Awareness Is Aware Of Things and No -Thing - 21st April 2016

I don't... what kind of a question is that? My question is, what is the worst thing? Maybe that you're a terrible wife or something? I don't know, just yeah, whatever, something right here.

So if you are a terrible wife, let's go find the terrible wife. Where is she? Can you find her? Then why crying about this terrible wife? Is there anything terrible? Friend, there is. Because in terrible processes, there's this idea that 'I cannot be spoken to like this.' Can we take it out? Some emotion is bound to be there in the marriage. So let me not pretend that anyone can come and say anything and no, nothing at all happens. But it doesn't last. This is like after a while, it is seen like somebody cracked a joke. Initially, it was something, some feeling of hurt or something can come. So what is it that he must never say? Father, please don't ask the question. You should know. I should not go there. One thing that I learned from my experience: don't say anything about the parents. Number one, then you're in trouble. Great. I don't know. Yes, okay. We don't remember anything. Don't say 'I'm a bad mother.' Don't go there. Then you're in for it. That is the worst. Okay, so don't say 'I'm a bad mother.' Don't say anything on that face. Siblings, parents, family, oh, nothing. Nothing about that. And don't say 'You can't run the house properly' and 'You can't cook properly.' And don't say 'You can't run the house properly.' Second, 'Your work is a disaster and everybody's laughing.' And everybody should not laugh. It rejects you. Basically, they should just not say anything at all, just accept as it is. And we should have liberty not to accept. Or even when you see that you have to talk to me while you're sitting quietly, then you must see. Or even then, that can be making that little bit of... I'll give him the mic. Very good.

According to size! Everyone says she's a bad mother. I will not say she's a bad mother. I will not say anything she wants. And she can say what they wish me, whatever you are really. Yeah, only in person. Okay, yeah. After a certain point, she cannot say... no, she can say. That is my point in this. That's why look closely. She can say whatever she wants. I mean, that's where I am. Then you won't be like sulking two, three days. But that's part of the whole thing. This is family. Come to me, what to say? Father, you see, one side is satsang because you were getting in one season with zero animal life. You gave so many relationships. A question that one afternoon satsang is that we only talk about relationships. Very good, because we got all of it out of the way in there. So we will define now the rules from there. And married life or relationship... when in relationship, she is not buying anything he is saying, when she's taking other means, that's okay. What do I do? What is this? This you cannot accept about her. And if you want me to leave this after so long... because honestly, Father, I really see in that... you know, a few months ago I had messaged you saying that, you know, I'm really like something is pissing me off or whatever. And then you asked me one question. You know, I answered something and you asked me, 'Is it feeling neutral?' I said something, you know, I don't know, I forget. And that just stayed with me right through. What was the question, Father? I forget.

What is it that you cannot accept about her?

I would like to be able to accept everything, honestly. And from some point of view of where my heart is right now, Father, honestly, this is the best satsang I have. It really is. So every time something happens, then I only look at something that I'm feeling in me and I just stay with that as much as... if it gets very intense. But really, that is all I look at as much as I possibly can, Father. Why am I... what's upsetting me? Why is it upsetting me? Who is getting upset? And honestly, Father, I know that is the topic of... it doesn't have to be a topic, Father. It can just be any... it can be anything. It can be a dropped ice cream. I mean, it can be anything, right? In a relationship, I mean, only like a few rocks and ice cream appearances. No, but what I mean is there is no topic. It's just... it's a little husband. When somebody is bound to irritate you, then they will just irritate you no matter what, right? There is no common traits... oh, they probably are common sense, but it's... I'm not looking. I don't know how to explain. I'll give you an example. Yes, like a few months ago, Gary Ma came into me because you were juggling about something and she said, 'If you were to someone who came to satsang and asked you this question, you would be very different with this.' And something hit home over there and I said, 'Yes, I was coming from husband identity.' So it's very important for us to be able to check what does... what is it that triggers this husband identity, your partner identity? And what is the satsang where it can still keep hiding and just comes up and says, 'She can't tell you this, she can't treat you like this'? So she can't be here later as because you go, right? So there must be some something that triggers husband identity which must be allowed to be burned in satsang. Because I remember also I've told you once, suppose it was someone who just came, was meeting you for the first time, would it still have that same reaction? No, doesn't happen.

