Is There Even a Witness? - 18 May 2015

So who is this one who has trouble in relationships, who has trouble with money, who has trouble with the state of their own body? And who is this one, ultimately, that even wants freedom? We have never—most of us have never—asked this question: Who is the one who is running on this treadmill called life? Can we find this one? Who does my name refer to? Where do I find this one? And if you were to truly, openly look, you will find that this one is just an imagined concept, just a bundle of beliefs. "Oh, I'm like this and I'm like that. I'm this kind of person and I'm that kind of person." All a set of beliefs.

So just for a while—I know that especially if you're new to satsang, you might find that this is too radical or too weird, too crazy, too whatever—just for a moment, can we be open to the possibility that I am not that which I have believed myself to be? Just for a little while, if you can be open to this possibility and just see what is going on. And this big fancy word that we keep using, self-realization, will seem like the most obvious conclusion without any bells and whistles, because you're already the Self. The word itself means Self. The Self is not going to come from somewhere else outside. Question: What kind of Self would it be if I had to do ten years of practice to achieve it? Would that mean that the Self is not here now?

So the purpose of practice, if any, must be to show us how not to get distracted by this flow of thoughts, the stream of personal energy, and get to that point where I see that I am the witness of this movement called the mind. But no practice can create the Self, and the Self remains completely untouched. Even if you were to have thousands and thousands of lives of complete delusion of personhood, the witnessing is untouched by any of this play. So the seeming outside world is playing, the seeming inside world is playing through thoughts, through memories, through imagination, through emotion, and yet the witness remains unmoved. And this is very simple to see. If you're a little open, you'll be able to see this right now. It all is appearing and disappearing, and yet I as the witness remain untouched, unmoved.

Then the final question is very simple. Once you see that you as the witness remain untouched, unmoved, then the final question is very simple, and that question is: Is there even a witness? Are you an entity which is a witness, or are you just awareness itself, this witnessing itself? Are we open to the idea that I was never an entity? I'm not a noun, not even a verb, but a verb comes closer to what I am than a noun does. Kids must be getting bored. It's okay if you want to... I can't imagine when I was their age if I was hearing stuff like this, I would be completely... There's a lot of chat on YouTube, let me look at that.

Namaste. Namaste everyone. Shivam says, "Father, the strong undercurrent of bliss has disappeared. It has been like this for a few days. However, there is still a strong energy which shakes me up and stretching the body." Then you say also, "The mind seems to have creeped in behind the eyes as Sri Mooji says, but it's all okay."

Yes, and it is good that bliss has disappeared, because if you confuse freedom to be a blissed-out state, then know that all states are coming and going, no matter how beautiful and auspicious. So in the search for freedom, if you're actually searching for some state, then you will definitely be disappointed at some point or the other. There is no state that comes and stays. And even if it did, you would forget that you are in that state because that would become natural. If you're eating sugar all of the time and there was no salt, then sugar would just taste normal, you see? There was no contrast. So if bliss was always there, you would forget about bliss.

So freedom must be that it cannot be a constricted state where we are dependent on a particular state. Shiva is not saying, "Give me only joy, give me only bliss." Shiva is untouched, unaffected by everything which is coming and going. So bliss has disappeared; it's completely fine. If it remains this simple, sober seeing, then no trouble with that. The witnessing is not concerned by what is appearing. It is only the mind, the ego, which comes and says, "I want this, I don't want that." That which resists what is, is the ego. So all energies, all bliss, all of these forces, they can come and go as they please. You are that which remains untouched by all of this play.

And then Shivam said, "Also the mind seems to have creeped in behind the eyes like Sri Mooji says, but it's all okay." Right now, if you refuse to believe a next thought, then show me what power the mind has. And it is only the thought which will come and say, "But this is difficult" or "This is complicated; it happens on its own." Let all thoughts come and let them go. Just be completely open. Don't give them any room, including behind the eyes. What does it mean when we say the mind seems to have creeped in behind the eyes? That means our vision seems to be sort of constricted, isn't it? The personal eyes are always looking at everything saying, "What's in it for me? What's in it for me? What's in it for me?" Always everything is about me, me, me, me, me.

And when we let go of these personal eyes, then we're not grasping at everything that comes in front of us. Then our vision becomes more global. And once you lose the "me," this individual sense of me, then the mind can try all its tricks, but you cannot come back to this personal form of living. And this does not mean that you have to leave your life. Doesn't mean you have to leave your life. Life will still live itself exactly the way that it has been doing, but it will not seem personal anymore because you have discovered that there never was a person; it was just an imagined concept, just an idea. Come, my dear. I can't hear you. I know audio... maybe you type your question and we read it. I've got... I can put it. Okay, my dear, thank you.

And Shivam had said, "Thank you, Father. Freedom from all states. I'm unstained, untouched at your feet. Miss your hugs." R says, "I am that, aware of all that is appearing, untouched, unconcerned, unaltered, yet whole. I love you so much, Father."

I love you too, my dear. For Jerome had unmuted, not sure if he wanted to ask a question. You have a question, my dear? You, Sonia? Oh, we still don't hear you. Okay, but your mic works on other platforms? It works on Skype and things like that? Okay, now we don't hear you. So what we do is maybe one day we organize a Hangout just for those whose mics don't work and we try to sort it out, see what happens.

And Goil says, "Father, there's been a belief here that 'rubber should hit the road' in order to get rid of all attachments, but some part of me is scared of it, especially when you said 'bring it on.' So there had been a lot of confusion about this part."

This part of me which is scared—this one, is it a part of you which is scared of fear? As some emotion is just arising, which is the part of you which is scared? Is it the arms? Is it the legs? Is it the chest? So don't be quick to label it as "me," because there is no individual here to be scared. Yes, these emotions can come, and if you were to check, you will see that you are just seeing the emotion and the mind comes and says that "I am scared." And like my Master says many times, the same energetic feeling is interpreted differently by the mind, you see? You know this example, isn't it? He says that if you're going for a great vacation, some energetic feeling can come and you will say, "Oh, I'm so excited, I'm so happy." And yet if you have stage fright and you had to go up and speak, and a similar emotion comes, you'll say, "Oh, I'm nervous, I'm scared."

So energetically, the spectrum is not so much. It is our labeling mostly that gets us in trouble. And even if strong fear is arising, it's a great opportunity to check: Who is touched by this? Who am I? And if you're open to this question, "Who am I?", then all the sense of separateness, all the sense of suffering completely will vanish. You cannot hang on to the person with one hand and hold the Guru with the other hand. All sense of this imagined personal control, imagined personal concern, you see, this must be let go of. Because the Guru is actually always holding your hand. It is whether you decide to let go of what you're holding with the other hand or not.

Who is touched by this? Who am I? And if you're open to this question 'Who am I?' then all the sense of separateness, all the sense of suffering completely will vanish. You cannot hang on to the person with one hand and hold the guru with the other hand. All sense of this imagined personal control, imagined personal concern, you see, this must be let go of because the guru is actually always holding your hand. It is whether you decide to let go of what you're holding with the other hand or not that is in question. So if you are still concerned about the person, then how will you discover the true one that you are?

