I Am Aware of Awareness - 16th June 2016

Yes, Father. I can't see you, Father. I can't see you.

Can't see me? Yeah, okay. But can you hear me? Yes? This is enough. To hear is enough for now. Maybe when you come back into the hangout, then you'll be able to see me. But sometimes it happens, the video doesn't show. But that's okay, we don't need the video today. Do you have a paper and pen? Okay, let me see. Good. On the top of this paper, we are writing: Surrendered Beliefs. And we are writing the date for today.

It's just remaining open to everything. All thoughts to come and go. Just remain as the witness of them. And meaning those we write down, just thoughts? Yes, any thought which seems to have some meaning. So start with this one: 'This is meaningful.' So you can start with this one, that everything is meaningful. Yeah, because that also is a concept. And just like this, remain open to the mind. Allow all thoughts to come and go. But if some have a little bit of juice, if they are even a little bit sticky, then I know this is not for me, I'm too advanced for this, or something like this. So you make a note of that. All this surrendered.

So what I said is—okay, I'll repeat because some of you are asking on YouTube what I said. Title it: Surrendered Beliefs, and put today's date on it. Then remain open to all your thought activity and see what still has some meaning for you. Still has meaning for you, even if it is a little bit of meaning. Any sort of meaning, either acceptance or denial. The important thing in this exercise is that we are not to be in denial. And notice how your mind will come with a lot of projection about your self-image. That you find some meaning in the thought, but the mind itself is saying, 'No, no, but I can't write this down because this is going to show that I'm not really there or advanced.' Write those also. Write them down. And just like this, we will be for at least half an hour and then we see what comes up. Don't cheat. Don't cheat yourself. Don't be in denial.

The audio is very bad today, it seems. But if somebody still hasn't got the instructions, you let me know and I will repeat again. I don't mind if you still haven't got them, but I hope here you're going to do this. Keep your spiritual practice. Just allow all thoughts to come and to go. If you find that you can't resist picking up from this conveyor belt of thoughts, the name of that dish, write it down on this sheet of paper or this phone or computer, whatever you do.

And Clare says, 'Is it beliefs about surrender or anything?' Anything. As you are remaining open, anything might come. And most you will be able to allow to go, but some still might seem like they have some meaning. You can write those. And we are not to do anything. We are not to go searching for them, not to avoid. Just be neutral and allow them to come and go.

Remember not to chase and not to avoid. Just remain in your neutrality. Allow thoughts to come and go. If you find that a thought comes and it still gets believed, it still seems to be meaningful, then just make a note of it.

Okay, I'll repeat one more time because someone new came in now, and I'll also type it on the YouTube. Not able to hear me today? On the mobile it's possible. On top of the paper, we write: Surrendered Beliefs. Then we allow all thoughts to come and go as they please. Then we notice which ones still get some belief from us, they still have some meaning for us, and those ones we write down. And we are not to chase any or to avoid any thoughts. It's very important. Expose your most spiritual beliefs. Some of you are even avoiding this exercise because of some spiritual belief. That's very good. That's it. Anything that has any meaning, that doesn't sound like a joke, that doesn't sound complete. You're full of lies, right? The AC remote, put it on.

We'll have that sharing thing after this in about half an hour. All of you can share what you had, but now just allow them to come. Because even the urge to speak them out can be used by the mind to prevent more deeper looking. We are unraveling our deepest belief system, so give it that time and space. Only which is coming now, whatever has some meaning, you can write down. We don't have to write the whole bhajan, just write the name of the bhajan. Some say, 'I can't believe I had so many.' So we won't share now anything about this. We won't report anything right now. Just whatever still has some meaning, you write it down, including this one.

Remain in your neutrality, allowing all thoughts to come and go, all sensations to come and go. Let your attention also go wherever it wants. You're not trying to chase any thoughts and you're not lying about what still gets some meaning from us.

Don't make any effort to think or do not think. Just allow everything to move on its own.

If some of you are just joining us on the satsang, you can scroll up on the YouTube chat and see the instructions.

Just five more minutes. Welcome every thought. See what gets your belief.

Especially notice the ones that are whispering in your ear, pretending to be your voice, that you seem to just pick up because they seem so intimate, so close.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti. So now on the list, let's look at the list and see the ones which were just interpretations of what was happening. Which ones were just the interpretations of just what was happening? Interpretations of this exercise, interpretations of whether you're doing it right or wrong, interpreting what is happening for you. So right next to that, you can write 'interpretation'. Next to those thoughts, you can write 'interpretation'. Was it interpreting what was happening? Like, was it talking about this exercise? No, it seems to be everything is so real. This is what we are looking at.

