How Do You Become This One? - 25 May 2015

In sleep, I—why do you wake up?

To play. But I don't want to play. I want to be there. Yes. So what you're doing is you're playing with this 'I'. The 'I' that is saying that 'I don't play' is not awareness. So to stop playing is to not touch this 'I'. Not to touch this 'I'. Don't touch it now. What's left?

What up there? Yes. Yeah. But this 'I', don't touch. You see, this voice is—something is still trying to escape. That's what I—that's where I want to be.

Yes. The 'I' that wants can never be. And you already are that. All the time play is happening. Play is happening. How does it tune? You say it becomes matter. When the observing is there, then it becomes matter. This energy, then how does the matter touch you? Energy and matter same thing. E is equal to MC². Yeah. Yes. So energy and matter are the same. Then how does any energy actually touch you? Take this. So it doesn't matter whether it's energy or matter. How does it affect you? Who is the one that is affected by it? Is there such a one?

I always want to play.

This is the same one. Who is this one who wants to play or not play? See, just five minutes ago it was saying 'I don't want to play' and now it is saying 'I want to play'. It's playing all the time. Yes. So there's identification which is different on the shadow of the Self. Don't imagine anything. You don't need all this imagination. Just let's be here now and tell me what you see. Where are you in this?

Yes. But yet you existed.

Yes. As what is that? Now this one, does it want something to change? Does it want freedom also? And can you not be this one? You say, 'I want this. I want to play. I don't want to play.' How do you become this one? Or is it just another voice?

This one doesn't want anything. Sorry, I'm taking your time. No, this—this one doesn't. If I want to wake up, I just be there.

So, the 'I' is not there. This one that wants to wake up is the joke, right? Your imagined one, the non-existent one, whatever word you want to say. No, it's all I'm here for is this on a daily basis.

Who has been living so far?

The body has been living. How did you make the body live? All just made up stuff. Are you making the body breathe? Are you making the heartbeat? Are you making the blood flow? Consciousness is doing all of this. So much identification now. Now there's how do I connect you this way? Yes. Yes. This one. No. Who is this one again? It's very sneaky. It'll come like this. Yes. I see. I am awareness. Now what do I do? Basically that's what you're asking is there is no doer. There is no person. Now what do I do? There's a whole—there never was a problem but this one never existed. When the meat comes in, the meat wants this. Yes. Yes. But still you are needs hungry. Yeah. Yeah. But still you are untouched. That's the best part. You see, you in reality are untouched by the play of this false one also. It doesn't have the power to touch you even for a second, for a moment. Nothing has happened to you.

Master, how is it? He's not touching the 'I'. But this is a god. Is it? Is it going like that?

Will what go on?

The—the mind—this—something—the play.

If you mean the play of appearances, yes, it will go on. You want it to stop. You go to sleep tonight. Never wake up. You want that? Because ultimately it must be your own will as consciousness, as—as the one that consciousness comes from for consciousness also to take birth. But no person can understand or control this. It cannot be that all this play is happening without the will of consciousness.

But it's different for different people.

Yes. The story is different for everyone.

Everyone—no, they should choose it. They choose the way they want to play.

Now, they—consciousness chooses. Each one has to play a different game. Yes. Every different, just like every fingerprint is different.

But we want to be on a different pedestal. That's—that's the need.

Yes. Are there some perks or freedom you're looking for? What is it that you want?

I don't want—I just want to be. I cannot not be you. Sorry. I cannot be.

Yeah. Not you cannot not be. That's it. But if you want something for the person—I don't want anything for the person. I don't want the question that how are you not that. Even the identification, does it make you not that or just pretend? You see and tell—we've got a little bit of a lag between video and audio. Just a slight one.

I see. I see. But is the audio good? The audio is very good. We can hear clearly and it's very valuable. So I didn't want to interrupt you because we were loving the conversation. Yes. I feel just the audio, if it's good, it's good enough for now because we are on the right internet. There's nothing much more we can do. Thank you for that. Thank you.

While the observing is happening.

Yes.

Then you create your reality.

Who? Consciousness creates a reality. Okay. So observing is happening. Where is consciousness? In front of it. Yes. Okay. Consciousness is there. Then are you aware?

I—I—I am that. I'm always the screen from me. Something is coming out and then the play is happening.

Are you the screen even?

I'm not even the screen. No.

No. Because the screen is present—the screen of time and space is present only in the presence of being. What is the screen on which this movie is playing? It's a screen of time and space. And that is not present unless being is there. Any time or space in deep sleep? So being is—so being is gone, consciousness you said, and then the screen is there and in the screen then all the appearances are there. Then what is observing? Does observing want to be only observing? Does it want anything?

Observing doesn't want.

Yes. So then the only confusion must be that when you check, you see that you are this witnessing, this awareness, but in other times you're willing to become a person. Other times you're willing—that's why the willingness is so—it's a habit.

Yes, it is a—how to break?

Don't believe your next thought. That's only the simplest, simplest—so much of repetition because conditioning has happened over many, many lifetimes.

Stay as I am.

Yes. What does it mean to stay as I am? Your attention. Can you do it?

I must do it.

No, there's no need. Oh, there isn't. There isn't a person to do that. Yes. Although it's good, but at least I have not come across one who can just be in. And when they come out, this attention not being in 'I am', they say, 'Oh, I'm so frustrated because my practice was to be in the I am but now I'm not being in the I am.' So the person gets invented more often than not when we believe that 'I must do something'. If you have seen that you are awareness, then tell me what awareness must do. To say that 'I must be with the I am' is not a pointing for awareness, still trying to control the attention so it does not go on any thought. And if attention doesn't go in any thought, then you cannot invent the idea of being a person. If it comes naturally to you, if it happens just on its own that your attention stays at the presence I am, no trouble with that. But even this seeming practice you need not do, you see, because in this doing, doing, the doer's concept doesn't dissolve because you're still trying to get something to do subtly to—'What should I do? How shall I live my life?' The same thing. So don't touch the doer. So when I say don't believe your next thought, it's the same as saying don't touch the 'I', don't touch the doer, don't touch the person. Because how do we touch it? And we find some meaning in what the thought is saying. And I say don't believe because earlier I used to say let go of your next thought and many would come to me and say 'I'm not able to let go' and I was wondering where the confusion was coming from. And I realized the confusion is coming from the attention. They're saying that 'I'm not able to control my attention so that it is not going on thoughts' and I say why even that effort? Just don't give it your belief. Approach again. Yes. All belief is troublesome. The truth does not need belief. You see, so even this is coming from the past that you have touched the person already gone. You see, but it keeps you involved in that. Just this moment fresh. So what happens again?

Please not—it's okay. So again becomes a—

No, it becomes a 'me' without giving a thought. Show me how. Yeah, what did you believe? It becomes a 'me' itself could be the power of belief. I keep saying is the power to pretend. It is consciousness's own power to pretend.

What about my body?

What about this body? This body, who's been taking care of it?

Okay. Did the body come first or did the person come first? Sure. No, body is there already. Body is there already. Yeah. Sorry.

