Clarity Comes Just by Being in Satsang - 29 Apr 2015

That's why I say that if you were to look at it, we can say that there are two A's. One I call the big A or the capital A, which is Awareness. The second is the small a, which I call the appearance. And everything can be looked at in this framework: awareness and appearances. Ultimately all is awareness; I'm aware of that. All is awareness. All appearances also come from within awareness and dissolve within awareness. But let's not jump to that point yet. First, let's see that everything which is just coming and going is just another appearance, and there is no way for any appearance to really touch awareness. The witnessing, the pure seeing, is untouched by any movement of any kind, no matter how strong the appearance might be.

So what happens? Everything is fine. Even if there are strong appearances, everything is still fine because you are untouched by it. Then what happens? Then another appearance comes which is called thought, and this says, 'Hey, this should not be happening to you,' or it says, 'Hey, I like this, I want more of this.' You see, this is the troublemaker. That's why we call it the troublemaker, this mind. So what is it done? In a simple thought that 'this should not be happening to you,' there are so many lies. The first lie is the presumption that you are a person, that you are just this body-mind. So if you are believing a thought, you must first have what? The premise of the thought, which is personhood. All thoughts speak to you as a person, even when they are pretending not to be.

So if you're believing a thought, it means that first we must buy the root premise, which is that I am a person. And then once you buy this root premise, then you can easily start believing, 'Oh, this happened to me. This should not happen to me. I want more of this.' So desires, aversions, doership, guilt, pride, resentment—all of this are just a result of this believing this appearance which comes along with other appearances saying that this is how we must control our life. So when we say ego, it is only the sense of this personhood, the sense that I am a person, the sense that I am individual, the sense that I have a life, the sense that I want something. This is ego.

Who are you without this ego? Who are you without this ego? Without picking up this 'I,' which 'I' remains? What is the difference? The false 'I' needs to be picked up; the true 'I' just remains. That's why I say the truth does not need effort; it is the false which means work. So if you refuse to pick up identification, what still remains? That is what we must be interested in. Why should we be interested in something which is coming and going, which will not last? It is another state. What is the point of that which is coming and going? It must be the eternal which must be of interest to us. And eternal by definition must always be here; therefore, it must already be here now.

So if we refuse to identify, if we refuse to pick up and make this effort, then the eternal is unmissable. It must be here now. And why must we go chasing after something which is always here now and it needs no effort? Because that is the mind's way. The mind says, 'If you want something, you must go and get it.' How can this water become water? What does it have to do to become water? How can the Self become the Self? How can you become the Self? You are the Self. So what must you do to become the Self? So the water is saying, 'No, no, it's not enough. I'm not water enough yet. I think I'm not water enough yet. I have moments of water-hood, but then mostly I'm not water.' This is what the water is saying. What can I say except to say: But just check again, is this true what you're saying? You know, that's all I can say, isn't it?

Because the testimony can be, 'Yes, yes, when I'm in satsang I feel that I am water. I am out of satsang, I don't feel I'm water.' The other story can be, 'I came to satsang and I attained my water-hood. Something special happened to me.' Nothing happened. You were always this. So either 'I am not that' or 'I became something special'—both are stories. The Self is just the Self now. If you are the Self, then you refuse to pick up the stories from the mind and tell me how you are not the Self. If you are not the Self, then what must you be?

The great Indian sage Sant Kabir had said that it's like a fish who's crying for water and looking at it, I laugh. The fish inside the water is swimming around trying to find water, and looking at all this effort, I laugh. But actually, it's even more ironical than this. It is the water which is thirsting for water and it's saying, 'How do I find water?' And then you say, 'You are that.' The water says, 'Yes, yes, I get it intellectually. How do I become the water?' So what can one do except ask? I know how this goes; I have been there. So just keep checking. Show me how you're not water already. See?

And I've given you so many tools to help you see this. A simple one is: Can I stop being now? Because the sense 'I am'—this seems very illusory initially. Even when I read about this in the book 'I Am That' by Nisargadatta Maharaj, I had a few years of so much frustration because I never could figure what this 'I am' is which he's constantly talking about. So anytime I would hear him say, 'Just stay with the sense I am,' I would get more irritated. It's like, 'What is this I am? What is he talking about?' And through grace, then it was just so clear that this being itself, this sense that I am—not the thought 'I am.' It's not about... so there was a while during which I thought I should just keep saying 'I am, I am.' It's not about the thought 'I am'; it's the sense of presence of being.

Therefore I give you this very simple pointing which hopefully makes it simpler. I say: Can you stop being? No, I cannot stop being because this presence is here. I exist. I am being. I am here. It's not something that can switch on and switch off. At best you can see when sleep comes, I don't experience this sense of I am-ness. When waking is there, then this 'I am' is always constant. Then you say, 'Okay, being is clear, but is this being the Absolute? Is this the Self that we speak of?' Then I ask you: Who is aware even of the presence of being? Or I ask you: Are you aware now? This is awareness aware of itself.

And I don't intellectualize it so much because I know that a lot of words can just sometimes just be feeding our intellect, but truly we are not seeing for ourselves. So it's not just about the intellectual understanding. Are you aware now? And for some of you, when this simple question is asked, a lot of mental resistance or distraction might come, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. Guruji says it means that you are onto something. Then you check: Am I aware now? What can happen? You can see clearly, 'Of course awareness is here and it is what I am.' Or you can give your attention and belief to some mental resistance which is coming, some other appearance which is coming. These are the only things which can happen.

It seems that it is possible to be aware of being aware only when there are objects to perceive. Without any sensations, awareness could not be perceived. But to answer this question 'Am I aware now?'—not aware of something, just 'Is awareness here? Am I aware now?'—do we have to refer to any object to confirm this? Not to report through your mouths, not about the thought of confirmation also. Prior to that, just to confirm this, to see it for yourself, do you need to refer to any object? In fact, to confirm this, your attention withdraws from all appearances and comes back home to awareness itself momentarily, though it might seem so. To confirm that I am aware doesn't need any object, does not even need the presence of being from which all objects appear. You see the difference?

