No Appearance Has Ever Stayed Forever - 8th November 2017

But once we start putting these concepts—body, mind, me, other—it is theoretical grouping up of various perceptions and saying 'this is this' and 'this is that.' Ultimately, as I was saying yesterday, even this consciousness, awareness, it is theoretical concepts to define that which is our primal experience. So actually, there is only the Self. And you find that there is the available witnessing awareness that is not moving, it is not changing. What is it aware of? That it is aware of itself and that which seems to be changing. So actually, our experience is one. When our first theoretical distinction comes, then awareness and consciousness... actually only one Self. Like I say, one hand. But we take this qualitative distinction and we say, 'Okay, this is consciousness, these are moving, this is awareness.' And the rest of it is all about this moving, all the set of moving perceptions, changing images on the screen of itself. And we have made these distinctions of body, mind, me, other. And once the distinction remains, then the concepts of desire and doership.

If I am just a limited object, then I would like to be more. I'd like to be bigger than I am, so I want something. And if I want something, I have to do something to get it. But none of this is the truth. All of these images, conceptual... for some of you what I'm saying is making sense, because if you meet me here, then all of this conceptual distinction starts to fade away. Then what you're finding is this, without even the use of the term 'the Self.' So when we make it very basic, you can say at the most basic level: I am aware of my existence. Then I am aware I am. I. Then even the most primal notion of the 'I' can be dropped, and here no words are needed. So when Guruji said, 'Meet me in silence, my silence is the best teaching,' what he means is not that okay, leaving a lot of concepts about ourselves, but outwardly being silent. That is not the silence. It's just empty of concepts. What is there to find? What is the confusion? Do I have to become something? Do I have to go anywhere? All these just fall away.

Then we look at the most basic: I am aware. I am aware of my existence. This existence is effortless. No body is holding up your being. No concept is holding up your being. No thing is holding up your being. Then what is the most troublesome concept? That 'I am something.' This is what we are calling the small 'i,' the egoic 'I' playing as 'I am something.' With this, Father, you are never this one. It's very important to see that you are never this one. The big 'I' never becomes a small 'i.' Don't worry about anything at all. Whatever might be coming up, it is not bigger than you. See, it's not even as big as a tiny mosquito. Whatever might be coming up... that day we did this fun experiment and said, 'Okay, you can keep imagining and it can get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.' But can it become bigger than the space in which it is imagined? Can it become bigger than your existence which contains it? Nothing is there.

So all of this that is coming, whether it is conceptual, emotional, whether it is energetic, nothing is stronger than the holiness of your being. Your existence is the substratum for anything, no matter what it might be. Can anything exist unless you are? All that is coming, what will happen to it if you are not there? Can it be there? Have you ever had the experience of this? You went to deep sleep and yet energetic play was happening or some concepts were playing around? Nothing. All dissolves as your own being goes into sleep. Because whatever is coming, how big is it compared to you? If you draw Mount Everest, it is still nothing but a tiny ripple in you. This being, this existence, it's beyond all that can be perceived. As you are seeing this more and more, then you'll also see that all these things that come, sometimes they might seem scary, sometimes they might seem strong, but soon they will start to seem like children who are coming trick-or-treating at Halloween trying to wear these scary, scary masks. Children. Their existence has depended on you. It is impossible to be confused about anything at all unless we pick up the pieces. Confusion about who I am, but you... I don't know.

So I know that many times when I share, it can seem like, 'But this is just...' But what I know, I know the truth of me is actually untouched by anything that comes and goes. But still, can we not play with this for a bit? You can, but I have to come back to my reality. Is it real? Is it true? Actually, the mind will say that an emotion or energy or the sensation is playing with you, but actually, no matter what the emotion, sensation, energy is, it is always you who are playing with it. It is all dancing to the tunes of consciousness and consciousness alone. And consciousness is nothing but the dynamic aspect of yours.

Can I say something? I don't know, so crazy what is going on. It feels, yeah, you know, that the ideas are getting so... which I believe, getting so much more subtle. And I just, I just cannot speak somehow, right? You know, this 'I,' the identification gets more and more subtle. And what is playing out, you know, it's just when these things are coming and it's just, it just plays out. And I cannot do anything about it also. It's just, I don't mind it in that sense, but I see how, you know... I mean, they're seeing even the subtle things are seen and how the identity, you know, is clinging to there's something which I don't even have a word for. It's just as something, whatever, it just doesn't want to die or so. It just wants to stay alive, there's something, seeming something.