So I am is there, the sense I am. Then this whole phenomenal universe appearance including the body, and then there's this concept of being a person which is believed. You see, that's why I say that the person comes later. The second level illusion. So that which comes later, how does that take care of that which is better? Yes. Yes. It looks so stupid. It's already there. How this thing can come and take care of it. Yeah. Just imagine daydream can take care of something even on this. So then how did the body come? Who created it? Came on from awareness, everything came. So first there was this presence of I amness and then instantly all these forces, the universe and all these forces of attention, belief, identity, all these came from consciousness. See, so if it came from consciousness, let consciousness take care of it. Presence. So presence is the waking the Self. No, the Self is always as the Self. Even in the waking state, sleep state, dream state. The presence is the dynamic aspect, is the—is the phenomenal aspect of awareness. So presence is going to take—will take care of this. It's a body field. It's not going to—it is the only one because that is the creator, then it must be the preserver also, must be the destroyer also. So three aspects—well, some will say Ishwara is awareness itself, some will say consciousness. So let's not get into that. Okay. Depending on your definition, you pick whatever you like. But the point is that it is this consciousness itself which is the creator, preserver, and destroyer. The holy trinity must be these aspects of this consciousness itself. There is no creation, no preserving, no destroying unless there is being. You must be able to now check on all of this and speak these words yourself. Actually doesn't need any knowledge, any understanding from the mind. Also don't make—for all of you I want to say that don't make the speaking about it or not speaking about it a big deal. Okay, we can stop taking photos because it's making the clicking sound here. So beloved, that clicking and that taking of pictures is actually audible to everybody and it interrupts everyone's satsang. So please don't. Thanks. So saying that a dear one also wrote yesterday saying that some words are just coming. You see, some—something, some sharing is just happening.

The mind. Also, don't make—for all of you I want to say that—don't make the speaking about it or not speaking about it a big deal. Okay, we can stop taking photos because it's making the clicking sound here. So beloved, that clicking and that taking of pictures is actually audible to everybody and it interrupts everyone's satsang. So please don't. Thanks. So saying that, a dear one also wrote yesterday saying that some words are just coming. You see, some sharing is just happening. So is it my arrogance that I'm sharing? So this thing, this sharing thing, also has become one thing for the mind to play with, whether it's arrogance or whether now it's satsang that is happening through me. Forget about both of these. Mind wants to make a conclusion either way, you see.

Even you said the other day, you know, that there's something here that wants to give everybody gyan in some way or the other, but when somebody else is talking, then you don't enjoy it so much. It's very nice. Honestly, you can say that because this is like this. So the mind wants to play with this and say, 'Oh, now you're just being arrogant now.' Okay, this is not arrogance. This is satsang, man. This is satsang. You got it. But he says to believe that we are not a self is self-arrogance. Yes, that's the biggest arrogance. Biggest arrogance to believe that I am the person. I cannot fathom a bigger arrogance because in the same breath we say, 'Oh, God is everywhere,' and yet 'I am this individual.' How can it be? That means I as an individual have the power to separate from God and I have made myself into a person. So to say 'I am God' is less arrogant than to say 'I am a person.' But to say 'I am a god personally' is maybe the worst arrogance. That is the trouble many of us feel, that 'I personally have now discovered that I am God.' I feel that is even bigger. This person also there, and this concept that this person being a god is also—it's okay. Arrogance, whose problem is to take care of arrogance also, see?

So although in satsang we can keep saying, 'Don't be arrogant, just stay neutral,' all these are pointings, but they are just consciousness having a monologue. Consciousness itself. It is not something for the person to do, see? Because if I was telling a person, 'Don't be arrogant,' then I'm believing so itself is a lie. Yes. But there is a difference between seeing the color red. You see, you say that seeing the ego itself is ego. I say mostly yes, it is true like this, especially in personal relationships. But to see that this is water is no trouble. When you're awake, you will still see water is water. You see, and this is a phone, you will still see the same way. You will see, okay, this mouth is speaking as a person. You see, it doesn't mean that there's ego here. See, if the master did not have the capacity even to tell whether these words are coming from person or they're coming from pure being, then what is the point of having a master? So but if it makes a difference to the master, then it is a problem. So if your words are coming from the person but the master's person is coming up in reaction to that, then the master needs to do some more inquiry, see?

But if it can be seen that, yes, yes, person is speaking, it's okay. I know that you are still the Self. Your mouth could be saying anything. So you will not lose the ability to judge in this way, to see, but you will not make a judgment so to speak. And know nothing that anybody else's words could be can convince you that they are a person. You will know that they are just consciousness playing as a person. It's okay because you've done that for a long time. No judgment about war and nothing more gentle. Everything is happening. Just be neutral and then from your heart there's an urge to do something about it. Become an activist. Do all of this. It's fine. But first just discover what you are, you know? And no action has to stop because neutrality doesn't mean that you become a vegetable. The fear from the mind is that if I become neutral, then I'll just be sitting around. And if that happens, then that happens. But many times it seems like a lot of new energy comes. Don't let anything convince you that you're a person. Even war, anything. Yeah, something happened.

You see, I want to be very direct with all of you and not beat around the bush because you're here now. I don't know whether you're here tomorrow or not. Whether I'm here or not. Nobody knows these things. You see, in this also we are seeing this ability for the mind to take you on some trips. You see, so it's very much possible that you say one day that you're always in the family, you're always close to me, and next day you are off somewhere. I don't see you for months. It's possible. So today you're here. Today you had the openness to ask a question. So today let's take care of it. The rest is up to grace anyway. Okay, there's some requests to come up. I'm not seeing much YouTube chat today. Is it my YouTube or everybody's quiet today? Which is good news.

Father, there isn't much YouTube chat. I posted a comment by Devika and I don't know if you missed it because you went out and came back in from Palak, from Devika. I'll read them just now. Thank you, my dear. Palak said, 'Father, I'm unable to attend satsang today. Burning and seeing is happening after Friday satsang and person tantrums already.' You say in quotes 'person tantrums,' that means you see it. Special identities are beautifully burning and I'm very grateful for this. Following your pointings, surrendered all to you, my master. Grace is looking after me. Thank you, beloved Father. Thank you very much.

And it's an auspicious burning. All that is not original to you will be burnt in the fire of satsang. And it does feel, it does feel that it gets too hot sometimes, this fire or something. But that is the time where you must stay. That is the time where you must stay and you must say—even if you say or don't say, at least you must stay. This is very easy up till then the strong burning starts. It's very easy. The person is having a nice time. They're feeling they're finding some peace. But when the burning is happening, that is the time where you must stay in satsang. That's why a long time we've been saying that if you can't stand the heat, you must stay in the kitchen. That is when the true burning is happening. You see, if it's all just going to be nice, then what's the point? When it is strong like this, it seems strong like this. When it seems inconvenient, when it seems terribly boring, all this is the time where all these buttons are being pressed. And it seems like I'm making no progress. And it seems like there is no end to this. And it seems like it's all rubbish. And you must stay. You must stay and you must share also. I have no trouble. You come up in the satsang and you share. And so many, like Parati shared the other day, so many have been benefited by it. I sent her another email from another friend who I've never met actually and he started corresponding and he also gave a shout out to Parati. So what the mind can say is such a strong thing, and whatever it can say like this but can be so helpful. But come with that integrity. Don't just come just like, 'Oh, Ananta said that you must come and throw a tantrum, so today I will throw a tantrum.' It is very not like this. Come like this. You see, if you want I can give you the after, because we had the before in the previous satsang.