Our partner identity and what is the sense somewhere can still keep hiding and just comes up and says, 'She can't tell you this. You can't treat her like this.' So she can't be here later as because you go, right? So there must be some something that triggers an identity which must be allowed to be burned in satsang. Because I remember also I've told you once, suppose it was someone who just came fresh, was meeting you for the first time, but it still had that same reaction. Hmm, no, it doesn't happen only. So therefore there is some identity at play. We are not expecting that identity to take over a hundred percent, but what is it that really triggers you most often when it comes to this identity? We can all check like this because this relationship thing is the number one sufferer in the world, these relationship identifications. So we must see: what is this that we have defined? What conditions do we have?

Um, it would be great if she could listen. I think that's one thing I find that if—so if you feel like she's not listening to me, that irritates me and gets me going. And what kind of thing? When you're talking about some coming, anything. It would be to be anything, but it could be something normally something that's meaningful to me or has had some value for me. So if I want to share that, I'm a lot more expressive than then follows. And I think when we first got married it was—it was, yeah, I would share a lot. I think it'd be great if she can listen. Or not great if she can listen, sorry, that's not what I mean. What I mean is that that's what's caused me to be angry at times. Not—I don't, you know, I'm not asking her to change or anything. Um, the other thing, Father, is that I always treated her like an equal, whether it's been at the business or at home or anyway. You know, I have never seen her any different from an equal partner in any stuff. But sometimes I feel that I—I feel that she feels she doesn't feel that she's an equal, you know? And that causes—that causes friction because I've never—I think, and I'll be very honest, because the background she comes from, the men are treated very, very differently than the women are, Father. That's not been the case in my family. In my family it's been absolutely equal, you know? And I feel that there's always this need—through isn't that course—but is it always this need to say that 'I am your equal' whereas I have never considered her to be less than an equal partner in this marriage.

You've been married how long?

Ten years.

Can I give you some advice?

Yes.

I've been married longer. Yes, always show she is way better than you. Is this equal enough?

Are you—I appreciate her a lot, you know? I mean, I go—you do, and I love her a lot. And I only, Father, that I wondered why after we met you this started to happen. So, you know, in some non-flow interval, is it so windy? I wonder if it becomes stronger, more amplified, you know? Yeah, but at the same time I feel this—I'll tell you what happened today, share what happened today. So we were at the park, okay, at Bannerghatta, and so we're with these wild animals that are—there are bears and tigers. And she opens the window of the car and I said, 'Don't open the window.' And yeah, she was really sorry. What is that? To mommy quota to be wash mother? I'll be honest, I think you actually got—that's what I started today, and she got upset because the way you said it. Yes, yeah, and and that's why it—listen, I—you know, honestly I have no problems then I'm wrong. I have no problem saying I'm sorry. I had no—I never actually, yes, but at the same time I really, you know, I don't know what I'm putting out on YouTube now. Do you moderate it, hitting delete? Do it. It is not going to go. That's my understanding. This is not going to go away in the day before Disney, Father. Yes, this is the Google to see, you know, and it is so clear and that's all I look at and that's all I try and go back.

Satsang on most wouldn't you said that this happened, this you traitor and she did not like the way you said it. Hey, that's what happened today. She got upset. But what bothered you?

Way I wasn't bothered too much. Okay, no, because I honestly like—and and I just—I just was playing with the kids and I just honestly, Father, I just remember your words and let's stay with your words as much as possible. That's what goes on in my head and I just stayed with your words that okay, fine, she's getting upset, she's that. And something just happened, honestly, it consciously made it happen, Father. And that seeing this off, it gets clearer with this time that there's so many time there's anything I'm not—I'm gonna say this and then it just—it just happens, you know? And I didn't get five hundred percent too upset. Maybe for two minutes or not even two, maybe twenty seconds there was—I was like, 'Why is she crying?' I didn't—I just little—and and then it just—then I just remembered you obviously, Father. I just remember your words and I guess this is just an appearance and this is—it's—it's just because nothing happened to me in that moment, Father.

When you find that you check and you see that it's an appearance, does that make you more open? No, more clues often? More oh yeah, much more. I mean, I would say, Father, like yeah, much more open and accepting. And it's not like things she does don't irritate me, that's not it. That's not the point. But the point is that I'm able to let go sooner and sooner. Each time it's sooner and sooner. And and and I reach out to her lots. I mean, as much whatever, you know? And this—if—if I continue to allow this to bother me, then this will stay for much longer, Father. You know, this is—this is the sadhana. And I don't talk to you maybe that much on Hangout or whatever, but this is the sadhana that you put in front of us, you know, Father? And this is what honestly I am grateful for it. I'm really grateful for it because without this, how would these things come up? I would not see these things. And I'm really grateful to—to her, to you, to anybody, people have done seva with who bring up these days, you know? Because—because that's what at the end of the day, that's the only compass that is. But I go back to your words, Father, that it's an appearance. I don't know, I forget it was right now, but you know what I mean.

