Fun Reactions to an Awakening Experience - 15 July 2015

Is it? No, you're like, 'What am I seeing?' I don't know if what I'm seeing... Just check. This check, don't give it to the mind, because the mind will come up with some confusing answer. So you have to check what is here now. What is here now? It's not about the content of what you are seeing. It is not about the content of the appearance. It is about the presence of the seeing itself. Are you here or no? Not as a word, but are you here? Are you present?

Well, you keep saying that you are present and that you cannot deny being, but I don't know if I'm even being. I couldn't stop being right now.

Can you just turn off the being for a minute? Can you show me that you stopped being?

I feel so... there is being.

You see? Who knows this also? You see? So it will get very confusing if you try to figure it out. Therefore, all that is required is just to check. And that's why I've given you these tools, isn't it? The tool is: can you stop being? No, I can't stop being. And stop being... how do you know this? Because that's how I'm doing it? But doing is a secondary concept here. When you check 'Can I stop being?' you say no. Because what... how do you know you cannot stop being? I don't know if you're able to stop being. Just turn it off for a minute. We'll talk after a minute. Just don't be for a minute. You see? You're getting the essence of the question: that there is a presence here which cannot be stopped. The being is here; it cannot be stopped. The mind cannot understand this because this is prior to the mind, you see? Because it is prior to the mind, it's all confused right now. And I'm okay even if it wants to throw a tantrum of sorts. It often happens. Then we can work through all of that together. That's all right. But the essence is that I say: can you stop being now? See, more obviously, not being is hell. You might not use these words, but this is what you're feeling. This is what you're experiencing. But there is something which is here. It is not present in the sleep state, because if I say 'Are you present?' you say... if you say there is nothing. So right now you cannot stop being. Who is aware even of this? That is what I call the pure seeing. Why do I call it pure seeing? Because the word awareness has become conceptual for many of us. So typically what we would say is: who is aware even of this being which cannot be turned off? I am. I must be that which is prior to even this being, that which is aware of being. Now, the mind will want to play a trick with you. It will say that just now, just become crazy, just go crazy because all this is... boom! Don't fall for that trick. It's very simple. We're together in this. Together. If you pull out all the stops and try to make something crazy out of it, just don't fall for that trick. You stay with me. It's very simple. Can you stop being now? Because being is here. And who is aware of this? That being cannot be stopped. Who is aware of this? Is it an entity which is aware? No, there's just the awareness of that. Yes, and I use a bridge from this awareness. I can't be... but it doesn't feel that way.

Check, check. Is there some place where the witness is that you are not? Is there some place where you are but awareness is not? No. But it feels really strange because there is no quality to it, and everything else has some certain quality.

Exactly. You see? This is very beautiful. Without even realizing, this is very beautiful. Because when I say 'Are you aware now?' and I asked you 'Are you aware now?' is it a qualitative experience? Or is there any other experience which is non-qualitative like this? No, this is the only one. You see? I am very much enjoying this conversation, very much loving this conversation, because you see for yourself that awareness being aware of itself is non-phenomenal experiencing. The only one. Everything else, some phenomena is tasted for it to be an experience. So this is your own self-discovery as awareness itself. You cannot say anything about it because there is no phenomena. There's nothing to report. And yet you are here, right? Can you deal with this simplicity? You will lose... this is very good, very good. That is why when you come to your self-discovery that 'I am this awareness,' but there is nothing to report because it is not phenomenal, you see? It is the only non-phenomenal experiencing: you becoming aware of yourself. Now, don't even make a visual out of it. The trick that the mind can play is trying to make a visual framework out of this and say, 'Okay, the I am is that space, and then inside that space there is being.' Forget about all of that. It is not going anywhere. Anytime you check, you will find that you're just this awareness. You don't have to hold on to anything. You don't have to do anything at all. This cannot be lost. And there is nothing you can say about it also. Like you said, it has no quality, it has no taste, it has no attributes.

So this is just so weird.