Yes, my dear. Of course. We'd love to hear that. Should I give you? So, you should watch the two videos. That's before and this is after. I don't know who you're speaking to in the room, but last night in satsang, Mooji said—and this is a direct quote because it landed so deeply with me—somebody said to him, 'Well, then there's nothing I can do.' And he said, 'There's nothing that you can do to be yourself, but there's something you have to notice to stop being who you are not.' And that if there's anything that you have to do, it's all you have to do. You have to just constantly notice what you are not. So there's not really a doing to become what you are because you are already that, you know. So it like stayed in my brain and I can't even remember something I did a minute ago. So it must have stayed in my brain for whoever you're talking to.

And the my report is a few things about that particular satsang. One of the main observations I have about it—and if anyone is watching this for the first time, it's a satsang we had a few days ago and it's called 'What's the Point'—and it's called 'What's the Point' because that was what was going on in my mind the whole time and I kept saying it: 'What's the point? What's the point?' And a few things. The first thing is it was like I had absolutely no control over the tantrum that was being thrown and I really, you know, I must have got like a hundred messages saying thank you and I really in some weird way believe that it was like a meant to happen kind of thing, you know. Because yeah, it's very unusual for that level of mind stuff to come and it was the greatest blessing. First of all, the greatest blessing was that I could bring it to you. I love you so much for that and I appreciate you so much for that because if I had gone through that alone, I'm not sure that I would have come out the other side with so much peace and love like I did, you know, and it was just because you kept like just staying on point with me, you know, which I don't think people do on their own.

So I just first want to say thank you for that, you know, and like a mind attack just before retreat because I think I could feel something was coming, you know, and I was having a lot of resistance and a lot of like I was believing—I was really believing the negative thinking in my mind about the teaching. So I think it was it was the first time in my life that I really went negative on all of the teaching and it was bringing me to such a point of despair and it literally took about five minutes of Mooji talking for it to just like vanish in retreat. But it started on the day with you that I spoke to you and even though your pointings irritated me, you know, because it's like, 'Yes, I've heard these things a million times and they're not working. They're not working. They're not working.' You know, I kept on saying that to you. 'It doesn't work with me and don't tell me that,' you know. It still worked. It worked because you kept asking me and I just didn't have the answers. But what also worked in the middle of all of it was this beautiful grace of satsang sort of descended and I just stopped believing what I had been believing.

And I'm so grateful to you and I'm so grateful to Mooji because one of the biggest points in that whole sort of like pity party that I had was about the despair that I feel for the ego never going to go away, you know, and for it always to come up like a troublemaker and I feel like I have no control over that. But Mooji said in retreat—and it feels like every day he talks to me about this and he talks directly to my heart about this every day—but he really like in the first fifteen minutes he was talking about, 'You choose. You choose every second, every moment. You choose.' And at those particular moments, I was choosing to listen to my thoughts and my thinking about the teaching instead of choosing my place where I am. And it just—he said that and it just turned it—it like switched it all off and I just, you know, I just choose differently now. And I'm not saying that I'm going to be perfect and every moment I'm going to choose properly and I'll probably come to you with some kind of drama. But I know what I am. And what I am is peace and joy and beauty and so much love and I'm going to choose that.

Hey beautiful. You know the best part is that any egoic energy has only so much energy. You see, it cannot last. Yeah. Like it can go on forever, ever.

I just choose differently now. And I'm not saying that I'm going to be perfect and every moment I'm going to, you know, like choose properly, and I'll probably come to you with some kind of, you know, drama. But I know what I am. And what I am is peace and joy and beauty and so much love, and I'm going to choose that.

Hey, beautiful. You know, the best part is that any egoic energy has only so much energy. You see, it cannot last. It cannot go on forever. But for us, at least me in the satsang, what I noticed was it really came to its peak and it just went like a balloon out of air after that when you said, 'Yes, like everyone else I can put on a smile and say thank you so much.' I feel that was the end of this energy and it got released because in your face itself, it fell. You see, the face itself—this energy was not there in you because from the start of satsang your face had this energy which was there, and then you said, you know, in just maybe just saying the word 'thank you' something got dissolved very fast. And then somebody can see before saying this and after, you see that there's immediately a transformation. It just ran out, didn't it? It just ran out, isn't it?

It did. It just... yeah. I'm so grateful to you, Father. I'm so grateful for this space, even though it's online, you know, this beautiful temple we have, this beautiful, I don't know, silent space that we have that we can come and speak to you and that can happen. It completely dissolved; it went away. But it is... and it is, you know, the whole time I was thinking it is so far away. I cannot actually believe that it happened because now it's so far away. It's just... it's completely gone, you know? I can't even conjure it up. I can't even... like, there's no remnant of it. I love you so much. I love you so much. Thank you. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to you so much.

That's why the lesson in this for all of us is that when these things are coming and they're getting our belief, do what she did and you bring it to satsang. Always say this, you see, because many of you will have these periods of despair, these periods where it says, 'What's the point? I'm never going to be free of ego.' All these things will come, you see. And this thing is very like this: 'Oh, what's the point of satsang if it triggers like this?' And if it makes a home there, then maybe I don't see you in satsang for many, many years—many lifetimes also, who knows? So it's very important, you see this. And she said, and it was very uncomfortable for her, I could see, you know? And she was like, 'There's something I want to bring it up to you.' And it was not her, because she's always this bright light which is shining so much. That day, it was not her in the beginning. It was more like there's something which is burdening. So it was so beautiful to see that unravel. You see, to see it get removed like this was very actually... like many in the satsang, we all wanted to just go through the Hangout and give her a hug. But sometimes I don't come into that consoling mode because I want it to come out, you see. I want... sometimes I even provoke it. Sometimes I even want it to be all vomited out so that... sometimes to console too early also becomes then a problem. Then in somewhere something still stays and says, 'Yes, yes, see, others also agreeing with me. There's actually no point to satsang; they must be consoling me because somewhere they are agreeing with me.' Absolutely. So it's very good if you just let it all just get released. Then you find that it's just like a bad dinner I ate last night. That's all it was.

Father, may I come up?

Yes. Come. Namaste.

Namaste, Father. You know, as you were saying, it was just as if the same thing was coming up for the last, I think, almost ten days. I was traveling for a week and I could not be a part of the satsang, and so a lot of burning was going on. And I think today was the day that I wanted to be in the kitchen and let it burn. And so, I don't know, I did not see that satsang in which Parvati Ji had a question, but as she was talking, I felt so one in the heart with her. And today, I don't know, it could be like just grace sending this, but yeah, I got a mail from the sangha saying, 'Listen to this satsang, that what is the point or something.' I think it's the same one that Parvati Ji spoke about her doubts, and I think I'm going to listen to that after today. But Father, it is that I've been seeing a lot of doubts coming up and somehow, as if I gave attention or the belief to one doubt, and suddenly the floodgates just opened and it's like a flood of doubts now.

And what was this one? You can share, it's okay. What was this?