Because when I ask you, 'Who is aware of being?' again, if the answer is the same, it is this awareness itself. But even in this case, we refer to the primal phenomena, to the sense 'I am.' Who is aware of being? We still refer to consciousness and we see that the presence of consciousness is here and I am aware even of that. See, it's a very holy contemplation, very holy, very beautiful contemplation. But when I say 'Am I aware now?' not even this being has to be referred to. Not even consciousness needs to be seen to confirm that I am aware. And again, I am not talking about the confirmation which is happening verbally or through thought, just the checking which you are doing as awareness becoming aware of itself. I wonder if you see this like this.

Parvati says: Father, in one of the latest podcasts, Guruji says we have to live with our attention rooted in awareness for most of the day and not in the person. I feel I am about 50/50. So I feel that to do is to be more in the heart. I know I am water and never not water, but my attention isn't in the world. But when we try to control our attention more, it seems even more troubling. What is the simplest way for attention to come back home?

Is for you to set it free. Set it free is not an excuse for it to go anywhere conveniently. Set it free means drop all sense of control over attention also, and then tell me where it goes. When you're not controlling this attention, you will find that it is rooted. When you're trying to control it forcefully and keeping it with the always awareness itself, then sometimes it can feel like, 'Yes, yes, yes,' but other times it can feel very frustrating because so much distraction can come. So the simplest way for it to be rooted is for it to be completely set free.

Set it free means drop all sense of control over attention also, and then tell me where it goes. When you're not controlling this attention, you will find that it is rooted. When you're trying to control it forcefully and keeping it with the always awareness itself, then sometimes it can feel like yes, yes, yes, but other times it can feel very frustrating because so much distraction can come. So the simplest way for it to be rooted is for it to be completely set free. Set it free now and tell me what happens. Drop all sense of control over everything, including attention—especially attention. In a very short time, you will discover that it is always just rooted here.

Jai asks a question. Jai said, 'So Father, we are always in awareness, but only believing ourselves to be either the person or the being.' We are always awareness itself. We are always awareness itself. And if you were to identify even as pure being, there is no potential for trouble in that because being is just being. So either the seeing or the being—if you are just identified with that, then no trouble can come because being also is completely unaffected by any of this play of appearances, including thoughts, you see. So some find it very comfortable to just identify themselves as this presence itself. It seems very beautiful, very comfortable. That's also completely fine.

When I set it free, it just goes everywhere.

Yes, and keep it free for some time. So attention becomes just global, you see. The attention seemed to have been guided through the illusion of consciousness operating as a person to be guided towards this 'what's in it for me, what's in it for me, what's in it for me.' Now it becomes more global, just free. Yes, when you let it rest like this, relax like this, then you will find that it is actually not separate from awareness at all. Although it might seem like you let the leash go and hence the dog is now going anywhere it wants to, and you want to have the control over this back on it, you will find that there is a more primal connection between you and this pet called attention.

So my feeling is not to advise you to keep it constricted in any way. My feeling is to advise you to just set it free, because freedom cannot be a state where some constriction is happening. So when you set it free and it's allowed to go everywhere without this intention behind it, which is 'what's in it for me' all the time, then you will find that it is just rooted in awareness on its own. In fact, it cannot separate from this root, you see. Because when we did the contemplation, if you remember, we saw that attention seems like it is a localized form of awareness itself. It seems like awareness operating in this realm where awareness is unlimited, but in this realm, it seems like it has been given in some limited quantity.

You cannot be aware of two sentences at the same time. You cannot completely listen to satsang and work on your video editing at the same time. Why? Because attention is limited, you see. But attention comes from the source of awareness. Without awareness, there can be no attention. Therefore, it is always the root. It's always the root. And when we relax it, we find that it's just part of me. Attention is one of my primal energies which is moving about in this world. And then even this 'to do' is not required, because something here says, 'I need to more do this, I need to more do this,' and in this itself, you pick up some sense of separation.

So although it is valid at some level when you're a complete beginner in satsang, it is valid to say like that: 'Just stay with the presence I Am, keep your attention rooted in this so that all the strong noisy distraction then seems to weaken up on its own.' But I feel where you are now, even this seeming effort is not required. Let go even of this, even of this, and you find that attention is not leaving awareness. It never can.

Stina says, 'For me, awareness is always aware of something, not a specific object. And is this me which is reporting on awareness? Who is this one? Is it separate from awareness?' So before we look at your next question, you must confirm this, and I feel in that a lot of the doubts will get burnt. Do you say that 'for me awareness is this way and that'? So is this 'me' awareness, or is this 'me' something else? So contemplate this for some time, then we see what happens.

In my case, I am not putting any effort in putting attention anywhere, and it doesn't seem like it is causing any trouble. It doesn't seem to create any distance between myself and awareness. It is clear that awareness is what I am. Satsang, okay. But in this contemplation, at least one thing must have become completely clear to all of you: that attention is not under any personal control. And if it still feels like there is a person who is holding this attention and controlling it, just look and see if this is the case, and you will discover that it is only being. It seems to have these powers of attention and belief.

Namaste, Father. She's like, 'Attention and awareness are one. Wherever the attention goes, there is awareness too. And when awareness is aware of itself, attention merges into awareness.' Thank you. Yes, it feels like this. But that's why we said that attention seems to be the localized version, the phenomenal version of awareness. And one of the ways in which this is seen like this is that it has been given in limited quantities. You cannot bring your attention to a thought without the computer screen becoming blurry for you. Therefore, it is limited. If it was unlimited like awareness, then it would be possible for you to put attention to thought and be with it, and also listen to the computer, watch the visual, all at the same time.