And the mind will come. It will paint scary visuals for everyone. Even Mooji says that when he was at Papaji's feet, the mind would paint pictures of him like a beggar on the streets with a hunchback, isn't it? Just to push the same button, this personal concern. And somewhere also these tricks have to be seen and let go of. That's why when I say 'Bring it on,' it is to encourage this attitude that my life is my guru's problem now. That all that has to come, come. And either way you say this, it's auspicious. It's auspicious if no fear comes, and it's also auspicious if fear comes because that which was hiding somewhere is now coming up to the surface.

So what is it that you're scared of? All that is seen now. Is it that you're scared of poverty? Is it the fear that I will have no relationships? But this is the only path, even if you can call it a path, then this is the only path where nothing is said that you must renounce—nothing. All that is said that you must renounce is your own thoughts. So the mind will paint these scary pictures for you, and it's good also if some fear is coming; it means there is still some attachment to something. So when you say that when I say 'Bring it on' some fear comes, so what is the fear about? Is it poverty or is it something else? I can't hear, my dear, you'll have to type again.

It's very good. All of us can see like this, that if I say to life 'Bring it on' and there's some fear that comes, it's very good. Just look at this one. Yes, so you say it's about the career. Yes, yes. And if you had no career, what would it be like? Oh, buttons about the careers are being pressed by closed ones, especially parents. So then is it about the career or is it about the relationship with parents? Because everything becomes intertwined in this way. So are you saying that you would have no concern about your career if it wasn't for your parents pressuring you? Not at all? Then it is really about the special relationships, isn't it? Expectations in special relationships.

So first you drop your expectations. What do I mean by that? Because you are saying, 'I have no expectations, it's only they are expecting me to have something from my career. I have no expectations from them.' You're saying like this, but you are expecting that they should not have these expectations from you. So give them the freedom to expect whatever they want. But because they are expecting something, why does that pressure you? It cannot be unless there's some belief that they might be seeing the truth. Yes.

What is the best career that anyone can have? Best career? Why do we have a career? So that we can lead a happy life, we can have security. But once you discover that whenever this person, which is just an imagined concept—what can keep some imagination secure? Why do we feel that the ones who have the most money sometimes are the most insecure? We see it like this, isn't it? Why is it? If money could give us security, then why is it that we see that many who have so much money seem to be the most insecure? Because they're trying to give security to a piece of imagination, to a dream. What can secure a dream? Nothing can, you see.

So somewhere there must be this feeling that 'I am still the doer of some action, therefore I should focus on my career or not.' So you made this imagined choice for yourself. For six years I've had no career and no job, and yet whatever jobs need to happen, happen. Work happens. But I cannot say that it is my career or my job. I can say conversationally when I meet people for a meeting, I don't say, 'You know, it's not my job' or things like that, but I truly don't believe that I have a career. Neither is the work that happens for work my career, neither is satsang my career. I have no career. Whatever is being done is being done by God himself. And it is the same for you, because when you check, you will not find the individual doer of any action. Then you wake up. This dream wakes up. Then this dream character is also moving. If there is no person, then there cannot be a personal doer.

Then you said, 'How to stay in that neutrality, Father? You mean something besides don't believe your next thought?' Yes. But why? It's the simplest. If you say, 'Yes, it doesn't seem to work for me,' then I can say things like: just stay in the presence of your being, be with the presence I Am, like that. And if that also seems too difficult, then I can say, 'Okay, I give you a mantra, chant a mantra.' That also seems too difficult, then I can say, 'Do some Hatha Yoga, do some Pranayama.' And if that also seems too difficult, then I can say, 'Just sit and pray.' But in all of this, I find the simplest to be: don't believe your next thought.

And you say, 'It is believed only when it comes from closed beings, otherwise it's simple not to believe, Father.' So you want to believe their thoughts but not believe your thoughts? Okay. If you want to believe some thoughts of some closed ones, then you believe the pointings of that one which is free from suffering himself. These closed ones that you listen to, are they free from suffering? Clearly not, because you are making them suffer to some extent. Then why follow advice from those who are not free from suffering themselves? You be the presence which is free from suffering and let them follow your pointing. Not now, but soon even they are looking for freedom from suffering, see? And they are also operating from their fear about their son not living up to their expectations, see? So they're still speaking from fear. So if you follow the ones who are fearful, then they will also lead you to fear, isn't it? So follow that which is free from fear first. If you want freedom from suffering, if you want freedom from fear, then must you follow those who are suffering and those who are fearful? No. You must follow that one who is free from fear, free from suffering.

You say, 'Thank you so much, Father, for this clarity.' You're very welcome. And it can seem like for many of our families—because I have also experienced this and I'm sure many of you have—that for many of our families, our coming to satsang becomes their own satsang, you see? Strong buttons get pushed for them. All their sense of attachment, all their sense of trying to lead their lives vicariously through their children, all the sense of ownership—all these buttons are getting pushed for them also. So be compassionate towards them, be loving towards them, but you don't waver from what you find in your heart to be the truth. And mostly, being a parent I can tell you that parents have no option but to come around. But if every next generation was to follow the projections of the previous one, then what would happen to this world? We'd still be hunting animals in a forest.

Father, can I come up?

Yes, my dear, you can come. Just for a minute, I want to catch up with the few chat messages. Yes, sure. Jerome said, 'It is not a question, Father. A few times ago we were watching the Rishikesh retreat slideshow. One of them was a few people who were attending to enter in the ashram for Mooji's satsang. In the middle of those ones, I felt a strong vibration from one of them. We didn't know his name or if he liked chocolate or not, just a strong presence. Quickly after, watching a Mooji video on YouTube, I saw a little window on the right with the same guy in the photo before. It was writing: Satsang with Ananta. You call us Father. Thank you so much.' A beautiful story. I do like chocolate, by the way. Yes, yes.

These connections are from the heart, you see. Like you say like this, Prima also told me that she was watching the satsang and then there was a song, a bhajan, that was playing, and then the camera just panned to me and she looked at me and she felt that we are already connected. And somehow she found me on the internet and she wrote to Amita something. She said, 'How do I make a donation?' or something like this, and we said, 'No, no, we don't accept donations, but you're welcome to come to satsang, you're welcome to be with us.' And she's here, she just helps. So these connections are much deeper than the mind can understand. It's very beautiful how it plays out.

In my case also, I said that I was very clear: no more this guru business for me, I don't want to follow any guru. It was very clear. And then I met Mooji the first time. He was coming down the stairs and I saw him and I knew that he is my guru, he's my master, he's my father, he's everything, and my life is his concern. So how does this happen? The mind can have all the decisions it wants, but the heart flows the way the heart flows. Dana—is it Dana or Dana?—she said nothing. I don't remember what the question was, my dear, but thank you for participating. Okay, Jai, my dear, you can come.

Namaste, Father. Nothing to say, I just wanted to come up, Father.

I like those headphones, very nice. Just remember that nothing that seems to have happened has ever really happened. And if it still feels like something has happened, then remember that it is your own script. You as Consciousness have written this script for your own story. And like this, we build—we go to the beach, we build these sandcastles. Does anything ever happen to the sand? No, sand is still sand. Consciousness is still Consciousness, whatever the appearance might be.