Yeah. So there's just doubts like as if, in not being the person, am I living like a life of an intoxicated person who has no clue of what needs to be done? Like my daughter was leaving for a camp and I was just so clueless about what to pack and, you know, otherwise my mind would work like tenfolds more than what is required and I would plan a zillion times more than, you know, like a normal person. And so I wasn't planning, I wasn't feeling anything, and there was a lot of doubt that was coming up to my motherhood—what kind of a mother I've become, I don't pay attention. My husband started nagging; as the doubt came, my husband started nagging that you're not being the greatest mother around. And then there were these doubts, and then okay, I just didn't say anything. I just kept seeing it like, okay. But things were weird because I don't know, I did not feel it, but I felt like as if I don't have any control over doing things anymore. And then there was this doubt that came up last few days when I had to meet a lot of people and just don't feel like socializing too much. And so there was this doubt that I cannot converse with people anymore. I cannot... I don't have any knowledge or anything. I've become like a dumb person and I don't have, you know, it's like it's actually I'm so tongue-tied with my conversations. I'm like, 'Hi, hello,' and the normal general greetings and you know, and I'm like, 'What more should I talk? What more?' And you know, these doubts, they were just so... so I see them, I laugh over them, but you know, but somewhere they are getting some belief. And I wanted to expose them because it is... it's like it's again I felt was like an ego where, 'Oh, I know these are doubts but I don't believe them,' but then somewhere the person is believing them. And that's what is somewhere not like a worry, but it's like an understated suffering that you have. And then you start doubting yourself and your existence, that what kind of a person... or people are not interested. And I've seen, Father, the moment these doubts come in the mind and I see the complete projection of what I start feeling with the people around me. Like, so it's become very... it's all related to the mind. Everything is my mental reflection. Like if I feel bad about myself, suddenly either my husband would come or somebody would come to make me feel bad about myself. And instantly if I catch it and I dismiss that thought, things change. So constantly it's been in this whole space of seeing how the mind is really projecting in the world. So I don't know, I don't know whether I'm suffering or I just... I wanted to expose this. And it's like my daughter is now unhappy. She went like... she's always been a super confident child who doesn't really need a mother, very independent. So, and she told me when she went inside the airport, she's telling me, 'Mom, please don't cry and all and don't get me embarrassed in front of people by crying and all, and I'm cool and everything.' So I'm like, 'Okay, yeah, you know, that's fine.' And so I kind of held myself back because I was really trying to feel that I need to feel being a mother and how it is, and I'm seeing all this drama that's happening. And yet I'm trying to feel things so that I can feel some connection or some attachment. And I'm like, okay, then I suddenly felt when she left I was like sad, and then I knew that she would not... she'll be confident and she'll be happy and everything. But when she reached Switzerland, she started crying and she's been like, 'Mama, I want to come back, I want you,' and she's been crying like two hours. She called me and she's crying and I'm like, I don't know whether it's my inner state. So I'm thinking, is it my inner state that's really... that shows like as a reflection coming back through her to me, or is it nothing? It's just what it is. It's just happening. Father, can you give me some clarity over this? What is this consciousness... when we say that it's the consciousness playing its game, so aren't we who are projecting ourselves as beings or as whatever player actually playing a part in our own evolution or whatever—I mean, I don't know what to call it also anymore. But what is it, Father?

Okay. So a few points that I remember from what you said. So let's speak about those. One was that 'I don't have a plan anymore.' You see, and there are very few people in the world who don't have a plan. And most of them you'll find in the sangha, in this satsang and Mooji's satsang, you'll find the people without plans mostly in satsang, you see. Now, the ones with the plan, are they happier? Or the ones without the plan, are they happier? Now we must see from all our friends list, from all our people that we know, find the ones who have the plans and see whether they smile as much as the ones in the sangha with no plan. So that itself tells you something, isn't it? So the sense of power, the sense of control that 'I am this one who can control my life and I can steer it in a particular way'—this sense of control, when it's personal, then it is wrong. So this leads us to the second question, which was: what is going on when it is consciousness playing? What do you mean? Am I consciousness? Am I person? Am I awareness? So once you're clear that there is no person, then there is no sense of personal control, you see. What is happening in the world is that people are saying that, 'Yes, I am a person who can control my soul or control my consciousness' or something like this—some nonsense concept like this—and saying that 'I as a person am the supreme one, and this person has ownership over even consciousness or God or whatever soul, whatever label they want to use,' you see. But we made it very simple and you see that there is no person. You cannot find a person. What can you find? You can find this presence of being. This presence of being says 'I am.' So as this presence, because it is already saying 'I am,' and as this consciousness, you have complete choice in every moment. You are this consciousness; you are the dynamic aspect of the witnessing. So you are this complete joy. So when we say 'don't believe your next thought,' the power of belief is only with consciousness. It is not a personal choice. The person also is a belief. So don't let anything convince you that you as a person have some control over consciousness. It is like saying that a daydream which you think rolled over. So know that you as consciousness have complete freedom in this moment. So free will, if it applies, is the same as God's will because it is the will of consciousness. It is your will as God, as consciousness. You see, and as I said, every moment you have a choice: pretend or not to pretend. Every moment you have a choice whether to pretend, whether to pick up these personal ideas or just to not believe them. Bhagavan said this, isn't it? That the only choice you have is whether to go along with the thought flow or to let it aside and just let it pass.

Yeah, we can. Yes. Oh, there's a lag. So, sorry about that. So, there's this biggest doubt right now. It's like as if this person... as a person, if I pick up this doubt, it feels as if it's being cornered and being just the totally, you know, out of the place person in the whole world around me because they are just... you know, as if it's like you are the kind of... like do not match with anybody.

The issue is whether to go along with the thought flow or to let it aside and just let it pass. Yeah, we can. Yes. Oh, there's a lag. So, sorry about that. So, there's this biggest doubt right now. It's like as if this person—as a person, if I pick up this doubt, it feels as if it's being cornered and being just the totally, you know, out of the place person in the whole world around me because they are just... you know, as if it's like you do not match with anybody or anything around. It's something which is... an example which will make it very clear for you now about this planning: Am I being the best version of myself? This is what the voice is saying, isn't it? Are you being the best mother? Are you being the best parent? Whatever it is saying.

So, one I have met who has no plan, who has no plan. And this one is the most loving, most giving, most amazing, most fun being also, and he has no plan. You tell him you want to come to Bangalore, he'll say, 'I don't know, what do you think?' You say, 'What are you going to do tomorrow?' 'Let's see, tomorrow is far.' You see, so you all know who this one is, isn't it? That is Mooji Ji. He has no plan about anything at all. And yet he's the best everything I have ever seen. He's the best father. He's the best master. He is the most loving, most giving, most caring being. And yet he has no plan.

If he had a plan, how it would be? Now, there was a time maybe four or five years ago where G-Ma and I used to go to Portugal every weekend. And every weekend when we would go, we would tell him, 'Please come to Bangalore, please come to Bangalore.' And then one of the weekends he relented and he said, 'Okay, I'll come.' So then I said, 'So okay, what do you want to do?' He said, 'No, now you two must tell, because it's your plan now, you two must tell me,' you see. So we said, 'How many days you like to be there?' and he just left it to us. Even that planning was seeming like too much for him.

You see, every year we have this also: 'Are you coming? Are you coming to India? Are you coming to Rishikesh? Where do you feel to come?' 'I don't know. I don't know.' You know, until the last moment there is never a plan. See, if he is the model for us, if he is setting the example—and I can tell you he has no plan as the divine plan, but as the expression of the person Mooji Ji, he has no plan whatsoever—and I cannot find a better version of anything than him. That's only in his footsteps that we are walking. So all these doubts can then be thrown into this fire. Thrown into this fire to see that one who has no plan. He himself says often, isn't it? 'I have no past. I have no future.' What does he mean? He says, 'I have no future.' There is no concept about what is going to happen in the future. Completely in the now I am. So then if he had a plan, would he be a better version of something? I don't feel so. What does a plan do? There's this old joke, isn't it? If you want to make God laugh, what do you tell him? Tell him you have a plan.