So interpretations are done. Then take the spiritual ones. Which ones are the spiritual ones? You write 'spiritual' next to that. No, you type it in the YouTube chat. How many spiritual ones are there? And also on the hangout chat, you can write how many spiritual thoughts. Write one, one spiritual. Clare says one. All the same topic, spiritual or spiritual. How it doesn't matter. That is interpretation. That is an interpretation of what's happening. 'What's happening here, I want to run away from it' is an interpretation and avoidance of what is. 'I'm not sure if I was doing that'—so that one was interpretation and the rest was spiritual. Sense that this is coming up very strong, that feels like a thought would come with it. Spiritual five, five spiritual interpretation now. What one says, 'I have an A4 page.' And also btim was showing me this page. So let's see the numbers. Zero spiritual. Asima says five spiritual. Says six spiritual. What's happening on YouTube chat? Ishwari says, 'No interpreting, just intense sadness and sense of wanting to leave where I am.' Shanti says two in all, both were spiritual. Yeah, that also is a thought: 'I was not believing my thoughts.' But you might not be telling me how many spiritual. Why you guys on YouTube are not telling me? Shani says five spiritual and thirteen—show again—ten spiritual and twenty-two interpretation. Says just two spiritual.

Okay, so if you're done with counting spiritual, then Clare has five interpretation. Then go to relationship. How many thoughts about relationships, beliefs? Yeah, that were given meaning. Yeah, just Madeline says, 'Are we not using the mind to do this exercise?' This is also one interpretation. You can add this to the list. Interpretations. Energies has three interpretations. Clare has four. Relationship, relationship, relationship. One relationship. 'I can't help this relationship.' That says three relationship. Says nine relationship. S says there was frustration because mind was blind, crying, asking 'What do I believe?' and no answers were coming. So this sense of some grief or something can come, but to make frustration out of it, you must have mixed it with what is not happening. Frustration maybe just a release of some grief or sadness or something like this. And along with the release of conditioning which is happening, there can be some energetic release also that can happen, like Ishwari was saying. So just to be neutral and allow all of this to come and go. Just see that if you call something frustration, it means there must be a thought. But if the interpretive thought is coming saying 'Why it's not happening for me? Why I'm not doing this exercise properly?' then it can seem like frustration. Lot of frustration, judging. It's good to expose all of this, get it out of your system, so to speak.

Okay, so we did the interpretation, we did spiritual, we did relationship. What about money, work, security-related thoughts? How many of those? Says twenty-seven relationship. Madeline says, 'I don't understand this exercise.' It's okay, Madeline, we're just having some fun. If it's still not clear, I can explain again after you read that. Just let me know. Say seven about all the other topics. Two about security is what Asima said. Clare says none about money or material security. Energy also says none material. But says none about security, some about self-image. Okay, so this money part is done. And the fourth...

About money, work, security-related thoughts, how many of those? Someone says 27. Relationship? Madeline says, 'I don't understand this exercise.' It's okay, my dear, we're just having some fun. Still, if it's not clear, I can explain again after you read that. Just let me know. Someone says seven about all the other topics. Two about security is what Aima said. Claire says none about money or material security. Energy also says none material, but says none about security, some about self-image. Okay, so this money part is done. And the fourth one is: what about the body and the health of the body? How many of those?

Zero body, but something inside is okay, but it comes with the force. In the exercise, when I was writing, nothing about security or money came. Also, what about health? So nothing really is getting meaning from you, is that yes?

My relationship ones were all about emotional security. Claire says about success or career, self-image. Maybe add this to a list. We say our thoughts are about these four things, but also self-images can be a lot of thoughts about it. Even during the exercise: 'Am I writing too many or too less? Am I doing this right?' A lot of self-image type things can come. Nobody? Something just wants to like... okay. This one says three about future, how the future will be. Security says, 'Father, you spotted it, you spotted it quickly.' It just came, the thought, 'Oh look, my list is the longest.' There are many long lists, and it's good because this means that you're not in denial, as you are able to expose this and say, 'Yes, this still has some meaning here.' They're not denying; they're not pushing it away with concepts like 'Oh, I'm beyond belief now.' Why can't I write so many? Because what will they think of me? So with this, you know, if it is done, it is very good.

So as you go through your list and you see the categories in which meaning has been given, you will see some contours that define your identity in some way. It's not necessarily accurate because this exercise was only a few minutes long, but that which gets more and more meaning from you, see, that is what defines your bundle of concepts, the contours of your seemingly personal expression. You get some insight into that when you look at this. So now what I want you to do is write down at the bottom of that list: 'None of these thoughts have anything to do with me. None of these thoughts have anything to do with me. I surrender them all.' And you can put whoever you have the most faith in, whoever you feel most devoted to. Say, 'I surrender them all to the Satguru, to the Master.' Whatever you feel you have the most... you can just surrender to God, to the Self, whatever. 'None of these thoughts have anything to do with me. I surrender all of them at the feet of my Satguru, at the feet of my Father.' Whatever you feel to say, just let them all go. Rest in the spaciousness of being free from all of these concepts. And in the same way, if some more are coming, just allow them to come and go.

Kala says something interesting. She said: 'Spiritual 1, relationship 15, interpretation 14, money and security 1, health and body zero. The interpretations came in Dutch and the rest were in English.' A lightness is felt here. Thank you, Father. Just rest for a couple of minutes before we get into the next exercise. It doesn't involve writing anything, don't worry. Yes. We'll just wait for if some switching over is happening. We'll just wait for that to finish and then get into the recognition of what I am. For this, Captain Obvious fits very, very well, literally and figuratively. No, it's very good. I know you were laughing about it. Love you too. Okay, so whoever wants to come in the hangout, come first. At least you can come back.