It's okay. Subtle like this, and many times you're not able to... like earlier in the inquiry, it might seem like it is so clear what is the identity which is causing, pushing some button. You can see, you can look at the main identities and say, 'This is spiritual seeker identity, this is partner identity, this is money identity, this is body identity.' All these are so clear because the thoughts which are coming are so blunt. Now identity starts to thin away, almost like in hiding, just waiting for the subtlest of change in some sensation, something moving, just to wait for an opportunity to grab onto some conceptual belief. It's very... almost like hide and seek sometime. Now actually, with this, there is not so much of it. When it comes, it's like something has picked out. The one that gives us trouble is the one who's keeping track of these. The one that gives us trouble is the one who is like the checking one, the checker. Because somewhere there is an expectation that something has to change about this. Nothing must be different about this. 'It has to, it has to go. Why is it coming?' Any of these concepts can be played with just a little bit and can seem light, but even this, leave it.

Because you already saw that whatever might be coming, and as you see it is subtle, it means it's not even so big, what is coming and going. It's like earlier you had some unwanted visitors in your house. They were coming and going, but you were not giving them your attention and belief, so they became smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. Now there are some tiny ants which are coming, stubborn ants. Now those... earlier these tiny ants which are coming and they're going, is it the bigger one will come? The one who's investigating, 'Okay, are they red and black? What is the quality of the ants?' Just like the seeming big ones was nothing. 'I will kill the ants.' I'm just telling you that you are not either of this.

You know, it is just how it is experienced here these past weeks or whatever. It's really, it's like every day, you know, it's just something emptied out. You know, I can't... I don't know. It just, you know, it feels lighter and lighter and this... it's just so alien and it... I don't know. Can you give me the report card and forget about it?

I'm saving you a lot of trouble. You know, to speak it out, yeah, no, I'm not interested. We don't really know any of these things. We just rely on memory that this is what has been happening every day. I don't know what happened yesterday, I have no idea. I can tell you what my memory might bring up, but I know it is so unreliable. If I try to tell you five things from satsang yesterday, I'll feel so... it's quite a funny thing, but I like the...

Give me the report card and forget about it. I'm saving you a lot of tough collects, you know, to speak it out. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm not interested. We don't really know any of these things; we just rely on memory that this is what has been happening every day. I don't know what happened yesterday; I have no idea. I can tell you what my memory might bring up easily, but I know it is so unreliable. If I try to tell you five things from satsang yesterday, I'll feel so... it's quite a funny thing. But I like the sense in which you are saying, if you just say, 'Okay, I just want to express it out in satsang.' In that sense, okay, it's perfectly fine.

So as you know, I just... the only sense I have now is, you know, what is it? It is so strange when you are just here to experience what seems to be the contradiction. To come back to what was is to say, 'Hey guys, what is this contradiction?' A seeming contradiction between just being and this, you know, this world is so alien. And there is something, you know, and some identity goes with this alien, that now everything seems to be so alien also. And this relating to you with alien in a bad way, the entire thing with Chris, like, what is this? So it's just like many times, this is just like some memory of this one sitting here. You have these long, long fingers, you know? I mean, you have this strange voice, something like that. And this one is called Ananta. And then like that, something can come, see, like that alien. Right? What's going on? And then if you go to memory, even some seemingly logical concepts about this, and then to see how all the conditioning is the same. You know, to look or to see how the conditioning is the same like before; nothing changed. It actually feels like that. You know, it's not that there's an expectation here that it should change; that's not like this. But it is so... yeah, what is this? You know, you're behaving like a baby, you know, like really like a teenager or so, you know, with all your moods. And what is this? You know, it's so strange. This is... and also, when I came up, it was something like everything had soaked in and compromised in this very... whatever it was, I just have no idea. And then it was, you know, just energy stuff. And I don't mind, so... but I just had to... I was just this coming up and speaking it out because I just totally trust, beloved, you know? I just totally trust when it's done this way. It is good to see that whatever it might be, just everything came and it was just so dense and compressed and actually strong.

So all this perception, all this experience, it is the taste of so many different aspects of your own being. Actually, we should have technology where I can just show this flower and see that it is behind this apparent world. It is here. What to do now? See what happens now. The world is here. What should I do? What can I want now? What should I do?

The Self expressing itself in this phenomenal way is what we call the world, this universe. The play of consciousness in which mostly there is this primary character. Who chose this primary character? It is different for all of us in the sense that it seemed like the world is viewed through the eyes of this one. It can seem like the sensations of this one are the most intimate; these are mine. But upon investigation, you find that this separation never really happened. All of this has just been an idea. Can you see the entire movie is just playing out within you?

