Rest in the Not-Knowing - 7th November 2017

So let's do this. Not-knowing is a very restful place. 'I don't know who I am.' It's beautiful. It is open. If you switch from one conceptual room to another conceptual room, again it's the same guy, which is the same guy within different disguises. So we don't have to worry about whether I have the right concept. And if you feel that you are not coming to the recognition in your inquiry, see, that is what I am happy to do together. This is what we do every day. It is just that our expectation of what we will recognize... we feel that you will come to the Self as if the Self is also some object. Whatever object is being perceived, who is aware of that? What is aware of that? What is the one that witnesses all things, the one that is aware of all the states? The waking state, the dream state, the dreamless sleep state—is that an object in these states? How are you so sure about this? How are you so sure that you are this body? How are you so sure that you are the owner of just this body? How do you know that you are not the light of this entire universe? Just because this mind tells you? Is it not worthwhile to question this mind a little bit?

Listening to the mind, what have you got? Fear about death, fear of the next moment, fear of the future, the idea that you have a start and end, the idea that you were born, you will die. All these have been the cues from the mind. The idea that you did something wrong, the idea that you can do something right. How long you want to play with these concepts? And you're free to, you see, as long as you like. But Mukti is a discrepancy if what you're claiming is that 'I am done with these concepts.' If you feel that you're done with these concepts, then notice that actually they have no power over you. Are you really done with the play of this name and form?

Somebody said the other day, very nice, Krishna if I'm not mistaken, said, 'Father, it is when we say person, it seems to generalize it to people. When I ask myself, am I done with the play of Jitesh, am I done with the play of Krishna, then it becomes really... the question becomes really clear.' Because just like the ego, which we become like a very generalized concept, and most people in the world actually believe that they are not egoistic. We talk to people generally on the roads or something, you feel like you're egoistic? 'No, no, I am not egoistic. My partner, you should meet them, they are really...' Ego has been confused to be the sense of arrogance or pride. Can you ask them, 'But you consider yourself a person?' 'Of course, I'm a good person,' like that. So then, like that, ego seems to generalize the concept. They mean this person idea. Because we use it every day in satsang, then we can say, 'Okay, that is just the person. The person comes.' See, I'm done with the person. Sometimes it's good to put that name in the box which you identify with the most and say, 'Are you done with that one?'

If there was a book, a story of this one, a novel was being written, and then the novel had this very theme, and we came to satsang today and nothing happened, but you give up on writing the novel and you agree with that ending, this mid-sentence? It's strong. 'I came to satsang, it started off very nice, Bhajan was there, and...' Don't, fellows. Are you still wondering what is going to happen to this one that you consider yourself to be? Where is the halo? Where are the followers? What satsang will emerge from your mouth? This means our belief system into any closed focus. If this moment was the end of all stories you heard about that name, would you be okay with that? Not to be seen as anything special, not to also be seen as anything terrible. Neither 'got it' nor 'did you get it.' But I'm pointing you to your notionless existence. Are you still waiting for a notion about yourself? Are you still waiting for that 'Yes, I got it' or 'Why don't I get it?' It is neither, you see. It is still a case of the mistaken identity. The 'I,' there is no individual anywhere. It is not even your experience. It is only one word to just another sensation in your being which is programmed to convince you of your limited self.

Everything else is playing with its position. This is good. So it is not that we're checking consistency, she's checking. So who is done with the play or not? One must ask the question. The question is whether the consciousness itself is done with the play or not. Because the power of belief in the claim, the power of belief in the story, belongs only to this consciousness. This is nothing but the Self, but in its dynamic. We can't say, can't come ask you, yes, it is just the response to the invitation to play. What happens signifies whether we are done with the play. So if the offer came, 'You do this thing for the next 300 days and you will be an enlightened person,' will you take that offer? Because you know that there is no such thing as an enlightened person. What you are already is more than complete, is all there is.

