There Is Just This Awareness - 2nd February 2018

It feels sometimes, she says, it feels like something exists but I can't really say it is 'I'. Does it feel like the existence of another? Just her sense of being is present. You cannot refer to it as 'I'.

It is very natural for it to happen, especially as you are deepening your insight. It could become more natural for you to say, 'I am just aware even of this being who is aware of this awareness.' Because, suppose you had no reference point to what 'I' feels like. It's a very beautiful point and you must take this as very special because we got used to associating 'I' as something. Now, as we are coming to this awareness which is aware of even existence, it's one aspect. It can feel a bit alien to call this 'I'. So when I ask you, 'What is aware of this awareness?' you will see then it is this awareness. And if I was to ask you, 'How did this awareness report to you?' although it can, it is so clear that 'I am aware of all of this,' isn't it? It can feel a bit strange because that 'I' which I used to refer to myself as for so long doesn't seem to be present. It is just this awareness.

So when you say awareness is aware of its existence, and this period of existence is happening which includes the movement of this body, the movement of this mouth—all of this movement is happening within existence. There is an awareness which is aware of all of this. That leaves no room for an 'I', and yet it is your direct insight. So if I was to say, 'Note mind having this discovery,' and she is telling you, 'Same here,' but because we have identified ourselves with something limited for so long, it just feels like there is no 'I' there. But what we are saying even in that is that, 'Wow, I see that there is no I.' I mean, this is your own very concern. But this 'I' is very different from what you used to use the term for in the past. For a while, it can seem, it will seem to oscillate. Then you will find that it's more unnatural actually to refer to that 'me' that we call it, and refer to that as 'me' or 'I'. That will start getting more unnatural and just easy. And the rules here, you will read the scriptures, you will hear the words in Satsang, everything is pointing to that 'I' which is this awareness, the Self, and its dynamic aspect which is consciousness.

But at times it just feels really imaginative, you know? But what can happen with that?

So it's fine, you don't need to call it true. But many times what does happen is, I've seen in Satsang is that when we come to this insight, this discovery of awareness that is just effortlessly here, then after a few days what happens is that, 'Ah, when I come to Father because he is going to tell me who are you, and I see that I'm just going to tell him nothing is happening to awareness, that is just fine. But can we talk about me for a minute?' You see? So when this dichotomy is perpetuated, then it can seem like the 'me' is having a beautiful insight about this awareness, and then, 'How does it help me?' I've seen this many times over the years. Well, that's why I made up this metaphor of carrying this 'me' on your back as you cross the portal of 'I am' to this awareness. You can feel 'I' having these beautiful insights, and 'Now what happens to me because of this?' And you see that this that we are used to following, 'me', is that more tangible, your reality, or this awareness?