This is very good to check also because then we check and we see that it's just another appearance. And it is happening with the checking which is going on, not like a mental blocking. In sometimes what can happen is that it just—'They were just another appearance'—and you're blocking ourselves from feeling, from vulnerability. When we see if this is disappearing in front of me, where am I really suffering because of this? We are open to experiencing the feelings as a result of it. And this is good to see that even these feelings, although they might seem strong, but at least for my being they're just another appearance, just these small bubbles. And even now actually, if even now like when you're crying and this is happening, but that which is witnessing this happening, that remains untouched. So this is the real you. And it can happen like this because you asked a very good question: so why is all of this happening after we started coming to satsang? It was so that we could look at this together and to drop all of these conditioned ideas which were there but were not playing up as often, not as strongly earlier, but now seem to get more amplified. Or our sensitivity also increases after we come to satsang, to be able to see these things much more strongly now than we did earlier.

So is it possible for us to put all—all baggage, all ideas we have about the other one, drop all at least most of our baggage of the last ten years, review whatever time it is, give it into the fire of satsang? Is it possible? Yes. I know it sounds to you—and most of you will find it unbelievable also—but sometimes with that childlike innocence of you do thing, just, 'I tore it all today. I feel like I met my husband for the first time, maybe like he met his wife for the first time. Let's start fresh.' Sometimes that childlike innocence is really helpful to this thing. This past, all that we've been doing, all goes. So let's go one by one. Let's drop all the fears that we can have about the relationship into the fire. So far nothing will happen to you irrespective of where the relationship goes. Nothing will happen. Throw it away now. Find all that, feel all that you wish you could have done differently, all that. Let's begin and suggest. I'm also all your arrogance, all your satsang specialness: 'This I have always done, this hinders, I'm more understanding, his layers of she's less understanding.' All this specialness, all this arrogance, this one-upmanship: 'It's not my fault, it's the other one's fault.' All this arrogance, can we find and throw it into the fire? All this self-righteousness.

Then also all the ideas we have about the other one. Have no idea. All the times that you've been mistreated, find all of them and throw them, throw them here, throw them away. Also all expectations you might have about how it should go from here, what should happen, how should the other one change because of this experience—that we must throw away now. No expectations of anything at all. All that is, all that will come in the future is not in there now. And most importantly in our relationships, drop the need to be right. You have no need to be right. You have no right to be right. If you don't want to be proved right, seen as the one all right, then most problems in relationships can get dissolved. Don't hang on to this need to be right. May the Satguru's grace fill your life with peace, joy, love, happiness, and all auspiciousness. And just okay, smells cover, all of this dissolves in the light of the truth that is very clear to both of you now. And may your play become much lighter, happier, joyful. So on hiccups, so on, so on forever, only doing certain time. Now if it comes back, then you bring it back to the tongue and throw it away, or throw it away there and there if you can.

Two similar things, and they also have been throwing as you can swing all of this. We come here, Father, means past fakes and I had noticed like so—and from past I react. I noticed that there are certain mental images about every person including family or work or whatever, and like certain things trigger then that amplify and then that reaction. It's just attitude change at that moment. It's something with coming from history and that just like an event we been to recycle, then we went to resort, and my elder brother reacted certain with the sister and then it was like certain image come into mine and then my latitude—it was very peaceful, I was so enjoying to being in company and then it—even I'm trying to witness but it was piling up. Piling up means everything I've been seeing thereafter with that image. So how to react at that moment?

Here, as you're letting go of all past conditioning, then as you come into the space of unassociated being, then actually nothing will be able to predict your reaction. Because there can be the sense that the reaction only has to be this way or that way. Which as we remain the unassociated, then there's also great allowing for whatever is coming up. But what you will find is that you will not be able to hold on to things, that things will fester—seem to fester within you. So whatever is coming up which is coming up, or is even before it's coming up, it dissolves. Sometimes great love and compassion can come in situations, sometimes strong Shiva energy can come which can be like responding to that situation that way. And we are not able to even judge, 'How did this happen? How does this reaction come or not?' So don't worry about what the reaction should be because that can be anything, even for a sage. Because you read stories where sometimes sages took them stronger situations with the most love, the most love, and some smallest occur sometimes great anger has come from cities in response. They even cursed people for hundreds of years: 'You will be a rock or a statue or something.' These curses have come for the most minor things, you see. So it's not about the reaction.