What is this trouble, actually? If in satsang there is a struggle, what is the struggle? I am saying you're all there is, you are God, you're complete, you are no bird. 'I am something limited and I want to be God,' or 'I am not getting to God,' or 'I am God but in a personal way.' I'm saying why you have to do all that? You are God. Doesn't believe that. But the thing, good thing is that here what I am saying doesn't have to be believed. What the mind is saying has to be believed. What I am saying, this can be checked. Is there anything outside of you? Unless you create first a mental boundary about where you are or what you are, show me what is outside and what is God. This truth can be checked. The false is the presumption that a sensation which is the body—and many bodies we experience, you see—but the sensation which is the body actually defines the boundary for me is just an interpretation. It is not the truth. It is experienced as a sensation. I mean, the experience itself, it is clear that I contain the sensation; the sensation doesn't contain me. This is your direct experience.

I can't even translate it in precise words, but your mind will come and say, 'See, see, this sensation is you. This is your boundary.' Without that, you be. You don't have this concept because which I have, I'm not there. It's a different way, different... you can seem like it's a new way of looking, but actually what has happened is that in our prior way, when the looking was happening and the perceiving was happening, it was constantly accompanied by this concept: 'What's in it for me?' You see? 'So should I pay attention to this organization? Oh, is there something in this? Who you are? Are you learning something? Now you get like that.' You see? 'What I'm watching, is it based on that? Where are you going? What am I getting?' So it was constantly in the maha-mantra of the ego, which is 'What's in it for me?'

Now that is being told to me to drop it away. For some time, you might be using the opposite concept to neutralize the first concept, which is that 'There is no me here' or 'I am not this.' But ultimately you will see that even that is a concept and you don't need that concept. There is no 'me' to live your life in a new way, to see things in a new way. And you are empty of any notion. What is here? And yet you are hearing these words. There is no individual person on which these words are landing. In your naturalness, this is your truth. You don't need to... if it feels helpful for a while, we can. That's why even in satsang we can tell you the opposite. So one day I will say that you are not the doer at all. One day I will tell you, 'Just do the inquiry, you can do it.' Why? Because I want you to drop both concepts of doership and non-doership. The point is to come to this neutrality spontaneously.

The common sense, firstly, know that there is nothing to fix because otherwise you will give birth to this check again. We will say, 'Okay, when I do this, when I use this concept of this happens to me, when I use this concept in the me, a child disappears, when I use...' So I can be invented in this way also. The benchmarking report card, I was constantly in this. So then we go from inference to insight. So that is the words of your intuitive presence. You were to just concept you, now you are seeing that I have no boundary, there is no limitation. This is the voice of your intuition, the Satguru, a divine presence in your heart. And this intuitive presence can be trusted. If there is still some confusion about whether it is mind posing as intuition, then forget about it. Or the intuition is not in a rush. You will see that the qualitative difference between the mental thought and your intuitive words will be so clear that this intuitive voice does not want me to take a position, you see? Accompanied by so much spaciousness, in no rush, it is accompanied by the person out of peace, contentment, and...

The divine presence in your heart and this intuitive presence can be trusted. If there is still some confusion about whether it is mind posing as intuition, then forget about it. The intuition is not in a rush. You will see that the qualitative difference between the mental thought and your intuitive voice will be so clear. This intuitive voice does not want me to take a position. It is accompanied by so much spaciousness; it is in no rush. It is accompanied by the presence of peace, contentment, and you find that there is love there. Then you know that it cannot be the ego. Why is it known? Where is it? Why ignore it? So, for some time, don't you make any conclusion about yourself or about the mind's possibilities. No conclusion about yourself, no conclusion about the quality of the warnings, what it is trying to do. It is just clouds in this sky coming and going. We are not checking whether it's green or the land, but that's why we're not taking on the quality at all, because that can become a new habit which we become. So, this coming and going, there's nothing to be attached to it.

