Just Keep Self Discovery as Primary - 1st August 2016

Yeah, sort of. Like, the project feels as remaining as the Self or not buying your next thought seems to hold water to a certain level. The problem is, in a relationship at least, you get the feedback, which is pretty immediate. And then, you know, if you're causing your... for example, mundane things. Sometimes I don't even understand what's triggered, but obviously something, you know, she's triggered something in me and I'm feeling pissed off. And sometimes it comes over like a dark cloud that I'm not even clear what... like, it was nothing if you look objectively at what happened and the sequence of events. But it doesn't really matter, you know? It's just a feeling, and it comes up and there's this dark cloud. And then I can say, "Well, I'm aware of this," but it doesn't matter. I'm still acting out that dark cloud. And so she sees that and she's, you know, it triggers all her stuff going on, you know? So it becomes this kind of ping-pong of identification, and it's not getting anywhere.

But so if, you know, if I just try to stay as I am and, you know, let that cloud go by itself, if I was alone it wouldn't be a problem. But from within the context of being with someone, that's a little bit more problematic and feels sometimes as a, you know, spiritual bypassing or whatever, or you know, kind of Advaita-it-away. Like, "Oh, I'm aware, it is not good enough." Yeah, like, you know, "I have an angry face but I'm not really angry," or whatever. "An angry face is just an appearance, you know, it's just a conditioning," but whatever. And when I start with kind of more diving into that specific whatever pattern in the recommendation that Adya talks about, I'm probably not doing it right because it's just... or maybe it's more like weeding and it's more of a recurring thing and it doesn't go off at once. And then I know Rupert talks about not dealing with any specific conditioning but just, you know, he has his approach of viewing, you know, more yoga meditation or whatnot. Anyways, yeah.

Okay, let's look at this. This is a good few points that can come up in response to this. First is, you reminded me that somebody said—Hari said the other day—he's keeping track and he's saying that, "Father, in your Satsang, there is a hundred percent record for finding relationships." I didn't know this is what was happening. He said this: "Why a hundred percent record for people finding relationships?" Okay, yeah. You're not... presumably you didn't find your partner at Satsang, but the numbers of finding partners are increasing, presumably.

The second, more important, the real point is that none of these things—whether you follow Guruji, you follow me, you follow Adya, Rupert, anyone—none of these things will really, really work, you see, work if there's a person there trying to make his or her life better by using a particular technique, you see? So what happens is that the seeker guy or the checker guy is saying, "But I am doing... I am writing down the sticky velcro thoughts," as Adya would say, or "I am not believing my thoughts or trying not to believe my thoughts," as Ananta would say, whatever. "I'm abiding in the Self," as Bhagavan would say. "But is it really helping me?"

You see, if the core intent remains this one, that we want to help this "me," then we are taking on that position of the cat who's trying to look for his next bowl of milk using spirituality. And spirituality is offering all of these varieties of bowls, and it's trying, it's sipping from all of those and it's saying, "Yeah, this helps me a little, though this doesn't really... maybe I'm not doing it right, I'm not following it enough," something, you see? Now, what we must investigate is this one and see whether this one has any validity at all, you see? Because none of this, especially the teachers that you mentioned, are there to cater to this one, you see?

Now, so many of the other so-called self-help groups or relationship advisors and things who can maybe intervene and help the relationship... what we are talking about is not really to help you in this way, in this way in which it brings better relationships, it brings more peace, more joy. All of these can be very nice byproducts to have, you see? But it is not the core of why the pointing is this. The core of the pointing is to fulfill your urge for self-discovery, and all of these tools are helpful to get there. But if the parameter remains, "How am I doing in my relationship?" and "How is my partner responding?" and things like this, then you will find that you are not making progress because the same ego that operates in me operates in the partner also, you see? So if you're expecting the feedback from that one to change or improve because of some spiritual techniques that I am trying, then that is falling into another trap, which is also a mental trap.

So first we must clarify our intention. And what is our intention? Is it to have... is it primarily to have better relationships and peace and love in our life, or is it primarily that our urge for self-discovery has become so strong that we cannot avoid but focus on that?

Now, the primary, primary urge for sure is self-discovery. Yeah, this relationship just seems to be an unfolding as part of this play. I mean, it wasn't planned on neither of our ends.

Yes, so then let's see. The "me" that wants to have a better relationship—do we want to continue to cater to that one? Okay? Now, your urge for self-discovery continues irrespective of what is happening in the life of this one on the ladder, for sure? Yes. This is very good, you see? Because otherwise what can happen, like, it can be relationships or money issues or work issues or health of the body issues that we get sidetracked in some way, and we keep expecting that that should become better as a barometer or a benchmark for how well I'm doing spiritually, you see? So that is one.

Second is, like I keep saying very often—well, you also hear, maybe to you but mostly to others—which is that this one that is checking, you see, really becomes a point where this one becomes the most dominant aspect of the seeker. The one that is checking and reporting on spiritual progress, you see, is what the seeker relies on for sustenance for very, very long. So if you do this: keep this one aside and say, "I'm not really that concerned at the moment even about how it is playing out in the relationship. I am not so concerned about how my checker is defining my spiritual progress. I am not concerned about any of this stuff. What is it that I am recognizing myself to be?"

