This is All that Satsang is About- 21 Aug 2015

So then we come to this seeing: know that no person here exists. There is nobody here to suffer. This is how it starts usually. Usually, then some question might arise through the teacher or through your own intuitive sense: 'Okay, the person does not exist. I am not that who I always presumed myself to be. Then who am I?' And it is great auspiciousness if this question arises. 'I cannot find this identity called the ego, called the person, but I do sense that I exist. I cannot deny my existence; only I'm confused now about who I am. What is it that I am?'

Then the teacher says, 'Just look at what is here, unchanging, unmoving. What is here?' He says, 'Don't be interested in that which is coming and going, because if God is real, if the Self is real, then it cannot come and go. What is it that is ever-present here?' Then we realize that that which is ever-present is my own sense that I exist. I am. Not the thought 'I exist,' not the thought 'I am,' just this sense that I exist. I am. Therefore the teacher says, 'Can you stop being now? Can you stop being?' And it becomes clear that no, of course no, I cannot stop being. There is a presence of 'I' here. There's a presence 'I am' here which cannot be switched off. And then we can say, 'I am this. This is always here. I am that I am.' This is your own self-discovery as God, because it is God who said 'I am that I am.' Which label is not important.

And this is very beautiful because we find that every single appearance appears only in the presence of this 'I am.' So this 'I am,' it is revealed in all traditions. All traditions. You can call it Om, you can call it Atma, being, Consciousness, God, Self; many even call it Self. So we come to this beautiful point of discovery, and most traditions, they stop here actually. It is enough. Come to this discovery: 'I am that I am.' And this is very, very beautiful. And you see that every single expression arises out of this sense 'I am.' Every single expression, even the expression of different forms of God himself, is just an expression from this 'I am.' From here, as unassociated being, just this pure 'I am.' If there is an urge for Krishna to be here, then Consciousness itself appears to take the form of Krishna and is here now. Even before now, if it says 'I want to taste myself as Shiva,' then Shiva is here. Jesus is here. Consciousness is completely unlimited.

And so many of you have come to this realization of this sense of being, but there is something in the mind which underestimates this. This is the beauty of this beingness. So we can say that we came with just a belief that 'I am a person.' Started off with just a belief. I'm coming to the discovery that I have always been this presence, this presence of God. It is the discovery that I have always been this, not that I have now become this after Satsang. Not that I have become something; I have always been. And for some of you, naturally an even deeper question might arise. It says, 'I am aware of even this presence. Even this presence of I am, I am aware of.' There is awareness of this being, and it's completely clear that there is awareness of being just like there is awareness of phenomenal entities, objects.

Therefore we can say that it is the same to say 'I am aware of the presence' is the same as saying 'I know that I am aware of the presence,' which is the same as saying 'I am aware that awareness is here.' Otherwise, we would not say 'I am aware of the presence.' You know that there is awareness of presence means you are aware that there is awareness even of presence. Therefore, whatever the content might be—it might be this presence or it might be some other, it might be a thought, it might be some sensation, it might be an external physical object—but you are clear that there is awareness of this. Therefore, you are already aware that there is awareness here. To be able to say that 'I am aware' means that you know it directly. For you, this is the simplest thing, and for the mind, it is the impossible thing because there is no phenomena which is experienced in this way. The awareness of awareness actually is the only non-phenomenal experience. The only other thing which comes close to this is the experiencing of time. You do not taste it phenomenally, yet you are aware of the movement of time. In that way, at least you can experience it. But for awareness being aware of itself, even the movement cannot be. It is just simply here, you see.

So we're not doubting the existence of awareness, but what we are always doubting is 'I'm not sure whether I got it.' And yet in that same instant we say, 'Yes, there is awareness of object, there is awareness of something.' That means it's clear that it is awareness of; it is not beingness of an object. You're not saying 'I'm being an object,' you're saying 'I'm aware of an object.' To be able to say this itself means that it is seen. It is seen that I am aware that I am aware. I know that I am aware. And when checked, I cannot find any space between myself and this awareness. No distance between myself and this awareness. I find no 'where' awareness is not. Therefore I see that wherever I check this, I must be there to check. For I am everywhere that awareness is. I find no separation, no distance between myself and this awareness.