Have you heard the story of the two Buddhist monks? They were crossing a stream. Have you heard the story? They were walking in a jungle. No? So, I'm terrible—unlike my father, I'm horrible at storytelling, but I'll try. So there were these two Buddhist monks. They were on their way back to their monastery. One was the young one, a young monk, and the other one was a little older than him. Then on the path they came across this stream, a river, and on the banks of the river there was this beautiful young lady who said, 'I need some help to cross across. Can you help me?'

So this young monk, he carried her on his back and they walked across. And then the old one, when they crossed across and left her at the shore, you could see that the old one got very upset with this. He was just very upset throughout; you could tell from his face. And when they reached the monastery, he said, 'You have taken the vows of celibacy. You're not supposed to come close to women, and yet you carried this...' You know what the young one said? He said, 'I just carried her across the stream, but you are still carrying her in your mind.' So it is not about what happened in the play of appearances; it is whether we are still carrying something in our mind, if we are still giving belief to these concepts. So in this way, this young monk taught the older one a lesson. You didn't forget.

Thank you, that's a great story, Father, and you told it really well. I just wanted to add something, Father, that—and I'm not saying this to... I just want to place it in front of you and I'm not looking for an answer. You know, all of last week it was really great until Thursday or whatever, and I find every time I come up for satsang to Bangalore, my tranquility breaks. You know, it's just so much stuff comes up that every time I'm there with you, for the next few days the whole waves kind of take a few days to settle down. But what I have observed is the last little while, the sense of personhood was starting to diminish, and now again it seems like a few pens have been picked up. And I'm not saying that because I want you to do something about it; I am just voicing it, that's it. I'm just trying to watch it all, that's it, Father.

You would not be a good candidate for...

I'm there with you, that for the next few days the whole waves kind of take a few days to settle down. But what I have observed is the last little while, the sense of personhood was starting to diminish, and now again it seems like a few pens have been picked up. And I'm not saying that because I want you to do something about it; I am just voicing it, that's it. I'm just trying to watch it all, that's it, Father. You would not be a good candidate for Bangalore tourism, that is for sure, but maybe for relocation to Bangalore we might be good candidates, Father. Our tourist itinerary in Bangalore has only one address.

So also that it's all about the right now. You say some pens have been picked up; I say right now there is no pen. Right? Where is the person now? Not there. So first, also drop this person who is keeping track of how much personhood has been picked up or released. This is the troublemaker, I tell you. This one is going to say, 'Oh, you got it' or 'Oh, you lost it.' All this voice is from the same guy. Just every moment fresh. Forget what happened ten minutes ago. Forget what happened yesterday. Forget what happened in Bangalore. Forget. Just every moment fresh. Have the memory of a goldfish, just three seconds, five seconds. Yes, thank you. Good. When I look at any of you, I never see a person; I only see the Self.

Cornelia had said, 'Yes, everything happens as it should.' Says rubber has always been hitting the road; it's only the person who wants to proclaim the incident. That's the whole silly game. Rupi says, 'Please take the one who is always labeling something.' When you're handing it over, it is taken. Now don't ask for it back. What does it mean, don't ask for it back? Don't pick up the 'me' again. And if you pick it up, just simply drop it again. That's what you mean. Some of you new to satsang must be wondering what is this pen thing that we are talking about. It's just a belief in some personal identity, belief in a thought. Just let it go.

Then Shivam says, 'Content of the waking state can be anything. The waking state itself is phenomenal.' Very good. Now you speak like Shivam again. Very good. Pragati had said, 'Bring it on' has been the most powerful mantra, stepping into all that comes, especially when the strongest resistance comes. Very good. Very good. Atma says, 'What can I think?' We've lost Father just for a second. We'll give him a minute to get back in. Everyone who was on standby to come into the hangout, please give Father a minute to get back in. Thanks.

Sorry, we lost the internet for a while and even now it might not be too good because we connected to another network, you see. Do you see and hear me well? Okay. Not sure where I left it but, oh yes, so this is this lady who lives in a secluded area which is close to where there's a lot of crime. And I was speaking to her and I said, 'So why don't you just leave this place?' Actually, she has a lot of ancestral property in that area and she wants to be there to take care of the land. But it is not safe. And I said, 'So why don't you just sell it and leave?' And she said to me something many years ago. She said that as long as I'm here, I'm here. If I'm dead, then I'm dead anyway, so how does it matter? And I found something very beautiful in that. All our life we are so fearful of what's going to happen, all of these things. And she said as long as I'm here, I'm here, and if I'm dead, then who's here to be concerned anyway? Very beautiful.

Okay, let me pick up the chat from here. I'm not sure where I left it, but if I miss some questions, you can type again. Stina says, 'There is a deep doubt regarding there is no doer. It seems to me that this is only a nice Advaita concept. Yes, we can always proclaim this and still continue to do the things the way our mind wants it.' So before you see that there is no doer, we must come to this conclusion of whether there is a person or not. Don't jump steps. And I know there are many who are using this sort of Advaita concept to just be very convenient, just as an ego defense itself it can become like this. So before you can say 'I'm not the doer,' discover first whether there is a person here or not.

And I know that your discovery will be that there is no person. I've been asking at least for two years for someone to show me a person, and nobody so far has shown me the person. First I asked myself for many years because there is a person I could not find. Then for at least two years I've been asking hundreds of people, 'Can you show me the person?' and yet nobody has shown me. If you cannot find this person, then who is the doer? Doership means personal doership. So the end to this free will versus God's will debate is only in this discovery that there is no one here who can have free will. Whose free will are we speaking of? This imaginary concept of personhood? It's like we say, isn't it? Just imagine some person. Imagine that for two minutes and then ask that one to get you a glass of water. It's the same. Personal doership is exactly the same. So don't worry about 'there is no doer' if it's not appealing right now. It's completely fine. Forget about it. Just find the person. It is enough.

Jyoti is here. Welcome, my love. Very happy to have you with us. Very happy, very happy. Just says audio is going very slowly. Maybe my internet, like I said, it's on a different connection. And sometimes if what we should do if the internet goes off, then the sangha can just talk amongst themselves also a little bit. All of you are no less than, in my eyes you're no less than sages yourselves. So if there's someone new who has a question, just feel in your heart if some answer is arising and then just unmute and share. It's completely fine like this. And have no concern about the outcome. The fear that comes about sharing is that will the other one get the wrong idea, will it make sense to him? Don't have any fear about the outcome and just share from what is emerging in your heart.

And if the one who had the question feels like it's sort of an attack on the ego because they came here only to hear the Master speak and they don't want to hear the sangha speak, then also it is satsang for them. That is also strong satsang for them. More and more I feel that all of you can start sharing just from what your heart is saying. Don't even need to label it as satsang or not satsang, nothing. Let those who are listening say whether it is satsang or not. You just share what is emerging from your heart. You know, because we must move out of this Arjuna perspective and move to the Krishna perspective. Like Maharaj used to say, when we read the Gita, why do we always read it as if we are Arjuna? Why don't we read it as if we are Krishna?

Nisargadatta Maharaj in 'I Am That' says, or one of his books he said that, and I remember it so deeply here, he said, why do we when we read the Gita always read it as if we are Arjuna who's asking the question? That means why are we always reading from the seeker perspective? Why don't we read it as Consciousness? Because this seeker identity is a very strong habit, you see. And it is the fear that if I'm not a seeker anymore, then what am I going to do? What is the purpose of my life? So this seeker identity must also be dropped now. If there is no person, then how can there be a personal seeker?

