Looking Very Directly Into This 'I' - 24th Sept. 2015

So more and more we've just been very directly looking into this 'I'. The 'I'. What is at the core of this 'I'? And if all the Satsang you have heard has brought you to this point where you are open to just looking at this 'I' without getting shaken up with all the resistance that comes naturally when this looking first starts: Who am I? Okay, so and some of you will feel frustrated or angry with yourselves if it is still 'I don't know who I am.' But this 'I don't know' is music to my ears because, as I often say, it is the moving from the 'I know I am a person' to coming to this 'I don't know' that seems to be the more troublesome aspect of this seeming journey.

Because already when you say 'I don't know,' what are you saying? You're saying that 'I know I cannot be this idea. I can't just be an idea.' So already a person is losing; the person idea is lost. Don't be scared of the 'I don't know' this, and don't replace this 'I don't know' with another concept. Stay with this pure not knowing and don't be in a rush to call yourself Awareness or Presence or anything. Wait for the seeing to unfold. Stay in the not knowing. Watch the struggle for words as it comes. Initially you find that, can I really say Awareness? Can I really say Consciousness? Can I say Presence? You will find that at best you can use them as pointers.

So in strong Satsang, very quickly if you open, you can come to this case of not knowing who I am. And many saints and sages have just remained here, just at the 'I don't know'. There's a great sage called Bulleh Shah who would say that 'I don't know who I am. I'm not this, I'm not this, I'm not this.' Just in the simple not knowing, all personal identity gets dissolved. And some of us will find this 'I don't know' very uncomfortable, and to try and put an end to this discomfort quickly, you want to replace it with another concept and say 'I am God' or 'I am Awareness'. If it remains just this concept, it's not helpful. In fact, it is more of a heavy egoic burden to carry. All spiritual knowledge is a big burden, you see it.

Because what happens when something happens in life? It seems strong. You say, 'But I should be beyond this by now. I should be beyond. I know the truth. I am God.' Or if some anger comes, you see, 'How can I still be angry? That means I'm not free.' So much guilt, so much burden with a spiritual ego. Just a burden. Now, 'I don't know' is much simpler, although it can feel a little uncomfortable. I didn't even realize it's cloudy. Throw away all your concepts about the truth, all our spiritual frameworks and diagrams, not comparative notes. The more you carry them, the heavier they become. Not a single concept is needed to see the truth. Who am I? What is the direct experience?

Some of us say that 'I'm tired of spirituality. I'm so tired of spirituality.' And I say you are not tired enough. I'm completely tired of this conceptual spirituality, and just stay with what is here now. No mental knowing is needed. No IQ, no intellect is needed here. The only requirement is some openness. But this openness you cannot create, so it's no point beating yourself up saying 'I'm not open enough, I'm not open.' Every time you say 'I'm not open enough,' you're closing more. Throw away all of this: 'I'm not worthy, I'm not open, I'm not free, I am free, I know something, I don't know something, I'll reach till this point, I get stuck over here, I know everything that there is to be known.' All of these are just ideas.