I Am Arising after Deep Sleep - 17th April 2017

That's it. For those who say that there is no difference actually in reality between awareness and consciousness, and why you stick about consciousness, what we really mean there is that if I notice in between deep sleep and waking state, do you not know that there is no substantive difference, but there is a quality difference? Yes, in the hand and the finger. Yeah, no, I just figured it because it was from the place when this whole witness is being witnessed, it's coming. It's just now I'm witnessing it as awareness. I'm witnessing this whole state and it was from, you know, when I consider myself a person, then I'm asking, 'Why don't I see the I am arising?' But when I say it's just the awareness, then I'm the witness of it. I see it has come and I will know when it will go.

Very good. So now I have a question to confuse you. Okay, the awareness was the witness. What awareness already was witnessing, and it was knowing that it was witnessing? So just now came to the recognition that awareness is always the witness. I mean, you know, it's all pointing back to awareness. I can have no other answer. I mean, nothing else but awareness knows. I mean, nothing. Consciousness as being, because for awareness there is no forgetting. The usual recognition inquiry all does not apply to awareness. It is aware. It is the dynamic aspect which is consciousness that plays the fingers. Because it can believe it to be a single finger with a hat on, which is a nice finger, which is my guy, and like that. This, yeah, now coming inward and recognizing its own source, it thinks, 'Oh, I'm not my Rajas book, I am that.' Yeah, that's all Mukti is, a pointing for who? Okay, so I am to see that I am that. I think personally this... so person is coming to the recognition? No.

Personally, now I figure that I mean... but like when you asked me just now, so this 'I am' witnessing, this witnessing is the seeing. Yes, there is a way of recognizing that I am aware here. That could... yeah, I see as watchers. Yeah, yeah, I am getting... I mean, the witness, if it's qualityless, attributeless aspect, you can play the game of deluding and play the game of course in holding, stepping away from the personhood and come to clarity. The only being is ending in Mukti. Clearly this, it can get caught up in this limitation and as if it is designed with alarm clocks to some in the form of gurus to some and show you that you are not the limited identity. You are truly awareness, dropping all the false attributes that it has given to itself.

But when we say, just now when we see, it is the 'I' which becomes the 'am.' Just now, some time back, we said it's 'I,' the 'I' is awareness and only awareness, attributeless. From that awareness arises the feeling of beingness, consciousness, and this pain. So the day... and the power to delude itself, the power of belief to delude itself arises with this 'I am-ness.' So at the end of the road, I mean, at the end, I can't go beyond awareness. I mean, so isn't it the awareness itself which is doing this? I mean, this question always bugs me. It's again, end of the day, it has to be awareness itself which wants to do this. I mean, why would I do it otherwise?

But the thing with that is that quality, there is no attribute to be. The way we make the question go away, I can tell you an amyloid scheme. Within this awareness, a desire to experience itself as if it was phenomenal, and from that came this entire phenomenal wave, the phenomenal sense of existence. But even that, this conclusion is used to make the question go away because we cannot truly say anything about that. One second, please. Can directly the non-phenomenal have a desire? If you don't have a quality or an attribute, can you have a desire? If you have an answer, no will be the answer. We use this to just make the question go away because the true answer is not there. There is no such thing as a true answer why I choose to play as 'I am' because... okay, yeah.

And you know, I just this one thing I wanted to check with you. These days sometimes it feels like when I just stare, you know, put the attention on beingness, I mean, there's something which feels very, very palpable. I mean, you know, like very still and silent but very alive. And then also it feels like, you know, the voice of this talking voice, it doesn't... it seems different from it, but I don't... it says some kind of perception of it as well and I'm not being able to say what I want. So what do you think? Even the words as they come out of your mouth, is that what is it?

No, there's a feeling of total aliveness, that just being fully alive. And when this appearance of, you know, this feeling comes of the person, okay, a feeling of being an entity or whatever, that is also seen. It is, but it's... if I were still able, it would be like on the left side of the body or something, you know what I mean? But I don't know, I'm just very happy and peaceful, Father. I really have to say this, and just some questions just fall off. And the feeling of this, it's just happening of itself. And then there's a recognition there is no person doing anything to make it unfold or... and it's all my will and, you know, all this is not that kind of stuff anymore. And even if a question comes and you just be quiet with it, it seems to get okay. And even just remembering Guru Ji, just even like if something really feels very intimate or annoying or something like that, it's just remembering, just calling your name. I mean, it just makes it simply that disorder. And I'm really so grateful. Thank you, thank you.