So in this realm, why do we become tired? When there are too many calls for our attention, when there are so many things which are grabbing our attention. When your daughter is shaking you and you're trying to listen to satsang and maybe somebody is calling you on the phone, doesn't it become stressful? It is because there are so many different calls for attention. If it was unlimited, then it would not be tiring. So if you were to contemplate, you will see that attention, although it comes from the root awareness itself, seems to be a more limited functioning of awareness. Hello, my dear. Happy birthday. Good to meet you. He's comfortable. Let's play this.

Sangeetha says, 'I wanted to post a question on YouTube, but it's not going through.' You can ask now, my dear. Is your mic working?

A new twist. It is a little bit long, actually. I mean, there was... so I will read out what I have to say. Is that okay? Yes. I mean, the same way it is not possible to stop being aware, I cannot stop being happy, whatever the situation may be. And the happiness and this laughter is always here, even in the climax of seemingly worst situations, now like what has happened in Nepal and so many people have lost their lives, which is not in any way a situation where one can be happy. But something in here remains untouched. And when people ask and say, 'Oh, this has happened to your people, this is very sad,' and something like that, and like, 'Are your people okay?' and so and so, the response is just on the periphery because I can see there, I mean, I am not touched in any way.

So some part in me says it's a pretension and 'Why you are not sad? This is not right. You have to do something to help.' And so and so. And yes, I am in tears sometimes, but it is like just momentary, like passing clouds or so. So inside I cannot stop being happy. As Mooji said to me one day, 'Now you don't have to be sad anymore,' and that's what has been happening. But when I see so many people in hue and cry, I feel it is that I have no love or I have become like I have no compassion at all or something like that. That's how it's coming up like this.

It's a very good question, and let's look at this. So the happiness that we speak of is the happiness which is ever present in service to your being. And like you said, when being cannot be stopped, then these forces—love, peace, joy, happiness—all of these are in service to your being. But naturally, in the phenomenal play, if grief is arising, then grief is arising. It doesn't touch this primal peace that we are talking about. So it could be that some tears come, could be that compassion comes; always can come. But you are being completely natural. It's not now that you are in some situation where you're forced to feel grief because society demands it of you. We cannot conform to these kind of norms anymore.

Whatever is naturally happening is just naturally happening. The other day, just a few a couple of months ago, with a beloved sangha member, one of their parents had passed away. And we went—I went in the evening to her house—and it was very beautiful because all of us were smiling. We were happy. Somebody so close had passed away. There was no pretense of having to live up to the world's expectation of, you know, wanting to convey how much we love someone just because we are crying. It doesn't have to flow like that. Of course, if tears come, then tears come. It's completely fine. This is freedom. No matter what the external circumstance, what is naturally just appearing is appearing without any fear, without any pretense, without any force of any kind.

And grace will always move beautifully. Grace will always move beautifully. I don't find it that grace will put you in the situation where such a strong event in the appearance has happened and you will behave inappropriately, you see. Grace always knows what is the best way to deal with every situation. This being is doing everything. So don't feel, 'Oh, am I not feeling enough compassion?' How can one force compassion? Suppose you were not feeling enough compassion, how will you build it now? What wrong people use to create... all these are just primal forces. Just the person comes and says, 'I must feel this. I am not feeling guilty enough. I must feel more compassion.' How will one person create this? Which workshop can you attend that teaches you how to build compassion prior to the birth of the person, you see? And yet the person pretends as if it has some kind of control over some of this.

This voice, you just leave it. This voice which is saying, 'Oh, you should be more like this. Are you not feeling enough compassion? They're your own country.' All of this, this voice is not required. God is doing it. God is giving you the right amount of compassion, the right amount of feeling for those who are past, and the right amount of compassion for those who are suffering now. I don't think there is anything missing. But when we get too lost in this mind stuff, then all sorts of trouble can seem to come. So it's very good that you bring it up in satsang. You burn it in the fire now and forget about it. Forget about it doesn't mean you forget about your country or you forget about your people or anything like that. You just forget about this interpreter, you see, this troublemaker. Don't follow the interpretation and just let everything function like it is functioning. So if it feels like you want to send some money, that is okay. If you feel like you want to help in some other way, that is okay. If nothing comes, that is also okay. Just don't believe the voice of this interpreter sitting in my head.

Thank you for bringing that up, because there was something that was going on here too. Because it's just... if so many people are putting messages on Facebook and sending prayers, and nothing was moving here, and it wasn't as big, I could see the mind coming up: 'Where's all your compassion? Where's all your love?' And something feels like it's not cold, but it's very neutral. It's my dad. Concept is a tragedy, and like, okay. It's not like I feel like it's good or bad, but it just doesn't shake anything. Probably it'll come when I see something in front of me. Didn't give too much importance to the mind, then I could see it coming. So it's a very good question, because one of the important aspects...

It wasn't as big, but I could see the mind coming up: 'Where's all your compassion? Where's all your love?' And something feels like it's not cold, but it's very neutral. My dad concept is a tragedy and, like, okay, it's not like I feel like it's good or bad, but it just doesn't shake anything. Probably it'll come when I see something in front of me. I didn't give too much importance to the mind, then I could see it coming.

So it's a very good question because one of the important aspects of this personhood is the feeling of guilt. Mind is constantly trying to make you feel guilty about all of these things. Even if you donated, it would say, 'Is it enough? Are you doing enough? You have so much.' You know, always something, always something. So it doesn't help; it survives on all this. It's just all these things is what this sense of personhood survives on: credit, being guilt, regret, planning—all of this, right?

I say not a blade of grass can move without the will of God. And if not a blade of grass can move without the will of God, then who is the one doer? It is God himself. There is no person. There is no person. And this is not—don't let the mind make a Satsang versus real-world scenario. Mind says, 'All this is okay for Satsang, but what about the real world?' There is no distinction like this. What we speak of is talking about reality. There is no other reality. This does not mean that roles cannot get played. Roles do get played, and they must be allowed to flow as naturally as they are. Once you are surrendered to this, once you surrender to the Satguru, only auspiciousness flows through you, whether the mind believes it or not, whether it likes it or not. And ultimately, everything which is moving is auspicious. From our beautiful neutrality, all can come: compassion can come, support can come, everything can come, love can come.