How does this reaction come or not? So don't worry about what the reaction should be, because that can be anything, even for a sage. Because you read stories where sometimes sages took on stronger situations with the most love, and some smallest occurrences sometimes great anger has come from sages in response. They even cursed people for hundreds of years: 'You will be a rock' or a statue or something. These curses have come for the most minor things, you see. So it's not about the reaction that comes; it is more about whether our identity gets picked up at that time and for how long we believe ourselves to be that. The identification saying it gets shorter and shorter, the identification gets shorter and shorter, and then you find this: it's very minimal. Something comes up, then this comes up for a moment or two and then drops. Something really strong happened, some really deep buttons they get pushed, then something might seem to last these few hours, then it doesn't stay. So it is not about what came in response, but truly about what you're believing yourself to be.

So you say that 'my younger sister, my younger brother' identity was very strong at that time and I had to respond in a certain way. So don't have that identity. This doesn't mean that it is the end of all reactions or responses, you see, but it comes from the space of emptiness. It's really not about the reaction itself but more about the conditioning that gets exaggerated every time we believe ourselves to be something.

Give me further. How at that moment it was like I noticed for like a day or two I've been so carried away with that identity and like thereafter my reaction based on that identity only. So what to do in that condition?

If some identities are still so strong that you find for a day or two days you feel like you're carried away by them, then you must inquire into them. So which identity was it?

I don't think so it was even the brother identity. More of like how we had been like with our mother, how we've been gelled together, something on that ground. And I had certain will, like, to be not treated the way... it's something on that ground probably, yeah.

So this one about being mistreated or being the victim of some bad behavior. You must find out who is mistreated. If this is a button that gets pushed often, and 'I don't want to be treated badly,' then find out who doesn't want to be treated badly. And when we do these kinds of contemplation, they might seem very simple actually, but actually we are designing our own boundaries, our own mental boundaries. What are the conditions we still have kept on for our own freedom? It is not in service to any self-righteousness; it is only a condition that we have defined for ourselves. Is there such a one that is fearful of mistreatment? Can you find this one and show me?

Dismiss memories and now meet anyone who can be treated badly here. Suppose I actually say something very mean to you now. Can you do it now? Find out if there is someone who can suffer this mistreatment now. If your older brother says or anyone in the family says anything at all, suppose right now he's saying something to you, do you find that one that can suffer from this? That reaction will certainly come here. But is there someone who can suffer from what something else outside the appearance is saying to us or doing to us? So there is then this openness and fearlessness to anything appearing in the realm of appearances. Otherwise, we are still picking and choosing: 'This can happen, this can happen, this can happen, but this better not happen or I will lose your token.' This is always mental talk, these mental affirmations. No, instead of that, it just becomes: anything can happen.

And if there is some fear when I say anything can happen, then look at that fear and that will point you to your strongest identities. See, 'anything can happen'—that I used to say very often. Then people say, 'It's too much, too much, stop saying that.' The whole world can burn, the whole universe can burn, and yet I'm untouched. 'Too much!' The question to ask is, which part is too much? Is it this body burning feeling that is too much, or my family burning feeling that is too much? What burning is too much? Good. So what is it that we feel should never happen in the appearance? And that will point us back here; it will point us to our deepest attachments.

But you see on that also, and you will find that even that which I am so attached to is coming and going, will not last. Whether it's a body or it's something else, they are never there forever. You will remain in the awareness of that, but everything here is coming and going. So wisdom must mean that we are able to see this and not say there is something that is attachment. You see, an attachment is not love. Because some of you might be saying, 'But Father, where is the love in all of this?' Love is just spontaneous here, right now in the moment. It is unconditional. Attachment means: 'You are here now, you cannot go.' I created only: 'You must be on this chair.' This is the attachment. 'I don't want to move it about, I don't want to change it.' All of this was the mind saying, 'No, he must not go from this chair.' That is attachment.

