Difference between Conscious Awareness and Night Sleep - 17th April 2017

But even that there was nothing, the knowing is. But this knowing is not mental. Our habit is we come to say knowing is just like knowing mental is. But to even say 'I woke up at 5:15' requires the knowing that there was nothing and then there was everything. But even before everything came, 'I am' is the sense of existence. Woke up. Sense 'I am' woke up. That which in our type of systems we call consciousness. When 'I am' woke up within you, it is in you, within big awareness which is Nirguna, attribute-less, unborn, utterly available, undying. When the consciousness, you say, woke up, yes?

What was it before? Because it was... what was it really? Good question.

He said, 'What was it before 5:15?' So let's go with our experience. There is no phenomenal appearance. All there is is this knowingness of nothing. Then there is emergence of that which we call consciousness. What must it be made of? If already not experienced, there is only awareness, therefore what must consciousness be made of? What must it be made of? That itself. Maybe like this state, waking state, is there one hand or two? Must be one hand. This is awareness within which there is the sense 'I am' which is arising. It is this. This is the 'I' within which there is 'I am' arising. The separation really happens, and qualitatively it can look like now there is a finger where there was none earlier. Now qualitatively it can seem like 'I have come into this existence,' but in reality, which is 'I', which is 'am'?

Appearance of 'am' doesn't mean that 'I' changed. 'I am' is appearing, and however much it disappears, I remain the same. I, awareness, remain untouched in this play of am-ing and not am-ing. The waking, dreaming, all these states come and go. I remain unchanged, untouched. So my dynamic aspect, my qualitative aspect wakes up as 'I am'. So I, completely quality-less, attribute-less, beyond time, beyond space, then plays as 'I am'. The birth of 'I am'. All these toys, I can find, always come into play. And within this, at the birth of power, the power of belief, 'I am' can be picked up to be something which is emerging within itself. Second object can be 'This is I am. I am a person. I am a good person. I am a spiritual person. I am this body and husband and the father.' So 'I am' was there before 'I am' none of this. Once 'I am' comes and the power to take on all of these attributes—'I am this, I am this, I am that'—so this is called conditioning. This is called conditioning.

And as you look more and more, what is this that I truly am? What is the source of this finger? The hand itself. Then all the false conditioning starts to wash away. Also watch everything you say that 'man' up is really applies to what I am in reality. And we come from association which is conditioned being. In a way, uncondition all of these attributes which I have given myself. Don't really apply to me because I am this unlimited being. So limitation applies as I said, what is the perspective you want to take? You want to start with the perspective that 'I am a person, I am a body-mind and I want my freedom'? From that perspective, are we open to just looking at what is truly here? Being without concept, being without a limitation, and to even ask: what is aware of this being? This is ultimately this. This sense of being is the coming and going.