The Presence Is Already Free - 26th April 2016

That's what I've been trying to find, Father, because this one I cannot clearly find. But there is a big problem identifying with the one that doesn't like behaving. Somebody go and itself is kind of getting into a loop. You see, what is the person that doesn't want the person to exist and not able to get out of that?

You're out of it now. You're out of it now. You're out now.

Then I keep taking now. Oh, now, now it becomes like a non-stop also the day. It's not naturally... I'm not complaining, but this is what I see, Father. And then there are merely like moments when I check, like you say with integrity, and then I see that nobody else is here. And I see that all this heart wants is to be in trust, like you know, to live as truth. And then, and then when I'm about running throughout the day, then it's like again the whole burden of all your identifying with this booth, this identity comes back. But it's very clear I don't want to identify.

Who does identity belong to? You say, 'I don't want to identify and I am not happy.' There's beliefs, it's going back to thoughts, and there's so many more thoughts here now. 'I don't like it.' So the one that can get identified is which one?

That's you. So I'm good. Many things are long. It's okay, thank you. So we joined that just one, that's the icon saying what it is. Is it the same one you think that I run about told or something like this? The one that feels so constricted throughout the day because it's so scared that it's going to believe thoughts.

Okay, the one who is scared. So the one who feels scared of thoughts, does the one who has the power of belief... I don't like each other question. You like or you don't like the one who has a power of belief? Good, good. Not liking God might not be a great idea. This is where, like, sample will pick it up. There is one who has the power of belief. Is there another one who's scared of identification?

It feels like that they're going to be ready to die.

So now let's find out which one is the true one first. Let's see who has the power of belief. Okay, so the one that is here has the power of belief. Now, who's running scared of these beliefs? You don't want to look at that because... because you know I must look. Anytime... this is a good tip. Anytime you feel like 'I don't want to look at this,' it feels almost like believing thought. And this one that doesn't want to believe thoughts, and I give more credit to the one that doesn't want to believe thoughts. Yes, which one is this that is running scared of thoughts? So, the one that does not want to believe thoughts, is that itself not to be believed? Can I survive without any belief?

Come.

So it is a... if it sells. So this is what one of the subtlest tricks of the mind is. It tries to use even the pointing in satsang as a strategy for itself. So it takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense of the ego itself.

So big, it's a big... like the biggest thing it has thrown. Yeah, because that it's a big belief itself. You can get out of mind, and it itself takes it up. And I see it, Father, but somehow it's not dropped. Like, you know what I'm saying? I see it, I see the mind playing, and but I can just keep playing and so let drop now. Like much mother, did you countries you like right now? Is this saying the same thing? Like it would today, the bending when you started long ago, fix this stuff. If you still fall with this one, going on like that though, you should do that cricket thing, baseball again. I've been doing like, 'Hit the road, Jack' is like holy Hitler. And sometimes it can get really funny. It gets very constricted, like really, because it sounds funny right now, but since I feel like the presence is here in my face, my face, so it tightens up so much. Like I... so it's like hold on company. But it's so real because at the same time I can just watch the whole play going on. Just watch it. Like I know it's not clear, but kind of strange. Like before satsang I would be identified and not really know that I'm watching, but now I know that I'm watching. It's very clear. And then it uses everything that it has heard, like, 'Oh, you were still enjoying the games, we are still...' I know everything like this, because everything like one after the other. Okay, there's one, but I'm not really complaining that much, but a smart night to buy it.

You say, 'Hit the road, Jack.' Okay. Or what do you say in Bangalore? Backdoor MC. This is willow. You're back to being a person again. Become the tape recorder would you eyes with my hand and that'll be good. So you're back to being a person again. You lost it, all the freedom that you had you lost. You believed too many times. Ah, nothing like you can't believe somebody else's thought. I can't believe what we're seeing content. Yeah, tonight leaving it. I was telling on and elect the one that got me like, 'You're addicted to your thoughts now.' That got me like... and then you can have to like really bring that lucky. The seeker itself was that kid saying, 'You're addicted to cigarettes.' Yes, and I saw it and I have to just bring back just like space to just watch it. Okay, you know there's a 'I' hiding in all this. Yeah, the one that doesn't like... yeah, I believe it. I just have to do this. I just have to bring it back.

Which one is this one? It almost feels like if I find this one, the one that's trying to protect not believing, if I leave this one then it will be a complete mess. I know it's not a mess now. Shame, sorry. If I don't rely on this one, then one will make a mess out of these. Like God wants to believe all the thoughts that you need to help you come out of it. Haha, yes.

A desire is called the seeker. I worry about everything that it's saying, like it says like, 'But the presence is not so strong anymore, and for the parents as weak, for the mind is bigger.' Normal, huh? And I believe it, Father, seriously. Like because Krishna's might be nice, no? What Krishna's not being nice? Wait, is that Kabir Ji?

Like when I really inquire, there's nobody else. What is this playing out? What's wrong?

If you need to rely on some idea from the past, then know that this is not the true you. We need to rely on the fact that something has been happening to me. You does not believe you, which you are talking about right here. What is here now? You know I'm here. Do you have a past? Unbound them, come way. Can't say I'm free, unbound. I go free in order that the concept apply to you. So does something change for this one? Is anybody else here?

But I can... I don't want to say there's nobody else here because there is someone. I can say I'm here. I'm going to speak some now because I don't want to speak from what I've seen before and I'm so clear that there's nobody else. Like I am here that dwells with you and I can say you're not here as whatever here, just only me. Yeah, there's only this.

So you say that this one doesn't have a past, cannot be bound or free. So what's wrong? It's the one that wants the appearance to be a certain way. Where is that one screaming? Screaming as what? Is it a thought? What is it screaming? What is it screaming? It wishes to speak out. What is screaming? Adorable. It screams so like a child, if it comes and starts screaming in front of you, will you become it? You can never be just a voice in your head. I can never become a thought, never. And one becoming just a bit when it screams, there's a buying and that's 'I am here to not die.' But then it also says, 'You've been going to hurt somebody.' Find out why this. Okay, don't buy it, it's gone. Next.

I'm not buying it now. I'm not buying it now. I'll be frank, when I go home there's a tendency to buy it, like buying out of fear mostly. And then what happens to you?

Nothing happens. The one that is saying that you must not buy it when you go home is also a thought. So I just buy it. If it's bar, that's what this one goes by now. What happened when I go home? Don't buy that. This is what I do when I go home. Don't buy that. When you say 'don't buy that,' immediately there's fear because it like in we did identification with the one that feels like... what is it? Exponentially director fear beyond. Okay, don't buy any interpretation of it. Who's getting scared? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Well, let the fear come now.

You want to be speaking from the mind, but you... the one that wants to know when I stopped believing thought is also the thought. Is let your Tallmadge Divya Tarzan nurses that was not by a king discipline. Aurelio, who came to satsang? Okay, degree something just like... it's like fighting this, like I am in satsang, drop everything seriously. Who? The one that came to satsang to drop everything, that one can leave. Who sees it? This one can leave or to live. This is very, very primal. Easy today, I came to satsang with this. I wanted freedom, I wanted to get to know myself. This is only the checklist. I came for this. And ultimately when it is... and ultimately to see that I am not getting any of this light being shown on me. Will this 'I' somebody, something just not what I came for? I really... or it says what I really wanted to drop this 'I'. Deciding this is gonna change because if it goes, then gonna be my god coming back up. This what was keep saying all kind of thing. It is so nice and now it's not so nice. So nice if I still doing here. It's time to go. Life is telling me, you know, oh good job, like how to do daughter Claire. Thank you. Would this one you like a kantak? Haha, cool. Kartik. Okay, who's good? Really no checking going on right now. Hey, what's going on? Who are you? Don't want to look at food and water coming. Who doesn't want to change? It's a blank like knowledge really like such. Who are you? Like receive a who you, which means it is me also black.