So the worst version of love is this attachment: 'He or she must not leave my life, this must not happen.' This and that. Love is spontaneous and it's available for everything which is appearing right now. In this way, then we become open, unattached. Everything is allowed to come and go. Because one misunderstanding could be that what I am promoting is some sort of just non-reactive state. 'Well, then the world can come and slap you around and you're not supposed to do anything.' I'm not saying that. I'm saying that from the neutrality, it is the allowing also of the reactions which are to come from here without saying that 'these are mine, I am doing this or not doing this.' You find that this body has as much part to play as the rest of what is appearing in front of us. So don't worry about the reaction.

You see that 'I am the witness of all of this, including the reaction coming from this body.' And all actions and reactions are just happening on their own anyway. It's just my mind coming and taking credit or blame for them. 'I did this very good, I did this very bad.' It's just a happening. Just like thoughts are happening, actions are happening. And once we will learn to let go of all of these appearances, then in this way, then you will find that all the actions from this body also are just happening on their own. There is no doer of them, there is no individual doer of them.

For others, the story of the doer is not going to be removed. I'm sorry, it's really a piece because this is a bishop skill. How the... I don't know where the phone making... what to do? Okay, my dear, come on. You'll be totally cuckoo. Hello, Martha. Well, Ram Ji... Islam Allah to the ninjas for pinata.

Peaceful, yes. What she says, be okay. Ram wasn't offended. Between notification of peace, these pieces are going to be repaired earlier. I believe in Allah too. And it was perfect, yeah. Yes, our institution to really give... the institutional good to bring in a wall and that I commend... thank you. Well, what's past is past. My wedding ring with me will be everyone. If I'm going to record... the ones in arrivals during dinner and the next... invincible.

This is the combination punch of the mind. This is a one-two punch. First it says and makes a stumble here, or goes to you with your own belief, and then it makes a... so not this is somebody, but then one you... it is a hangout reboot it. So everyone out now, even in the most emotional states, we are not lost. What you are is completely possible in the right now to see that 'I'm not doing.' So at least if you are going to get into a boxing match with the mind, let's not fall for these combination punches. The mind itself will come and say, 'You must not do this, you must not do this,' and then if that action happens, it says, 'See, I told you so, terrible, you're such a bad person.' Both are just tricks of the mind.

What is happening is here, and yet what you will find is that as you're coming to your space of created being, and not believing these concepts about yourself, that the content of the play also starts to change a bit. You will find that as you're just being, you will not find you getting violent and these very strong things because they have been dropped. But just because we feel guilty about it is not our dropping of these tendencies. Just our remorse about it is not enough. We must inquire deeper into who we are. You cannot use spirituality just as some sort of Band-Aid. 'Oh, now I'm feeling terrible, now let me come talk to Father and then I feel better.' And then I'm not able to come for a long time, then again something happens, 'Let me get the Band-Aid again from Father.' You must root out this cancer of identification. You must root out all ideas we have about ourselves.

And it's not difficult. Right now you are free. I've given you all the tools, tricks, tips, anything that you need to be free from this identity, but there must be an openness to following, to listen and to check. I have great love for you. Because I have great love for you, I don't have so much interest in playing anymore with this 'someone' that is not worthy of us. Let's look at the truth together. That's my only purpose of this expression. If you are up for self-discovery, if you're open to not buying your thoughts, then we have the relationship of oneness, the truest place where I could meet you.

And it's not even like I'm forcing this to be the starting point, you see. I'm not saying we must meet right at the beginning at that place of oneness. I say I'm willing to meet where you are. Let's walk together. But there must be some willingness to walk. See, I'm not saying that instant finger-snap you come to satsang and all identity will be dropped, but at least as we walk together, there must be openness to the dropping of these identities. Because I will not come to this realm of identities and stay there with you as an identity, because no fun there. It's not a judgment or something, just not fun there anymore. Why would you want to stay there? Come, let's play here. Let's play here as nobody, as one. It's no fun being anybody. The smartest anybody, the most attractive anybody—whatever qualities or attributes that somebody might have, it is not attractive to the Self anymore. So let's walk together in this non-existent path. Let's be open to dropping some ideas that we have about ourselves, then we will see together that we have always been home.