So, you try it for a few days. Allow me to make the conclusion. You don't make any conclusion about anything. It will be like every minute I behave like... so you let all of this be my problem. Whether it is a natural condition, whether it is easy, it is difficult, whether it is whatever. Otherwise, this reporter guy, this checker guy, he will take everything that you hear even in satsang and make a new task for you to do or to check on, create another row on your report card. Say these words: even this myself is the noticing of it, is the dropping of it easy? You don't have to notice and drop. When you say, 'When I catch myself listen to the voice,' that itself is the dropping of it. The subsequent interpretation is not. Yes, it's wrong. It won't make any conclusion about it because we're emptying out all places, all concepts where you can make a conclusion about yourself and rest on that. And this way, now I'm talking more or I'm picking a place... you can't make any of these conclusions. No interpretation about yourself is valid because actually, we don't know any of this.

We don't really know whether there was a past at all. You don't know whether you actually came here on a bike or a car at all. Just like in a dream, you land in a dream. It could be the first dream moment you are experiencing, but does it feel like you start every dream with amnesia? You recognize the people around you. Somebody was asking, 'How did you get here?' If this was the first moment of your dream and I said, 'How did you get here?' you'd say, 'Yes, Father, I came in the vehicle.' It's completely possible for us to have this interaction in it, which is the same as this which we call the dream state also. So, we don't know anything about the past, and this one will readily admit we don't know what the future is going to be like. So, better not to have any conclusion even about what happened or that you who came on the bike. So, we are making a conclusion about some other one. This is the thing: you don't even have to do all this exercise when you see that you are empty of all conclusions just now.

And I'm here to hold your hand through this period of wobbliness. I figure out a concept: 'How can I survive? What will happen to my life?' The fear of death, the fear of the unknown—in many ways it comes like this. And our motivation is to jump onto these concepts. 'Oh, I didn't understand something, you know, I want to hug that and stay with that, whatever knowledge I've picked up.' Yeah, then there's also a reaction to that fear itself. But very few will tell you in this world that I'm not teaching you anything at all. The words that are being used here are so that you can empty your conceptual baggage, not to make a new religion out of this. Empty yourself of all conceptual baggage. If it is shaky and if you feel like you need to hold someone's hand, hold on. If you want to hold my hand, it is perfectly fine physically. But I'm here to tell you that if you go through this wobbliness for a little bit as you start to get used to it, then it's free. This conclusion also is fine. Now, for a few days, you are not to make any conclusion about everything it is, because I can recognize when the checker guy is taking notes. This emptiness, as I said, I don't know where this ring or only my business. Taste it, taste it, but don't label it. Even really good things, spaciousness, come like that, but to interpret it and to put it in a report card is not required. Spaciousness will come; let that be what is happening with you. Let it not be the concern of your mind even, all of this.

See, now you remain empty of any conclusion, not even about what is resolved. Then there is undeniable... this is what I found at my Father's feet. Sure, like this openness is not the best word, but when this openness was discovered, it did not come with the conclusion that 'I want to open right now' or not even the sense that 'there's so much space here.' Even this idea... suppose you did not know what if any other thing we can hold, but it's not that. Does it really even... although I say this also very often, that it's so regular, it's very ordinary. Okay, but let's really get into it now. That which you are finding yourself to be, can you apply any label to it with full integrity? Okay, so suppose I were to say that it is extraordinary. Let me also try to be the lawyer for the extraordinary for some time and see if I can select it. It is, but it cannot be seen. It is, but it has no attribute, no quality. It is without all this light and sound, and yet it is the witness of all things. It is nothing, and yet all intelligence arises from it. It is nothing, and yet without it, no things are perceived. Without saying that actually, because it is completely empty of quality, we can say on one hand it is completely ordinary, like you said, but at the same time, you can say it is so extraordinary.