Time to go. Life is telling me, you know, 'Oh, good job.' Like how to do... Daughter Claire, thank you. Would this one you like? A Kantak? Haha, cool. Kartik. Okay. Who's good? You, you, you. Really, no checking going on right now. Hey, what's going on? Who are you? Don't want to look at food and water coming.

Who doesn't want to change? You. It's a blank like knowledge, really, like such. Who are you? Like, receive a 'who you,' which means it is me also blank.

Because first I wanting to say, when this one is not me, doesn't he like me? It doesn't conduct here, and then the fear comes out.

Sorry, I'm just not going to leave this. It there's like almost like a sense of doubt. What if I'm voting everybody? I'm not even here. I'm just not here. What did it mean that you want this conversation? I'm not... it doesn't either doesn't feel like me.

What does 'me' feel like?

I don't know. I just want to say there is no me. There is no me.

If there is no me, that is editable. You not until I buy a third country, not until I buy a third order to you buy at all. I don't think I'm gonna go by here. Pause. You want to go by phone? You're basing to me already seems like that. Yes, you're not making all the web. No, no, this is not at all. Yeah, don't go there. This one that's here doesn't call itself me at all. He that I always planet diver walk boys, it really doesn't exist together. I don't feel like calling this me. What am I? Why? But it tells me, but there's nothing personal about this I.

Beautiful. How is it supposed to feel? So steer the vehicles or talk. Almost like the sense of wanting to make up something. And this is what? This is also a thought. Yeah, 'I want to make up something' is also a thought. I might think to buy a broad funnel; this is also a thought. They reach into buy the thought that you are etching to buy without you. It's called habit.

Just recently moved back to my parents and we were talking about the beginning of satsang. We were saying if you feel your enlightens whether we can be a parent and because they seem shame. Robert Claire said there is an entirely all power of beliefs and the one who can believe at your feet forever, it has no value. Thank you. Harry is here. She says, 'The master, Father, may I come up next?'

You can come. Namaste.

And Father, there is so much running into my chest. Yes. And what is police and isness as something is running any effect? One time I heard something is running away, so there is an enormous fear of your power. And it's funny and at the same time, and there is a lot of sweetness. It's like I want to jump over and bite you like in like swallow the whole of you. And there is, Master, there is confusion and listening to your guidance at the same time. I see I'm not to identify myself with any of these, neither with the joy nor with the fear nor... and yes, may I have your guidance?

Just you have it. You say, 'I'm not to identify with any of these things.' And what is the way to identify? It is to believe what your thoughts are saying about them. So don't lie with any of this. And who are you now? Unidentified with all that is appearing, who are you?

Thank you for this. Thank you so much for that. I am no one.

Okay, very good. You want to... it looks like that I swallowed you. You as the beauty. This question, the 'Who am I,' I will salute you. Okay, make... No. Hello, my dear. Hello, long time no see. Just can you... yeah, can you, can you, can you hear well?

We can hear well. Is it a cool coming back to you or how is it for you?

No, yes, little bit, but let's, let's go through.

I just wanted to say I'm here with my, my beloved companion who you followed the story along, so she's here with me. She came and jumped in my, jumped into my treacherous life here, look. And I just wanted to say I'm having all my buttons pressed, so I'm really happy for that and I'm being tested completely. So I just wanted to introduce you to model of what you... the relationship research doesn't even press a button.

Absolutely, absolutely.

It's very, very clear to me, Ananta, that my holy experience of almost a year being separated has chiseled my true self distinct away from the personhood. And now that she's here, I feel so personally satisfied, you know, in body sensation, you know, the natural playing of life. But at the same time, there's a very strongly funded selfness here which is seeing the whole play from the mountaintop, you know, seeing very clearly from the position of truth, you know. So as I said to you, I'm feeling blessed by being challenged by her, by her fears and all those tigers and snakes that have, you know, challenged me as well along the way. So it's a bit like sharing from my truth with my beloved, you know, sharing and showing her the pit holes and showing her the invasive mind and how it works and how it will always come. And this is, this is beautiful. So I feel very happy to report that to you. And I've been watching Guruji's Rishikesh satsangs which I wasn't able to go this time, and I feel maybe who knows, maybe next year I feel we're going to all be together somehow. So I don't know if Mara would like to say something perhaps.

Now we're very happy. I feel own grace to be here. It's like this light, you know, like a spotlight, and it feels very nurture. And as I love this journey that I've been walking, I see myself join force, the self of the mountain. And I feel I mention the cessation, but it's okay now you stay here. And there's a few bits wrong because I feel like I'm literally it will be warm of Mother Earth. And as I allowed myself to be in this room, I'm encountering my mother's womb and it comes the issue of surviving. And it is okay, here's the womb. Do you want it for so long? Okay, you're in mother's, mother's, Mother Earth's womb. And I feel like I have to learn some the incidence from allowing myself to be totally empty and graceful. And as I do that, allows the functioning of this body to happen. But there is a part that I know it's not me that urge me to have this oasis and it's okay. So I'm this happening, no? Because don't all of us want to be awake? I want to be awake and like now, you know, and then comes wants to be awake. Listen are such, oh my god, I know, I know that I just have to relax. So I be, I want to be swallowed by this 'Who am I,' you know? And I enjoy very much pressing on his buttons and I, and I, and I came to a stage that I say, 'Okay, go on, press my fine, I'm not afraid anymore,' you know? So we came into a very nice stage of this relationship order. Okay, no more hiding, no nowhere to run. There's one thing that still is and it's love. I just love him, you know? I just realized that the business was always safe, everything went back and forth and love still here. And also it's a process of enlightenment, you know, relationship. I came into this, you know, I'm looking into myself as I give him all my fears, all my grades this long. So I don't know if there's a question inside here. Well, there is 'Who am I' silly if I may.

I just, just add something that we've been talking about a law which I think centralizes around the survival. And as you know, Ananta, I'm, I'm, I'm in this place here in this paradise in this... but I want to say more about the here now paradise, not the physical geographical which it is as well. But I'm very submitted to the trust that grace is taking care of me every split second of my life and I am tired of thinking that I run the game. And she, and now that now comes along with the sort of I would say is transmitting into this new space having had to live herself so many years by her own efforts and struggles and so forth. And the ping pong between us has been very much, yes, but she says, you know, she says, 'No, but let's we got to do this, mother took this, don't do that.' And I'm saying, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. Just come back to yourself. Is this coming from you or is it coming from some anxiety about the future?' About this, this is 100% clear for me. However, the buttons get pressed and I do find myself getting a little bit shaky sometimes as much as I love her because there's a jeopardizing energy of, 'Oh my god, if she wants to go there and do that project and leave this inverted commas paradise, I lose my beloved.' So I already got into some kind of strategy where I was doubting, yeah, doubting the so-called 100% trust that I had that everything is being taken care of, everything will be provided, food, shelter, and all the basic survival instincts that we have that drives this personhood. So we're on that level now where I'm being tested chronically, you know. Okay, you really believe this? I see, I'm seeing and I said that I do, I really do believe in a lazy man's way to enlightenment so to speak, but everything is being taken care of and I will not sell my soul. I will not sell my soul and myself. I know that if I stay in silence and I stand my heart, everything will be taken care of. And this is what I would love to share with her. And I felt that she had a little bit of a, you know, an itch, an itch, and I said, 'Baby, come to put this in the hot seat to Ananta.' And I could see from the smile in her face that she knew what the question was fundamentally about. So this is my joy. My joy is to transmit this grace trust that we are all being taken care of by just being silent, just being quiet, you know.