Which identity are we unwilling to drop? Please tell me. Then I'll stay with you. 'Anything I can drop but this, this I'm sinking with, I don't want to go there.' There have been a few question requests actually. Melissa has been waiting for some time and Karuna is still here also. One like this idea in a while, there is a bit of a queue. But you will put your place here now because I notice Melissa said Karuna is still on the hot seat when Guru's duty... she cut in. You can see no further. So autumn here, which I have an iPhone, my dear, just give me this, finish with Karuna and then we come to that, okay? This is pinging this fast, Karuna, and then little pieces. And oh, she has a lag, she is a ten-second lapse, but somehow audio is not looking at you.

That will be a bunch of ways for the certain tendency, just like I had noted then every time it appears it kind of gets happened. And there's a tendency I should expose it, but at the same time that's the mind's suggestion: 'We will work it out with some time, it will go up quite soon, don't embarrass yourself.' So this tendency can come. Suppose some feeling of lust or something comes, the mind comes and says, 'But now you're spiritual, you...'

There is a ten-second lapse, but somehow the audio is not looking at you. That will be a bunch of work for the certain tendency. Just like I had noted then, every time it appears, it kind of gets happened. And there's a tendency: I should expose it. But at the same time, that's the mind's suggestion. We will work it out; with some time, it will go up quite soon. You don't embarrass yourself. So this tendency can come. Suppose some feeling of lust or something comes. The mind comes and says, 'But now you're spiritual, you should not feel lust.' And then that makes you get out of it. This is what I mean by the one-two punch, you see?

So, it's just like hunger is a very natural human tendency. Experiencing this is lust, but at the same time, like by God's grace, there was no tendency to like mess around. But at the same time, there's a visual aid, some website, that kind of tendency is still there. So, something that I didn't want to expose, but I'm very happy to expose. These kind of things needlessly create a lot of shame. It's nothing at all. The same with sex, as we've spoken earlier also about it. Either it becomes too special in our minds or it becomes too shameful in our minds. It is neither of those. There is no shame in lust. It's a very natural expression, a very natural sensation which arises.

But further, even the lust is all in the mind. That means it suggests a creation of mind? Well, not necessarily. It can be that certain processes are happening in the body which also have these reactions. It's like hunger. The mind makes something out of this; it makes something shameful or special out of it.

I try to witness whenever we're... and it's... I don't know what to do. Witnessing it with the sense that I must be a little bit... yeah. I'm saying, forget about it. For the first time in my life, I actually took someone... the neighbors might come with 'What could you guys be doing?' and my mother. So she came out here. Still, the mind is so much conditioning, it's not accepting that. Giving a good excuse. You could have said that should not... as it works, you see, it's all in the mind. The sun tested all in the Maya. So for me, but I will take your words in heart here.

One would think it's about... my mother passed away twenty years ago, and then there was like... Papa gave Madhavi's... he did. But I understand, with being very grown-up, it's more of a male-dominated society and more hard on the surface. But then, being the kid growing up, it was a lot of this thing with... of it's about, especially for other faults. Though it was like, one is even reading spiritual books and all, they do each his own tendency. He gives excuses to spiritual things. And it was there, the way he was... he's pathetic because of that. There was like, making spiritual excuses for bad behavior. I mean, his behavior was not the best, not the best, not being horrible, but he did... he didn't get married again. He grew up all the kids. But there was inside of this question, so much of... so much of hurt, so much grudge about that. He was... it's so much of anger because of that. So once I passed away, became independent, I just switched off from that. From Father, it means very rare of communication since. And it's like after that, you know, anything would trigger that past identity, and there was a reaction from that. All you see dramatically with time and things, but and then in increased age, old age, my sisters... so whether we were all living abroad and he was alone here in his house. And that time he really needed the... especially so, he needed everyone. And my sister was very comfortable handling with him, very open with the love. But from this person, it was always from that past identity, reactions were coming. And especially there was a... I know it's all history, imagine it, but at the same time, before Father passed away, just one month before, I had such... same time, always I have the feeling that something happened to Father, like my older sister, and nothing had happened. But after a month it happened. And he could see it that before that, and even looking for me. But here, I mean, even the last time when I met, I just didn't speak to him and some other things. So what of... and it is so much of missing guilt here, that I didn't... when he needed, there was... there is both the identity is there. First, for his reaction, what he did, it's still there. There is something which doesn't accept that. And there is something... brilliant words also, I mean, it's... something is there, there is a guilt of that also. Well, there are too much even here now. This wanted to expose it. Always your appearance in whatever way you want it, that way I have. Although there's no emotion at this moment for that, but I just leave it on your feet. This will be left behind, will be kept aside. Thank you.