Ultimately, we also leave this question: 'Am I free now?' Because you notice that in that question 'Am I free?' you utilize still the smaller version. The smaller self is that which you are trying to free yourself from. This is the motion of your limitedness, the loose motion of your individuality. I was on a flight and once a man was sitting next to me and, you know, sometimes I have these crazy questions just to shake up some concepts sometimes. So I asked, 'Is it behind you or in front of you?' Who can answer this question? The back of your head... is it behind you or in front of the one having no head?

That there is only... not only, but here, this set of spiritual exercises. One, Douglas Harding, will point out that you have no head right now. And if you look closely, where the nose is, it's just this empty space. And it seemed like a very funny joke, but actually, if you just experience it, you know, upwards from my shoulders, there is just space. When something happens, the limited sense that I am contained in this body subject can be... so this became very popular, 'On Having No Head.' Of course, he passed away a few years ago, so maybe not so popular now. These hands... I know it sounds funny when I'm saying it, but if you try it for yourself, you'll see that your experience of your own head is just some sensations floating around here.

But anyway, my question was... someone says they're coming in front, but the mind says back. Or maybe not even in front or back. Yes, we have this idea, isn't it, that it is behind us? Not true. Just behind my knees? Yeah, behind might be the rest of the body, sure of it. My attention goes to it. Although someone else there... when I attention to... can't say front or back, just can say back of the head is in me. Not really. They can do seriously... sister?

We have other... I leave all my seriousness about anything and everything at your feet.

Very good. Yes, this seriousness... yeah, we take any concept seriously. Checking the blood in the body, doing the breathing... that's like cantaloupe, you know? Yeah, the parents will be happy. I don't feel like there's a greater blessing in this play than when we really look at the question 'Who am I?' When you look at the question 'Who am I?' we realize that all of this that I was believing myself to be, I have never been that. All of these concepts, even the idea that I will find freedom one day... there is nobody like that. All there is is all there is, and you are that all there is. But not even just that; you're beyond all there is.

But even this question 'Who am I?' doesn't mean that if the question comes 'Who am I?' it doesn't mean that the mind will stop doubting. Because immediately it will come and say, 'Did I get it yet? Have I found it?' Which is the same as what we were saying the other day. What was it? 'I am I. Did I find it?' What a joke it is. One that never existed so much allegiance is to one that is all there is. Okay, but what does that mean for me? Anytime we are like this in satsang, I am other to awareness. Nothing is happening, but I knew that would tell me about me. I want to see that too. Very much nothing has ever happened. Nothing is ever... so something happened to you? Joke.

Can I clarify something? Yes, it's as awareness or as Jyoti, it's fine. It was just that... it leaves like with me, yeah, you know, initially with just so many things. I just don't know what it is; it just comes and then it goes. And then it... you know, and this... I mean, you can see so clearly, you know, it is this really awareness that everything is just happening within this consciousness which I am. That it's like the whole dream, it's all like witnessing it, and it's not outside of me like when I see the tree outside of me, but it's being seen within. And then there's this again, you know, like a lot of pain comes in the body and then you're like, you get so angry. It's like, 'Forget this Vedanta and all these things.' Or not just... the pain is real. I'm really experiencing this pain. What should I do with it? You know? And I mean, and then the definition also comes at the same time that it's just so many chemicals. I mean, how can I trust me which is based on chemicals? I mean, if I eat something, the pain will go away. So then where was I in all of that? You know? I mean, it's just made out of this chemistry in a way, with whatever drug I eat, and that's what I become. I mean, like 'me' becomes that for that moment.

And then at certain times, like I'm looking at something but it just doesn't seem real to me at that moment. Looking at a face, but it's like... what is it? Not like in an alien way, but I don't recognize that anymore. And then I got really nervous because I thought that the medicine was making me crazy, that I can't recognize something. You know what I'm saying? No, it's not the medication, it's just... but just being in satsang, Father. And then there's this anger again. Satsang, you know, when there's a lot of pain and then you expected to be better but it doesn't get better, then it's like a vengeance. I don't want to pray to God, I don't want to hear God, I don't want to hear satsang anymore, nothing anymore. And then it just goes; it's like an energetic thing and it just passes away. And like now, when you simply say that nothing has ever happened to that awareness, and I really know that—I mean, I do, I truly recognize that—and then the questions all just go. It's just peaceful again. And thank you for this.

