. No, but if you say take care of it, maybe you didn't mean it that way, but 'take care of it' means that I already know what taking care would be. No. And if you did not have that notion, then what was that need of that disclaimer? If you can determine that 'Oh, I gave it to Father, but he made it worse than better,' you see, then that is still from the interpretive mind. If it means everything is taken care, how do we know what is taken care of or not? That is like surrendering with one eye open. I'm giving it to you, but please do a good job, okay? I'm watching you. So surrender is not a cheat code, you know? Cheat code, you just put it in the game then all the difficulty goes away from the game. I would like some money, Father, I'd like the best boyfriend, you know, I want the English body and of course freedom has to come. Now all of this is your problem. Is that what surrender is it? So for surrender we must surrender the worship and the experiences. No, it's like I don't want to suffer at me.

So what are you surrendering to me? But I'm sorry, I'm going to see you. I'm okay, I'm surrendering all these desires. Just really, just really answered it because it's just something goes ahead of me. Like I don't know why they are there, but they have really just such a strength. So they just really...

You did well. Now I wanted to surrender little more because you know I'm quite a greedy master. What you take yourself to be, surrender that one also. The one who can have a desire, obviously your desires, surrender that one also. Have nothing to do with that one. No, that's one. This one? No, this one. Surrender this one. This 'I'. Oh, okay. Yeah, good. No, don't take it back. Don't take that one back.

Because I don't know that much so well. I'm not so good to catch it, you know? Like desire I can see it and I can recognize it, but the desire I don't know so well.

So open, headless, open and empty. Everything is mine, okay? I have nothing other than trust you. No, not just the witnessing, that's all. Just I... I cannot comment the witnessing. Not even trust. I don't want your trust. I just want your witnessing. Just remain as the witnessing, that's all. I don't want trust, mistrust, all these opposite things. I don't want nothing. No position at all.

Um, okay. No, are you reporting awareness? No, I just want to just speak from witnessing place to see the difference between this one space.

No reporting is needed. I know what is there in the witnessing clue. Don't hold on to it. Don't hold on to any 'I', any progress, any state, anything. Whether you are getting it or not, none of that. See? So basically I want something very small. Just everything that appears in the waking state, let that be my problem. Sleep state can be yours. You can have that which troubles you in deep sleep, that's all. You can have only that which troubles you in deep sleep, that's all. The rest is my problem.

Because we are always speaking and I always surrender something, but this conversation is just so important for me and I really want to see the actuality of it and just the experience of it.

Are you still there to want? Give it to me. That one that still wants, give it to me. The one that wants to experience the actuality of it, just give that one to me. What is it still doing there? Didn't you give that one up?

Problem is that yes, that nothing is all that you need. I think you saw so much taking time with me and really it's just so touching to see every time just you give your time for us and thank you so much for your care. Thank you. Today I pray for this a lot and thank you so much.