Sharing Satsang - Devika's Report - 15 May 2015

Okay, I again, I don't know, I don't know what to say really other than something I've been thinking about in the last couple of days is two days ago I had a terrible day. I was really, really angry with the kids. I'd had too much. I was crying. It was just everything I tried to achieve just completely collapsed. I couldn't do anything right, not one thing. And then yesterday I had exactly the opposite day where everything flowed and everything worked and everything seemed easy. And I found that those two days were just the same. There was absolutely no difference between those two days and everything just arose as it arose. And sometimes things don't work maybe as my mind imagines they should work, and sometimes they coincidentally do, but it just all comes up and it's all perfection. Even being angry with the kids, even just completely losing it, it's all and it's all the same thing. It's not even any different when things flow or when things don't work, you know, in inverted commas. It's just the same thing. And I imagine trying to explain this to anyone other than my beautiful family here and it does sound like crazy talk, I understand, but I know that you will... you're perfectly...

It's very beautiful because when you start looking and everything looks like grace, so even these levels of terrible and very good then drop because everything is just grace. Just appearing very obviously, very perfectly. And I know what you mean, that to those who are not in Satsang it can seem like complete crazy talk.

I'm just... I thank you just for the ease with which everything has happened since I met you. You always say so beautifully that you knew me before I knew you, and that's exactly what it feels like. It feels like there was that recognition and that just simple beautiful grace, and things couldn't have possibly happened any other way. And ever since I was really small, I used to ask these big, big questions. I never expected to get an answer. Like I said earlier, like 'Why am I me and no one else?' and it was almost like I could see myself and my sister and my mum from a distance. Why is it in this body and nothing else? And I didn't even have the words to express the things like how the universe is infinite. Is there something outside the universe? All these seemingly scientific questions that would just buzz around. And every answer to every question is in you. It's just there, to the point where the questions just don't even bother coming up anymore because it's just all self-evident and just all perfection. I never imagined that something like this could happen, and yet here it is. It's so obvious and so all that's left is just love and gratitude. That's it.

And I also like this very much. Similarly, I've always been a bit of this kind of questioner, you know? Because I used to hear about, okay, the universe is constantly expanding, so immediately this question would come: 'If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?' This kind of thing. And then it was like, maybe Einstein asked this first or I don't know whether it came here, so it was like: suppose you could invent a spaceship which is really fast and could get to the edge of the universe, and then this spaceman sort of takes his head out from the edge of the universe, what will he see when he goes beyond the edge of the universe? No, these kind of questions, they've always been fascinating. No, it just didn't seem to make any sense if the universe is expanding, but expanding into what? There must be some space for it to expand. That's why it's very funny for me when someone says, 'But I am scientific, that's why I'm not spiritual.'

Exactly, exactly. It's all the same thing. So like I'm saying, it's so clear in your presence. Everything becomes clear, and sometimes that clarity is that the questions don't even need to be asked. That's sometimes what the clarity brings. And it's just perfect. I don't have any words towards the things. I don't think I ever could.