Can you say that again? Like, just to... when we check, is there anywhere that awareness is not? You mean by that...?

Yeah. Do you mean wherever I am, there's awareness? Yes, the same thing. So we can say that to say that 'I am here' means that there's an awareness that I am here. So we cannot now find any difference between saying 'I' and 'awareness.' So this sense of difference or some separation between myself and awareness itself, you cannot find. Even if there was an idea that there's something prior to awareness, then awareness must be there to be aware of it. So we see that I—this is my truest nature, my absolute nature—this awareness which is aware even of the presence of being.

Now the mind will, if it's got some energy left, it will pull all the stops and it'll be things like, 'I don't get it still,' or 'So what? Nothing really happened. How does this help you?' All this kind of resistance can come. And yet you see that all of this is seen. I am aware of all of this, and it is just coming and going, and I am still here. Whatever the appearance might be, it is coming and going and I am just aware of it. It really does not touch me. Nothing happens to me. No matter what the appearance is, this awareness remains untouched, unmoving through time and space. The play of time and space happens inside me, actually. You see?

So we started off with a belief, with no evidence, just a belief and very circumstantial evidence that 'I am a person.' Then we said, 'I find no person.' When I look, I find nothing; no person is here. And yet I cannot deny my existence, that I am here. I cannot deny this. Therefore I must be this presence 'I am.' And then something can say, 'Even this being, I am aware of it. I'm aware that there is something called awareness of this being.' Therefore, when we ask the question 'Am I aware now?', you are simply seeing that awareness is here. And after it is seen that awareness is here, then the mind comes in and says, 'Oh, because you're aware of an object, therefore we can come to this conclusion that awareness is here.' Not before that.

But see what is actually happening. There is already awareness of these thoughts. That means you see that there is awareness of these thoughts. There is awareness that there is awareness of thought. There is awareness that there is awareness of being. And I know that these simplest of words can seem like they're the most confusing, abstract things you ever heard. To some of you, it can seem like this: 'It's the most confusing, abstract thing I've ever heard. I make no sense of it.' Don't work hard for that. Don't try to put an effort to get this. Let these words unfold on their own in your heart. So don't, when you do the inquiry, don't do it with the sense of 'I must get it, I must get it.' Because it'll always come at the end and say, 'No, still you didn't get it.' The 'get it' must come only as confirmation from the mind, and the mind has no idea about this. We left it far behind. It is just another projection of beingness. So we left it far behind.

What gives me the conviction that I am aware of something? Whatever the 'something' might be, how do I know that I am aware of it? And we are sure that we are aware of it. Whatever it is that you might see, you see first that there is a seeing of it that is happening. It is the content which is moving; the seeing itself is not moving. And I don't mean the phenomenal seeing happening through the eyes, the sensory seeing. I'm talking about this pure perceiving, this sense of being aware. There is something which is here, unmoving, and content is constantly changing. Be it thoughts, be it sensations, be it appearances, be it even states. And we say that 'I went to sleep, I woke up, I had a dream.' Who is this which is aware of all of these states coming and going?

So what happened now? The one who came with the checklist of things to buy now realizes that 'I was not that at all. I'm not a thing at all.' I am just this awareness which cannot be found in this time and space. And then the checklist has no meaning left. And because the checklist itself has no meaning left, then you find that my own true nature is here, which is unmoved by the presence of any states. And you find that all of this love, peace, joy appear in my service. I'm not in service to them; they appear for me. So we can see that nothing happened through all of this, because this one was always this awareness. Or you can say that the best thing happened. Both are okay. You're not to be stuck with terminology. And it's okay even if you want to be stuck with terminology. It's okay to come to this true seeing that I am the seeing itself. Come to this awareness of awareness itself. We cannot say anything about it, actually. We cannot even say it's the purest or most... nothing. No attribute makes sense here. For this is all that this beautiful, auspicious play of Satsang is about. The rest is just the siddhis.