He could, very good. So very happy to hear from both of you. And actually she said something to me which is for me the best invitation where she said the urge is here to be swallowed up by the question 'Who am I?' And I'm actually very happy anytime I meet one who has this urge. And if you open to enquiring together until now we can check lamb because the recognition is always this instant easy. And this help me with your name underlies this... oh, I didn't get the name correctly. Can you, can you correct me? I'm sorry, sorry there was a blank.

It's Maura now, yeah. All right, all right now. Oh, that mouth in English call me Maura because they can say malware, so you can Farah mouth that I can work with Maura and see if I still don't get. Yeah, like Maura she, she, Ananta, she has a spiritual name if you find it easier, Chandini. Chandini MRI will be okay.

So with full integrity and honesty, if I was to ask you what is it that you be, you know? What are you? You say, what is it that you believe yourself to be now in full honesty, what would you see?

What I believe to be myself now? Presence. Presence, if I have in other words, you know, if there is a word for it, you know, presence will be the word.

Very good. It's very good. This presence, is it your experience or is it of good evening? Is it your hand? It is it your belief? Blissful experience is a searing experience, not a inaudible. I feel very good, very good. I am see like that. Very good. So if you are this presence, is there anything this presence... I see it showed me an image like a very subtle lake. Ah, okay. Let's make it even simpler for you because what you are doesn't even need any visualization or imagination. We don't need any of that. You simply come to terms with this presence. You just have to check and I stopped being now and you stopped being something, you know? So this being in here that kippa is here? Yes, yes, yes. So this being that is here, does it have a plan about life?

The presence doesn't have a plan.

Does it have a plan? Then who does? That's the doing rain for some time. Either there are two of you, I don't know, it is Maura or there is just a presence which is here. The presence doesn't have a plan, so there must also be a Maura, isn't it? So where is the Maura? This would be an outer where the mountain. Yes, yes, mouse here as well, here here as well in this the box for dnews Maura. Body is an expression of Maura, okay.

It is here. Does it have a plan about life? The presence doesn't have a plan. Does it have a plan? Then who does? That's the doing. For some time, either there are two of you—I don't know if it is Maura—or there is just a presence which is here. The presence doesn't have a plan, so there must also be a Maura, isn't it? So where is the Maura? This would be an outer... where the Maura... yes, yes, Maura is here as well. Here as well. In this, the box for the news, Maura. Body is an expression of Maura. Okay, so there is the presence and there is a Maura who has a plan, who has also this body, who has also these relationships, also has concern about security, what wants freedom. Yeah, cool. This power we must find now. Yes, the same Maura, no? The presence is already present, is already free. Yeah, is it business now?

And some good news is that in satsang for the last maybe more than two years, we had a thousand-dollar odd prize for anyone who can show me this person, Maura, and nobody has claimed it so far. In satsang for the last few years, you had a thousand-dollar prize for anyone who can show this person to me, a person to me, the power. So if you can show Maura, then you can make a thousand dollars now. Can you show who is not that? Who is Maura? Can you show you a now that is not a sense? But let me say I understood an answer. Just say you could be given a thousand dollars if you can show who Maura is right now. And elementa, who's Maura right now? Who is this Maura right now?

Now there is the one that is being fighting all this time. That's when all right, yes, I see she doesn't exist. I use it doesn't exist. Oh me, she is real. You show me she's real and hundred dollars.

Ananta says you don't exist. Now that does not show how I am with you existed, not exist. No, I totally right now that doesn't exist. It's being playing connected to the... it's been playing person, a Maura, belief and suffering, and suffering and sadness, and she doesn't exist. But if this presence is aware of his non-existence of Maura, why is still suffering happening? Because presence wanted a... as if it was Maura. And now if the urge is there to find out who you are, that means that presence doesn't want to play so much as Maura anymore. And you see that never wore all; it was just an idea. Just like we had so many ideas about ourselves, Maura also was another idea that we had about ourselves. Now something there must be getting tired of the idea, therefore the urge has come. And in this question 'Who am I?' this Maura, they get swallowed up and only the presence will remain.

The body is not Maura. Yourself say body is not Maura because body is not interested in future plan, is not interested in relationship, is not interested in money in the bank account, and is definitely not interested in freedom. The body cannot be Maura. This one I already tell you. If Maura does not exist, but you can prove me wrong. Look for this Maura. Prove me wrong. And after looking and looking, if you see that there is no Maura, there's only presence, I am the presence in all this trouble. Both future and relationship and even about freedom will not bother you because as a presence you are untouched by any of this. So it is a wrong idea that we had about ourselves which was 'I am a person.' Now we see that there is actually no person. It never was. Need God presence pretending as if it is the person. I know that's the truth. Everything you think, it's like yes, the presence says yes, is the truth. The truth there was known even before you said it. It is, it's always being here, right?

But then comes this voice, come this voice again, and it's my mind's voice. And that then this mind says, 'Yes, but you have a body that needs to be supported. You know, you want to have this presence where you need to function.' Yes, so this what it is, the cause of all the trouble. Because what it is saying actually is saying that the presence can't take care of the body. The presence is that useless that it can't take care of the body? Therefore a Maura, which never existed, is not here, that one must come to take care of the body? How can the non-existent one take care of anything? Only that which exists. If the presence itself is running this entire universe, not just the body, so much right now is happening in the body. The heart is beating, all the processes are happening, millions and millions of cells are moving about. Is Maura doing them or is it that which is doing it? Who's breathing now? Who's beating the heart? Who's digesting the food? There is nothing that Maura can do because Maura never existed. And the good news is that you know this already. They just let the voice of your mind still get some belief from you sometimes. This belief will stop and you will find that everything continues to flow as it was meant to, as the presence wants it to.

So the mind will come and say, 'But if you just behave in the presence, if you just experience the presence in your life, it will become terrible without Maura of your whole life.' But God is returning your lives; there has been no Maura. Jesus. So the real question 'Who am I?' is this: to check, am I Maura or am I the presence? And mind will do everything in its power to take you away from this question. Not just the mind actually, even then everything around you also might seem to want to push your buttons even more, make war even more badly, become more and more distracting away from this looking. Easy, because the ego is scared of this looking, because the discovery is so simple. And if you just look, you will see it is true already. You are saying it's true, but the mind will come up with its games. You say, 'But what about this? But why is it like this?' You know, all kinds of things. And it is in the believing of this mind that we have believed ourselves to be somebody that doesn't exist. And as you drop the belief in this mind, you will see that life continues to go on very beautifully. You see, everything continues to move as it has always done. It's just that the mind was coming and taking credit or blame for what was happening. Now without this, you see everything is a beautiful unfolding. Everything will be unfolding very beautifully.

