One of the Subtlest Tricks of the Ego - 26th April 2016
Saar (Essence)
Ananta guides a seeker to recognize that the ego is a non-existent concept and that the one who fears identification is just another mental construct trying to use spiritual teachings as a defense.
The ego is never there. Because I believe myself to be a cat doesn't make me a cat.
The mind takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense for the ego itself.
Who is the one that is scared of identification? Can you survive without any belief?
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
So as I was saying this before satsang started, suddenly some of this was coming and the mind was coming in saying, 'How can you be happy?' The 'who' is back. The 'who' is back means what? I just... another thought. You're just like getting clearer. Like even before, there was never any ego. I don't know if you... it's like there's a lot more thoughts than probably back then. The ego is never there as such, never ever there, but it's trying to give me a... that you are attaching more to thoughts, or to leave thoughts, or not attaching to this thought. Exactly. I don't want... I could be in the mind for quite a while and it feels like something wants to be there and it's not nice, but I don't know what's going on.
Because the ego never existed, it's really never there. It's not there, or whatever they're doing. But sometimes I feel like I'm operating from identifying from a thought and it's happening. Okay, let's look at this together. What is the ego? The ego is having the sense of a personal existence. The sense of having a personal existence is not possible without buying into a thought or a concept of myself. But even when the concept is bought, it doesn't mean that the ego actually comes into existence. It's a very good... so because I'm believing myself to be a cat doesn't make me a cat. So now if your belief comes back to all the cat thoughts, can you actually become a cat?
No. So it is the mind itself, thoughts themselves saying, 'What are you so happy about? You're a cat again.' Yeah, it is actually possible. I see that's not possible. See that I don't like... there's this guy that doesn't like being identified.
Yes, okay. So which 'I' is that?
That's what I've been trying to find, Father, because this one I cannot clearly find. But there is a big problem identifying with the one that doesn't like being somebody, an ego. And it itself is kind of getting into a loop, you see? What is the person that doesn't want the person to exist? And not able to get out of that.
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You're out of it now. You are out of it now.
Yeah, then they keep taking now. Oh, now, now. It becomes like a non-stop also. The day... it's not naturally... I'm not complaining with it what I see, Father. And then there are really like moments when I check, like you say, with integrity, and then I see that nobody else is here. And I see that all this heart wants is to be in truth, like in order to live as truth. And then, and then when I'm about running throughout the day, then it's like again the whole burden of 'Oh, you're identifying with this.' This identity comes back. But it's very key: I don't want to identify.
Who does identity... who has any identity belong to? You say, 'I don't want to identify and I am not happy there.' Belief is going back to thoughts and there's so many more thoughts here now. 'I don't like it.' So the one that can get identified is which one that's here? So I'm the director, yeah? Me. Things are long. It's okay. Okay, so which one is that? Just one. Let's see. I'm saying what it is. Is it the same one you think that 'I run about all day' or something like this? The one that feels so constricted throughout the day because it's so scared that it's gonna believe thoughts?
Okay, the one who's scared.
So the one who is scared of thoughts... do you... does the one who has the power of belief... I don't like... it's like...
You don't like, or you don't like the one who has a power of belief?
Good. Not liking that might not be a great idea. This is there, like something opened up there. Is there one who has the power of belief? Is there another one who's scared of identification? It feels like that there are going to be two, right? So now let's find out which one is the true one first. Let's see who has the power of belief.
The one that is here. I have the power of belief.
Now who's running scared of disbelief? You want to look at that? Because I don't know... I must look anytime... this is a good tip. Any time you feel like 'I don't want to look at this,' it feels almost like I'm believing thoughts, and this one that doesn't want to believe thoughts, and I give more character to the one that doesn't want to believe thoughts. Which one is this that is running scared of thoughts?
So the one that does not want to believe thoughts, is that itself not to be believed? Can I survive without any belief?
No. So it is the belief itself. So if this is what... one of the subtlest tricks of the mind is: it tries to use even the pointing in satsang as a strategy for itself. So it takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense to the ego itself. So it's a bit like the biggest thing it has drawn. You could bet it's like belief itself. You can get out of mind, and it itself takes it up. And I see Father, but somehow it's not dropped. Like, you know what I'm saying? I see it. I see the mind playing and what I can just keep playing and...
So let it drop now. Right now, it's Father. Can you...?
It's not you. It looks like noise. Just saying the same thing like today. Depending when you start something, I go fix this stuff if you still fall with this one.
The Thread Continues
These satsangs touch the same silence.
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