Father, it's too draining. It's now... it's doing. It's too draining. Like planning is like... it drains me. The doing drains me. And it's right now so difficult to push yourself to do things as in... even because there's a wedding in the family in a week's time and I have to leave for Bangkok for that. And there's like so many things to be taken care of, from clothes from, you know, like whereabouts of everybody. And in trying to do or to whatever... I mean, I'm still seeing my doing it because it's coming up in the sense of where I'm not... I'm just still seeing, Father, that there is a lot of doing in the sense of trying to be at a certain level of maybe looking good enough or, you know, like because of the family this thing that, you know, there's so many social family protocols or rules or, you know, you have to look in a particular way. So you are like struggling to get better clothes made or something like that.

I mean, it just sounds very small or whatever, but then these are these little, little things that I'm seeing that are coming up and they're like constantly... and which harrow me now because it's like I can't do shopping to go get new clothes and, you know, it's like a pressure now and it drains me. It just drains me. I can't do shopping anymore and you have to do this, you have to buy this. I feel, am I the only one who is going through it or does everybody go through it?

That's why we have Satsang. We have Satsang because you can always share and when you're speaking, then many are nodding their heads that they are in a similar situation. You can't ask a man these kind of questions because men never enjoy shopping. It would be very good if she can find shopping to be a harrowing experience. It would be very good. You know, there was this post on Facebook that I saw a few days ago which was... they've created a Tumblr blog about men's photographs when their wives are shopping and it was so amazing because everyone was just on their phone sitting in the corner somewhere. It had the rich people like Anil Ambani was there. Some of you know these people. So, it's very good if you find it to be a harrowing experience, but it is breaking some stereotype. At least it will not be that you show up to the wedding and you'll be like looking like, 'Who is this one who has come?'

Yeah, Father is struggling with the dramatic... Sorry, Father. There's too much of a lag actually. You know, I'm struggling. What I'm seeing is with the image, the image that you make out of your person that, okay, she used to dress up like this or look like that, and not anymore. So I think I'm just kind of exposing this here because I feel that I'm struggling to be the kind of a person that I have been always and that is not happening and I'm still trying to keep up with, you know, how things were and they're not the same.

That sounds like a very tiring thing to try and do. And if any person... suppose that everyone said, 'Okay, I'm just going to be how I was five years ago and I will just put up this persona like this.' Nobody can do it. You see, your husband, your family, nobody can be the person that they were five years ago because life changed. You see, life is changing. And for one who is discovering that they are not a person at all, then how is it even auspicious to try and forcefully project a personal picture of anything? So let life decide, let consciousness, let God decide how it wants to project you. Concerned about this? That one you give to me right now.

Yes, take it, Father. Right now I think I can really clearly see it's trying to hold on to the person that has changed actually and I can see the struggle there. I really can. And it's like, you know, I want to hold on to how I was to people, how I used to talk. And somewhere, Father, also this person who's feeling completely aloof or left out from the rest of the world, like from the rest of the family, cannot really converse, cannot talk. I don't know, it actually happens automatically that I'm like talking and suddenly I'm like short of vocabulary or tongue-tied or something. I'm like just quiet and I don't know how to talk anymore to anybody and then I start doubting myself.

But you must not do that. Imagine if all the sages in the past said, 'Okay, now I've stopped relating to my family and I've stopped, you know, relating to these social equations and how to speak. So I'm feeling too guilty about that or too strange about that. Let me just, you know, get back to my personhood.' Then we would never have had a sage in our life. So you actually are showing the way, but you have to let yourself shine as reality. If you have this sense that 'this also, this also you must do,' then it'll be trouble. Just moment to moment let life decide how it needs to play. And these very same people who seem like all interested in different types of things, many of them will actually come to you and will ask you, 'How do you find this peace? How do you have this radiance?' And you're not doing it because you want this reaction, but automatically, very naturally, this will come. You see, like Shivani was saying, that was sitting in the cab just talking with interest to what she was saying; very naturally then grace will start to flow.

Father, is it... I don't see anything. I've also lost him for a second. So, just give him a second to come back. He's frozen. So, that usually means that he dropped out.

My love, I love you so much. I love you too so much. You know, I must tell you a little anecdote until he comes back. I used to spend a lot of attention on how I looked and clothes and things like that. It was important for my work. And I was a film director and I had to look very fashionable all the time. And so obviously all of that has fallen away. And I had similar kind of thoughts about like not just being able to master, like you know, the same shopping, that I could give no importance to what I was wearing, you know. And then one day completely out of the blue my husband said to me, he said, 'You are more beautiful with the peace in your heart than with any clothes you ever wore,' you know. And you will wear beauty and peace so beautifully that you will look a thousand times more beautiful at the wedding in your oldest rags because your light will shine from inside, you know. And yes, you'll go through the motions and you'll put an outfit together and you will still look beautiful because you're beautiful, but your light from inside will make you look like a princess. I want to hug you right now. Oh, I wish I could. There he is. Love you. Love you. Love you so much.

It all shows up. I don't know what happened, but Father only you did. I think we all were having a good time. Should I go out again? Me and Parvati just shared our love and hugs in the meantime. Thank you so much.

These concepts of the world and how we must behave with the world define us because I would still be else if I gave into these kind of concepts. Father, is it lack of... I don't know, I feel, do I... sometimes I actually ask myself, do I not trust the path that I'm leading or what, that I get into these doubts about it? And as if I feel that I'm the only one which is wrong and the world is fine and suddenly, finally, you know, I have to jerk myself out of this whole doubt to finally like get up. Like, you know, it's like I have to follow your pointings like, 'What am I doing? Don't follow your next thought and don't believe in it,' you know. It's like I have to literally jerk myself out of it.

Some of us have got situations in your life which are a little more compelling; actions are a little more compelling. So your life situation, your social life, all of these things can be a little more compelling. For some of us, we've had situations where a long time ago... like there was a time where I remember going to these parties and not enjoying myself over there and these kind of things many, many years. So it sounds like something which is, you know, far back for me that I went to those situations. I remember because we used to get invited because we were advertising a lot in those days. So we used to get invited to all these big shows and parties and even then I just couldn't deal with all the hair kissing and all the, you know, all the fake stuff which goes on in these. So I know that, but it's been like... sounds like a different lifetime actually when you speak about it. So I can relate to where you're coming from but only from this context of the past. I feel that what happens with you is that because for many years maybe it was a record of your life, you see, that's why it seems like, 'Oh, it pulls me back sometimes,' or these friends or my family, they keep wondering what's happening to me.

The, you know, all the fake stuff which goes on in these. So I know that, but it's been like—sounds like a different lifetime actually when you speak about it. So I can relate to where you're coming from, but only from this context of the past. I feel that what happens with you is that because for many years, maybe it was a record of your life. You see, that's why it seems like, it seems like, oh, it pulls me back sometimes, or these friends or my family, they keep wondering what's happening to me. Father, also it's my own husband because somehow I have shifted my focus and my husband hasn't. And so regularly, like every third day, we'll have this whole issue about how he wants to move out and he cannot do that without me. And you know, so even when I've given him the space to move out and go and enjoy himself, like just leave me alone here in my house, but you know, I think that is also a thing of because you don't have your own will there. And if you don't, because then you invite even more upset in the whole situation. So I don't know how to deal with that, but I just let it pass and that's all I do.