Don't make any effort. Don't make any effort, not even to let everything happen on its own. Don't have any expectation that something is going to happen. Anything which is coming up is always welcome. Notice how you are aware of the body, of sensations, of your thoughts and emotions. Don't understand what I'm going to say next. You are aware of all of these appearances. Who is aware of this awareness? Just effortlessly and gently look. Even if it feels like you didn't understand the question, look for who is aware of awareness.

There is awareness of these sounds. There is awareness of these sounds. Who is aware of awareness? Whatever is coming is welcome, welcome, welcome. There is awareness of appearances. Who is aware of this awareness? Don't understand these words; just follow wherever these words are pointing. If frustration or anger is coming, or any emotion is coming, notice that there is an awareness of them. What is aware of this awareness?

There is awareness of all sounds, and the awareness remains untouched. Who is aware that awareness remains untouched? Observe your own sense of existence: I am. There is awareness even of this sense, this presence. Who is aware that there is awareness of this presence? Don't understand these words. Observe that you are, you exist. The sense of existence—there is awareness of it. Who is aware of awareness? Is it I? Is it I who is aware of I? I am aware of awareness. Who am I?

Adam says, 'Father, are you aware now?' And the checking involves attention. It seems like there is awareness of the birds outside and then awareness of awareness. So it seems that 'Are you aware now?' is awareness. Attention relaxes back into its source instantly. Attention comes back to its own source and there is no use for attention now. And even if attention is going here and there, awareness is always aware of awareness. So for being to recognize its own source, being itself is playing with this question: 'Am I aware now?'

Nisargadatta Maharaj used to say, 'I don't want to introduce any new terminology, so don't get confused.' He used to say when the soul recognizes the Self, who we are. So awareness is always aware of itself. All of these pointers are for Consciousness itself to recognize it is awareness itself, but playing as if it is the dynamic aspect of awareness called Consciousness. Just like the hand and the finger, it's all one hand. The appearance of the finger or the disappearance of the finger doesn't ultimately matter, you see.

She says that 'awareness is aware of itself' doesn't click here. 'Are you aware now?' That's this trouble. This question is so troublesome because you can't say no. That sounds silly, and you know it is yes. Something doesn't want to admit it somehow, but I don't see it clearly.

But you do. You say yes. Why is yes more natural than no? You just... that word 'aware,' you know you are aware. But it's not a mental knowing, is it? It's not a concept. You don't need to think about whether you are aware. So this knowing itself is that awareness. It's the same. Is it that simple?

It's simple, Father, but it's somehow like... oh, come closer. There's a sense that it's not like so clear.

Like which part is not clear? That you are aware, or you know that you are aware?

I know that. Like here, the experience is when everything is just completely let go, that higher... no, not the presence. I'm not talking about the presence. It's not even space. I don't know what it is.

And it is not even presence; it is not even space. That's it. Yeah, that's it. And but then when you ask this question, then I can see the one that says, 'I don't get it.' It's just a thought; it's let go. But then somehow there's a sense that I know I'm, you know, like I'm not that conscious about... I observe this space, so I'm not this. I don't know, I don't like... it's not that detailed here. It's just... see that everything comes and goes and I cannot be anything that comes and goes. Anything this is seen or known. What is see that?

So there are only two ways in which you can report something, you see. So you say that 'I see everything comes and goes, but I don't.' Now, is this just a concept? So if it's not a concept, then it must be seen, as you can report only something which is a concept or it is seen or known, you see. Is there any other way to report something?

Is that it? So it's not a feeling. I'm not a feeling. I cannot... I'm not... I don't know what... like I can't describe myself. So it's not even an experience that I know myself.

No, it's not an experience. It's just a knowing. It's not... yes, because you say... let's come back to that. You said everything comes and goes but I don't; I remain. So you can either be saying this because somebody told you and it's mental, or you saw this. This is enough. What's the big deal? No big deal. From here you can say no big deal. Like in my true space, I don't even care if I know myself or not.

Yes, it's not like I'm trying. I don't know what it is. It's even more natural than any identity. Like we don't have to even remind ourselves of our identities: I'm a mother, I'm a wife, and spiritual.

So this which is most natural, most original—big deal, no big deal—till you see that you're not the person, you see. If you feel like you've fallen off a cliff, then to climb back up seems like a big deal, you see. Once you see that you never actually fell, what's the big deal? So if you approach it from the spiritual seeker perspective, it can seem like, 'How do I get to the top? How do I get to the top?' Once you see that 'I cannot be any of that,' you say yourself that 'Not even the presence I am, not even the space I am.' So then there's no seeker there which is saying 'I need to get to the truth' or something. You see the truth for yourself.

I can't even say I've always been it. It is too, too obvious. I don't know, it's just like... why do you have to say? Humans don't go around telling each other that, you know, 'I'm breathing, I'm breathing.' Why would you say? But there is... but also I should say that there are times when there's some energies that feel...