And the mind will resist this question, you see? It says, "You know, I know this already," but it's good to just bring ourselves back and say, "Am I aware now?" or "Who am I? Who is aware of this awareness?" Just to check like this and to see that I have always been only this awareness, untouched by any of this play. And from here, from this space of emptiness, if you take what Guruji says to be the Self and the Self alone, to remain in this emptiness or to not believe the next thought, it's all the same thing. But the starting point must be this emptiness. The starting point cannot be the seeker or the checker or the relationship guy, you see? Otherwise it becomes personal and we feel that our spiritual practice or something should give us something personally, and then the byproducts become the core.

Just when you say "starting point," give me a starting point to the inquiry specifically in the situation in hand.

Yes, the starting point to the inquiry or the starting point to just that moment where this awareness came that I seem to be getting stuck in these personal thoughts again, you see? The starting point to the moment of insight has to start with this coming to this space of emptiness and to see that only with the pretense of personhood can now continue. Is that if I believe my next thought, that's who we are allowing them to just come and go? What is very obvious is that there isn't... sorry, yeah.

So it's important to see what is the background, what is the backdrop of the inquiry. And the backdrop of the inquiry, which the inquiry itself can help to clean up, is this emptiness, you see? And anything that we take on with the backdrop of anything which is personal, then that becomes just like a personal endeavor then, you see? Like most things in the world, there is like going to a salsa class or something, because basically you're taking on the backdrop of being a person who wants to improve its skills at something. So it's like going to a relationship management class or anger management class or something like this, but the presumption is that you're a person and you need to become better at relationships, you see?

But here what we're saying is that the context must now become this emptiness, and the play should become whether... what are these, what are the buttons that will get pressed to make me pretend to be a person again? So from here, whether you follow Adya's advice to write down those sticky thoughts, or you follow me and say not believing the next thought, or you follow whatever these sages say, then really no trouble. But if you keep the personal, I would then say, "But is this really helping? It's not really going away." Then that itself means that the context was wrong.

So if I hear you right, it means that I have to establish myself as... which will be there before I even decide whether I want to explore with any one of those pointings, something let's call it contraction or some kind of pattern that seems to be arising?

Yes, that is an...

Whenever this edge is seen, then really no trouble. But if you keep the personal, I would then say, 'But is this really helping? It's not really going away.' Then that itself means that the context was wrong.

So if I hear you right, it means that I have to establish myself as what we are, the formless, before I even decide whether I want to explore with any one of those pointings something—let's call it contraction or some kind of pattern that seems to be arising?

Yes, that is it. And as you reminded, it might seem counterintuitive in some sense to the mind because it says, 'But then how do I come to this emptiness?' So, therefore, I can give this pointing only to those who have had the recognition of what they are. For those who have not had the recognition of what they are, I cannot really say, 'Okay, you must start with that emptiness.' But for you and the others who've been in satsang for so long, you see, I have to say that whatever brings you to this emptiness, the seeing of yourself as this no-thing, you see, start from that perspective. And you will find then that this pull of any of these pointings which are not really meant for that will drop, will not be so strong.

And what's the... so the second part you said, as far as I heard, was not to let the person or the mind be the barometer of whether this is helping in any way, shape, or form?

Exactly. Because you might say tomorrow, 'Ananta, I followed what you said and, you know, my relationship is even worse today than it was yesterday.' So I give no guarantee for the world house. But usually, as the self stands in the personal, you will find that in most situations you'll find more peace which comes, and the spiritual jerkiness will also start to drop off more and more, usually.

But practically speaking, if there's a hot situation at hand with, like, sort of, you know, strong conditioning comes up, if you don't... yeah, what would become of the best? And this is very... it's still a person kind of question, I see now.

But it's okay, it's okay. So this question... so two things can happen in these situations. One is that we operate just fully from conditioning. There is no awareness of what is going on; just the situation is just happening, you see. So that just happened. It's best not to pick up guilt about that. This is a one-two punch. So if it was like that, if there is a moment of insight that comes even in the strong situation like this... you see, someone reported, like Shivani said once, that you know, in the middle of a strong situation, suddenly some insight came and both of us started laughing, you see. So it can come like that. In a moment of insight, if it comes, then if that moment of insight comes, then you can apply any of the pointings: 'Who is it I'm pretending myself to be right now?' or 'Am I believing my thoughts? Don't believe the next thought.' But that depends on whether that moment of clarity came in the midst of strong situations or not. Many times it doesn't come. I mean, in those times, it's best not to pick up guilt and say, 'I should not have believed my thoughts' and things, because there was no space there at all. That insight did not come in that situation at all, and the guilt actually makes it worse.

And is there a like a litmus test of when I am behaving like a spiritual jerk?

Yeah, the litmus is just that. Didn't you ask yourself something like, 'What was it for?' You see, when I said blah, blah, blah, blah, what was it for? Was it really trying to be helpful in that situation, or was it trying to be special or to be seen as somebody spiritually evolved in that situation? Is it... was it a game of one-upmanship? And you know this. When you just check, you know this, what it was for—one-upmanship or what was it really about, you see. And no need to delve too much into that. I feel that life will show us anyway. Life showed me here very often that I was being a spiritual jerk in many times. You don't have to worry too much about that. And you're dropping all identity now, then even the spiritual jerk identity will be dropped along with that, you see. So we had these colors inside. Don't make your primary project to get rid of the spiritual jerk. The primary project is still self-discovery and letting go of the false conditioning. The byproducts are doing all of this, but the relationships, spiritual jerk, all of this is a byproduct that will happen on their own organically. So don't change your sights from this self-discovery to not being a jerk or having a better relationship. Thank you.