The world is so full of wonder. One moment we're immersed in a sensation that we can interpret as Jyoti Ma's voice. One moment I had the energetic movement of rose fragrance, but this body is still here. Look at it very simply, innocently. I like the name that Krishna gave the other day; he said, 'Looking innocently.' This set of drawing that is coming to him for some words of satsang, you do completely touch my heart, especially the one of the little child who was sleeping. I'm saying that this looking innocently, absent of judgment, absent of interpretation: I exist. How did this happen? To exist? We'll stack every other question after this because everything else depends on existence. You get over this simplicity of your existence: I exist. No person is here yet. What must I be? Person or not? Found or not found? And your existence is perceived. Ultimately, you are aware of your existence. What is that? Who is that 'I' which exists? It's not a person. What is it worried about? What concerns does it have? What problems does it have? Where does it have to get to? Where did it come from?

This is fundamental, more important than whether the world is flat or round, spherical, whatever it is. We'll see what you are. What are you? Why... leave the idea of authority at your feet. My authority, anyone else's authority. There is an expectation of something to be different than the current experience. Go on saying that the 'what is' is not enough. And there seems to be a regular checking of that: 'Father, is this enough?' This expectation is only the mind. Believe in expectation. And those who begin in satsang hoping on spiritual points can have this expectation of enlightenment, of freedom. We have to forget about it. But don't just forget about this one, okay? Poetry saying 'drop the search.' Don't drop everything else, but they do drop the search. So drop everything, including the idea of freedom, enlightenment. Let them be meaningless words to you, just like most of the other concepts which might have been powerful at some time and now are meaningless as you come to satsang more and more.

Both of these concepts—that I'll have the best body in the world—see, it's meaningless. If the thought comes, 'I will be the richest person in the world,' meaningless. Rather, 'I will have the best relationship in the world,' meaningless. Forget it. 'Maybe I will become free, I will find freedom,' it's meaningless. Forget it. All of these belong to the false side. If you have no expectation, then you cannot be disappointed. Nisargadatta Maharaj used to say to some people, 'No freedom. You want freedom? Forget it. It's not for you.' It was not that he's saying it's not possible for you, really, because it is nothing like that; it is what you are. So it is completely for you. It is just to drop this feverishness of this expectation of becoming something. Somebody wants to be the one to realize? Forget about it. Don't be so concerned about them. But that mind, that'll keep blabbering for some time. It's okay. It is right now. Everything is forgotten.

The strategy is to say to some people, 'No freedom. You want freedom? Forget it. It's not for you.' It was not that he's saying it's not possible for you really, because it is nothing like that. It is what you are, so it is completely for you. It is just to drop this feverishness of this expectation of becoming something. Somebody wants to be the one to realize. I forgot about it. Don't be so concerned about them, but the mind, that'll keep blabbering for some time. It's okay. It is right now. Everything is forgotten.

But I'm not saying the rest of it. When you start with right now, I know the 'but' is coming. But what about after?

No, but you keep saying right now. I know there's a 'but' implied. But no 'but'. When I say right now, could you pass nothing? Not even 'right now' is a concept. 'Right now' is a concept. Forget about time; time is a concept. Space is a concept. What is the concept? Mind is a concept. Consciousness is a concept. Brahman is a concept. Everything is a concept. Concept is a concept. It's so much like the British. British theorems. But you have learned all these at a time, something with sixpence and something. We never know. We don't know what a sixpence is actually. Obsession with rights in all the new theorems and my place is the colonial effect on our education system.

We need a seeker FAQ. I think FAQ is 'frequently asked questions' because many of our questions are repetitive. Maybe in an interview video format it will be of great help.

So how long the interview format? Which is very, very good at it. I feel like I'm not so at home with this interview format because, I mean, you just like... do you really have this question? Words can arise in response to something. It has to feel like you're not asking for someone else. Is really something burning in your Antahkarana? But this is a tricky thing. I mean, all the books that we have, in fact, well, it's huge.

Yes, but there will be talks in that, like the being the starting point of the book. Like consciousness speaking with consciousness. There will be three or four initial talks which cover all the main concepts of Satsang.

Actually, the book is only about that. The rest of the Satsangs also. So just maybe the first two chapters, three chapters. Which is on the website, which is reminding us that we can search. The keyword is on the site. Is it going? I can do search for anything and then shows up on the website. There is a... oh, one second. Read section. Read section. Yeah, I never read the read section. I should read the read section myself.

Thank you, Father. I have to leave now.

Happy birthday, my dear. Wish you have a wonderful, wonderful... all love and blessings to you. And I know grace is upon you. I'm enjoying this silence in your expression. I hope Guruji gives you the inner strength to stay with this and I know that all auspiciousness will come to you. So much thank you all so much for being in Satsang today. Anant Koti Brahmand Nayak Rajadhiraj Yogiraj Parabrahman Shri Sachidanand Satguru Mooji Maharaj Ki Jai. Atma Ram Ji Ki Jai.