And then Stina said, 'It feels like the mind and feelings are guiding my actions.' But that's what we said. Can we find this 'my'? Who is this 'me'? This is what I mean by person. Whose actions are these? Who is this 'me' that says 'these are my actions'? Just like thoughts are coming and you say they are my thoughts, in the same way actions are flowing and you say these are my actions. As my Master says, you are not the thinker of your thoughts nor the doer of your actions. And the 'you' that he's referring to is the imagined identity. You in reality as Consciousness are the creator of thoughts and the creator of these actions.

Shivam says jokingly, 'Yeah, we are all sages, Father. Maybe we should add the prefix of Swami and Swamini to our names.' The true Swami is not interested in prefixing. I know you're just joking. And Shivam says, 'Let us be vigilant before we actually pick up the sage identity.' The sage identity, yes, if it becomes an identity, then that is trouble. The sage means the one who has no identity, no introduction. Atma says, 'I don't need sage identity. I am not anywhere. No desire, no aversion, just nothingness.' Can you give this space some identity? Cannot. So it's like saying that this part of space we call it this, this part of space we'll call it something else. It's not possible like that.

And Baswan said, 'Father, I believe you have set a fine example of how to be successful in all parts of life. It reaffirms the fact that one need not discard anything, family, career, etc. What is the formula of success? Please shed some light.' Okay, since you ask for the formula of success, here it is: find out what you are right now. What you are is here. You are here. Don't go with anything the mind is saying. Just see what you are. All appearances are here and you are aware of them as what? As awareness itself. No matter what your mind says, what your mouth says, this is the truth. Once you see this, then you will be unconcerned about future, about success, about any of this. And others around you might say that you are successful or unsuccessful, but you are unconcerned, you see.

And then you say, 'I always wanted to be a successful entrepreneur and also successfully realize the Self.' As my Master says, we all want the Janaka style enlightenment. See, you know the Janaka style enlightenment where Janaka was the king and yet he was the enlightened sage, you see. But I'm sure that Janaka did not say that 'I want the Janaka style enlightenment.' He would have definitely said, 'I don't care, kingdom, I don't care about anything. All I want is to discover what I am.' And then it is up to life, up to Grace, whether the kingdom stays or kingdom goes. If you set conditions for your freedom, then that itself is the seeming obstacle to your self-discovery. But that's why the Master has also reassured us, isn't it? Mooji says that no one who has realized the Self regrets it and says 'I want something else,' no matter what the circumstances of their life. Prem says, 'Nobody here to be a sage. Thank you, Father. Thank you for this nothing.'

Stina says, 'Who is believing thoughts? Who is told not to believe thoughts?' Yes, yes. What are the options? You already looked and saw that there is no person, so obviously no person is telling another person to do something or not. All personal communication comes with this pretense first, that I am a separate entity and you are separate. So it's a beautiful question: who is told not to believe thoughts? Then we must say, who does this power of belief belong to? So in deep sleep state, is there any power to believe or not believe? If it arises in the presence, like all appearances arise in the presence of Being, in the presence of Consciousness, and if Being did not have this power, if God did not have this power, it would not believe that 'I am a person.' It would be unassociated. Therefore this satsang also, like everything else, is Consciousness speaking with Consciousness. And Consciousness has the power to withdraw belief. And all of this is the play of Consciousness itself. And the function of this which is speaking from here seems to be to tell you to withdraw belief in thought. And as long as the seeker identity is there, it seems the function of that is to play this game of the seeker who is looking for truths.

And Jayaramanji says, 'Whoever is listening with purpose, surely.' So when you say with purpose, it's very good, because this means that listening with openness, not even with intent. Even if the listening is happening with some openness, it is good. Very good. I know Vikas wanted to come up some time ago. If he's still here, he can come.

Hi, Father. Hello, my dear. How is married life? Married life is awesome. Big, big, big happiness, big joy to you and your wife from the entire sangha. Thank you so much. Been missing you know, you and you know all the sangha members, and there's a continuous remembrance you know, going on. And life made that arrangement for me, you know, just being in, just you know, joined the hangout.

If the listening is happening with some openness, it is good, very good. I know Vikas wanted to come up some time ago. If he's still here, he can come.

My Father, hello my dear. How is married life? Married life is awesome. Big, big, big happiness, big joy to you and your wife from the entire Sangha. Thank you so much. Been missing you know, you and you know all the Sangha members, and there's a continuous remembrance you know, going on. And life made that arrangement for me, you know, just being in, just you know, joined the hangout today and being in Satsang. So really grateful and thankful. Happy to see you.

It looks like you have some sort of a radiance after your marriage. I said looks like you have some sort of a radiance, more bright around you after marriage. Very good. This woman will be very auspicious for both of you, and you both of you come to realization of what you are. And may your marriage not be dependent on expectations and desires. Both of you, full freedom. It is self-evident. Thank you so much, Father. Namaste.

Jyoti Priya said, 'No one here to believe thoughts, no one here to not believe thoughts. Just the appearance of thoughts arising, no different from the words on this screen arising. The belief is also just arising and appearance, which is beautiful.' Very good. Are these not the words of a sage? And then Jyoti had said, 'Love of God inside my heart is so enough, no need of more names.' Yes, yes. Once you have tasted this Amrit in your own heart, this nectar, this presence of God, your own holy presence, then how can something in this realm, this phenomenal world, be attractive? And how will you be even averse to anything which is appearing? Freedom is always about the right now. Right now, if you're empty of concepts, then this is freedom.

Oh, I remember Parvati wanted to speak to me. No, I was watching your broadcast. You said that you wanted to tell me something or speak to me about something. Still there?

Hi. You know, I listened to hours and hours of audio of Adyashanti since then and of course, of course it cleared up, you know. But it was, it's not a question. It was like this sort of recognition that was going on in my mind and also I was seeing stuff, so I was like pulling out. And anyway, I'll tell you what it was about. I had a lot of, I had a week of a lot of conflict, you know. We're moving into the house and all the contractors are not doing, you know, what they should be. They're being just like all contractors are. Yes, so they are just being like the nature of contractors. And there's just, you know, like there's a lot of stuff going on because of that. And I'm quite a perfectionistic person, so you know, I'm like, 'No, this isn't right. Please redo that. No, you promised you were going to be here yesterday.' Wah, wah, wah. So there's a lot of that going on.

And also some of the staff who work for me were just, I think they were confused by all the moving into the new place, so there was a lot of conflict. So you know, being the good spiritual seeker of twenty years, it was bothering me, you know. Every time I like lost my temper or you know, like had words with anyone, no matter how gentle I would try and be, you know, there were times where I was just like, 'No, that's not what you said,' blah, blah. So of course all of that bothers you when you're a spiritual seeker. So what started happening was my mind started going, 'You see, all this dropping of your spiritual practices is just making you a horrible person because look how you're behaving. You know, how can you be like this? When you were meditating four hours a day, you were always gentle and kind and this. You should go back to all of your practice. You should go back to your yoga. You see what you're like.' You know, so it started making me almost like doubt everything that we discuss.