Namaste. Namaste, everyone. Very good. Google says, 'Father, beingness is very clear, but when you ask who is aware of beingness, then a lot of resistance came up. Yes, since awareness is not tangible, it is creating a lot of confusion on the awareness level.' So when I ask this question, that's why I said that when you pick up a question like this—'Am I aware now?'—on the face of it, it seems very simple. But this 'Am I aware now?' I feel is the most useful thing that this mouth has ever spoken.

And very quickly, as you do this contemplation, 'Am I aware now?' something realizes that this is trouble, you see, and will start putting up some resistance, make some kind of excuses, it'll make some noise. But you stay with this question. Don't let it shake you. Let all the resistances come. Don't try to resist the resistance. Welcome it, and you will see that without resisting it, it all burns up very quickly. You stay with the question, 'Am I aware now?' And the gift that this inquiry will give you is not something that I can express in words. Don't be fearful of any resistance. Nothing is really happening to you. Don't be quick to run anytime the button of resistance is pressed. Just allow it. It might seem like something is burning, burning, burning. It's okay. This is the auspicious burn.

So all that can be burnt is not you. If you're sitting in a room full of garbage and God comes and lights it up, it seems like, 'Oh, all my stuff is burning.' You know, it's all garbage which is burning. This is auspicious time because you cannot be burnt. You cannot be burnt. But you let this fire burn so that all garbage can be burnt up. Resistance is coming; I see, 'Oh, that's another pile of garbage left. I never even realized it was here.' Then you start looking at this also as grace. If you look at it as an opportunity for self-inquiry, you look at it as an opportunity to discover what you are. So let resistance come, let it burn out.

That would seem like it's really strong. Not strong, actually—you can say like that—but actually nothing is strong for you. For the one who is untouched, what can be strong? But phenomenally we can use these words; it's okay. It conveys a certain sense that a lot of the garbage is burning, so the fire seems big. But for one who is wearing a fire-resistant costume which no fire can burn, will he complain about something being strong or not strong? So you are that which cannot be burned. So let it all go, let it burn now. Let this be your prayer. How many of you are strong enough to do this? See, whatever arrogance or specialness or anything, any personhood that is here, let it all burn now. Even if the body has to die along with it, let it. Then the mind will not be able to push this button: 'You know what's happening to you? Look at you now. You come to Satsang, so much resistance. Isn't this supposed to be about peace?' It's all nothing. So grace is lighting this fire. Don't try to put it out all the time.

Demons seem to be appearing in dream state and they seem to be doing very scary things to my family. Witnessing was not there when it happened. Witnessing was not there when it happened? Then you would not know that there were demons. It means there was a witnessing even of the dream state. Witnessing was not there when it happened, but now I know it's another game of the mind. This awareness that we speak of is ever-present. How would you say that I had this dream unless awareness was there? You were the witness to this dream. The dream was not a witness to you. You say, 'It was my dream,' means what? That I witnessed this dream. The witnessing is always there, and this witnessing is untouched by demons or gods or angels. It doesn't matter.

Do you feel demons are there in the dream state? Many might feel that they experience these demonic energies in the waking state also. Through grace, they come to Satsang to get extinguished, to get finished. So these energies can play like this; it's okay. But you are untouched. So all of this play of all the different variations of this egoic energy, you remain untouched as this pure witnessing itself. The mind will push all these buttons. It will push everything that can be pushed to get you back into the sense of being a person. But if you can stand the heat and just stay in Satsang, you will find it is all—this can get burnt up very, very fast. In fact, that's why I say that if you can't stand the heat, you must stay in the kitchen.

With many of you, what happens is sometimes in Satsang you come in expecting a lot of peace, joy, love, but what you find is this fire instead. It seems like something has pushed you in the fire. You say, 'No, no, this can't be it. I'm running.' So many times you would run. Actually, I want to say that if you can't stand the heat, you must stay in the kitchen because all that is being burnt is not you. That is your reason for being in Satsang, so that this can be burning. One day this world will burn anyway. With the death of this body, will this world survive? So you die in the waking state. Let the false one die now. All that can die can die. Let it die now. This death of that which is false, you will discover what is true and is eternal, that which cannot die. That is the amrit, the one which is beyond mrityu. Mrityu means death. If we were just providing this feeling of freedom to that which is going to die soon anyway, then what would be the point? You are coming in Satsang for the discovery that you are the eternal one.

Jerome says, 'Sense of being can be strong, but it is never too much.' Nothing is ever too much for awareness because nothing can even touch awareness. Maya says, 'Let it all burn now.' Very good. Quick says, 'Let it all burn now,' and she says with the rider, she said last time she made this prayer, she had to get Father on the hotline. It can happen like this. Many are nodding their heads. So Maya also says, 'Let it all burn now.' Google says, 'Thank you so much, Father. Let it all burn now.'

Tom says, 'Can the I Am be seen as a phenomenon?' Yes, that's why we say this I Am is the immaculate conception for all other conception. Everything else that appears has this phenomenal parent of I Am-ness. Nothing, no appearance can appear without I Am. Therefore, we can say that for all phenomena, this I Am is the parent. But the I Am doesn't have phenomenal parents. It comes from the non-phenomenal, from awareness itself. That's why we say that it is the primal phenomenon. When I say, 'Can you stop being now?' you see, no, this presence is here. How can it be stopped? In this way, you experience, you get a taste of your own beingness. We can say that this is the primal or the first phenomenal taste that you can get: the presence of your own being, in the presence of which then all other experiencing, all other tasting can happen.

To answer the question, 'Am I aware now?' nothing phenomenal is experienced. There is no taste to it. You cannot say even that it is blissful, nothing. You cannot point an attribute to it except that it is aware. For beingness, you can say that it's so beautiful, so peaceful, so pure, innocent—all these attributes you can give to beingness because you have now got a taste of it, your own holy presence. So speaking like this, we can say that it is phenomenal, ultimately.