By the way, I want to tell you both, which Maura will be a little more happy with me hearing than Nick will be maybe: neutrality. Neutrality is what we are talking about. It is not plan or no plan, because even when we say no plans, it is planning not to plan. You see, when away or no plan is a plan not to plan. So it is neither planning or no planning. It is neither of two. It is the neutrality of the allowing everything to come, including the appearance of the plan if it has to, or the non-appearance of the plan if it doesn't have to. You see? So we must not plan to not plan or plan to plan, right? The mind cannot fathom this. Mind to fathom and you move it. And you must not feel like now I have a plan to tell him something. Reality, everything is allowed to flow by itself. So it is neither walking left nor not walking left. It is a simple allowing, and then you will see that it is this presence, it is grace which is taking care of everything, commuting nothing or not planning. So you don't have to burden yourself even with this idea of whether to plan or not. It is none of our business. It is for presence to do so. No aversion to planning and no desire for planning. That is neutrality.

Thanks. Thanks, Ananta, for pressing that one because it really, really is one of my sensitive buttons. But having you said that—and she'll pinch me afterwards if I don't talk about it now—so there is such a beautiful space in being empty that this one here, to be quite honest with you, does not feel at the moment any plan for anything more than what's being given to me and what is unfolding. And now that you said that, I'm very aware, perhaps more than before, but I think there was a certain effort to not plan. But now, for example, Maura has come and everything, so things are taking a different course, you know? They're naturally developing towards moving to a small little apartment and, you know, and these things are the changes that are happening. So I do understand where you're coming from. I'm open to that. I just want to say that I'm pretty clear that what you're saying about not planning and not not planning, you know, so I'm open to the flow.

But I just want to undermine that this is one of these funny characteristics about finding one's presence itself, that you're so happy with so little that there's no great ambition for anything. For example, I'm a good artist. I'm good. I have no ambition but is so strong that it wrenches me out of the presence and takes me off into some gallivanting future of stardom and money and, you know, it just doesn't happen, you know? However, using that expression, using that example, I'm starting to doodle again. I'm starting to very timidly kind of play with little drawings and stuff. And this is what I'm saying: it's coming by itself. There's no desire and there's no no-desire, but there is at the same time there's no stress about leaving the very presence of this moment, you know?

And so of course, I'm a tremendous... this is interesting because, you know, having lived so many years with Expressionism and vivid experience of Osho and, you know, come to realize now that he in fact has brought me to the eloquent, to the simplicity and exquisite beauty of Ramana Maharshi, which is there's not so much necessity to jump around and experience. And it's been done. It's gone. I'm more happy with just being, you know? So, you know, from the outside it looks, 'Oh my god, he's lost his bearings, you know? He used to be such a colorful guy and they used to live everything and be the total Zorba the Buddha, you know, and now become a good-for-nothing,' you know? But it's not true. It's not true. I'm much happier in being. The food tastes nicer, the air smells sweeter, I can hear the songs of the birds. And at the same time, there's no one here that is expecting something.

It's just like we talked before, you know, when I was with Tony Parsons, I understood his message to the extent that there's no Nick here to be seeing what's happening. It's just happening. It's just happening. Oh my god, it's wonderful to not be here. It's just happening, you know? And so I just want to make that report. But it's become ever so clear here that, and you know what, at the end of the day, who the hell cares? Who the hell is here to care which direction life goes? You know, I'm done. I'm done. I'm finished. I don't have a survival instinct anymore. This is... oh my god, oh my god, I'm going to get lost because I can tell you, to be more lost than I've been, I think it's impossible. So if anything here is found or said to be found, it's this. It's just business. It's a relaxation of just being, just being, you know? It's nowhere to go. It's just here. This is it. This is it. This is it, you know?

Maura was saying, 'Oh, you're so... you're enlightened,' you know, or 'So you got it.' And as you know, suffering still happens. I still wake up in the morning with a bad back pain. I still get my buttons pushed by you when you say, 'Oh, but Shristi in the tent today?' or 'Should we move to the apartment?' or 'Oh my god, what if it rains?' you know? And I'm just saying, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Just stay in the moment. It hasn't rained yet, you know? We've been taken care of. We have food. What is the problem? Where is the problem?' And it's the thought, you know? As you say, don't believe your next thought. And as soon as you catch the next thought, you can see its trickery. It's total... it's a lie, right? It's trying to bring all your personhood up again and go, 'See, see, I told you,' you know? It's death and fear comes and the body trembles. And I'm telling her my body still trembles, my body still pains, but I am not the body. I'm not displaying. So I'm getting this clarity, you know, where a distance is being created where there's enormous gaps between any kind of invasive thought or mind and the magic of...

As soon as you catch the next thought, you can see its trickery. It's total—it's a lie, right? He's trying to bring all your personhood up again and go, 'See, see, I told you.' You know, it's death, and fear comes and the body trembles. And I'm telling her, my body still trembles, my body still pains, but I am not the body. I'm not this play. So I'm getting this clarity, you know, where a distance is being created, where there's enormous gaps between any kind of invasive thought or mind. And the magic of it, Ananta, is that more and more and more magic and grace and beauty happens. And more and more and more, the inflictions of mind and the tests, you know, that life provokes you with to see if you're awake, they also are fewer and fewer and fewer. And to talk about this to someone who is... it's just impossible. It's, you know, it's impossible. So this is a joy that I can only share with you and with beloveds who are listening. And, you know, and to encourage, you know, that just stay with—stay with not knowing. Just stay in the vulnerability. You know, this is for me, it's skiing. Just stay wonderful, stay open, stay innocent, and stay in the I Am presence and everything will dissolve. Everything will melt away. Everything will resume its eternal deathless... but it—this is a myth. It's a complete myth. This is one such thing is that it's not such me, you know.

You know, feel something, and maybe most of you've heard this story actually, but many years ago before I met Guruji, I used to go to Ramesh Ji also. So one day I asked Ramesh this question: 'Who am I?' and 'This inquiry and these contemplations, I'm so attracted to them and I find so much beauty in them, but how do I explain to my wife? Because I asked her, let's look at this together, and she's just not interested because she's talking about her day and what she wants to do tomorrow and these things.' And he said something which helped me a lot. He said, 'Let her come to you when she has a question. Don't try to convince her of something. Don't try to change her mind about something. Just don't do it.' And especially between partners, you know, I've seen that that openness is very, very rare, especially for questions like 'Who am I?' especially if when the relationship started it wasn't based on this kind of urge for self-discovery. When you later, one partner finds this urge is there, the other one naturally does not feel inclined to it, you see. And if a little bit is there, that is also grace which is coming. So I have an offer for you: you don't try to convince her about anything. Let her come to the satsang once in a while and we will work together with her and see how it goes.

Well then, well then, well then, let me tell you that I hear you loud and clear and that has been perceived here as well. And we have such a—we have an eight-year relationship of tremendous intimacy and love and very joyful innocence. And in that, in that space, we naturally come to what you're saying now. So I'm happy to say this together in front of her and she feels that very much. And so thank you.