And then I was like, 'No, no, no, no. I'm on to you because you're trying to create a person again by saying, oh, now it's a horrible person.' You know, so it's not like now the spiritual seeking identity that you were building is gone, so now we're going to make this horrible identity. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to fall into that trap. You know, so what I just tried to do was just constantly be neutral and to just be in presence. And if something arose, it would arise and I would have words or not, or praise or be kind or whatever was appropriate in the moment, and then tried not to reconstitute this personality of being a particular way. You know, and I noticed also last week when Ram was speaking about that guy called Satguru and all of that Isha stuff, you know, it's very practice-based. And you know, I also come from a long lineage of like, 'If only you meditate enough, if only you do enough Hatha, if only you say the right things in your head all day long, if only you repeat your mantra,' wah, wah. All of those things sort of come as a recipe for 'then you'll be an amazing person.' You know, it's just nonsense. It's absolute nonsense.

And actually it's the same thing as, 'Oh, I hate myself because I'm behaving like this or like this or like this.' There is no other way that you can behave. You are right in this moment what God made you. You know, you are the way you are because of, like the Buddha would say, the ten thousand things has brought this particular personality to this particular place. You know, this body that I'm in with these particular age, hormonal troubles, child, husband, all of it is just what it is. You know, there's no other way. You know, you can think, 'Oh, I'm going to behave,' you can find and control your behavior, but it's just God behaving. So yeah, I was, that's what I was trying to... okay, then when I wanted to speak to you, it was because I was in the middle of starting to get that despair that I often get that I actually spoke to you about in Rishikesh, which is, you know, here is this body and it's not going to go away, this body-mind, right?

So whatever issue comes up, you are just going to say, 'Yes, but that's not you,' and you're going to pull the identification into awareness for us like you always do. You do a very good job of it, you know. And then of course when it's viewed from the point of awareness, there can be no issue, there can be no worry, no concern, no nothing, because awareness has this beautiful perfection. But this body-mind isn't going to go away. So I often get this despair of like banging my head because the world troubles come. And then I was reading Bhagavan, he said the ego is never going to go away. So I was like, yeah, even Bhagavan says it's not going to go away, but it will stop bothering you. And I think I'm starting to get to the point where it's not bothering me. And the minute I got there, my husband started fighting with me about that. You know, he was like, 'You're unconcerned about how you're behaving. How can you behave like that?' And I was like, 'Well, it was necessary in the moment, you know, and don't label it. It's gone.' Like the monk said, 'I've dropped it like it happened yesterday.' You know, so I know that's a bit like a report and not really like a question, but yeah, when I expected you, I was in the middle of all of that.

It's a very good report, very good, very honest, very helpful for many. Because many times it comes like this, no? That now you're so spiritual, so spiritual, and Ananta says when true spirituality meets the world, then kindness often... and where is that? You see, the mind can play like this. That means now you've gone from bad person, you became good spiritual person, and now because you stopped your practice, you become bad person. The mind is only going to be making some or the other person out of you. Very good you spotted it in time, very good. Because otherwise this can become like a very auspicious thing, no? 'Yes, yes, I used to be a good person when I was practicing. Let me become a good person again.'

Yeah, and also like my mind goes, 'You know, Bhagavan wouldn't have behaved like that. Mooji doesn't behave like that.' You know, it doesn't matter how necessary it is or how justified, I still get bothered by it. Even the smallest movement of the personality bothers me, you know. Even if there's just like this momentary going-to-sleepness, I hate it. You know, I know I'm supposed to be at peace with everything, but I just... yeah. And I heard Ram Dass on Saturday in Satsang say, 'Even the slightest thought will after a while start disturbing you.' You know, and then I get that despair like I said, I get that like, this ain't going away. You know, I suppose you must just not let it bother you.

No, actually he's right because there's a deep sensitivity here. But the sensitivity is not to the thought; the sensitivity becomes to the belief in the thought. So you'll find that the minute you picked up something, you will find something is bitter in your mouth. See, all thoughts can come and go, so it's not really the content of the thought. The minute you pick it up, the minute you give it your belief, then you'll start to have this bitter taste, you see. And maybe it was always like this and we realize that something was not right, but our sensitivity was not strong enough to see. You've not been in the natural state long enough to notice that this bitterness is coming in my mouth anytime I pick up a belief about something, you see.

So don't worry that it is the thought content. It is not the content of the thought. The most horrific thoughts can still come, but it is only when you find that you have believed that it applies to you. 'Yes, this is true for me.' Then it'll leave a bitter aftertaste because no thought applies to you. Even the thought 'I am God' does not apply to you, see? Because that thought is just a concept. So it is let all thoughts come and go. Don't come into this feeling that only a certain type of thoughts can come. All kind of thoughts will come. Let them all come and go. You will not be affected. They will have no power. The sensitivity will be when you have picked something up.

I think my thoughts are about behavior because I have very little thoughts that I kind of cling on to, so they just fly through all day long, right? But then there's a particular behavior, and then I think about that behavior, and those are like in this instance, those are the particular ones. And they're all related to like behaving like a saint, you know. Oh, the traps!

It's funny, you know. The best thing is in all our spirituality in India, we know that many sages have been known to have a fierce temper, many of them. That's why it's a great disservice many times when these books are written by the devotees, because of their love they will hide over, they will lean over all of these parts, you see, and write only the goody-goody stuff, which I feel is a disservice which has happened only over the past two hundred years or so. Before that, if you read the stories, they talk about how sages would get angry and they would curse people and you know, those people would have to live out the curses, these kind of things. Because even you see videos of Maharaj, such a loving, loving being, you know, so much love percolating through every word, but in his expression he could be strong, he could be fiery.

So this mind will... there are many stories of many Zen masters also who've done atrocious behavior, atrocious behavior. Does this mean that they had not discovered the truth? No, it is just that what was playing out through their expression was playing that way, just playing that way. So what we must... so when you say behavior, actually what is happening is that there's still some sense that 'I am doing my behavior,' that 'I have some sense of control over my behavior.' This is funny, split coming there's this real weird split coming where there's periods of behavior where I'm like, 'No, it was just happening,' you know, and there's no personal doership in it. And then there's this funny, this you pick out...

So when you say behavior, actually what is happening is that there's still some sense that I am doing my behavior, that I have some sense of control over my behavior. This is a funny split coming. There's this real weird split coming where there's periods of behavior where I'm like, 'No, it was just happening,' you know? And there's no personal doership in it. And then there's this funny... you pick out different behaviors that you think you are still the doer of. It's like the mind has a tendency to let go of some of it because it'll let you... it's a weird thing. So some behavior you are doing and the rest of the behavior is God doing. It's just like a stage. I can feel that I'm like on the threshold of both of them, you know? And it really does depend on how deep the presence is in that particular period, you know? Because if I'm really sort of not there as a person, none of it bothers me. I can walk out of my office and say to the gardener, 'Why did you plant that plant there?' whatever it is, and it's just completely not attached. And then, like, I had an argument with my husband about satsang, you know, the usual, like, 'You spend too much time in satsang.' And that one, I was the doer of, you know? Because there, it's the relationship and it's all the close stuff. Then it's tears and it's fighting.

Just remember that Parvati is never the doer. Never the doer.