Priya says here, 'It has been more like a flood, being swept away in the raging river of our love.' It can be burning, it can be this flood of love. Satsang knows exactly how it has to be played out in each expression of consciousness, and never is it the same for any two. Just like two fingerprints, never the same. If it worked the same, then we would just publish an instruction manual. You would say, 'After Satsang, this much burning will happen. After five, you would have burnt fifty percent of your garbage, and after ten, you're done.' You cannot do this because it has to play out in every expression of consciousness differently. And sometimes it seems like back and forth, back and forth. It seemed like, 'I burnt everything off and it's free, free, nothing can touch me,' and a month later, again. So this back—but it will reduce. The oscillations will reduce and you get more and more slowly.

So you come to a point, like many of you now at this point, that you say, 'This seemed to have happened like this, but it is also seen. This seemed to happen like this, but you could also see.' So this is... and then the mind comes up saying, 'How do you know?' I mean, it's like, you know... and then the mind says, 'I'm not so sure if I'm touched or not.' I mean, I know, I just know nothing is happening. I know time is not really moving and I know I'm not touched, but I don't know how I know that. So it's not like a phenomenal experience. I don't know, I just thought I'd do that and I know nothing's happening. I mean, it happens only in the mind and I can see that, and really time's not moving.

Okay, so now imagine the last—try to bring up the same sort of emotion and then check whether you as witnessing, or you are the awareness, whether it really can be touched. Is it really happening to you? The witnessing touched by this? I don't want to say no just because I know everything that can be touched is phenomenal and I see everything. This seeing—is it touched by phenomena? You say, 'I see everything.' This seeing itself is... there's a sense that I'm not touched. Yeah. So even this sense, we see. Yes. Is the seeing touched even by this sense? I'm not sure. It's very good because you must take these pointings and use them for your contemplation. Don't just say, 'Okay, Father is saying, therefore it must be true, so I'll just say no, I'm not touched.' You have to just see, check for yourself.

So he says all this fire of emotion and anger or anything, regret, guilt, can be burning, but you as awareness are not touched by it. So can I see this for myself? And what do I see? Does it seem like I as the awareness am being burnt also in this fire, or does it feel like I am the space within which this fire is burning, yet I am not doing? If you really stay with this, you will find that the beautiful songs that you sing, like Shivoham or the other one that we said, Nirvana Shatakam—it's all been talking about me because I cannot be burned, I cannot be cut, I cannot be hurt. Freedom is not for me, bondage is not for me. All of these songs, all of these hymns have been about me. Not me as a person, me as this pure witness. I feel like there is this experience...

Within which this fire is burning, yet I am not doing. If you really stay with this, you will find that the beautiful songs that you sing, like 'Shivoham' or the other one that we said, 'Nirvana Shatakam'—which had to come, the woman had to come—it's all been talking about me. Because I cannot be burned, I cannot be cut, I cannot be hurt. Freedom is not for me; bondage is not for me. All of these songs, all of these hymns, have been about me. Not me as a person, me as this pure witness.

I feel like there is this experience. So, what you do is anytime something seems to be stirred up or burning or something, then see if this contemplation comes to you. And if it comes, then utilize this. This is burning; it seems like so uncomfortable. It's always in the body. The energy is... I don't know where I am. And that also, like, shakes up. There's some restlessness; something wants to find out where I am. It's like because it's so, so used to being spacious.

Because it's very beautiful, we have this kind of conversation, because these are very beautiful contemplations. Like I was telling her the other day when she'd come, that 'Where am I?' is almost as useful as the question 'Who am I?' You see, sometimes even more useful, because something has got jaded with the question 'Who am I?' So, 'Where am I?' seems fresh. And but the witnessing is still outside. You cannot even say outside or inside; it just is. If you're here, the witnessing just is. And then I don't want to spoil it for you, so we wait for your conclusions about all conceptually. All of this will also lose me. The 'everywhere' will lose me. 'Everywhere' will be replaced by the new 'everywhere,' which means whatever is appearing inside you instead of some imaginary agreement.

Too many who are interested in these contemplations, so I always get very happy when I hear reports about this kind of looking at attention. We're looking at awareness. We're looking to find whether I can be spatially located at all—an object in time and space. Because this means that now the questions of interpersonal relationships, all that will not seem to have too much bite, because we are now talking about things which are at the root of the creation of the universe itself.

When I say that the universe is born inside you and God takes birth inside you, you are now contemplating on the forces which make all of this happen. You're contemplating on how time is born, space is born, how all of this play is happening inside you. Who knows what to show me? What you will find as these questions start seeming juicier and juicier, then the other energies of all of this regular stuff will not seem as juicy. All the roles will still continue. Sometimes it cannot affect you. Our kids are the most forgiving. Oh yeah, they would have forgotten. You go back to them the next day and say sorry, they're like, 'For what? What are you talking about?' That we can learn from them.

Can you hear her from there? No? When she speaks over there, you can hear on... so you can hear. Okay, good. I think seeing somebody in Satsang, there's some presence. Somebody's presence would ever take... I don't have no idea why that happened. You don't want to be around that, hang out. I don't know, it's just coming up and with some something that's very irritated. Sounds very dry here. I know this very well because it can seem like, 'Oh, the same old thing, and why these people ask the same question over and over again?' But it's not the same. It's more about the term awareness, but I don't pay attention.

You'll find that all this resistance will come like this and will try... you know, now you know this, you heard this, you understood. Now this will come completely fine and it's completely welcome. You must come and share in Satsang because many times what happens is something to hide this stuff. 'Everything I can share with my Master, but not this side, because this is kind of embarrassing.' But if you have this love that you're able to share with your Father even this, that is love. You're not only sharing chocolate-flavored things. 'Oh, I love you so much, I feel this is insane.' Then we are moving from all relationships into others. But you hide from yourself. Although you try various things, you cannot really hide anything. This is... we're moving towards oneness because we have this integrity now. We are able to say the irritation that I see that comes out. It's hard for me to reflect now what I do, but when it goes down, all that remains is love for that means. And it's like, okay, enough, because you just no idea why that you can have these phases like this with me.

