Deconditioning Ourselves From the False Grooves of Personhood Through Prayer or Inquiry

Yes, my child. But is there a throttleable one? Is that is what I'm asking?

I'm just looking and see. When it's here to throttle, Father, it feels...

When it's here to throttle, then what happens? Just say from your experience, not from your idea of it.

When it's here to throttle, then it feels like there is someone that can be throttled.

What does that one feel like? The one that can be throttled. You said it feels like there is one that can be throttled. So how do you know about that one?

Because I'm witnessing it.

Yeah. So then there are two of you? No, I am simply witnessing.

But I'm simply witnessing it. When that throttling feeling comes, I take myself to be... You see what I'm saying now, Father? It's right here right now. That's I just wanted to speak about it.

Yeah. See, actually we are in the win-win situation. No, you know, when you recognize what you really are, letting go of everything that is perceived, that is a win. Even if we take ourselves to be the limited one, the small one, God is with us and God is the Lord of the universe either way. So in neither posture can there really be trouble unless there's a forgetting—either of our highest reality or a forgetting that God is here even if I am a measly somebody, a body-mind type organism.

So when it's in that moment, when it's so close, there is a forgetting, Father, and that is why the suffering...

It is not a forgetting. It is not that something comes and there's a forgetting. You know, in a sense I have a sense of what you're saying, of course, but there has to be a deal from our side also. And that deal-making may seem a very subtle deal-making, but without that deal-making it's not possible. So it is that 'Yes, but...' Yes, God is here, but what can you add as 'but' after that?

Yeah. So in that moment I've left God and...

Okay, now leave that. Leave what, Father? Leave the 'buts.' Don't fix it for the future you or for the past you. What about you right now?

There's no trouble.

So when you see what you really are, there's no trouble. Even if we forget who we really are, then we take ourselves to be the limited one. Then we have nothing to worry because God is with us. And the more we remember God is with us, the more we return to who we really are. And the more we stay in who we really are, then when Maya tries to get us, we remember God is with us. So it is not two separate things. It feeds into each other. It's a virtuous circle. You see? So if you are a devotee, what is there to fear because who is with you? If Bajrang Bali is with you, then who can defeat him? What fear is too much for him? You see, but if you are not the devotee and you are That, then all fear also is your child only. It's happening in your light only, by your will only.

Yes, Father.

Where is the trouble? You see, if you are That in which even consciousness, which is the Lord of the universe, takes birth, then there is no question of worry. And if you are that who is the favorite child—and all of us are the favorite child of God; don't ask me how it works but it works like that, everybody is His favorite child—then you have nothing to worry. You see, but what can happen is that we may not dive in fully to this realization either way because we are trying to take care of it so that 'I hope I don't forget this in the future, I hope this will take care of me.' There's still too much self-concern in there for all of us.

So if you are making a tactic out of it saying, 'Okay, next time when it comes then I just have to remember who I really am' or 'I have to remember that Ram is here to save me,' you see, only in the full tasting of it will the false conditioning, the false groove, get dropped and the new groove get created. You see, remember we've talked about grooves. That's how conditioning works. So, we are deconditioning ourselves from the false grooves of personhood and creating a new habit of turning to God either this way or this way, whichever way.

You see, so the practice is really about when the mind tries to hypnotize us, when it tries to get us into the false identification, break that pattern and return to God. Break that pattern, return to God. Break that pattern and return to Atma Gyan. Whichever way—to the love of God, to the self-knowledge of God, to the beauty of God, to humility—all of these things are the same. They are the returning to God. Whatever sensations are there, why are you trying to solve it for later? You said right now, no trouble. But you're still fearful: 'What will I do when it comes again?'

No, Father. The thought was an idea that I should not have this kind of sensation.

But like I said, all sensations are allowed. All sensations happen in your light, in the light of consciousness. And no sensation happens without the will of consciousness. You see, so there's nothing that can happen which is not happening with your will in this moment.