I can remember that if I have the presence of mind to think about it, of course.

Even when you don't remember, Parvati is not the doer because Parvati never existed, you see? Whatever is playing out is playing out. Whatever is playing out is playing out. It is whether you as Consciousness are believing that you are now Parvati, or whether you're not pretending to be Parvati. But you can never truly become Parvati. No matter what the action might be which is flowing through this body-mind, nothing can make Parvati out of you. It is always going to be only an imagined concept. So even subtly, don't let these concepts come that 'I must now do something, just be in the presence, and then I will be the true me,' you see? 'Not in the presence, then I will become this person Parvati.' You see how that's coming in the back door?

Yes, because now it will allow any behavior as long as there's no doer, as long as we're in presence 24/7. And then the minute that presence drops, then there's like that disappointment with it dropping again. It's like this weird... it's all very subtle. Well, I mean, it might be very obvious to my satsang members, you know, but yeah, it's very subtle how it plays.

Yes, this is the double whammy, as I say. This is the double whammy where first it convinces you that you are the doer of your action, and then it says, 'Why did you have to do this?' and makes you guilty. So not only has it invented this dual person, it also has given it the attribute of the guilty doer person. And if it is not the guilty doer person, then it is the proud doer person: 'But see, I just stayed with the presence and therefore I behaved so nicely.' Mooji says everything is fine as long as you're in presence. Okay, let's try and be in presence 24/7. Ah, now you weren't in presence for the last half an hour. Oh, you're terrible! How it can play like this. When we hear things like this personally, then it can become something that I have to do personally. If you're letting all thoughts come and go, are you not in presence? Presence is just here. Nobody can stop being his presence.

There is a preference for the perfume of being in awareness, you know? All the feeling in the body of being in the heart and of that like open, spacious feeling, you know? There's definitely a personal preference. And then there's like the mind has this pull for it to hold time, you know? And then it creates this weird frustration when it feels like that hasn't been present. And of course it's been present, you know? It's there all day long. But I watch this funny belief where... I think a lot of spiritual seekers are Type A personalities, you know? And I certainly look at the story of this one. I went from being incredibly ambitious in every other aspect of life, and then I changed my judgment to enlightenment being the highest goal, and then I went like all out, all out, like a person obsessed and only in a sense of an ambitious achievement, you know? It was just the way it was. And I think that a little bit of that Type A personality, like 'I should be in awareness all day long,' has it still sitting there, you know?

Yes, because this Type A, as you call it, wants to win. Wants to win, get there, and prove it: 'I got it.' Yeah, it's the highest achievement. Let's go for the highest. And it's reinforced when sages speak like that: 'Go for the only thing that's important, you know, this is the goal of your life.' And that Type A personality thing will go, 'Yes, go, yes!'

I'm starting to see through the whole thing. And I love you, you know, you're an amazing teacher. Thank you so much. I wrote to you earlier that I used to pray to Mooji that somehow I have to get closer to him, you know? And then he sent you, and now here I am with the Master every day. Thank you so much. Love you.

Remember that the highest, highest, highest you can be, you already are. All that you can pretend of yourself to be cannot touch that high that you already are. So these are not just words when I say that God takes birth inside you. You are aware of the presence. What must you be that God takes birth inside you? Can there be anything higher than that? So anything that the mind can conjure up... and in our lives, the mind has conjured up many things, no? 'You'll become so good, so good if you had this. If you do this, you'll become so amazing if you had this.' But nothing can match up to the reality of what you already are. Even what is written in spiritual books about what can be expressed at the highest, that also means nothing for you. You are that much beyond any of this.

And the mind will come and say, 'But this is just so convenient, you see? So convenient. That means any behavior can happen, and this is so convenient because you can say God is doing it.' And many will use Advaita in this convenient way. For those in the satsang, I can tell you that this is what is meant by the sensitivity: the minute you pick up this person, something will start to churn up inside you like you want to vomit. So this is also the Master's Grace where you cannot use any Advaita conveniently. Only the mind can keep coming and saying this kind of thing. So there is a sense that the person is trying to say, 'Oh yes, God is the one, God is the one that is doing,' and still trying to hide the personal belief somewhere. Then they'll be very... you really want to just throw it out. So don't worry about this one. I know when you say it, it is coming from your heart. It's coming from the seeing of what you are. The mind will try to make you guilty and say that you're using these Advaitic concepts conveniently. Nobody in the satsang can do that. Nobody in life actually can do that.

With this integrity, with this honesty, no idea of, no belief about personhood will be sustained. No good person, no bad person, no spiritual person. All ideas. And because we can have some conditioning around these things, you see, that 'Now I'm spiritual, I must behave in a certain way,' that's why also sages have shown us that it is not always this way.

But you know, last week I was in despair because when we say that, I'm like, 'Well, why are we doing all of this thing, you know? It's a useless thing. Why are we... isn't it useless then that we are not going to change or improve?' Because, you know, if you just stay this horrible old person, then what is it all for?

But you can never become a person, you see? That realization will not leave you. So the expression could be in any way, but you cannot pick up the person idea anymore. These are the last remnants of this person idea which is being burped out, being vomited out. You'll come to this place which is not conforming to anybody's idea of what a good person is. Would that be freedom? If you had to just conform to the world's idea of what a free one is, that doesn't sound very free to me. You have to live up to so many concepts. 'I cannot go for superhero movies now. If I am a teacher, then why should I watch cinema? Why should I watch TV? I should always have this, I should always just be sharing satsang.' There's so many concepts. 'Why should I wear these clothes? I should only be dressed in white and orange.' This is just coming from some conditioning about what a spiritual person is. There is no definition to what a spiritual person is.

It is not necessary that an enlightened one sees everyone who needs some help and stops the car to help everyone. That can be some of the world's idea of what an enlightened one is. No idea about what it should be, because it doesn't stop, you see? It could be this, and then the mind will say, 'But now you stop shouting, but inside you are still feeling some anger, so even this should not be there and then you'll be free,' you know? And then it'll say something else, and then it'll say something else. Always almost there, you see? Don't get on that treadmill, my dear, because it does not stop. It does not stop. And it all sounds very good, very auspicious, very humble. It will say, 'No, no, you must become a kind person at least.' Where does it say, in which scripture does it say like this? That when the person is completely dissolved, then you will find that automatically kindness is flowing. And even if it doesn't, there's not this question, 'Why am I being this way?'

See, because it is this guilt, this fear of how I am behaving, that will stop this natural flow of the expression how it is meant to be. We never know what is good or not, you see? Because you shout at the contractor, do you know that it is better to shout or not to shout? We don't know. Maybe he needs that. He needs to get the job finished so he can get to his next job on time, so he can make some more money. So he needed that shouting. Maybe. Maybe he did. It's just the way it is flowing, you see? We can never know what something is for. You can only watch the way it is playing out. Just watch the way it is playing.

And no matter what you hear in satsang, and sometimes it sounds like it is personal advice, but it is not so. Right now, all of us, let's burn all concepts we have about freedom, about the enlightened person or the spiritual person. Just let's forget about all of those concepts because the mind will use these to create guilt, to create remorse, to create fear, and keep us distracted from the truth of what we really are. And all these things—kindness, goodness—all of this is phenomenal. See, I know I rarely speak like this, but even this has to be said: that suppose we were on a different planet, and on a different planet the rules of the realm were that you have to be nasty to everyone, and then people would go around feeling guilty about being kind. Who has decided this moral compass? It is your own presence, isn't it? So it comes after you, you see?