Leave all that now. Yeah, no, because then it feels like now you're coming to this thing. Don't extrapolate anything. Nothing needs to be said. I've been reading a bit of Kabir Ji, so he said once that, 'All the lies I tell you, you will believe. All the lies I tell you, you believe. I could tell you anything, you'll believe. But if I speak the truth, you don't believe it because it's too simple.' So you're coming to this recognition of the simplicity of this. He said this: 'But if I tell you the truth, you run from me. You don't believe it because it is too simple.'

That's like a complete blank.

But even that is just what it is. Does it make a difference? Even thought is just energies. Everything is just coming and going. All is coming and going.

I don't know what that 'I' looks like.

And this is seen, although not through physical sight. It is known, although not through mental knowledge. So right, it's not even like I'm looking for myself. Yeah, now lose this one. That means, well, everything comes and goes. Lose yourself and show that. Let that also go. Can you? Now, who's this one? All of us can look like this. Everything is coming and going. Everything is coming and going. Outside world, thoughts, emotion, sensation, everything. You also go. You also go and come back. Let's see. Where would you go? The body can move, but have you gone? If the body moves, where can you go? Where will you come from? Just try to go. Oh, don't try to find yourself; try to lose yourself. Really try. I'm not kidding.

That which is coming seems so real.

For who? That which didn't come and go—to that one, is it? So this one who didn't come and go is which one? Turn this off. The feeling is so strong, the contraction is so much that it means it's going to engulf you. Okay, let it engulf you. Let me see. I've never seen some Self engulfed by a feeling. Don't fear the fear. Let's see what it can do. Okay, let the feeling come. Let's see what it's engulfing. Let it engulf. Say, 'Come, what you got? What do you have for me today? You want to take me away? Okay, do it. Let's see how you can.' If you keep avoiding, if you keep running from it, then it's got you really. Let them come. Let's see what force can take you away. What force can engulf you, overpower you? Don't label anything too much, because 'too much' will be after it has engulfed you. So let's see. Do it.

If engulfed by a feeling, don't fear the fear. Let's see what it can do, okay? Let the feeling come. Let's see what it's engulfing. Let it engulf. Say, 'Come, what you got? What do you have for me today? You want to take me away? Okay, do it. Let's see how you can.' If you keep avoiding, if you keep running from it, then it's got you, really. Let them come. Let's see what force can take you away. What force can engulf you, overpower you? Don't label anything too much, because too much will be after it has engulfed you. So let's see. Do it first.

Am I enjoying this? You have to tell me. I don't know why, again and again. Do you want a particular outcome of your story? Yeah, maybe. And in the morning, so much of anger, so much of anger surfaced that my 'good girl' image just crashed.

I'm glad all this happened. At least you showed up here because of that. Something is my best friend, seriously. It's my best friend. I don't see you for years, I won't see you. It happens. There's too much happening in life. Suffering is my... but I'm so fed up.

Were you fed up before all this happened? Take me seriously. So, in the... before all this happened, you had some hope?

Yeah, then all this happened and you became hopeless. Now you're here, hopeless and helpless. Hopeless and helpless, same thing. So now you're here to accept the defeat. It is so difficult to accept. Life is just calling, 'Yes.' And there's nothing other than you can do other than surrender, and surrender to this helplessness.

Yes, I'm so... to accept. How? How can I accept that? I feel that I can do something about anything.

You tried and defeated, right? Yes. So many feelings. Now, you want the false to be resurrected, or you want to allow the false to die?

I want false to die, because this I've done so much, so many times, so many times. Now you had enough of that. So now, who is selling you the ticket to the merry-go-round? Only your mind. And I have... I've used spirituality, I've used everything. Yes. So I feel so disgusted with myself.

Very good. Accept that it is useless to try and be a person, even a spiritual person. It is not helping. Yeah, it's not, because like the mind was using it either to escape or to feel good. Spirituality, the person will become immortal. It did not realize that in drinking this, it is poison for the person. You're destroying yourself personally. It's painful, but it's... it's feeling nice. Some medicine is painful. And especially when I'm feeling like I will be tagged defeated. Yeah, helpless. Everyone is okay, but you know that one, he should not think I got defeated. Yeah, and he will be the first one to feel so. Accept. How does it matter what another one is thinking? Even our own thoughts don't matter. This is the sticky one for you. Everything else is fine, but he should not get a chance to look down upon me. Yeah, right. How does it matter if he... if he dies delusional? Like, you have to join him in the delusion, but one up and good. Yes, this one will not, because you're here, because your greater choice is the dissolution of this ego. Your greater choice is that one. 'I want to be one up on him.' If on your dying deathbed, all you had accomplished was to be one up on him, no, you would want that, isn't it? So your greater choice is what? That you found out the truth about who you were and you led your life with that authenticity of what is true.

But my mind says you can never do that because you're full of this one that is saying this itself is the lie. You... now you are free from the lie. You buy the ticket to the merry-go-round again, then the whole merry-go-round comes of the lie, because you've had moments of clarity. There are times where you've said, 'Just all you have to do is not believe your thought.' You see, just stop it, stop it. See, you had these moments where it didn't really matter what was under your eyes. How does it matter what... what you're hearing, which body is showing up in front of you saying what? How does it really matter to the reality of what you are? Suppose he comes in front of you right now and says, 'See, now you're a loser, biggest loser in the world.' How does it really matter? What does it hurt except false pride? Yeah, false pride. False, yes. Why we want the false to become better? Better to leave the false before that. If you're becoming something, it is not you, because the reality of what you are is unchanging. So this one that is not good enough, needs to become better, wants to be one up... just ideas, just ideas. My own belief creating this tree of identity, this mound of identity.

