The Feeling 'I Am in the Body' - 29th March 2016

So I don't find the 'I am the body' idea so much trouble. I feel that the 'I am the person,' 'I am the ego,' 'I'm a separate entity' idea, which relies on this shape of the body, the appearance of the body for confirmation—that much we can say. This 'I am the person' idea relies on this body as some sort of a confirmation of separate existence, that we can say, you see. But just the feeling that 'I am the body' is not so much trouble is my feeling. But I'm open; if you feel differently, I'm open.

Okay, a different question comes to my mind. Like, what is the relationship between awareness and I-amness?

Yes, yes. The presence is also witnessed by awareness, you see, although it is made up of awareness itself. So if we start the other way, many of us have had this experience—in fact, all of us in our sleep have this experience—that awareness is all there is. There is no phenomena; not even the sense 'I am' is there. So awareness is all there is, and then when that which we call the waking state comes, we find that a being is here, the sense 'I am' is here. So if awareness was all there is, what must being be made of? Awareness itself. But just that it plays qualitatively differently, you see. That's why I use the example of water and ice: that it is all water, you see, but it has the ability to form this more qualitatively seemingly tangible presence called being. That's why my Master calls it the dynamic aspect of the same one awareness, which is what we call Consciousness, beingness.

But you know that there was nothing, there was no thing, and then this being was there in that which we call the waking state. So this that is aware that there was no phenomena and then there was this primal phenomena, that remains unchanged, you see.

Is there awareness? There is no phenomenon?

Yes, yes. Because nobody told you that in your sleep there was nothing; you know it, you see. This knowingness itself is awareness.

But could it be an inference once you wake up?

An inference would mean that you use the mind, you see. Inference means what? That a thought comes, you buy it, and that becomes an inference. No, it's like right now if you fall asleep—it's so boring what I'm saying that you just go like this—and you wake up like, 'Sorry, sorry, I fell asleep,' without even the thought coming and saying that you fell asleep or something like that. You know it. Yes. So this knowing is prior to the thought of whether you were asleep or not. So it is not an inference, you see. Even if you ask a child who has not fully developed the language enough to make these inferences and things like this, he'll say, 'I went to sleep, now I just woke up. The class was so boring, I went to sleep.' Kids know; even children know. They're not trying to infer anything. So this knowingness, you see, you say that there was nothing and then a dream came—it is your direct experience. It is not a mental inference. That which knows a dream came, that which knows waking came, that also knows that nothing was there.

Here, I mean, there has been a practice of, you know, just being aware. Being aware of the body, being aware of the sensations. Because I'm not so much... I wouldn't want to believe anything. I know you don't ask us to believe in anything.

Yes, I myself am like that. I don't want to believe anything unless I see it for myself. Very good.

So I tend to believe more in sensations rather than in thoughts, or I rely or I put my money on sensation rather than on ideas.

Okay, let's look at this together. A sensation can come without the interpretation of that sensation. What is there to believe or not? Nothing. There is nothing to believe, you see, but it can be seen; it can be witnessed. Yes. But belief can only be applied to concepts, and concepts only come from thoughts. So it is not the belief that you're talking about; it is the true contemplation of direct experience, which I'm very happy to hear. Because if it is like I was saying on the first day, that if all that happens is that you came with one set of beliefs and you leave with another set of beliefs, then it is not really what we are talking about, you see. The world is full like that. Every class, everything that you attend, every training, everything is like, 'I'm going to give you a new set of beliefs.' Here is the dropping of all of these ideas and beliefs, and to see that without any attributes, without any conditions to your presence, then you find you truly discover what you are.

Yeah, that has been the attempt, but still I feel something is not seen. Still there's an urge to inquire.

Yes, so this urge is also seen. This urge is seen. Who is the witness of this urge?

I can't name it.

Can there be an urge without the presence of the being? No. All the tasting that happens in this phenomenal realm is phenomenally perceived by being itself. This we can check, you see. Like you drink some water, it's experienced as cold or hot, you see. You touch the chair, it is experienced, you see. All of this is happening on the screen of being, in the space of being, in the presence of being. Nothing is experienced outside of this sense of I-amness, you see. So this is the phenomenal perceiving which is happening in being, by being. But there is a knowingness of this, there is an awareness of this which knows even of the presence or absence of being. It's very simple what I'm saying, you know. The mind can say, 'Okay, this is getting abstract now.' It's not. I'm just saying that you know that this phenomenal perceiving is happening. This knowingness itself, you see, is unchanging.

So that which knows that this phenomena is being experienced, that which knows this entire play is being experienced, that is what you are. And like you said, you must not believe anything I'm saying. You can use it as a pointer and check for yourself. And if you find that your experience is something different from this, then you must come up and say, 'What do you mean, knowing of this?' And then you'll discover actually it is simpler than anything what your mind was trying to tell you about it. It is very natural what I'm speaking, you see. 'I know that I am is here' is the same as saying 'I know I am here.' So then just what is being said like this, you check for yourself if it resonates. And if you find any dissonance, then you come up and say, 'Ananta, I don't find what... what is this? What do you mean by this?' It's good, because everything I'm saying is actually the inquiry, you see. Everything that I'm saying is the inquiry.

They seem to go parallel, you know? The awareness of the inquiry and inquiry itself. The urge to inquire.

Yes, the urge to inquire is phenomenally perceived in the presence of being, and there's knowing of this entire thing which remains unchanged whether the urge is there or not, isn't it? So what is more original to you? Is it this knowingness, or is it the play of this beingness? What seems like it is more intimate? What seems like it is closer?

Some form of emptiness, I think. Yes, but it doesn't feel like anything.

Yes, exactly! Exactly. This emptiness or nothingness is your original state. It is that which witnesses even the sleep state. That knowingness of all states which come and go. This one has no size, no shape, no form. That's why it doesn't feel like anything. For it to feel like something, it has to have some quality, you see. But it is the being within which all qualities appear and disappear. This is prior to that. I'll just let that sink in. Yes, yes. This checking—not obsessively or anything, just as a joy—just to check: Who am I? Am I aware now? This, and the recognition comes instantly, you see, is the dropping of the conditioning itself. The false conditioning that I was this person, this ego—all of this is dropping very harmoniously in this inquiry.