Whatever it might be that is convincing you that it's about the outside, it is not about the outside. It's always about the inside. So if you are yourself wondering, 'Okay, do I have enough trust?' then this has to get cleaned up. Yeah, whatever it might be. It might be our own special relationships. It's actually about the inside. And Bharat, actually, I met him and I remember that he does love you a hell of a lot. So I don't feel that it is possible. If you're being true to your heart, I don't feel that he will be forcing you. Maybe, maybe sometimes, but if you're truly just clear about what you want in your heart, I don't feel that he will, you know, really antagonize you in any strong way. In fact, you have to be the light because I saw a spark in him when I met—very briefly I met him. No, I saw it was just after that there was already so much understanding and he could really, you know, he could really, Father... he was not like many who by their spouses and then sitting there grumpy. He was not like that.

No, it's not that, Father. I think he's going through his own struggle of, um, he's trying very hard to not be in it himself and he's like, every time we have an argument, so he'll say, 'Don't try to pull me into satsang with you. You know, I know you're trying all your level best so that I also start doing satsang and this is all that's left in your life and it's not my life.' And you know, while he says all this, I can really clearly see that how much of a resistance—I mean, there is maybe there is a pull that he also feels, but he is so resistant that he is scared of getting there, you know? And he tries all his level best. Even when he'll call me up from office, he'll be like, 'You're listening to satsang, so you don't want to do this. You better do this, listen to it later.' You know, like it's, I can sense his own resistance. But maybe again, it's my own resistance somewhere that you're talking about.

Whatever has to be cleaned up, even the sense of, you know, sometimes marriages become about power—who has power over another. And when this whole power game is dropped, actually, then they're much simpler. You'll find that all of this stuff will get more and more absorbed. You stay with the satsang in your heart. Nothing can move you out from it. It is not about what is appearing externally. And you'll find that if you are just clear in your heart, then the external will change itself. But if you have one eye on the external, one eye on the internal, then it becomes trouble. You just be clear what you are. You stay in that. Then I will tell you that we'll talk maybe in a few months and you will say so much changed around me.

Yes, Father. Nothing outside can pull you away from satsang anyway. Not just watching like this. Don't pick up, come what may, then show me the...

Yes, Father. Thank you so much, Father. Just asking whether it's a deal or not.

Yes, Father. I'm giving this one to you now and I don't want it back. If you don't want it back, then you can't get it. Yes. Totally. Totally to you and to your feet. And I truly can see, it's more of a knowing and seeing that as you say, to be the truth. Yes. Thank you, Father. Thank you. Father, can I come up?

Yes, my dear. Make some dinner for herself, lunch for herself, and then have the silent retreat satsang. Is there a lot of lag?

There is some lag. Yes, Father. Okay. Um, can I begin, Father?

My dear, please.

Okay. So, first I wanted to tell you, Father, that since Friday, there's been a lot of, um, just a lot of energy coming up, and a lot of negativity coming up inside of me. I've just kind of basically kept quiet for the last three, four days, but it's just been, it's been fairly negative inside. I've been watching it and I know that the negativity is not me. But it's been there. And, um, yeah, so I've just kind of stayed with it. At times I've identified with it, but enough points in the last few days where I've kind of just allowed it to come up and be and dance around me and stay around me, Father. And it's just a report. I'm not saying this that something needs to happen. I'm just giving you this report, Father, that this is what's been happening. I even had doubt this morning as to why am I going to Bangalore on Friday? What am I doing? Why am I going to satsang today? And despite the doubt, I find myself here in front of you. So that's what's been happening internally and it's being watched, Father, for the most part. So that's a report. Now I have a couple of questions also. So yeah, you were talking to Randhir Ji earlier in the satsang, Father, and one of the things that you mentioned—and you've also mentioned this to me—is it is consciousness talking to consciousness. You know, and you're not talking to me as a person. So essentially the only thing I can do then is just to let go because there's nothing I can do in this question and a statement.

And you are speaking as what now?

Sorry, Father?

And you are speaking as what?

Um, very honestly, sometimes that answer is not totally clear. Sometimes I speak as a voice or sometimes I speak as a person. And sometimes when I don't speak, the answer is clear to me, if you know what I mean. It's kind of like the speaking kind of destroys it at times.

That's okay. The question was that there is nothing for me to do, right? There's nothing for me to do now except to let go. Right. So before I can answer this question, it must be clear who you are referring to yourself as. I'm not clear on that point. Father, at this point right now, this is very good to see already. So now first let go of this concept itself of doership because when we refer to doership, we are speaking to the concept of personal doership—that as a person, what should I do or not? But if you already see that we cannot find a person, then what can a person do? That which cannot be found, how can it ever do anything? See, and in this discovery, you will find that all of this about 'What am I doing going to Bangalore? Should I come to satsang or not?' all this burden will be cleared up. You'll see that all is just happening exactly as it is meant to. Otherwise, it'll truly start to become tiring. You see, if you feel that, 'Oh, I am coming to Bangalore, I am coming to Bangalore, I am coming to satsang,' then it is not the coming to Bangalore which will become tiring, but it's the 'I am' coming which will become tired. So as we were speaking last time, it is the appearances around you which are changing. Could be the appearance of Bangalore. It could be Purnima, it could be your office, it could be your home. But you are not moving. So if you dwell on these things too much—'Oh, why am I doing this? How am I doing this? Am I being crazy?'—all of this, and you're picking up the right... Yes, Father. Don't let it get mixed up. Don't let consciousness and personhood get mixed up because that's what the ego is. There is no ego actually. It is just consciousness pretending. So mixed up itself got mixed up with personhood. See, so this is what the mind is trying to do. And then the coming and going from Bangalore or not coming can take care of itself. That's all that is not of so much importance. What is of importance is: are you discovering for yourself what you are? That's why I started when we started satsang. We start saying that for a while it seemed like it's very beautiful, the best I found you here, isn't it? Initially, 'Oh, I found the best thing possible, I wish I could just be in it.' And after a while, it is natural for some sort of doubts to come, some sort of for the mind to play. And it is more important for you to stay with the satsang in your heart during these times. You have found me in your heart. So it is completely possible for you to stay with me irrespective of where you are spatially located. Isn't it? Otherwise, the mind can come with all sorts of things about independence and responsibilities. I don't know, I've heard all types. And it is when the ego is in trouble where it will squeak the loudest. So let it speak. Let it do whatever it wants. You already said that a lot of negativity was there, but I was just witnessing it. So it's not touching me.

Thank you, Father. I just needed to hear that. And I also wanted to just expose that to you, Father.

Great.

Yeah. I have one more question, Father, I would like to ask you, which came up also during your chat with Randhir Ji. So we wake up, you know, consciousness creates this world, but how do two seemingly or three seemingly or a hundred seemingly different people create the same world in the same room, in the same... and the only option could be is the same consciousness running through all of us, but the mind just doesn't understand that.

Yes. Just like in the dream, there can be millions of us. But where is the dream? In me. So all is one consciousness. It's not the millions of consciousnesses seemingly coming together and putting the dream together. It is one being, right? Appearance, including the appearance of this body.

So then if it is just one being, that means—does that not then signify that there is no other being?

Yes. How could there be? That's why we say it is all about you.

So, so does Palak or do others not exist as individual beings, or they are they only pure projections in forming?

