Contemplation/You've Carried This Idea of 'me' Long Enough- 15 June 2015

You carried this idea of 'me' long enough. 'I want it this way, I want it that way. I don't want this, I want to do this, I don't want to do this. I should do this, I should not do this. I should have done this, I should not have done this.' All of this, just throw it away. No person has ever existed, and this is not esoteric. This is not something which you have to do a lot of practice to understand. Right now, when you look, you cannot find the person. So if you refer to yourself, as we do, do it only conversationally. Do it only as a game move, that you are the Supreme Lord. And also know that because you are the Supreme Lord, you can never make the person also real. Because this knowledge of being the Supreme Lord, sometimes we feel that 'my personal life should become better.' It doesn't work like that. We jokingly say that because I am free now, we feel that our car should never break down. It doesn't work like that.

But life is not vindictive. Life is always supportive and always in service to your truest desire. Your truest desire is this self-discovery. So don't resist any button which is being pressed. Then you find yourself to be that which is untouched, unaffected by any appearance. And you can see this for yourself now. Whether it's your first Satsang or thousandth Satsang, there is no concept of worthiness, unworthiness, wanting it enough or not wanting it enough. New or old, devoted or not devoted, even loving or not loving—forget about it. Just see what is here right now. And nobody can tell me that 'I am not aware now.' Nobody can also tell me that 'I saw something phenomenally to confirm my awareness.' Therefore, you must be this non-phenomenal awareness from which all this phenomenal energy is arising.

If you still hold a personal desire—'I want freedom, but I want it this way. I want freedom which is not so simple. I want to achieve something'—for freedom like that, we can keep trying and we can keep sticking like this for hundreds of years and hundreds of lifetimes. Are you willing to give up your concepts of not just yourself, but also of freedom? Are you willing to give me all your beliefs and burn them in this fire of Satsang? Is there still something that you want to hold onto which you feel is so precious that you as God must have this, or have it a certain way? Or are you happy to drop your story right now? If nothing could be written about you after this moment in time—somebody wants to write your life experiences and they come and say, 'Can you talk about your childhood and everything?' and everything stops at this Satsang, nothing for them to tell—would you be okay with that? Is the story more important? Are you willing to continue leading this pretend life of personhood, just a story? Are you willing to just let go and say, 'No interest in this story of my life anymore'?

Because expecting life to be the way you want it as a person is arrogance. Even if you are saying that 'I want the most humble life, I want to be the most humble person,' who are you to decide? You don't even exist. This is only an idea. It is always only an idea that you have had about yourselves. There has been no Ananta, there has been no [seeker name], there has been no Adam, there has been no Tina, there's been no Jean. All these ideas we've had, and when you check, you see this for yourself. Yet this mind continues: 'But, but, but how can it be like this? Wouldn't you want it a certain way? Shouldn't life end in the glorious halo of light?' How long do you want me to wrestle with this mind of yours? Can we just commune as Consciousness, as one? I can never convince your mind, and your mind can never convince me. So identify all the stories which your mind can tell you, which still get your belief, and throw them away now.

The mind is not going to run out of stories. It'll have a fresh one for you all the time. Now you're here, now is there something? Some story, some script will always go on. And we could be in the last moments of our life still wondering, 'What is this life all about?' Don't wait till then. See right now. All of this is just the Leela, the play for your experiencing. Have no concept of 'me.' If it feels too strong, then have no concept of 'me' just for a day. Only for today. And you tell me if life stops today. We can afford even if it feels like so strong fear comes from any of you: 'What's going to happen to my life if I drop this concept of me?' Can we experiment with it for the day and see whether something really suffers?