Very good, very good. You have beautiful... I can see already between the two of you, very beautiful something you have among yourselves. So don't mess it up now by trying to convey. I know, I also know the temptation in the words to bring those who are close to us to the same thing that we are happening—that's happening to us. The unfolding which is happening here, the dissolution of the personhood. I know that I work very well, but usually when you try to move that way in a relationship which is of partners, of equals in a sense, then something reacts to this. Like my wife would start feeling like I am trying to become her teacher or something like that, which she didn't enjoy. It's very good that if she can come to satsang, and I'm sure I already sense a lot of openness in how to look at things. I'm very happy if we can look together a few times and you can just leave each other, enjoy your life, what is going on. Very beautiful. Thank you, thank you. Love you here.

Love you, my love. Okay, let me get it for the chairlift. Thank you, Father, for such a strong and beautiful satsang.

Thank you, my dear. And I mean, do you want to come? You can come. Ready first, everyone.

My dear, I'm feeling a bit restless for a couple of days. The forces of the identity, they are very, very strong and I am caught up in the mind play, in intellectual understanding of the concepts like, you know, how nothing becomes everything, how everything becomes nothing and all that stuff. So I think I got into reading the books on Advaita and I think there is some kind of an expectations, the same kind of like checklist kind of thing. And if I—so all these things, you know, they are not my natural state. My natural state is if I—it is not even the I Am-ness. My natural state is simply nothingness, no thoughts, nothing. And it is pure tranquility, silence. That is where I want to be all the time. Yes. And for whatever reasons, I told you like the last four or five days I had gone out of the house, my apartment at all—I'm not going out. You have inward. I have not been—I have not been going out of my apartment for quite some time. So somehow this—this like, I don't want to learn anything now, including the satsangs. Everything just bypasses. Today I was listening to one Papaji satsang and he said that in satsangs there is nothing to be remembered. The memory does not come in the picture. And same thing Bhagavan Mooji also told me. So I seem to be, you know, having some kind of forced seeking now. You know, I am tired of, you know, even this game also of coming back home. Yes, I feel very exhausted actually. I do not want to play this game of coming back home also. Very good. I just—I just want to be with I. I don't want to, you know, do anything now. And somehow, whatever be the reason, in fact, any amount of rest is less for me because when it does not cause any sensations in the body, the body does not get tired and there is less attention to the physical body and the mind. And with the rest, you know, everything comes into the equilibrium. Om. So I want to ask, still there—there is still, in fact, you know, a very strong identity. And now, ten years back when I was with the Kundalini Siddha Guru and she told me in such an authoritative language that 'You are too attached to your body.' And the—like the mantra, in fact, you know, it has gone down deep into every cell of my being. So I'm not able to shake it off. So every time, like if there is a disturbance from my natural state, I feel that I'm too attached to my body. And there was a very good satsang by Omkar today. I don't know if you, you know, Ramanaware, if he talks. He was not casting off the body, yes, yes. Hello, very good. He'll watch his—he'll watch his people. It's a very good thing, in fact. And he was talking about, you know, Manasa. Everything falls into place at the right time. You just think of it, 'I want to know this,' and it is there. It is there. Everything is happening perfectly, you know, perfectly timed and everything is happening perfectly also. So I just want to ask now, should I just—my apartment for longer? Should I just get—yes, huh? He said I mean, unnecessarily actually I'm dragging, you know, I am dragging, dragging, dragging myself. My mind does not want to think. It is—it has become incapable of thinking. It has become incapable of doing any job, any matter. If the memory does not work and when it says, 'Why don't you give me a rest? I want you to die,' I say, 'No, you cannot die as of now because I still want to play with you.' Yes, it is I dragging the seeker around you. Tired of dragging the seeker around you. Let it go. It's very good. Then, then actually in such a state, in such a state, I mean, the words do not matter. I have so many concepts in my mind as of now. I was reading, you know, Ramana Maharshi's book today and there is so much, you know, confusion in that. Mooji, he also uses words, you know, interchangeably: consciousness, awareness, and superconscious, man, supreme, and all that stuff. It is such a spiritual noise, actually. It is such a spiritual noise. Immediately, like, you know, in the wink of an eye, I can go to this that there is nothing and there is total quiet, this peace. And it is so nice, it is so nice. Even the word is not felt, the word is not felt. And I don't care what is there or it is not there. I don't care what other thoughts are there, the body is there, anything is there. I do not have to do something like this, like, you know, something is happening on the screen of the consciousness and all that stuff. Nothing. One big step and I am in the awareness, awareness of nothingness. That's all. There is nothing. And if I continue this state, I go into Samadhi also. So whatever—what I'm like doing, the actually in suffering and other other things, I'm reading the books and I feel like, you know, as if like it is a, you know, the silence before the storm of the death. Like it is slowly happening, it is slowly happening. And I am quiet, I am very quiet. No problem. So let it happen.

These kind of images, they come. So as you say something about this all this form which is appearing as the Master and the forms which are appearing as words are pointers to the formless which you say that is very apparent to you. The formless reality that you are is so apparent to you that the need for words is not so much now. This is completely fine, nothing wrong with that. Because the point of the words, all these satsangs that appear, are thorns. These are pointings. They're not a reality which is being spoken of because the reality cannot really be spoken out of anyway. So it is about your discovery which you are talking about, of course. So you can drop all this gathering of spiritual concepts and ideas and reading things. All of that can fall away. Don't pick up any fresh new spiritual idea also, not needed. In fact, there is no desire left. We will know the truth or the reality in—because you, when you are experiencing the truth for yourself, then to know it mentally, what—what joy is there in knowing it mentally? Nothing. But at the same time, it is so much anxiety, you know. All these mental disorders are there, OCD is there, you know, the obsessive thoughts and all that stuff is there. And there are medicines which have side effects also. All those things are also there.

Yes, this was not—they are not bothering anyone because you are not suffering from any of this. They are just appearances in front of you which are coming and going. You see, we might have a concept sometimes that, 'So because I am free, or getting freedom, I am getting insights about who I truly am, then my car should never break down.' So the body is just like an expensive car, no? Very precise, beautiful instrument which is there, but the body is just the body. It will break down. All these things will happen. Different different expressions of consciousness have different different afflictions on the body. There is nobody—at least nobody that we can credibly say—had a body forever with no afflictions. They are bound to be. So you have this variety. It's okay.

Like when these kind of experiences are not new to me, they have been there for decades, but I never—I thought, and the resulting thing was that I lost interest in everything. And this was misdiagnosed as a depression around that time. There were hardly any medicines for the depression, yes. And I started questioning, you know, why, why, why? What is happening? Why this is happening? So I got engaged in the mind loop which was not required at that particular time. Somehow I was not ready, otherwise the help was always available. Somehow I was not ready, maybe I just wanted to play a bit more. I feel like, you know, that clarity of the mind is gone now. It is just impossible to think now. If I do any contemplation with you and if I watch it, I sometimes wonder, in fact, you know, I spoke those words. So I will continue to come in the person, of course, there is no doubt about it. So I have four reflections now. The very first section which I got from Bhagavan Mooji is that you don't touch the 'I'. He told me, 'Don't touch...'