Anything which comes and goes ultimately is not real. You see, but you don't have to force these beliefs. You don't have to take these concepts. Don't even worry about it for now. Let them be your own insights. When they have to come, let them come. You just stay with the fact that you are not this person which you always imagined yourself to be, and you stay with the discovery that you have made about yourself, and then all this will reveal itself.

Yes, thank you, Father. Thank you, my dear.

You know, I always find it a little bit amusing like Shivam, the Russian Shivam, Guruji's longtime bodyguard. He was so... the Russian Shivam said, 'You know, Ananta, when he came here,' he said, 'You know, Ananta, first time I met you, I felt you were so arrogant.' I was like, 'What?' And then he said, 'You know, the way you used to walk is like this, like this.' No. And many times I hear things like this, that, 'You know, we're getting some doubts about you. We have some negativity coming about you.' What? But then I realized that it is also grace. It must play like this so that these can be transcended. And they're not actually doubt about me. They are doubts about your own freedom. Because once you see that you can never be a person, then you will never look at another as a person. So there's some doubt that actually maybe this is not true for me, then this doubt can be projected in our appearances also.

That you know, we're getting some doubts about you. We have some negativity coming about you. What? But then I realized that it is also grace. It must play like this so that these can be transcended. And they're not actually doubts about me. They are doubts about your own freedom. Because once you see that you can never be a person, then you will never look at another as a person. So there's some doubt that actually maybe this is not true for me; then this doubt can be projected in our appearances also. So just turn inwards. Like I was telling Supria earlier, anything outside—it can be about me also—why does he behave like this? Why does he not reply? All these kind of things can come, but let's use all of these things as the momentum for our inquiry, as fodder for our inquiry, without convincing us that something on the outside makes a difference to what I am.

And this tendency is very, very common for everyone. It is that I will call somebody guru. 'You are the guru. You are the guru.' And then I will tell you how to behave. Then who is the guru? You see what I'm saying? 'You're my guru. I'm at your feet. Why do you do this? Why does he do like that? Why can't he?' You know, then we try to even mold like the rest of our relationships. We then try to, just like in a special relationship with spouses. When we're not in the relationship, 'Oh, he's so wonderful, so wonderful.' And it comes in the relationship, 'Oh, he's wonderful, but if only he could change this about himself. If only he could change that about himself.' You see, so if any of these concepts are there, then the guru-disciple relationship is the most fertile ground for this kind of trouble to come. If you want to change our relationships, then you'll want to change something about that who you call guru also. And if the guru was to comply with your projections of him, then you would be the guru actually.

Whatever as a... for you mean that we slow down the entire process so much that the individual thoughts about it come up and you disbelieve them?

No, very simply also you can say, 'Oh, why is he behaving like this with me?' Huh? Suppose something like this is there: 'Why is he behaving like this with me?' You see, we use that for inquiry. Who is getting affected by his behavior? Can I find this one? You'll find that there is no one here. There is no sufferer of that behavior. Then you say there is no person here and yet actions happen. See, actions are moving through this body-mind. So there's no person who's controlling actions which are happening from here. Then can I recognize also that there is no person who is doing the action from there? See, so even that is a play of consciousness, isn't it? It's not just what is flowing from here which is a play of consciousness. You see, because that becomes very convenient spirituality. Then only my actions are God's actions; everybody else is still a person. So you cannot have it like that.

So already this one instance like this gave you so much fodder for inquiry, isn't it? First, it said who is suffering because of his behavior or her behavior? And then it said that if I'm not the doer of my actions, then how is another the doer of his actions? So can I truly blame anyone? So this is what I mean to return to yourself. Yes, using the presentation of Maya then, which is throwing all this distraction to you, using the mind as an ally then becomes powerless, isn't it? Because everything which is being thrown up, then you're saying, 'Yes, I will inquire into it.' And you have that choice as consciousness. You have that choice every moment. You have that. Mother, can I come up further? Yes, you can come. Just one sec, let me read a couple of things on YouTube also.

Han said, 'Father, so much burning here, crying, laughing, want to stay, want to run away. But seeming in the heaviest moments that running away is even worse. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.' I actually cannot fathom why anyone would want to run away. And maybe one of you, or maybe all of you one day, should tell me these are the triggers you get so that we run. Well, you can't get me to stop doing my job, which is to point out that you're not this person. But if there's something else which I can help you with in terms of, you know, you don't get these... because I'm hearing this 'I want to run away' thing very often. And I actually try to look from that side and say, 'What is here that would want me to run?' and I cannot find, actually. So when you say like this, I don't mind if you come and tell me, what is it? What is it that makes you want to? If it is just that the personhood is getting crushed somewhere, then that cannot be helped, you see, because that is my only purpose of all of this.

And Baswan says, 'Father, I just wanted to expose that there is a strong urge to ask or talk something just to get your attention, just like how my five-year-old son does have to grab our attention.' Very beautiful. Yes. I think Father's frozen again. Sorry. Um, you froze on my screen. Oh, am I back? So, I'm not sure if you were... Yeah, you're back now. Yeah, something with the internet today. But that's okay. Amaya says, 'It's so true. Everyone looks like Buddhas and God in spite of the misbeliefs.' Everyone looks like Buddhas and God in spite of the misbeliefs. It must be implying to what I was saying earlier about whatever could be coming out of your mouths. What you see is that you are just the Self. Okay, you wanted to come, my dear. Come.

Thank you, Father. Can you hear me, Father? Yes, I can. Um, I wanted your help, Father, but right now it feels like the mind is like completely stuck, Father. It's as in I don't know where I am, what is going on. There's a lot of forgetfulness. Like I have to literally find the words to tell you now what actually... I heard something, I totally forgot what I have to tell you. It feels like if eyes are blindfolded and there's nothing to hear and if you're taken to some place, how would you be? You don't know what's going on. That's exactly how it is for me now. And mind is like, 'Do you know where you are? Do you know where you're...?' It feels like for me, I don't know what is going on, Father.

So, something tells me, 'Okay, you have to check with Father whether you're on the right track or you're going back, what's happening.' About the inquiry, whether the inquiry is going on. Does it make sense, Father, what I'm asking? I'm telling you I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me, Father, because I don't know what is going on. And it's like not even confusion; it's total neutrality. I don't know if the word neutrality also can be used. I have seriously... it's like driving me crazy to be in this state. I don't know what it is, Father. Seriously, I don't know what it is to explain also. I'm not able to explain what it is. I'm trying to grasp it like, what state am I? Where am I? What am I doing? I don't know anything, Father. I don't know. And this I think I've already told you several times, but it's making me go crazy thinking, 'Okay, am I in the right path or not? What is happening?' It's like not the doubts, but I want to check with you whether everything is okay, you know. Yes. Can you please let me know where I am? Thank you.

Very good. Then you can come like this and ask, 'So, am I... is there a blind spot, something which I'm not seeing?' You know, this is what it means. 'Am I on the right track?' doesn't mean that we have a path or something like this. Just, is there some dark spot which I'm not able to see? But if you can see, then you point it. This one who is concerned about where you are, this one is also not you. But this one is fidgeting around because it feels like it wants to create some fear so that you come back to this belief of phenomenal existence as a person. You see, and it's troubling you with these kind of questions: 'Where am I? Where am I?' You cannot find yourself in time and space. See, so for a while it seems like this is too unsteady because I cannot locate myself in time and space. It is too unsteady. But again, this is also the mind's voice which is saying that it's too unsteady.