Yeah, but it'll become the most natural if you become the best to discover that I am not an entity. I don't even exist. Phenomenology can seem very real initially, and the thought comes up so strongly that, you know, like 'What is the point of this?' and 'There's no use,' and 'Why would you want to know?' Okay, the world... what part is saying? Because what do we want the thought to say? We want the thought to say, 'Yes, yes, I got it.' Even if it says that, it doesn't matter. Is it just another appearance, or is it touching awareness? It isn't. This is not interested in anything.

Exactly. It's neither interested nor disinterested also. It's just... yes. My awareness... a lot of stuff comes from it. Is all that momentum stuff comes from... is that the question? Where do the phenomena come from?

Yes, it comes from within this itself and goes back within this itself. This... how can it? Just like sleep, where does it go? The world, just like a dream, it can come. The entire world is there in a dream. Where does it come from and where does it go? Nowhere. Exactly. You can say nowhere, or we can say from within this. It's the same.

How come it doesn't feel like that is me?

Because feeling is much later. Feeling is like your grandson or something. How can we know how... where you upon? Feeling is much later. First, there is being, then there is this whole phenomenal play. As part of the phenomenal play, there is feeling. So how are you feeling? Report on you has no idea.

Yeah, I am so wondered. Beyond even being wondered.

You see? Don't know actually. In a while, we'll turn the computer down so everyone can see this wonder. No, the expression is so unique, this expression. Very well for myself. I just don't know anything, anything.

Yeah, but you see what you are. See, that is the difference. You don't need to know anything because you see what you are without waiting for any mental confirmation or the mind to agree with any of this. Okay, the thought trying to figure it out... you will not understand this. You would not even understand what happened. Because the mind is saying, 'What happened?' So what happened? Nothing happened.

Okay. Yeah, but it's true what you say, that any kind of understanding or feeling or whatever, it all comes later. It's inside that. So it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter at all. For no one it matters. Not only for me it doesn't matter; it doesn't matter for anyone. For everyone it is like that. It doesn't even matter whether you realize or not.

Yes, yes. Really silly thought comes up: 'So am I enlightened now?' Just don't see the tools even. So silly to even ask that.

Good. But the concept even is just like the concept of self-realization or enlightenment; it is just nothing.

Yeah, exactly. You're nothing. [Laughter] Very good. Then also it comes up: 'How can I stay like this?' But that is also so ridiculous because you're always that, even if you forget or don't remember.

See, beautiful review of what's happening. Usually what happens is the doubt comes in this way: 'How can I stay like this?' and then the master's alarm rings. But now she's answering from her own seeing: 'How can I stay like this?' It's pretty good. Let's play there. But you can see for yourself, just all these things come up like, 'How can I see this?' you know, 'Who might see it?' But then there's just nobody seeing. How to move on from this and what's going to happen now?

You'll soon find out. Nothing happening. I just don't know anything. Just that I even know... no, there is no one to be special here. So funny. There are no greatest sages or most enlightened people or most profound... some nonsense.

Good experience. And it seems like there are still so many things to figure out. There is just nothing. So many things I don't understand.

Hmm. No understanding. So all the insights, everything which is meant to be seen, is seen fresh. Fresh insights every day. There is nobody there to be really concerned about them. It was meant to be seen, and it is seen.

And it feels like something meant to be seen is even time, and someone to see them. As long as you are creating this play of appearances, you can decide what to put in between. But nothing in the play of appearances will ever touch or bother what you see yourself to be now, which is the truth of all of us.

And how can I put something in the play? Nobody... wouldn't you have never seen you before? Because I have... there's nobody to see something. There's just no concept anywhere.

I know. See, no messages from our YouTube channel have to come in. Line was coming. Very happy you came. Now, for some time you feel that, 'Okay, even this one is speaking phenomenally like this.' Initially it can happen. This is speaking phenomena. It's okay. You forgive me for some time, but you stay in satsang. Yes? Okay, my love. Thank you so much. Thank you.