As I was saying that actually, it's just like resolution is one of the characters in the movie, and then we can say individual. And if you see this, then you'll also see that the play seen is not necessarily always compliant with the mind's idea of the operator. But you will find that one day, when just sent objectivity is there, you will find that no matter what was given to me or taken away, even phenomenal as the character in the movie, you will have this report one day. And you will say—and it could be today—you say that no matter what was given to me, no matter what was taken away, what mistakes I made, what mistakes others made in my life, in this life I've had through this thing of coming to the Satguru's feet, nothing is worth more than that. So, what can I hold in my heart? It's to have gratitude for this grace. So, even out of the play of the character in the movie comes to this beautiful and full... and then you know at the end of the play what happens? Everybody, even though at the end of the play, all the protagonists, all the ones who were in it, join hands and they bow together. All the actors, the seeming quiet doesn't just create... you realize that at the end you come to this one. Then you see that you're grateful for your own aspects for doing, seemingly doing all this to you and putting you in all the suffering. And I can see this full confidence about the POV you become because even before you came to this earth, you were.

Pranam, Guruji. You said exactly the same thing what I observed in almost everyone, including myself in the past, that we drop one set of concepts and pick up another set of concepts, the so-called spiritual concepts. I'm so loving this process of shedding of everything that happened to be true. Very good. And you say it's not done with the play of name and form, want to play more. I also observed that the answer, the solution to all the issues and questions, is that we become the person again. I'm loving this process of self-awareness, coming into awareness every now and then since we get lost in the play most of the time. Sometimes I see that this seeing also happens from two places. I'm not sure if this is my imagination or true; this is what I want to check with you. Sometimes I am away from the place of the witness being the subject and phenomena being the object, but sometimes it feels like the awareness is itself being observed and no more in the place. The awareness itself becomes like an object that is observed, that is observing the world.

Beautiful. That is so. What happens is that in this phenomenal state here, that which we call the waking state, then if there is a power which is available here which is like a distant cousin of awareness, which is called attention. It's a cousin because it is quite similar; it does not have a color, it does not have a shape, it does not have a silence. So, when attention moves, suppose it moves from here to here, then it seems like different objects come to life. And as attention does something, it can feel like 'I went there. I went to my talk, I went into imagination, I was daydreaming, I was with this person, I was in satsang.' So basically, it is so intimate that we confuse it with 'I' very often. So, this is what we are talking about. One is this attention, which is the power of phenomenal perceiving that brings phenomenal objects to life, and it is so intimate to the self that it can seem like it is 'I'.

So, this perceiving... if you were to check, 'Okay, where is this attention reporting back to?' then you will find that it is reporting to the Self. This is unchangeable. Whether the attention went on this or the attention went on that, or the attention came to even the presence, where is the content of what this attention is bringing? Where is it being delivered? Who is attention reporting to? Then you will find that it reaches the Self. And this Self is always aware of the movement of attention. We get caught up in the content of the attention and we feel like we are there. So, that is one like perceiving, where you feel like 'I am the content of what I am perceiving.' And sometimes it is clear, saying that whatever this attention might be bringing to me, it is only... I am just the Self. So, when we identify with the content of our attention, it can feel like we are an object. When we see that I'm empty, empty of all boundary, empty of any physical attribute, I cannot make a picture of myself.

So, this is your non-phenomenal, non-experience experience of the Self. If you feel that there is an object which you're finding which is awareness itself, then find out what is aware of that. Find out what is aware of that, and you will see that that which is aware of any object ultimately itself is not an object, and yet it is you. This is the beauty of satsang. And you see that you are not an object, and yet you are. This is the most ordinary and the most extraordinary discovery that you make. Ordinary because it has always been this; there is nothing special in this. And extraordinary because you wonder how you ever considered yourself to be an object. That which is beyond all states, beyond all gunas, attributes, qualities, any label that you can put onto yourself—this is what you are discovering yourself to be in this most straightforward, direct manner. In no rush, no feeling meant to get it now or something like... all these can come and go as you know. Coming to satsang, finding that what is being pointed to is just so obvious in its truth. Get this dropping of the mind, which can seem a bit wobbly. Dropping all conclusions from the mind can seem a bit wonky. We're going from old position to no position. All positions are being discarded until any reference point about yourself... you see, because nobody will be there to this discovery that you are awareness. Nobody will be there. Then the mind will come and say, 'Yes, yes, I saw it,' you know, with that one that goes voice. This is not you. Easy. So, you will find Shanti beyond any concept of Shanti, peace beyond any peace which can be, joy beyond any concept of joy, beyond any object of joy, beyond even the joy of your holy presence.