Are you okay to be free and a beggar on the roads? Yeah, you're okay with... I'm okay with... then what about self-image? I'm saying, but... but then if you're free and you're begging on the roads and he shows up and gives you like twenty-five, saying, 'No,' said, 'Are you okay?' Easier to say yes. Okay, something says yes, but then at the same time the mind says, 'No, not this.' The mind says, the mind says, the mind says. Can we leave this mind? Because the mind itself is saying, 'Yes, yes, everything else I can leave, but I can't leave this.' It's only the mind saying this, it's not you. Yes, throw it. Not this way, let... throw it. Just allow it to come and go. Don't have to pluck it out and throw that, because there's so many sticky ones. Before they go, they just stay and just don't pass. Okay with you?

We'll do the baseball exercise, okay? Very quickly I'll tell you what it is. Visualize yourself to be a batter and you have a baseball bat in your hand. You're just waiting for the next thought to come, and what? That you're whacking it out of the ground. That you're doing it full of joy and glee, celebrating at the end of every whack. Any thought can come, you whack it out.

That was not clear, that was not clear. Your sound was interrupted. Can you repeat?

Okay, okay, okay. Thank you. I was not sure if everyone has the patience now to go through one more exercise. Experiments, I used to call them, where we play like this. We play and visualize ourselves to be a baseball player with a big bat, just waiting for the next thought to come. Any thought can come, but it only goes out of the ground. So we used to play like this, the baseball exercise. And then I was so happy actually, someone had posted, or you had posted, I know one of you had posted that used to take a similar example about cricket. What's cricket? To whack the thought out of the ground. This very playfully and naturally. You're not making a practice or some seriousness out of this. Yes, whatever the thought is saying, whack, whack. 'I'm a sense of this thought also.' You didn't whack, so you bought it. That's strike one. Wait for the... you have three strikes in baseball. You're not out like in cricket. See, it's so sneaky. 'See, I'm becoming full of pride in this.' Who's saying this? Whack it off. Ishwar says, 'Welcoming everything to come and go always does no effect to my true self.' Everything drops away. What you bought? Strike two.

How long will the one who can be one up on someone else, how long will that one live? Another sixty, seventy, eighty, a hundred years? And then what? And what were you before you became this one? Where did you come from? You were always this. Just recognize how helpful... how helpless this false one is.

Father, you're frozen. No video, no audio for...

This is not the deal we are making. Every bit of personhood will be taken away from you. Whether you go kicking and screaming or smiling, it doesn't... life will squeeze it out of you. You go as a sadhu, you go as a tantrum, everything. If the child is being pulled out from the playground, either some children go very sweetly and say, 'Okay, I'm done,' some go hitting the parents, 'I don't want!' The child is feeling like this, helpless, powerless, because the parent is dragging them out of the playground. The parent knows the child is done, they're tired. Do you want one foot on the swing also, you want to come home also? Then the suffering will come. Want to show the world what you are, want to show him that you can still be successful, and you want to be free and to become free of all of this? Then see how life turns out.

I would derive some joy of... no, it's this feeling disgusted, yet it's not going to be, but it's there. That one thing, one moment, it's not worth... it's not worthwhile at all.

If for the rest of his life you did better than him, what is the deal in there? He's thinking about it into your relationship with him. Who are you that had this relationship? Who is he that still has this power over you? Because actually, to try and get power over someone else, you are giving them the power. They still have so much power over you that he's probably drinking in a bar somewhere and you're still talking about him here. Who has the power? The way to win the power game is not to become powerful, it is to let go of all sense of control. Somebody else that also pinches some, not taking care of children, so even more it comes.

I feel that we should send her all our prayers and love and compassion. Yes, allow it to be released. But notice what you're believing about yourself. It is not true. The end of the story of the false one is to be in a hospital bed somewhere. So no matter what has been accomplished, how much money we made, what our partner was like, if we still feel that we are this one, where did this one end? In a hospital bed, most likely. So let's see if you have something beyond that one. This one who doesn't know anything about where it came from, where it is going, what's happening to it, what it wants. You don't know any of these. This false one doesn't know any of this, and still we keep attaching to this one. That's why it's so important to ask 'Who am I?'

Every... most of the parts of the world are reminding you, 'You are richer, you are like this, this is what you should do.' And everyone who is reminding you this falseness is suffering their own falseness. In your life, you will come across only five, ten people maybe who are not suffering. Why don't you just rely on what they are saying? Can open that door. Nice, good. Go. Oh, you put... can't sit on two chairs at the same time. Can't have your pride and be free. If it goes again, I just go back as if this goes, then I would not have anything to complain. Yes, the trouble is that, 'What is my story now? What... what can I complain about?' That's why many times I say that sometimes the only trouble is that we can't find any trouble, so we latch on to whatever trouble comes out.