Available somehow. I was not ready, maybe I just wanted to play a bit more. I feel like, you know, that clarity of the mind is gone now. It is just impossible to think now. If I do any contemplation with you and if I watch it, I sometimes wonder. In fact, you know, I spoke those words, so I will continue to come in the person, of course, there is no doubt about it. So I have four reflections now. The very first reflection which I got from Bhagwan Mooji is that you don't touch the 'I'. He told me, 'Don't touch the I.' And then he said, next year satsang, he said, 'Just be silent. You remain silent.' And the next year he told me that, 'You just remain in the heart.' And fourth is coming from me, that I should keep on attending the satsang and as you have told me today, I should just drop everything. Let's do... can you hear me, Father?

Actually, your voice is breaking and your video is also frozen. Yes, okay. Let the light come back. Let's try. Yeah, if the disconnection was there. Did we describe... okay, you can put it back on, it's come back. The light's come back. Okay, we lost electricity here a minute.

That's right. I can hear you, Father. You can now? No? Okay, that... yeah, I can hear you very good. Yeah, okay. The video is also here. No, here it is. Your body is saying... wait me till you come. So I continue like this? Yes, yes, yes. It's very good. But the fear of the death, it stays there. This identity has not gone anywhere. Now your audio is not very clear, my dear. The fear of death... okay, what I... this is still too much, you know, samskara stuff. I mean, they're still there, lots of them, lots of them. So when they come up, actually there is a lot of garbage inside. There is so much stuff, there is so much stuff. So if it starts, it will take me many lifetimes. I just wanted to be burnt like, you know, just blow it off, just blow it off. Nothing remains. What you say as the white fire, I don't know how it will happen. I don't know how it will happen. Will it happen with manonasa? Will it happen with manonasa?

But manonasa is very easy, actually. Manonasa is very, very easy. Manonasa is nothing, actually, because you are talking about something which does not exist at all. So something which does not exist, it is so simple to actually... you know, where is the need to kill it? Where is the need to kill it?

One thing I want to ask you, that is, you say there are only two ways. One, I mean, in manonasa there are only two ways: one is the complete surrender or the self-inquiry. It is not like 50/50? No, no, I was hearing your... it is not possible for us to have the sense of surrender and self-inquiry? Both are possible?

What I said was it cannot be this half-surrender, that 'Oh, You are the doer but I am the experiencer' or 'All the good things You are doing but all the bad things I am doing' or 'All the good things I am doing but the bad things You are doing to me.' This is half-surrender, you see? So if you surrender, then this surrender is everything is God's problem, Master's problem. And if this surrender is not happening, then better self-inquire and find out who is here. That's what I meant by not completely... not that they cannot do both. We can do both. We can be surrendered and we can have the inquiry.

Okay, okay. That is a good clarification, thank you. So still, when somebody says 'You are God, you are God,' it just does not go down because of... it just does not go down. And actually, so white fire also says, 'Burn me until nothing is left other than God.' What is your perspective with respect to yourself? Do you feel you are God?

Yes, I feel that God is here and ultimately I witness even God.

Yes, yes, that is fine because I am... this is God. I am, this is God, and higher than God is nothingness. So this is my direct experience and seeing this or being a witness of it, or rather witnessing it, that experience is also there. But God has attributes. In this, God has attributes or not? You say you witness it, so you can answer.

No, for me there is no God. There is no God because God is still the form of the forms, actually. What we... I think probably I should use the word 'deity,' not 'God.' I should just use the word 'deity.' So the witness of the God, actually, is a very delicate thing. And I can see that I am awareness or witnessing, but when somebody says, 'Look, you are the witness of the God,' how can I be witness of the God? No, no, God is higher than me, you know that. So how to break this belief? Because this belief is very deep-embedded in the Indian cultures or I think probably in any culture. So how do you break this belief? This is a very big, bigger obstacle, actually.

Okay, okay. So then we let go of all beliefs. Then even this belief does not stay. If we are still believing ourselves to be something, if we are believing ourselves to be awareness which is higher than God, completely ourselves higher than Atma, then that belief will get pushed around with former beliefs, old beliefs, other people's beliefs, beliefs in books, you see? So but when we drop all beliefs and when we rely on only our direct experience, then no belief can shake what is direct experience, you know? So don't have to counter any belief, don't have to work with any beliefs, don't have to believe any new things. Just remain with your direct experience and all beliefs will get washed away on their own. What is the use of any beliefs? Just to either convince yourself or convince someone else. No point. We've left all that far behind now. So even this conditioning will go. We don't have to be in a rush for anything at all. Just rely on your direct experience and then even this belief is not required, actually.

Father, I couldn't hear your voice at all. Okay, is it like that for everyone or you can hear? Okay, okay. So I feel the answer is the recording will be there, so if you can look at it, we can continue our conversation after that. Okay, no problem. When you say that you're a witness of the God, then how does the surrender come? I mean, I've seen you apply tilak and other things on Navratri. I've seen you applying tilak on your heart, right? So I mean... okay, on the very first day of the Navratri, you were applying tilak. Okay, you had the tilak also, very good.

I don't remember it, but it's possible, yeah. So am I... it was because she invited us for satsang there and her grandmother had put some tilak on me. I remember this one, but it's possible. I have no illusion to doing tilak or something.

So how does the surrender happen? I mean, once you are witnessing something, so does the ego come in that, like, you know, you are the supreme now, you have realized the highest state, whatever you call it? So why should you worship God? But I've seen bhajans and other things, you know, they are just happening naturally. So can you throw some light on this?

Okay, okay. So this last point we look at before we... I know Asima had also said she wanted to come up. So if the sense comes that 'I am God' or the sense comes that 'I am that which is higher than God,' but if it is taken personally, what does that mean? It means that I have come to the realization that I am God and therefore now I'm something special, or I have come to some special realization, you see? Then that is false. The realization is that this is the way it has always been and there is nothing special in this because there is nobody here. There are no people here. There's nothing special about this. So it is God Himself playing personally and God Himself coming to the recognition of God's own source. So God playing with themselves, what is there to feel special or ego is taken that nothing is there? So this, if it comes like that, if it becomes conceptual, the 'I am person' idea is replaced by an idea that 'I am God' or an idea that 'I am higher than God,' then that idea will cause more trouble than anything else in this world. If you feel that we suffered personally, then there is no higher way to suffer than to suffer from the concept of the person coming to a realization of being higher than God, you see? So there's a little ego elevation. It is simple seeing that all there is is this awareness within which even the play of consciousness happens. Then there is nothing special or extraordinary about it. It's as simple as simple checking and seeing 'Who am I?' Nothing extraordinary in this. So it is not a person who has come to the realization of who he is, and the person never existed, actually. That is the realization. Thank you, my dear. Asima can come, she's been waiting for some time.

Can you hear me? I'll go a little... I'll play again. Can you hear me now? Yes, very clear and good to see you, Father. Please, same here, my blessing. And also super good to see the Sangha there. Still down in Bangalore, anything? Yes, yes, we can. And I just want to share with you this that is happening here these days because, I don't know, I am in a house all alone and in a small village near... and I want to see nothing, no one to see, no one to speak to, and very in silence. And somehow life has provided you with this now. I even have the wish or the interest to be in satsang with you guys or also like with Mooji. I mean, they invite me sometimes and I went, but now it's like one week that satsang is very like close. So it's like this and this, just be quiet and look inside and just experience here. But somehow I joined today because I want to see, like, they come here from you, like what do you think about... let you think it, but we feel a lot this like, is it of it? I just feel like to kind of train to be empty and to drop whatever is in the mind. The mind, of course, I never had anything to be busy in, and the more I stay in silence, the more I'm alone, the more it is like this. Not can be crazy and I'm dropping me. So going out for walks, just walking and just be by myself. So I just want to hear what do you think. Thank you.