No new position. All positions are being discarded until any reference point about yourself, you see, because nobody will be there to this discovery that you are awareness. Nobody will be there. Then the mind will come and say, 'Yes, yes, I saw it.' You know, with that one that goes, 'This is not you.' Easy. So you will find it. Shanti beyond any concept of Shanti. Peace beyond any peace which can be. Joy beyond any concept of joy, beyond any object of joy, beyond even the joy of your holy presence, joy of the truth. This position is motionless existence.

Is it all right to play? But usually when this motion comes and I can get myself out of this table, and that is how you prolong it. And it is—what's it to me? I to do that was created this vocal innocence. He must be wobbling and he will sort of anxious. But if the 'I' comes in, 'I can,' then that is a way of prolonging. The mind itself takes it. So I find that I am not wobbly. It's just wobbliness which is happening before. I don't have to do anything about it.

See, like you cannot really prolong because, like with everything, anything else phenomenal, it is based on... so that is that is to go outward manifestation of this inner wobbliness. The color of the cloud is free on effect. Is that ultimately it only boils down to the will of consciousness? If it wants to play as the wobbly one, it plays the wobbly one. So there is between when we say 'grace of the master' and the 'play of consciousness' actually, because that is basically the Guru's will. Consciousness is what is clear. So it wants to play as limited entity fighting this problem as personal to play as there. But the funny thing is that in the play, upon hearing this, usually some peace can come. That is also part of the design of the play. The Guru's grace or the seemingly undeserved blessing that we get in the presence of the master is also part of the overall design of grace. It's outside of that, make it different quality or different beauty. So play nevertheless, but with play which is unaccompanied by the idea that this is a personal play. And it was to this scene that we... this is just a play of consciousness being in this, playing with light and sound, being is playing with all these gunas and qualities, being is playing with all of this state. So waking and dreaming and sleep, then a new experience would be accompanied by this constant 'what's in it for me, what's in it for me' motion. I was playing it as if I'm a person and that was also part of God. Now I'm playing it without the personal baggage, without this heavy, and it has a different lightness to it. And as long as consciousness works for that play to continue...

Being done with play and form has been done for me by a higher power. I am flying to India and don't even know why.

Yes, this is a very beautiful sense of surrender there. 'I don't know why, I'm just finding that I'm booking the tickets and it's finding that all this.' You see, now what will happen is that this sense of me which right now is identified with this body on which a higher force is seemingly acting, this will also fade away. You will not be able to give any meanness to this body. You will find that this light which is running this, yet awareness is also me. At which position is that which is aware of even this light, of this high, of this consciousness, this power for me ultimately is also another coming and going. It is myself, but it is the playful part of myself, that which wants to play with itself as if these qualities are you. So I have to point this out to you is that when you will get stuck in this perspective that 'I am just a small chair being moved around by God,' and the problem with that perspective is that the chair can also feel like the victim sometimes. It says, 'Why does God do this to me?' Or it can pick up some arrogance and say, 'Oh, I am God's special child, He always takes me to the best places.' So neither the victimhood nor the sense of specialness. You are that which is moved around in this world. Without you, life is unfolding.

To clarify, if I have not put my 'yes' okay, yes every now and then, but then sometimes it feels like, you know, even that thing that is aware of those particular thoughts is being looked at. So I'm not sure if there are two places of seeing or I'm really not sure of anything. I'm just...