I'm happy you got fed up. Let's hope the whole world gets fed up. Let everyone be given this tiredness, this fatigue of personhood. It seems so unbearable and so fast that they come to the truth of themselves. What is more auspicious? This morning you were not fed up when you woke up. After you got fed up, you came to Satsang. I'm going to think I... to your Father. Can just drop it here. Then you see that all of these games, these personal games, are just trial. They were not even enjoyable. They're done with all of this. Torture the false one anymore. Surrender means what? Surrender means that if I still consider myself to be separate, then even then, whatever my state is to be, that is my Master's problem or God's problem.

So I was sharing with some of you, I don't know whether it was in the broadcast or not, but when I got married, then the... used to say, sing this bhajan. We used to do some Satsang together, singing. So she used to sing this bhajan. I shared that you heard this. It means what? Whatever state Ram keeps me, I will live in that state. Very innocent expression of surrender, because he knows better. Surrender must at least have that much faith that he knows best. Then the fight is over. Then we are not trying to keep up some false image that is going to disintegrate into dust. What's going to be the end to this body? It's going to be on a... on a funeral pyre somewhere. Yeah.

What so many desires comes one after the other, inerting on... are very strong.

Once you give some belief to this mind, then it gets everything to get you in its grip again. Everything. All kind of ideas, desires, thoughts. The good news is that the end of this journey is right now. If you keep saying, 'But when will it happen? I must become,' it's not about a becoming. It is right now. You see that this false one is only selling me this merry-go-round ticket. But whatever it is offering to me, and I have gone around this thing and now I'm giddy, I want to stop. Don't buy anything it is selling, even if...

If you give some belief to this mind, then it gets everything to get you in its grip again. Everything—all kinds of ideas, desires, thoughts. The good news is that the end of this journey is right now. If you keep saying, 'But when will it happen? I must become,' it's not about a becoming. It is right now. You see that this false one is only selling me this merry-go-round ticket. But whatever it is offering to me, I have gone around this thing and now I'm giddy; I want to stop. Don't buy anything it is selling, even if it sounds spiritual. Don't. That is one of the disguises the mind has: it wants to pretend as if it is your spiritual advisor. Now it'll come and say, 'But now you're believing too many thoughts,' see, which itself is a thought. It will only make you guilty.

Your true spiritual advisor, your intuitive presence, will reveal itself as you let go of this false one, and it will bring with it all the love, peace, joy—everything that you're looking for. This will not make you proud. And this is how you'll be able to smell the distinction between the true Satguru in your heart and this false guide in your head. The Satguru will come with spaciousness, with peace, with love, not wanting to project some self-image. Or the Satguru doesn't mind being considered nothing at all, and the mind hates to be disrespected.

You must see through these false plans. Now, what is the mind's plan for you? 'You should have a lot of money. You should find a better partner.' No, only have a lot of money. Once it has that, then it'll also have the others. 'Only take fees right now.' It's saying, 'Fees, fees, fees.' Once that is done, then it will say, 'Oh, house, whatever, business.' See, it doesn't stop. You see, nobody has said that after I paid my children's fees, then my mind stopped. It doesn't stop. So this is the mind's plan: to give you more material things, to make you a better mother, to find all kinds of phenomenal things. But what is at the end of this plan? Can you ask the mind, 'What is the end game of this plan? Can you do something which will avoid the death of this body?'

So if we are all going to end up in a hospital bed and on a funeral pyre, or whatever the way this body is going to go, then what's the use of this plan? So then what do I do? Find out that which will not die. That will pay the fees. Yes, that will pay the fees. Okay? That can run this world. You're sitting on top of this big ball which is going around the Sun at a massive rate of speed, you see. You're seeing, if you go out in the sky, you'll see objects which are trillions of miles away. See, all of this it can do. Fees it cannot? Noticed what where we are? We are on top of this big ball of matter and water, you see, which is going at extraordinary speeds around this bigger object. And who is doing all of this? So God can do all of that, but my chip case, he's with... when it comes to all these, then we keep falling for the mind's April Fool's Day. Same ticket for the merry-go-round. Then what will happen? This body is tinier than a grain of sand. Yes.

Yes. Hello, hello, hello, my dear. Good to see you in the hangout. It's good to be in the hangout. It feels great to be here. It's great to see you.

Same here.

I just wanted to check in really quickly and just ask you a few things, just for clarification, to see if this makes any sense at all, because I'm not sure that it does. You know, I was listening to you this morning and, you know, all these thoughts and all these things are coming as I'm listening. And it came to the point where I said, you know, I'm not even... it's really the question is about effort. Okay? And there's no way that I could manufacture these thoughts myself. Yes. And so the more active my mind is, the more I realize that there's no way I could spend the effort to come up with all this stuff. You know, I mean, it's a wildly creative, random, I don't know, conveyor belt, like you say, of thoughts. There's no way that I could come up with any of this. Yeah, I'd be sitting here trying to come up with all these thoughts myself and I wouldn't have any time to do anything else. So, you know, I mean, if we were really running this mind, yeah, we wouldn't have time to do anything else to come up with all this crazy stuff.