So it's very good you come to satsang and you say, 'I cannot find myself.' Actually, when you speak like this, it is music to my ears. You see, it is not a bad thing. 'I cannot find myself' means what? I cannot locate myself in time and space. I don't know where I am, and yet I am. Isn't it? This is very good. So, just a little while it will seem a little unsteady. It will seem like, 'Oh, the rug has been pulled from under my feet. I'm losing balance. I'm falling.' It's okay. It's not that you're falling. You are actually learning to fly.

But when the mind says like this, I try to do the inquiry, Father. And then when I try to do the inquiry, it is not possible to do the inquiry there because it feels there is no necessity of something like that. I tried that too, because when these kind of... it's not that I'm worried about these thoughts or anything, but at times it feels like, 'Okay, I should check in if this is right or wrong.' That's, you know, I get that urge to talk to you. That's why I keep sending in the silent space also. But I can't do the inquiry in that at times. But at times, yes, I just ask, 'Okay, who is this? Where is this? What is this?' and all, and then it works immediately then. But otherwise, you know, when these things... probably I don't know, maybe I don't know, Father. I don't know.

No, I don't know. Maybe I can spell it out a little more as to what I mean. Thought is coming. Thought is going. If it is not getting your belief, then no trouble, no need to do anything at all. You see, thought is coming, attention is going, then it has the potential to cause some trouble because belief is the next step to attention. But then even then, if belief is not going, no trouble; nothing needs to be done. If thought is coming, attention and belief are both going, that means you have believed yourself to be a person. It means that with the power of your belief, you have energized this ego. You have energized the separation. You see, but even then, if it is just momentary, then also momentarily it happens to everyone.

If persistent thoughts about the same identity are coming—which could be mother identity, daughter identity, some identity—persistent thoughts about that identity and you find yourself over and over believing them and energizing this group with this identity, then it must be inquired into. It must be inquired into no matter what the mind is saying. It is the mind itself which will come and say, 'No, no, no, I can't do the inquiry about this,' just another thought. You see, because what is the inquiry? Let's look at that also so that it's completely clear. Inquiry only means: this thought is saying that I am not a good daughter, so let me find if I can find the daughter anywhere. So already you will see that there's no daughter there, just a pigment of my imagination.

Oh, there is this being which plays the role of the daughter, which will not stop playing the role or start playing the role based on your decision. So you find that there is an existence of an entity called the daughter, then you can say, 'So if I'm not daughter, then who am I?' Then you will see that you are this awareness itself that is aware of this entire body. And this for all of you, you've been in satsang so long now. For you this is like just a second or two. See, it doesn't need much concentration. It doesn't need anything at all. Just quickly to check: daughter identity. Where is the daughter? Who am I? I am aware now. And this awareness itself, that's all that the inquiry is. It's not something you take out half an hour and you sit and you say, 'Who am I? Who am I?' Not like this. Just very quick, quick like this.

Yes, Father. As you said, everything is momentary only. Nothing stays long like before now. And there is a complete acceptance that consciousness is doing everything.

Just quickly to check daughter identity. Where is the daughter? Who am I? I am aware now. And this awareness itself, that's all that the inquiry is. It's not something you take out half an hour and you sit and you say, 'Who am I? Who am I?' Not like this. Just very quick, quick like this. You want to say something?

Yes, Father. As you said, everything is momentary only; nothing stays long like before now. And there is a complete acceptance that Consciousness is doing everything, you know. So I don't plan anything. Even if I plan, it doesn't work, so I just end up doing nothing. Whatever has to flow, it's happening the way it has to happen. Yeah, total acceptance of Consciousness doing everything. That is great, Father, and I'm very grateful to you, Father, for that. Thank you so much for your blessing, Father. My little one is a little sick today; she's got fever, Father. I need your blessing to her. Thank you, Father. Oh, namaste, Father. She's sick, Father. I finished, I got recovered yesterday, and then since last night she is sick.

Thank you. All my love and blessings. Love you.

Thank you, Father. Love you, sir. I love you.

No. Okay. Okay. There are some questions in the chat. What's the time? Now says all our beliefs are misbeliefs. Yes, words are so tricky. Yes, very. All our beliefs are misbeliefs. The truth means no belief. Jes says the doubts are prasad and your grace takes us across. Atma says, 'If only I never wanted to run away, from where to run and to where? I'm always here.' Supriya says, 'Father, if I'm not the doer of my action and the other is not the doer, then why do we need to keep forgiving everyone for anything nasty if all the other does?'

If you see that there is no doer, then forgiveness is a meaningless concept. If you see that there is no doer, then there will be nothing to forgive in the first place. You will see everything as God's will, as God's movement. You see, but you cannot hold a grievance and then try to Advaita it out. You see, many times we try to do this. We hold a grievance and then we try to use Advaita magic on it and it should go. So you say, 'Oh, I'm really upset with him or her for something.' And if you really hold that grievance, then just by saying, 'Oh, there's no doer,' many times it doesn't help.

So if the grievance has been created at a personal level and you feel, yes, it gives you a lot of peace, a lot of joy, and this grievance goes away, gets dissolved, just seeing that there is no doer. But if that is not happening, then there is no harm in saying that what is the sin that another can do? What is a sin they do? There is no sin actually, isn't it? Because everyone is just making the choice of believing their thoughts, and we have also made that choice over long periods of time. So at best you can call it a mistake. You see, it's actually a play, but if you want to call it something, then you can call it a mistake. And this mistake, who here has not made? Everyone here has made this mistake of choosing our thoughts, isn't it? So then for making this, we can forgive ourselves, we can also forgive the seeming other. But if it is clear for you that there is no doer of action anywhere, then no need for any forgiveness; then there is no room for grievance in the first place.

Father, I wanted to ask you something in this context only. I have spoken to you also about this thing that I had with our friends and so it's in relation with that only that I posted this question. Since after so many months now, you're right, because holding on to the grievance... and somewhere I had seen it as a thing of grace that something like that happened and it actually gave in a lot of peace and space because there was a sense of freedom after that. Because there was so much of control or whatever, like you know, which we had experienced staying in that company. And so everything happened, but at this point after two months, I see myself, you know, as if things have dissolved or what? But I don't really hold too much of grievance. Father, are you there? I think it's frozen, the screen for me.

He's frozen for me, too. Yeah. I think my questions start adopting my questions now. I'm sure he'll be back in a minute. Yeah, Jay is here. Hello J. Hello. Oh, the Father's back. Oh, I heard him for a second. Yeah, even I heard him. Oh, there he is. Frozen. Yeah. Father, can you hear us? I just want to check if he's on audio. No, he's gone. Thanks. I think you're logged back in. Day is back. We have you back, Father. Yes, I can see Father now.

Yes, but my internet connection today. Mother, I was beginning to doubt my questions. She spoke of that. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, Jack is... Sorry, I was on mute. I was going to say, um, we saw your message about somebody singing, Father, and then I was going to say, should I switch to the bhajans for ten minutes while they sing live at Zemar? Because I think they... I'm just about to check, but I think they're doing bhajans right now. They might be on the last one before they switch to Mooji. Yes, they're still singing bhajans.

Okay, my loves, I'll do invocations and we'll close. Om Purnamadah Purnamidam Purnat Purnamudachyate Purnasya Purnamadaya Purnamevavashishyate. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti. Thank you, my loves. Love you.