My experience also, it's happened that sometimes I just won't feel like listening to the words of Satsang. I just say, 'Just keep quiet, everyone just keep quiet.' We'll be like... then there'll be other times like just could not bear to be in the silence. They say, 'Ask something, let's have some meaty interaction.' You know, that's what the silence... so all these phases can come. So let them all come, let them burn out. I was telling you, sharing with some of the others with you, that one of the years Guruji would have these silent sittings after the Satsang. And for me, I would love the silent sittings usually, but this one year, I just would not sit. Satsang would get over and I would leave. I would just not want to sit in the silence for some reason. So sometimes you can't even figure out these things. Okay, something is playing out, it's just playing out. It's okay, it's all Father's problems.

As long as you're not feeling a distance from the Master in your heart, you know, all this can play out externally. A little bit of vigilance is required to see whether it feels like some separation has been created in your heart. And sometimes it can happen that too much physical proximity leads to some distance in the heart. And sometimes it can be that no physical... like I noticed that in the five weeks that I took a break somewhere that there was some distance getting created. So let also grace decide all of these things. Just let's be vigilant to whether there's any sense of separation which is given any belief.

So when I feel your presence or anybody's presence, it's just the same presence, but energetically it's just...

So what happens is that you are primarily experiencing your own being, the presence of that. But in this phenomenal realm, every being has some sort of energetic signature. So when you come... and also it's not like spiritual signatures are all the same. You know, when you go through a different feeling when you go to Rishikesh. So every part of the realm has different energetic ways of playing. Some Masters are very, very much fire, so you come into the room where they are and you feel like... you know, some you feel such a sense of peace and love. It's like the Ganga is basically every energetic signature. But good not to dwell too much on all of this. Stay, and all this energetic play will start revealing itself to you on its own without any interest. I've never been interested in energy. This energetic play has been a gift I got. Me, I would just not talk about energy ever at all. But because it's sort of something that came as a prasad of Satsang and this energetic play can happen, then I don't want to keep it in denial or say, 'Oh no, no, there's nothing like energy.' It is the phenomenal play. All of this plays out, but good not to put too much attention.

It's just I wanted to make sure that I just felt that then is here to go.

Okay, that's the... come back, give me a hug. You like this one? Yes, come here, baby. He's being very cool about the whole thing. He's like, 'It's my birthday, no big deal.' Can I have something please, Father? Yeah, okay. A bit of a dry subject, sorry. Radha leaving right on time. Love you, Radha. He's leaving before she's saying... I haven't asked her in a while. The mind comes, but it's okay.

Yeah, but it was when you said about burning and then came about the river, which was really strong to me in Rishikesh. It was just like a... it was literally like being thrown in the Ganga. And I'm finding that it's like awareness comes about, well, it appears to come about in different ways. So sometimes, you know, there'll be the laughing and the crying. It feels like a fire or a water flood. Sometimes it's like there'll be an appearance of the person wants to go, 'Oh, there's no awareness.' It's like a pretense that there's no... that it's... there's no awareness. And then it feels like it seems to appearance, it's a slight shift. It's like goes from the person, you know, folding its arms to describe it. So then suddenly that scene is not real and it feels like a really slight shift in perspective. I don't know if you have anything to say about that.

So the closed... it can... this is what we call the resistive departure. This is... the openness is like a shift of perspective and you're now open. So this switching can happen also from time to time. It can become resistive and sometimes it can be open like this. But it is not really a switching happening in awareness. There is still the switching happening in the play. So awareness has been untouched. Whether you decide to be closed completely, awareness is still witnessing. The same witnessing is just the witnessing. It's never about the content of the witnessing. The content can keep changing. Sometimes it seems like the content is just because of personal belief. It's just about 'What's in it for me?' That's all that the focus is going to. That's why content seems to be personal. Other times there's not so much worry about 'What's in it for me?' so just glow. But awareness in either of those two modes is still completely untouched, unconcerned.

Yes, but it can happen like this, that this switching of perspective from a personal perspective to an open perspective, because the appearances outside, apparently outside, don't seem to really affect me. Anything can kind of happen really. I'm not... don't feel really touched by anything. It's more like that appearance of resistance, it just feels like a... yeah, like a shift in perspective from there to nothing. Did you find that? Was that... did you have that? Was that something that you... do you recognize that?

I can sense it, but in my case actually, I usually don't say things like this because it creates some sort of sense that, 'Oh, this is not what happened with me, therefore he's different from me' or something like that. But this is not true. It's just how it played out for me. I just, when I sat there and I looked into his eyes, I've never had any burning actually. So when all of you talk about burning and things like this, it didn't seem like anything burnt. You could see that in the video also. You can see that my body seems to be having some reaction, you know, something then something then after then something. But I did not feel any sense of burning at all through all of it. I could see that I am untouched by all of this. And to be honest, I have not felt since that moment felt any sort of burning about any of this. In Satsang, never felt this, 'Oh, there's so much burning.' Subtle, subtle, like I said, no, that some days I wouldn't feel to sit in the silent sitting or some days I would want it just to be silent. So subtle plays of the mind are playing out like this. It never became very, very strong where I said, 'Oh, I'm burning so much' or 'Oh, I'm drowning in so much love' either. Either of those, actually, it didn't happen in this case. But I know, I can sense that it is very much possible for it to play like this as well.

Actually, I stopped referring to the 'me' so much and stopped referring to the 'me' so much. Yeah, so it didn't seem... yeah. And when they're disappearing with me and I don't even know, I don't even know, I can't even pinpoint when that... yes, without what's happening. I can't even pinpoint it. I just know now there's a kind of a sense of like a seemingness of resistance and then the shift of perspective and then that scene.

It's interesting how like so many different people... if you won't even realize all this which is happening now, you see, it's much later that I realized.