Yes, also, how will we create the thought? What is the raw material? We have to put a thought together. How do we actually put it together? You see, what is it that we are using as the raw material for the thought? And you just check like this, you see, it's nothing. It's just appearing and it is disappearing. Right?

So, yeah. So if I'm not even doing that, right? So that's what I mean about effort. So, you know, the idea of somehow getting rid of that or somehow deleting that out of the matrix of being a human being is impossible. That's just, I guess, a part of being alive, I suppose, right? So it's not personal. Everybody's doing it. It's not just me, but I'm not really doing it. It's just... it's just doing it. Yeah. Does that make sense?

Yes, of course. So it's not my responsibility as to what shows up.

So again, my question is, you know, the only thing that if I extrapolate that backwards is that... so if that's effortless, right? The mind is effortless, I guess is what I'm asking. Is if the mind is effortless and the seeing of the mind is effortless, so there's no effort needed for anything then?

Yes, yes. Because wow, really, it's like that. Because being is also effortless. Are you working hard to be? Effortless. That which is aware of is also effortless. The seeing is also effortless. Therefore, what is it that we are seeing now? That even the presumed effort is effort? The idea of effort also is effortless. There is no such thing as effort.

Yeah, you're right. You know, effort is just an idea then.

Yes.

So then what is working hard?

An idea. But action... if you're doing something, like now I'm moving your hand, moving my hand, you're speaking these words, you're moving your hand. In terms of work, yeah, in terms of work for livelihood.

Oh, work for livelihood. Suppose you have to speak for livelihood, then that would be effort. I have to speak. But now your speaking is not happening like effortfully. Who's making the effort? Can we find? It's just happening on its own. Just like he said, thoughts are coming and going, you're not making them. Same way, actions are coming and going, nobody's making them. We don't know how to fire a neuron. We don't know how to fire a neuron. It's a myth that I can move my hand. Is working hard just an idea? I get to you, don't... okay, so science says that I move my hand because when I want to move my hand, then a neuron, a set of neurons or something happens in the brain which activates the nervous system, and then the nerves of the hand get activated and then this is how it moves. But I don't know how to do any of that.

As a person of my life, I did everything for... and I was first how doing so much effort. I'm just relaxing because I just have to sleep, to come to Satsang, to take care of my clouds, to walk well. And this my body is able to do. And I was trying to perceive or to, I don't know, and what came is in fact the way I was educated in my family, ideas that to desire be the child of God and to be good persons. And perhaps my... to attract for... to give for body and to attract this idea. So it seems real because in fact we construct a perfect state and in this idea of the part, feel really feel real time. And I was perceiving what happened in this state. I was losing the capacity of being a part at a certain point. I was still young, I was not able to work, and things happen also with some intuition of find the right helps in the psychiatric way and for yes. And I was free for the... and the second point, I was not able to be with my family doing what they wanted me to do, but I... it was... was I'm getting...

And again, I'm reiterating: the most important thing in all of this is to see who I am. And once we see that the person does not exist, then the whole question of personal will, personal doership, personal effort itself falls away. If the person doesn't exist, then who are we saying has to make the effort? Then we can say that from a personal perspective, you must say, 'I'm not doing it anything, God is doing everything.' As God, from the perspective of 'I am that I am,' we can say that I am the one doer and one experiencer of all that is appearing and disappearing. And from the perspective of awareness, which is unconcerned with any of these movements in the appearance, you can say none of these concepts have any meaning here at all. That is why the inquiry 'Who am I?' is so beautiful, because the clarification, seeing of who we are, brings clarity to all of these questions. You're not left wondering about doers, about good and bad. Everything becomes so clear just by checking who am I in reality.

Can I ask something? It's gone... in your list, is it interpretive spiritual? What is the difference in saying that I am conscious and I am aware, or to be conscious or to be aware? For example, there's a body. I can say that I am conscious of this body. I can say that I'm aware of this body. So is there really any difference between the Consciousness and awareness here?

What do you mean that 'I am conscious of the body' and what does it translate into? Elaborate on that. This experience that I am conscious of this, or there's a sentience in this body, the sense of presence seems to be appearing from within the body—is that what you see?

No. For example, there is a hand. Okay? And I am conscious that there is a hand, or there is a consciousness of this hand.

What does it mean, there's a... of this? The sense of presence seems to be... yeah, so like it's unlike a dead stuff made out of matter, it's something conscious. It's not just matter.

Such distinction. Like for example, I can't say that I'm conscious of this, but I can say that I am aware of both the hand and the sofa. But there is a distinction in the experience. There's some sensation also experience which seems to be arising in the... is that not only a sensation but go of the hand?

It's okay, we can go slowly there. What happened? Like it is an experience that I am conscious of my hand. Otherwise, how would I know that there is a hand? If I close my eyes, my... how do we know there's a hand? One is there's a set of sensations which seem to confirm the hand. Without these sensations, I would not know of the hand. If my eyes are open, then there seems to be a hand. Is there anything else?

So when I say I'm conscious of the hand, it includes the sensation which is in the hand, but is not limited to only the sensations.

What else?

The Consciousness itself is in the hand, is not in the sofa.