Very good. So just to find out a little bit, because I haven't seen you in a few days, this sense of wanting to be by yourself can come from the sense of individual existence or it can come as an intuitive sense also.

It's nice. It's like the person that doesn't like so much to be alone and it's feeling bored and wants to see, like, someone here to sometimes, you know, the prayer to talk to. But it feels good to me, something that is, I think, speaking on its own and it is right somehow. I'm right, like, it's like the time to really look inside myself and not always drinking, drinking from Sangha. And I think there's a lot of story... yes, feels good. But also I want to check about this thing about like being or not... I just get bored. I'm sorry to say this, that nothingness with arrogance, just is honest. I just get bored about like listening to other people's things and I don't know, this kind of distraction.

It's very strong, starting to come to satsang and wanting to hear Master speak because Master tends to hear... on and on and on, but even this is opportunity, you see? So sometimes I can also notice the energies of boredom or even the sense that 'Why doesn't this person just keep quiet more?' or something like this. I can sense there's energy and I still somehow feel to let it play out. It's because that is also pressing some buttons, you see, which are not... because otherwise with me, I am so open and so... I'm so open to life, so open to life. I'm open to everything, anything can happen. Someone can come and talk my head off. Do you think I'm not open to any wrong question in satsang? This all gets tested when people are coming with reports and testimonies and long, long things, questions. Sometimes I let it play out and sometimes I say, 'Okay, stop.' So I just want to check within myself. Very good. So check within yourself now and tell me who you are.

I am the witness of everything that is happening now.

You are the witness. And what do you look like? If I have to be honest, that before getting into the space of the soreness, I feel that I'm like an... and I like the person who wants to be the...

It all gets pasted when people are coming with reports and testimonies, long, long things, questions. Sometimes I let it play out and sometimes you say, 'Okay, stop.' So I just want to check within myself.

Very good. So check within yourself now and tell me who you are.

I am the witness of everything that is happening now.

You are the witness. And what do you look like?

If I have to be honest, before getting into the space of the soreness, I feel like there is a person who wants to be the witness. And this is a person that wants to be the witness, but is there a religious portion? This is actually a person there, but I don't know anything anymore. It's simple.

There's a bit of a lag, that's why we're not able to talk easily. But what I'm saying is, if we don't need to know anything for this, it is just this idea that there is a person who is trying to be the witness. Either it is experienced now, or it is not experienced, or it is just an idea. It must be one of the two. Have we found such a person who wants to be the witness?

The question... just tell me that I'm supposed to be by myself and look or something. You're not enjoying this question? I am, from that day that I discovered this, I'm doing this more and more, but it's not stable. It's like just dropping everything because there is this sense of... I don't know. I'm sorry if I'm avoiding maybe your question, but I cannot focus on it. So that is the center of worship and that's going to just drop everything and then keep... so good. Like this silence and emptiness, like so good. But then there's something like, 'I found it.' And also I'm not sure if it's like avoiding satsang or avoiding looking, but it feels so good for the first time in my life maybe to just drop this. Like, I can drop everything and I'm good. So I don't know.

That's what we need to check a little bit. You need to check on that a little bit because many times in India especially, you could find that many leave their houses, go live in a cave because they say, 'We want to be at peace, we want to be alone, we want to just be with the Self.' But actually what they want to do is avoid the world. So it can be coming from there. But sometimes there's also this very natural sense of, 'I just want to be with myself, I just want to experience myself.' So if it is coming like this, it is coming naturally. And yet when we try to look for this 'who' within yourself right now, something you see is a little bit not happy, or just something is resisting the looking. So maybe you just tell me: when you are alone and you're looking inside yourself, how does that feel? Does that also have some resistance, or is that free?

After some time. Like when I start meditating, when I start looking, in the beginning there is the resisting. But if I stay, then there is a moment when everything drops and it's like, 'Okay, I'm in the moment now. I mean the now.' And there is nothing which is a problem or a fear or even an identity, maybe. I don't know. Everything is right in the sense of like everything is okay. And as I told you, like, it is good to be like this, I feel. But now in a short while I will have to go to work and leave, so it's not enough silence because I have to be there in the world. So yes, I will do it like very soon. I don't know, should I continue like this or instead like this satsang? I don't know, something is not...

Yes, what is it that bothers you about satsang? Is it—be honest—is it just the questioners, or is it also something saying, 'Oh, the same stuff again and again, you know, I'm not really getting it, better sit with myself'? What is it? Mental soap which is coming like this, or what is it really?

No, I promise it's not mental. It's okay. If I have to be honest, like sometimes, I don't know why, but every time I come to this satsang, there's someone speaking for a long time and I'm just bored. I'm sorry. And then additionally, I will wait and then like, 'Okay, I just want to hear your voice,' but then there's someone else speaking. So I say, 'Okay.' And I'm listening to other things, Mooji, Papaji... not so much actually. Sometimes I just feel like we've made it so much harder than it is. Actually, there's nothing really here now.

No, you're here now. Oh yes. What is here now? There are some fears that come from the future, or for the future. So the fear which is coming, is it really touching what is here now? Is it really bothering that?

No. No, but like the mind is talking as if it seems like really going a bit crazy with this.

Yes. Does that mind going crazy, does it affect what is here now?

No, but it's like I have to look and just confirm there is no... because the state which is like, I have to make some effort all the time to like, 'No, okay, I'm here and not that.' Because very easily the attention goes to those things. Like when I wake up and it's like already... so I have to put the attention on me, on the Presence, and okay, there is nothing, it's okay. So it's all very long like this. So I'm bringing back attention in this big house all alone, so it's like this play.

So just leave your attention fully free right now. Let's see what happens. Leave it fully free. Let it go wherever it wants. Let it go to emotions, let it go to thoughts, let it go wherever it wants. Don't try to control your attention at all. Let whatever is appearing, appear. It's okay.

Nothing. Yes, actually there's a lot more trouble to try and control attention too much. If we leave it, then it is very naturally attached to what we are. We're not doing anything as long as we are not believing any ideas about ourselves. The movement of attention cannot make us suffer.

Yes, I can believe... like I follow a little bit. Like when attention goes off, I follow for degrees and then I start to think. And I think it's through, and I start to find a job and all about this thing. But it's not important, the content. It's like it always finds something. Like in every moment of my life, there's something that seems important in this moment.

What are you believing about that? Just anything that you're believing about yourself right now is not true. Anything that you have to be alone is not true. That you have to be in satsang is not true. That you have to get a job is not true. That you don't have to get a job is also not true. Nothing that you're believing about yourself is true. Is it okay to be without any of these stories?

I am that and I am good. Yes, I am the goodness. Then there is so much richness in the now. Anything can happen. Yeah, it's so good. Like, I just want to stay like this, but you know, please take this away also.