I rarely say these kind of things, but I can say it to you now, most of you who have been in satsang for a long time. But even all of this compassion, kindness, brotherhood, sisterhood—all of this comes much later, much after you. These are the rules you have defined for this realm to play as Consciousness. If there is life on another alien planet, it might operate in a different way. And if this realm is for us to enjoy, how would it be if everybody was kind? Nobody would ever have a challenge, nobody would ever have anything to work. As Maharaj said, 'I just remain as I am and I let the conditioning of this body-mind play the way it wants to.' Conditioning is not... it's not good. Consciousness is dragging us down, isn't it? Dragging us into the pretense. Not really dragging you, it's just that you keep pretending. Now the beauty of all of this is that nothing really has happened.

If this realm is for us to enjoy, how would it be that everybody was kind, nobody would ever have a challenge, nobody would ever have anything to work? As Maharaj said, I just remain as I am and I let the conditioning of this body-mind play the way it wants to. Conditioning is not Consciousness dragging us down, isn't it? Dragging us into the pretense? Not really dragging you; it's just that you keep pretending. Now, the beauty of all of this is that nothing really has happened. Because when you see 'dragging us'—and I know many times Masters will say that this is happening to you, you see—but that is just speaking phenomenally. But no phenomena is actually happening to you. For something to happen to you, you must be phenomenal. You see this? Or I see that for all of you, something was to happen to you means that you must be phenomenal, because nothing can happen to that which is not phenomenal. So even this delusion, this sense of personhood, is happening to your dynamic aspect, which is the play of beingness. This Consciousness which is pretending to be a person or not.

What happened to the witness? The identification should not be there for again the Consciousness pretending to be the person. That's the only identification, isn't it?

Yes, that's all I speak about in satsang. Ultimately, all of satsang is about not identifying as a person—as a glorious person or as a terrible person.

So my conditioning is not good. I play the game and not be affected by it?

No, but how can conditioning affect you if you're not believing your thought? Yes, conditioning means what? Just tendencies, karma, whatever you call it, right? Where, how is it playing? It's playing by feeding you these thoughts. This energy, energy is coming from this pool of tendencies or karmatic movements are continuously there. They're there, they're there, yes. But they are nothing without your beliefs. So no matter how strong your karma is, it cannot be stronger than you as Consciousness. And I know that the mind always has this question: 'So then what should I do now?' You see, if all of this is true, what should I do now? And I know, having been there myself, that when you hear there's nothing to do, it is not really satisfactory, isn't it? When you hear that there is nothing to do, it is not really satisfactory. That's why I've given you a pointing which is: okay, if you feel you want to do something, don't believe your next thought. And in this simple way, all sense of doership will also dissolve. All the Masters have said this. Bhagavan has said that if it seems like you have a choice, then use that choice not to go along with your thoughts, and then you will realize that everything is Grace. Mooji Ji said that don't buy whatever the thought is selling. The thought could be selling anything; don't buy it. What does it mean? That you don't give it your belief. See? So the way it is getting expressed here might be different, but the message is the same: just don't believe your next thought.

Father, may I come in? I speak.

Yes, Atma, my dear, you can come.

Namaste, Father. Can you hear me?

Yes, very well.

Okay. I just wanted to be in your presence and to have a feedback from you. I actually don't know what's happening, and it's nothing really big happening. Just from the morning, I have this pressure in my heart and I can't still—I even cannot understand what that is. It's not emotion, it's just like I don't feel comfortable and very like something wants to come out, but I don't know what that is. And I would love just that to come out and to leave me. I don't know what it is. Just, I would like to cry but I can't. Something like that. Actually, it's not an emotion. It's like, yeah, I remember this feeling I had similar, maybe same, once when I was with you on satsang chat. And just now my hands, because maybe so much energy came and I just felt—I feel like, therefore I can't understand what that is. I feel like my heart, still there is a lot of space in my heart area that wants to expand and it just wants to—I just want to have to breathe it, but I'm not able if I'm alone. And it's actually nothing, just I don't know, I don't know what it is. Thank you. Like there is a lot of still a lot of space here for heart to expand, for you to enter in, even if you are already everywhere. But it's maybe also about body, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Thank you. It's still here, this energy, but it's okay. Shh. Yeah, okay. There is so much love, so much love that sometimes feels like a burden. I don't know why. Maybe because I can't express it always, but maybe not. I don't know. It also feels like a new energy is coming to me. It's not like what I know and I already feel and I already am. It's not like that is all that. It feels like there is much more, but not in quantity. And sometimes it feels like a burden, even if it's not emotion and nothing. Just came like too much energy and cannot find the way, something like that.

Sometimes these strong energies can come, and if there is no fear about them, then they will not find a place to stay. Momentarily they can come, they can be expressed, and the fire of satsang will burn all that which is inauspicious.

Yes. When I—like there is the—it may be fear. There is fear to be too much loving because it's always too much. It was in the past for everybody and it was like somewhere, something, there is a fear of—even if I'm loving and everything, but still there is something like fear of loving too much. But not me loving—I don't have that fear—but of expressing love.

Yes, of expressing love. That fear, this fear will also leave you because of some past, some event. Maybe something must have happened where something felt like the outcome of expressing love is not good. But that time, love was not love; it was an expectation. It was love mixed with expectations. Now you're coming in the presence of pure love which has no expectation of any outcome, you see? So if you love someone, you say 'I love you' and they turn around and walk away, it means nothing. It means because there is no expectation of any outcome. So when there is fear, fear must have meant in the past there was some expectation, and this expectation now is being burnt.

Yes, yes, yes, exactly. So the expression of love also is God's problem, is the Guru's problem. And you're not there, then there is no concept of any personal fear also. And I always, always enjoyed your form of expressing love, always. Not that goody-goody all the time, it's just very—therefore I wanted to come to be, to see you, to speak with you because it was so. And it came, it came out of nowhere actually. It seemed out of nowhere, but two days ago something happened which I thought it was not so important, maybe only for my mind, only for my thoughts I was thinking about it. But actually, actually was not only thinking, it was energy here which was like expecting something from a person which was like—actually it was—I have two sisters and the youngest one, and it was like how she could behave in that way. But it was not in so much in words, but here was the energy. And I did not know, I just saw thought, but not the energy here. Because I really expect nothing from anybody, especially not from her now. But it was something like—it was that expectation like, 'I gave you whole my childhood and my life, you know, to make you grow up with my other sister and everything, and you're so arrogant.' It was like thoughts, but the energy—it's not—the energy is more pure actually. It's not like these thoughts, but it was like something, something. And I want it to leave me because it's not because I love her. It was just a small accident, nothing special, but triggered something that was—but actually everything is, it's all about me, all about me. And I really want to be free from everything and just to flow. And I also don't like these moments when I feel like this. Of course, I always want to be flowing, but this is also okay because still I see still some stagnant energies are inside of my heart and some there. Okay, thank you. Thank you so very much.