That's not my experience. Okay, so if I ask you that if I talk the same thing about the awareness, that I am aware of the hand, and I am aware of the sofa, but there is no distinction between these two awarenesses. So wouldn't you agree with 'I'm aware of the hand' that means what? That I'm aware that the phenomenal perceiving of the hand is here, and in the same way I'm aware that the phenomenal perceiving of the sofa is here. What is the distinction?

Okay, so even if there had not been any distinction, there is no distinction, then this statement that to be aware of the body and to be conscious of the body, there's no difference.

Never use the word 'conscious' in that way if you're meaning it to mean that in this way that you use it. If you mean it as a way, then it means the same thing. So why always has the one-two punch to be more clear? That is, is there any distinction between awareness and Consciousness? Yes. Is there distinction between being and seeing? So although in reality they seem like they taste different—you said this, I water—although one, there are two, the yin and the yang. Although it is one, but it seems like there's one aspect and another aspect. All of this is represent... are they one or two?

One experience as it... and it also came... of course.

Why of course? Not because without awareness there can't be anything. Cannot. No. Is it just like because you know the explanation, that's why of course? No, it's the experience. It's your experience that without the awareness of the experience, they cannot be. So who is aware that there is awareness?

Water, although one, there are two: the Yin and the Yang. Although it is one, but it seems like there's one aspect and another aspect. All of this is represented. Are they one or two? One experience as it is. And it also came, of course. Why? Of course not, because without awareness there can't be anything. Cannot. No. Is it just like because you know the explanation, that's why? Of course no. It's the experience. It's your experience that without the awareness of the experience, they cannot be.

So, who is aware that there is awareness of the experience? This is very good. So it is, you say, it is my experience. It is seen here that without the awareness of the experience, there is no experience. So who is aware of the awareness of the experience? That was the whole contemplation today. Now don't translate it, don't interpret it with your mind. You say it is my experience that without awareness of the experience there is no experience. So who's aware that there is awareness of the experience? For the mind, it is supremely troublesome, but for you, it is very natural.

It's like, 'I can't get hold of this,' but you already yourself, you said that it is my experience that without the awareness of the experience there is no experience. You know this or no? You're not making it up. So either you could be saying it because you make it up, or that you know this. So you know this, you see. So that's why you're aware of this.

What she said, now don't... what is this aware thing? That is a beautiful question. What is this? For example, like when I approach near to it, then even a sense of the self vanishes.

So that which we call the self, forget about it then. That which vanishes cannot be the Self in the sense of whatever that vanishes cannot be the Self, correct? If it's coming and going, then it's worthless, you see. So if even that vanishes, then that which witnesses the vanishing, that doesn't vanish. You say even the sense of 'I' vanishes or the self vanishes, but you didn't vanish. You were there to see this, or you just making it up? I know you're not making it up.

Does it vanish? Like there is no end to it.

Yeah, like there is no end to it. There's no end. There's no end to it, exactly. There is no end to it and I can't grab it.

I can't grab it.

Yes, but are you apart from it? When you check, what do you see? One is to give yourself the perspective that 'I am this one trying to grab at it,' but if you lose that perspective for a second and just let go, then are you separate from that? Don't visualize anything. If the mind is giving you visuals, see who is aware of even those.

Father, like when I am with this, it feels like different than what I earlier perceived awareness to be.

What? Yes, so that you forget about. What do you mean by perceived? Was it just an idea, an imagination, or what is it?

So earlier, which I used to call as awareness, it is not that.

What were you calling awareness? The phenomenal witnessing of it? So whatever it was that we were calling previously awareness, we can forget about that. What is it that you're seeing now? You say something very beautiful, that as I approach this scene, even the 'I' vanishes. But that which can see this, the 'I' vanishing, is that not I? Empty? Yes. That which is seeing the vanishing of all that which has attributes, that is empty. Yes.

More than three hours? Okay. Like, can you have a... okay, it's okay, it's okay. That thing, the cameraman app or what is that app? It's okay. Just Maya coming to prevent from contemplating. There is nothing I can call as an 'I' I have found. Yes, there is no 'I' which you have found. Is it another? Is it separate from you? It has no attributes. There is no 'I', that's what you mean, isn't it? There's nothing that you can hold on to say, 'Yes, this is I' and catch it. Everything else comes and goes. Can this one come and go? Seems to come and clarity seems to come and go. The object of our attention seems to get more of the focus than this, but is this actually going?

Father, can I ask something? The experience, Father, the experience of emergence...

Just a minute, my dear. We're just looking at something together. After that, you can come.

Of everything into this one scene seems to like come and go. So like it appears as if it is a state of consciousness.

What appears? The seeing itself? The distinction between the subject and the object which becomes one scene? Forget about this concept. You don't know what it becomes. Just forget about it now. Speak directly from what you see. Let it go. Don't resist anything. This is the real deep in the Ganges. Feel like you're drowning? Just give up. Give up. All for this. Thank you so much.

You see, statue. Okay. Never going to... doing... consciousness of the body you are. When I do question, the question is not... need you ask me questions now. I should be thankful to this. He said God didn't want me to go today. Work now. Some... this is the one I've been looking for for two years. How long this? Right for two and a half hours. I would want to do some meditations. Thank you all very much for being in Satsang.