Referring to the 'me' so much, yeah, so it didn't seem... yeah. And when they're disappearing with me, and I don't even know—I don't even know, I can't even pinpoint when that... yes, what's happening. I can't even pinpoint it. I just know now there's a kind of a sense of like a seemingness of resistance, and then the shift of perspective, and then that scene. It's interesting how like so many different people, you won't even realize all this which is happening now, you see.

It's much later that I realized some subtle things that change. Because I remember that the mind would earlier always say between 'I' and 'you.' Sometimes it would say 'I,' sometimes it would say 'you.' Then referring to the person, it would say 'I' or 'you.' But after I met Guruji, it stopped saying 'I.' It only says 'you.' Even now, if it says something, it's only saying 'you.' Not that it means anything; it's still nonsense, it's still the mind. But these subtle shifts you will find. But when it happened, I didn't feel this. But later some contemplation came that the mind only calls you 'you'; it never says 'I.' But I remember it used to say 'I.' But none of this is a requisite or a benchmark or anything like that. It's just that you start noticing some differences. You don't see them when they happen; just later some contemplation might come and say, 'Oh, this changed' or 'This is no longer like this.'

Yeah, because it feels as though when I say 'I' now, it feels like I'm not... it's not really that. That's what... it's not really that now. Exactly. It feels like it has to be referred to in a formality. It's no longer... we've seen through the mental 'I,' so we can't in seriousness refer to ourselves as that 'I.' Yeah, like if I say 'I feel love,' that's not really what's happening. It's just more like love is happening rather than 'I feel love.' Being personal to being universal.

Yeah, that shift in perspective is still happening here. Imagine shifting perspective. This is very good, and Grace is doing his job. No need also to take our temperature and see where we are, how much shift has happened. Not just for you, I'm saying to everyone. Which marks out okay, anything... Grace knows exactly what it is. Don't feel that 'This happened to me, therefore I'm now 90% free. Now only if something else would happen, then I would be 95% free.' No need to worry about any of that.

Yeah, because it's seen there are no benchmarks. Yeah, exactly. It is just this. It's interesting that there's actually nothing to get. Nothing to get. It never... it doesn't happen. Nothing happens. What has been searching for water and it discovers that it always has been water. It was good to say... it was good to say that. I just needed to talk about this shift in perspective thing. Thank you, Father.

Always. And in each and every one of you, it is Grace moving in different ways, you see. And many times we don't understand why Grace is moving like this. Sometimes even I don't understand why it's moving like this for some of you, but it's just... I know that you can trust it. You can trust this Grace. See, if you look at how you came to Satsang versus how Aparna came or Bhagavatiji came, you know, all of you have been having different forms of expression. Initially, you were not interested at all in speaking about awareness and consciousness. You were more like, 'I just enjoy being here, and in your words, I find that there's some peace and some love that comes.' And you rode this wave of love, and now you can speak like a gyani. For others, it was an intellectual beginning where they were contemplating awareness and consciousness and inquiry, and this brought about so much love. So much love also came along in this journey, and now they're the mushiest ones around. So all can flow in such great beauty. So Grace knows exactly what it is doing.

Okay, lots of YouTube chat which I missed. Amaya said, 'Father, there is much space now from person idea, even others, however...' and then some laughter, and then she says, 'I keep imagining momentarily that my mother is a person.' Yes, thanks for the phrase 'beautiful neutrality.' Now, special relationships... it can seem like for me also, momentarily it can seem like my wife is a person. Thank you, Tom. Very good to have you in Satsang. He says, 'There is no understanding at all anymore.' This is very good, because that understanding also which can come and go is not valuable. Understand, you see? So the small 'u' understanding is of no value. It's the big 'U' Understanding. It basically means the seeing or the knowing of what I am in this moment. This cannot leave you.

Nikhil says, 'Mind says that everything is just a mind strategy for the egoic eye to feel good, but even that is seen.' Yes, and that's why I try to make it very simple when I say, 'Are you aware now?' You cannot have a strategy for this. You must check. But if there's some complicated practices, something to... somewhere to go, something to do, then it can become like the mind can come and have strategies. Questions like 'Who am I?' or 'Am I aware now?' cannot have any strategy. Somaya says, 'Even in the appearances while dreaming, Father, I see you and inquiry is happening in dreams also. You don't leave my hand any moment, and I see this clearly.' Sometimes the intensity is so much that even the dream state is used for this. It's completely good.

Jerome says, 'A useful tip: put a small tablecloth underneath your laptop. A quite high scratch sound comes when I move it around.' Oh yes, it's a bit painful when wearing headphones. 'There is a feeling of not being good enough for you, not being as clear as others in the Sangha, feeling of competition.' Oh my dear, you should have heard them when they started! You just started coming to Satsang. Let all these minds say all of this. Very quickly you'll find that automatically you will also speak with a lot of clarity. Already, much more. The last three or four interactions we have already, we started speaking of awareness and whether awareness is present all the time or not. This is itself very beautiful already in such a short time. But these feelings of unworthiness, of not being good enough, this is an old, old trick of the mind, and you don't fall for it. You just be in Satsang. You will see that all this will dissolve.

Then says, 'All this is seen but still coming up again and again also.' So enough... there must be some nourishment that happened with this belief in the past also. And those which are strongly nourished beliefs, they seem to come up again and again. So now don't resist it. In fact, you welcome it. Okay, come. And you use it for your inquiry: 'Who is not worthy?' In this way, you're using the mind trick itself as fuel for your inquiry. So P says, 'Namaste, Father. Wanted to share that there is a feeling that is looking forward to a day when there is nothing left to burn. However, it seems like there will always be something to burn in the plate.' Yes, as long as this phenomenal appearance is there, there will always be something which comes up to burn. Which is that it will not really seem like something really 'you' is burning or something. You just feel like, 'Oh,' and it comes momentarily, burns itself out, and gone. So you will not be able to leave the witnessing perspective. Even the burning will not really seem to have any reality; it just will be seen as another appearance.