Have no concept about yourself. Have no concept about yourself, where you are, whether you're spiritual enough or not. Just forget about it. You know, satsang means that the Master has made the prayer that all that afflicts their children, may that be his now. Satsang starts on the basis of this prayer, that the Master is willing to take on everything that afflicts his children. So don't even worry about energy. Any energy which is coming is also my problem. Everything is being taken care of. Everything is good.

Yes, yes, it is. It is gone, gone. Thank you.

Okay, we are running very much behind. Okay, Jyoti wants to come. You can come for a while, my dear.

Namaste, Father. Can you hear me okay?

Yes, very well.

I just got a sick little one here, so I've got the TV on for her to watch. I just wanted to thank you so much for the satsang and thank Parvati for what you brought and also Atma too. And the same story plays here, and I guess there's just a feeling of wanting to totally bring it to you and expose it. This spiritual perfection, but it's underlying this deep sense of being, this deep story or belief that there's something wrong, that I'm wrong, and that my expressions are too strong because they hurt people. Last night, this weekend as well, there was a huge temper tantrum that was thrown. I was telling my husband he must leave. It was like—but there was nothing that could hold it back. Often there is something, there's this imaginary doer that tries to hold things in and say things nicely, and it's the same story, exactly the same story. And everything just exploded and then was seen that—and this is where, like, it doesn't matter that it was seen that, like, this one trying to be all good and kind is thinking there's some salvation in being good and kind. It actually makes no difference. But there's also a fear of really taking that in and digesting it because then there's a fear that, like, because it seemed like it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it makes no difference, it's like it doesn't matter. But then there's something that wants it almost to matter because then it—I don't know if it makes sense what I'm saying—but like it doesn't make any difference. It doesn't seem to make any difference what this imagined person does or doesn't do, whether it's kind or in presence or aware or whatever. It makes no difference to what is or what is true. And there's almost this fear of complete—even to say completely surrendering to that also doesn't matter. It doesn't, it doesn't—I don't even know what I'm saying, Father.

Let me just say something then. For me, I would much rather hear a temper tantrum. For me, when I hear a temper tantrum, it's good. But if I hear a temper tantrum which is then dressed well, dressed in very nice and loving words, then that is even worse. Much rather have it straight, you know?

Yeah, because some second-level delusion that we're building on top.

Yeah, carrying the belief of personhood, but then we are trying to then strain ourselves even more and trying to be a good person on top of that and then sharing from there. I would much rather we cut out all of that and just go straight. Go absolutely, very absolutely.

And I can see how that there's like this game that plays here and it's completely exposed. Actually, the person here is not a nice person at all and can be whatever—I don't even know what that means—but like, there you know, I just, I just—this carrying, this trying to be nice and sweet and kind, it's such—excuse my language, I don't want to swear—but like, I just, you know. And even with my family. But then it seemed like it makes no difference to choose it, like it makes no difference. It's almost like something's afraid of completely accepting that because then it thinks like it's going to just go crazy and kind of not modulating this behavior all the time, that somehow it's going to hurt somebody or hurt—

There, you know, I just... I'm just carrying this trying to be nice and sweet and kind. It's such—excuse my language to swear—but like, I just... you know, and even with my family. But then it seemed like it makes no difference to choose it, like it makes no difference. It's almost like something's afraid of completely accepting that because then it thinks like it's going to just go crazy and not modulate this behavior all the time, that somehow it's going to hurt somebody or hurt something. It's like, and then this insidious control steps in. But it's all nonsense, Father, and I'm sorry I swore, but it's just such... and it's just so ridiculous.

It's very good that you see through this. Just throw it away. Nobody has said to throw everything away except your niceness. Nobody said throw everything away.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And also be careful that the mind will come and say that, but this gives you a free pass to be a terror or any of that. Forget about what the mind is saying. Just forget about it. It doesn't matter. It has always only been God who has been doing everything. Yeah, God is not going to suddenly change this expression and make you an axe murderer or something now that you've come to the realization that there is no person. It doesn't play like that.

But it's like Parvati was saying, there's this fire that comes and then there's something that tries to hold it back. But there's almost like an energetic holding in all the time that is... and it's a subtle, almost... it's very subtle. But it's just throwing it, putting it all here, Father, because it is nothing.

I have been through these cycles myself before I met Guruji. You know what would happen with me? That same thing: nice, nice, nice, nice throughout, nice, nice. And then once in six months, I would really lose it, just blow up at family or something. And anybody who would see me those times would say, 'What? Who is this? What has happened?' You know? So when we play these games of being nice or being bad, all these games now can be dropped. Absolutely, absolutely. Because they leave such nasty side effects. Trying to be a nice person can leave the most nasty residue because you're holding back on so much, so much. Some energy is coming up to be released and you're saying, 'No, no.' You're just choking yourself in this way. Yes, just for a moment. And I don't feel that anything will go wrong. Everything will be auspicious. Do not replace a seeming bad person with a nice person, with a spiritual person. If all that happens as a result of coming to Satsang is that you become nice people, then I've not done my job.

It's just the mind trying to find some kind of salvation, that's all. It's just a game and it's just... thank you, thank you that it can be seen through and dropped because it's such nonsense. And forgive my swearing, but somehow that just kind of... that's also come.

Yes, completely fine. Like I said, I'd much rather hear you like this than to hear you through some filter of fake niceness.

No, thank you, Father. Thank you, everyone. And Father, can I just... like, it doesn't really... I mean, like, there's something that almost feels like when I say it doesn't matter because it doesn't touch what is true, there's almost something that feels like saying that is almost sanctimonious. Like, there's a... I don't know, I just wanted to bring that to you as well. Like, what is sanctimonious? I don't even know if sanctimonious is the right word. Like, no, no, sacrilegious. Sacrilegious to say... not sanctimonious, sacrilegious to say it doesn't matter is almost like it's sacrilegious to this one that tries so hard to do it right. Like, because it's seen that it doesn't matter, it doesn't touch anything in truth, but somehow there's something that's sacrilegious in that, you know?

Thing is that I've seen many like this and I've started using a term for that which is called 'nice guy syndrome.' You might have nice guy syndrome. And for this nice guy syndrome, when something gets expressed this way, it's almost like sacrilege. So is nice guy syndrome. It is still the same guy, still the same.

Thank you so much, Father. I'll leave it all here. Thank you so much, thank you so much, Satsang. Thank you.

Okay, I know I missed something on YouTube, but we are almost three hours in. So let me also let Parvati Ji go; she might have some work to do as well. Will you share your invocations with us, my dear? It's still saying mute. Okay.

Thank you all so very much for being in Satsang today. Satguru Shri Mooji Ji Jai Jai Jai Jai.

Father, do we have a minute? Vani wanted to just ask blessings. There she is.

Namaste. Very happy to meet you.

Same here. You see the reason for the radiance?

Yes, yes, I see it. Very long welcome to you to this beautiful family of ours, and it feels like you've always been a part of it. Anytime you have a question about something or something is bothering you, you can reach out to any of us. Even if it is to complain about Vikas, you can reach out to us.

Sure, I'll do that. Very happy, very happy to have you with us.

So much love. All my love and blessings to you both.

Thanks a lot, Father.

Thank you, Ji. You can turn the broadcast off now. Thank you so much for everything.