Okay, even this 'I want to stay like this.' The one who says this can never stay like this, and the one who is staying forever like this cannot leave this. It's always like this. Because this, I think, is like the absence of someone, the absence of the non-existent one. This someone never really existed as you. And you cannot become unaware. You cannot stop being. So you are always staying like this. This is your reality. It's your original state. Even if attention is going here and there, you are only this. It is only what you are believing yourself to be, only what you are identifying yourself to be, that causes this seeming movement or this seeming suffering. In fact, you cannot leave. You don't have to stay. You don't have to try to stay. Try to leave and show me how you left.

It's just the idea. Others use of fear, right? They don't... that I'm not here. But the one... what is here is always here. It does not leave.

Yes, it's in here. Is it so now? If you don't hold on to any thought, it should be easy by now. If you don't hold on, then now for you it should be quite easy to drop the ideas because you've been in satsang so long. Don't play with any ideas. It's no fun anymore. Don't have any conclusions also. You're not saying, 'Tomorrow I want to go to satsang' or 'not go to satsang.' Every moment is fresh. You have no idea what is next. Make no conclusion about anything. Any conclusion is a trap.

Yes. Oh, thank you, Father. Welcome. I do. So if you don't see me in satsang, it's not out of arrogance or out of... I don't know. It's like, I don't know. Maybe if I know you are the Self, or some way maybe what I feel is that being away from you or being physically away, it is strengthening the presence in my heart of you and Mooji. Don't make any conclusion. You take this one... I think too much.

No, it is that this one also can be a trap. Even the most glorious conclusions are just traps. Don't know anything. You say, 'It's better I don't do anything.' Then don't know even all these things. Even that, be without any idea. They don't know if they will be in satsang. Maybe after this, after tomorrow, it's like being in satsang every day, or maybe I don't see you for a long time. Both are a wonderful appearance in this movie. You don't know anything at all.

I don't know yet. Since I decided, it is so open and empty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Okay, good. A long time, but one brother has a question which I want to take there. So, how to move out of the very troublesome idea that the ego takes on as 'I am God'? All right. So, the troublesome idea of the ego takes on as 'I am God' or 'I am Presence.' If that is what intellectually has happened, yes, I often refer to this as one of the trickiest tricks of the mind, which convinces you—finally tries to convince you—that 'I am' itself is a person, and it also tries to convince you that 'I am God' as a person. But when we come to this recognition of the Presence, when we see that being is here, we find that there is nothing personal about this Presence. There is nothing special or arrogant about this Presence. It just simply is. It is just being.

So if it is left like this, with no specialness, no arrogance, just as a seeing that Presence is here, then this is our direct experience. It is not intellectual. And so I have given you this question: Can you stop being now? When we look at this, 'Can you stop being? Can I stop being?' it is clear that being is here. Presence is here. I exist. This sense of existence is not an intellectual inference, is it? It is direct experience. And this will not lead to arrogance because it is also seen that it has always been this. There is nothing special in this. It is not dependent on any thought or idea I have about myself. The Presence is not even dependent on the idea 'I am Presence.' It is not dependent on the idea 'I am God.' It's just here. It just is.

So we don't have any need or any use for even the idea 'I am God.' Yes, we stay with our direct experience of what is, and then the Presence itself rids itself of all these ideas about itself. It's your belief. You know that it is not true because truth does not need beliefs. As I keep saying, you don't need to believe anything I'm saying in satsang. You can just check for yourself. You don't need to believe me when I say the sun comes from the east, because you can check for yourself. So all of what is shared in satsang, it is pointing you to check for yourselves and to see. So when it is your direct experience that 'I am,' then is there any need for the thought 'I am'? There is no need for the thought 'I am' when the Presence itself is directly perceived. No thought is needed, no belief is needed, no knowledge is needed. You can actually throw everything away, and that which cannot be thrown away is you.

Yes. Yes, you can come. Thank you. Thank you. Well, namaste. So I'm taking all of this in and it feels very clear and understood. And then it comes up as well, it is personally taken. Is it personally understood, or is it... and there's a lot of clutter and noise. Yes. And as of recently, the thoughts and ideas to travel and be close to Moojiji have come up. And I even read a Papaji quote yesterday about if you can find a master in a physical form, do everything you can to be in his presence until it is seen that...

Yes, you can come. Thank you, thank you. Well, namaste. So, I'm taking all of this in and it feels very clear and understood, and then it comes up as well: is it personally taken? Is it personally understood? Or is it... and there's a lot of clutter and noise. Yes. And as of recently, the thoughts and ideas to travel and be close to Moojiji have come up. I even read a Papaji quote yesterday about if you can find a master in a physical form, do everything you can to be in his presence until it is seen that you and the master are one. Yes, or take advantage of that. And I don't want to get too personal, but yes, the personal situation has been financially burdensome, and maybe my key has been... has explained a bit to you, I'm not sure how much you talk about it. Yeah, but this urge is still there and I can't tell if it's personal or if it's grace just pulling and pulling. I kind of just wanted to expose this, Father, finally.

Very good, very good. So, you thought large is true, that the fulfillment of the urge is also the problem of the one that created the urge. If the longing is true, then it is also the problem of the one that created the longing to fulfill the longing. So, grace is taking care of all of this. If grace has created the urge for self-discovery, it is also going to provide all the tools which are needed for you to come to the fulfillment of that recognition of the Self. There is nothing that you have to do mentally to figure this out now. You don't have to make any plans also. If the urge is real, if the urge for self-discovery is real—and of course it is, because you have been in satsang a few times now, therefore something is there which wants to discover, to recognize its own source—then nothing phenomenal can get in the way of that. And even if the world seemingly is resisting that, it is actually giving you only fuel. It's only giving you momentum fuel for this fire. Easy. So, collect whatever fuel you're getting and throw it in the fire of your self-inquiry. And in this way, we use all appearances to transcend these appearances. Use all thoughts to transcend thoughts. So, you don't have to worry about any of this. Grace itself is taking care of this. It cannot be that grace gives us the urge for self-discovery, or a true urge for self-discovery, and then leaves us without the means to figure it out, the means to see it for ourselves. So, as a person, there is nothing you need to do about it. As God, you are already doing everything. And as the witness of this entire play, you are actually completely unconcerned.

Within you, it seems like... like this thing has been heard so much, yeah, like over and over and over, that it's almost been taken. That's where that question I wrote to you came up. Like, the idea has been taken for years of sitting in satsang with Mooji, and it's like reached a point where it just... it seems so intellectual. I just don't know what to do. Like, put effort to pull back completely? No effort? Continue inquiring? Drop it all? It's like there's a barrier of understanding, it seems.

All... if there's a sense that 'I can do or not do something,' all you have to do is not believe your next thought. No matter how glorious or how terrible it might seem, that's it, actually.

So what is the thought? See, really, from the waking moment... but this is all charged, this little bit.

I just say don't believe your next thought. I didn't even say all thoughts. I just say the next one. Thought itself condenses.

But what do I do about my morning thoughts? Something just wanted to keep asking questions and saying this and this, and just watching like this. There's nothing other than not believing it?

Yes, that's a bullet. Hey, good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I do... can I just say one sentence? Yes, I'll do it again. I'm glad you can take medicine, that's a joke. I so much enjoy this inquiry altogether and just have to surrender. And I'm just very, very grateful and I love you very clearly.

Good. I love you too very much. A good... a good cue. Okay, thank you all so very much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Moojiji ki Jai. Thank you, my dear.