Jerome says, 'It's more like a fresh fire.' Sina says, 'I have been watching Mooji since two years and even billionaire retreat...' Forget about all that. It is beautiful that Grace took you to Guruji's page and you were there. Now don't worry about at what level that brings you out and where should you be benchmarked against the rest of the Sangha. Just come fresh into Satsang. You're here in Satsang. Just absorb, just be here. Whatever you want to expose or whatever questions are coming very naturally. Stop this idea of how much I've done in the past or where I should be benchmarked against. All this is not useful. Mind can come and play these tricks. You're not... you're not fresh? He said, 'You just started coming to Satsang,' but you are not fresh? You've been in Satsang for two years? Some of us can even say that I have been on search for 20 years, 30 years. Nothing yet. Just stay with the now. The truth will be discovered now. It doesn't matter how many steps you've climbed. Doesn't matter how old you are, young you are. 11 to 12 years old almost? Thank you too, my dear. Thank you so much.

We must not take our temperature. You know what I mean by taking our temperature? All the time we are trying to measure our spirituality, our freedom. Not even measure... don't even measure how much is being burned, whether it's a big fire, small fire. Forget about all of this. Otherwise, the mind will just keep making strategies and plans for 'This is when you will get it. Just one more retreat, one more session, one more year of Satsang.' Why not now? What is here now? Getting it is the discovery that there is nothing to get. The end of the story is realizing that this story was never mine. Then we lose the sense of trying to control life and to control the seeking, as if God needs our personal intervention to run our life.

Yes, so I just like to see that really clearly. Yes, it's very beautiful.

She says that, 'I didn't even realize that I was trying to steer life with this steering wheel.' And just in the last one year, all these insights are coming that actually I've been holding on to this steering wheel while thinking that, 'Oh, I'm just letting God do everything' or 'Everything is just flowing on its own.' But it revealed itself that there was still this sense of trying to steer something. She was saying this, and I got reminded of this beautiful Satsang that Francis Lucille had done once. He talks about this, right? You get on this ride, and your purpose of this ride is to steer it in a particular way. If you push hard enough, then your ride will turn in that direction. So you get on this ride, you get in, and first you have this idea that now start turning left. So you take the wheel and you turn left, left, left, left, left, and it actually moves left, and you are successful. Then the next turn it says, 'Right, right, go right.' You're turning right, right, but the ride is still going left, and you're saying, 'Oh, I didn't push hard enough. Next time I'll really go for it.' So like this, left, right, left, you go through all the... so when you make the right turn, you seem to get some reward, and if you make the wrong turn, then something must be happening—they must be spraying some water. That's how these rides work.

So you go through this entire thing and you're feeling either good or bad about how well you did or didn't do. And then they tell you that the ride is pre-programmed. Left turn, then the right turns will go exactly the same way as they are meant to. You just have this delusion of control and you feel like, 'Next time I'll do better. Next turn I'll take it properly.' This is exactly what is happening. Everything is just flowing exactly the way it is meant to. Just the mind comes and says, 'No, no, this one you didn't do well. Next time do this like this, like this.' It's just a game like this with your mind. So it can seem like till the end we want to hold on to this something to control. But when you drop all sense of control and see all is moving exactly like it is meant to be, it's beautiful. There is no separate entity here to have free will. Most of you are now open enough to hear things like this. There is no person, therefore there cannot be personal will.

Somaya said, 'Father, this is true. Sometimes there is a taking the temperature about how much taking the temperature has lessened.' That's still taking the temperature over taking temperature! All this taking temperature and about taking the temperature, all this will stop. It's like... he says, 'So silly and funny.' And alright, yes. And alright, says... Namaya says, 'Father, the most going on now is just watching the ego/person not able to understand how there is nothing to do or no place to go, but this joy that it is so.' To know at a deeper level than the person there is nothing to do and nowhere to go, and this joy can come. I'm so grateful.

All this taking the temperature, all this will stop. It's like he says, so silly and funny. And all right, Maya says, 'Father, the most going on now is just watching the ego slash person not able to understand how there is nothing to do or no place to go, but this joy that it is so, to know at a deeper level than the person there is nothing to do and nowhere to go, and this joy can come. I'm so grateful. So much love.'

So much love to you too, Maya. Jerome says, 'Let's meet up.' Beautiful. Francis Lucy, how do you mean, my dear? Online? Or I would love to meet him. She says, 'Good morning, Father. Just realizing more and more that all that you say is just saying how it is. All that you say is just saying how it is and how it always has been for everyone. Just when we are believing in the ideas and interpretations of the mind, we fail to see it.' Then she says, 'Very grateful for you and this Sangha. It is like flower food for all of us flowers in the sun.'

So sweet. I remember my Zen master telling me to take my hands off the steering wheel. I had no idea how to do it. I couldn't even see that I could do it or not do it. I just kept asking how. Now I see no steering wheel is present at all. Not at work once, because it can seem like when we hear this initially, like how do I steer the taking the hands off the steering wheel? That also seemed like some like a doing. It's been fun, no? All of this has been fun. Even all these confusions, now we can look back and laugh at them. Claire says, 'Thank you, beloved, for everything you are showing us.' Very welcome. She says, 'Love you a lot, Father. Thank you so much for sharing your words and your silence.' Thank you, my dear.

So we have a song? Ninky can sing or no? No, she's like, 'No way.' Okay, so then maybe we have one song, both one from Priya and one from Sangeeta.

I literally have to leg it to work, so I have to go. Okay, okay, no worries. I actually have to run now, so I have to go. Thank you so much. You want to sing for us? Um, oh, you went back to me. If so, if I will sing, I mean one song. And then I was saying that namaste, that the other day that you said the chanting, because after that I was like going on and on and I felt so... so I was seeing that later. Very good.

We can play the invocations now. Thank you all so very much for being in Satsang today. Jai Ram Ji Ki. Jai Jai. Okay, Jai Jai. Okay, we could turn the world guys off now.