How Can I Bring My Focus More to the Witnessing? - 26th December 2017

Yes, for attention it can seem like that. But whether attention is on an object or seems to be returning to that form, what witnesses this movement of attention? Is that also flitting? Maybe it is simpler than what you are believing it to be. Not maybe—actually, it's simpler than what you believe it is. It is not even about the functioning of attention or trying to control attention. It's just a matter of checking to see that whether attention is on some content, or running about to find some content, or just completely resting at home, what is aware of this attention?

So the frustration is that the focus or the attention keeps... the focus is the attention. So I'm actually to attention, then there's the feeling that I can't find...

Okay, let's do this together. Let your attention go wherever it wants. No more effort to control it at all. If it wants to hold the thoughts, let it go to thoughts. Emotions, then emotions. If it wants to rest on your being, it can rest on your being. If it is just all over the place, it is completely fine. Are you aware now? Whatever attention might be doing, is there ever a moment of unawareness?

Yes, but you're aware that you stopped it. Very close reading.

So this play—explain this. So you say stuckness. There is some resistance to answer. There is some... words are not coming. Is a play of intention happening? Sometimes you want to say yes, but the word is not coming. Now, all this can happen. Now you have to be there to see all of this. It doesn't matter what answer is coming up. It is already answered in your own insight that you are seeing all of this, but aware of all of this. Even this indecision, who's aware of it?

Sometimes it comes, it's more clear, and sometimes it seems only from inference that I can even say it, because still the attention is going out to some false sense.

Nothing. So we're not even at the realm of attention. Whatever attention is going to, it's fine. The beauty of awareness is there. Even to say 'I am unaware' actually implies that I am aware that it is that. Great, inescapable. But what will you say? Not to come to any conclusions from ignorance and talking about location. So what we have to do is use this to come to this checking. So when I say 'I am,' still, am I aware of the stuckness or am I inferring stuckness? What if I were to say that your task for the next few minutes is to become unaware? Just don't be aware. Don't be ready. And if you've been able to do it, tell me: 'I became unaware for a moment.' All of you, don't try to avoid awareness, push it away. Don't be aware.

When the awareness is like... I know, I know it's there, and yet it doesn't seem to be what I'm tasting. You know, what I'm tasting seems to be...

Yes, you discern. Does it have a taste? And that is the beauty of it, because every taste we get this feeling of and try to get lost in. For now, use yourself as much as you can. What you see, or you are relying on something that happened a few minutes ago? It's what I'm seeing because I'm... so every part of you now is phenomenal. To be completely lost in phenomena would mean that there is... everything is phenomenal now. That which is witnessing this phenomenon, that is also phenomenal? Can it? If you were to try and push it out...

But still I feel unable to bring my focus...

No, because there's nothing to be seen. Yes. When I say focus, I don't necessarily mean this in the sense of bringing, keeping, or trying to force our attention into this. I'm just saying one moment is change. What witness is this? Let the question himself do whatever work is needed to be done. You don't force anything at all. Which part of you is now completely contained in the phenomena? Don't say it's being forced out. So this insight, when you get it, this is what I've been saying: that you're finding that that is something which is limitless here now. To die to containment in your life. Oh, don't even worry for some time about the implications of this for your life. This is what I was saying: evolution and coconut. Don't worry for a bit about the life of this world, what happens in it. Just be the insight on holistic with no implication. It does not have to mean anything at all or anything even right now.

The insight feels like something very small. At other times, it's not like something big, expansion...

Anything that comes actually is very useful, so don't resist anything that has come. So if you feel small or if you feel the expansion is right now within, what space is the smaller or more expansive? If the smallness of it is inside something which is larger, it goes to anything into the plant coming within you. The smaller is the largeness, the blackness on this is perceived within your own being. No, at least what I said is that don't worry about what implications your insight is bringing to the life of its own. At the life of its own, even if it feels like a design, because you don't pick up these concepts. And if it feels natural, if it feels like this itself is becoming a struggle, then you let that be. Because what is happening is that you're having these moments of insight. Very quickly the mind could come and sit before: 'Does this mean for me? My life is not changed. I'm still mostly like that.' To say 'I am not making proper use of it'—it's just the words themselves. If it's anybody's fault, it is they have to carry that. There is really nothing that you can do about this. That's why even today when I was speaking, or just speaking to that which is 'I Am,' I prefaced it by saying consciousness is a body, consciousness. As long as we take on some notion of doership, and that one has nothing to do with this.

But there, if the one isn't doing, the one thing I can do is keep checking like you say. Anything that I can see actually can be turned out, turned into something. But the checking... I'm not checking enough, obviously. What I was told in satsang to do...

And actually there is no template for this freedom. Sometimes words come up because the predominant condition in the room or the listening to this could be a particular way, and sometimes the obvious is said because the condition could be opposite. So to come to neutrality, like I was saying, that sometimes the back has to come from the right, sometimes has to come from the left. Now what can happen many times is that anything that has been heard in satsang, it becomes a way to make yourself feel guilty. You're not adequate enough for not doing things. If I was to say to you, 'Forget about the check,' would I even make this into a checking saying, 'Are you forgetting?' It is easier if you were to let this be. My craft on the Guru train. He said when you get on the train and it's going to Trivandrum, don't look every one minute and say, 'I'm a girl, why am I hitting somewhere else?' because you trust the engine driver. But the mind seems to have us in a hole like this, that no matter what inroad has been trying to be made, it co-opts that and says, 'No, this is not doing this well enough,' or 'This is not yet happening for you,' or 'This is really not working.' Sometimes we just say, 'Okay, I'm on the Guru train and it will take me where it wants to take me.' All this pressure is like a little child. Children also actually they are possibly asking. And the best part of this: there is no 'how' to surrender. Even the surrendering then is the problem. You know, like I think at Santoria, there's been this feeling of like anything would amend their videos when I said that you have a lifetime pass, you have a lifetime card at the Lila. You just walk in to eat when you want, you don't... Best part of the surrender is that even if you completely... the one looking through these eyes is not even whether it is person. You don't need to self-censor or anything. You don't have to speak anything with intention like 'I have to speak this' or 'half ever moves this'.