Okay, buddy. Second, come now.

Good morning, Ananta. Can you hear me? Good. This will be interesting with this ten-second delay here. So, last week at some point, you had mentioned a book called... I have it right here... that is 'The End of Your World' by Adyashanti. And I started reading it, and it brought up a lot, a lot here, and still here right now. I know what it's... I know the disturbance is for the person trying to be neutral in the seeing of this, but this has been the last days, probably some of the toughest I've had as far as the emotion. I ask you the best way to go about this. Of course, I know to see this and to be now, but I just wanted your guidance if you would.

Let's see how it works with this ten-second delay. Actually, when something is coming up, first the mind has a way of thinking of it as if it is something evil which is happening, or something which has not happened in a long time. 'I have never felt this emotional. So many of the negative thoughts had not come for so long. What is going wrong with me? Am I going backwards? Am I losing all my spiritual progress?' These kind of things the mind will say. But actually, the mind feels sort of welcoming of these things which are getting released. That's why always it is... instead of saying that they are coming, it's better if you see that they are going. And I've said that quite a few times, and I don't recall anyone coming and saying that you said it's going, but now it's been going with all these things, all these states and emotions and thoughts are coming in. Boom! They must be allowed to leave.

Now, what happens is that we see when we come to satsang, it can seem like, 'Wow, this was so peaceful, blissful, joyful. I never felt so good.' Many times it can happen. And yet, after some time, you start getting frustration at the teacher, at the teaching, at your family, at everything. You can just start feeling a lot of resentment and anger. Doubts, volcanoes are coming. And then the mind comes and says, 'You see, now? Initially it was so beautiful, but now you must be doing something wrong, or the Master is not what he used to be.' Something like that the mind will come and say to us. But actually, all of this must be allowed to bloom. And more importantly, understand that the peace and the joy is more important for this frustration, for this resentment, for this guilt and anger and doubts to be allowed to pass through us. Because all these have been hiding, in one way if we can say, as conditioning, as tendency. And your discovery of yourselves, your coming to your space of unattached being, will not leave you with all of these things. All these big energies will let go of them this way.

Also, as we go along together and satsang together, you find that this gives us the opportunity to check what has been spoken. Where there is no challenge, where there is no struggle, there is no sense of suffering, everything seems so beautiful. 'I am just the witnessing of all of this. I am the awareness which is untouched.' But only when some struggle starts to come, some suffering starts to come, is it the witness or am I opening? If it is all goody-goody all of the time, then the rubber doesn't really hit the road. When these times come, some buttons have been pressed, some uncomfortable emotions are being served. Those are the best times to be able to check: What am I right now? See that even in these times, I remain only as an untouched witness of all of these appearances. And this leads to true openness. If in the nice, pleasant emotions and thoughts I remain untouched, then true openness can come. If you still have ideas about what should come and what should not come, and if you feel like 'I've lost it' when these kind of emotions come, then again we're moving with some idea of freedom, not with true freedom.

True freedom is a simple allowing of all to come and go, for everything to come in. Because even in this seeming suffering, it is giving you a great gift. And if you allow it, you don't resist it, you find yourself a lot more spacious, a lot more open. A lot of things will come up which you will find you never even remembered that I had this. You might find that some things are coming up from childhood. Cleaning out all of this, all this stuff gets swung away now. Because we laugh, you're happy, and everything slides. Many times it might seem like, 'Oh, but this is this kind of picking, all of this is not happening in satsang.' But I see it happening. All of this will get dredged up a little bit so it can be thrown away. Because that which has been buried will have to be dug out, picked up, and thrown away. So whether you like it or not, when you're in satsang, it will happen. And that which was worried and fearful about these things coming up again, that you will have to face that peace and see that it has no power over us. That which has been resisting all of these things, fighting all of these inventions, that which has been depressing all of this, that must be allowed to also dissolve right now. As you see that these emotions are coming up, you also find that you are aware of them, and you see that that which is aware is untouched by any of this appearance, isn't it?

I will be ten seconds... yeah. That's such... you echo exactly the inquiries that have been taking place here. And sometimes that it's good, it is a gift. Absolutely, it is a gift. And thankful that evening journey and team... like it is so... put your thumb into something every day. I feel so beautiful and nice, and sometimes it feels like the most serious, sober thing, and sometimes it feels like the most frustrating, full of anger thing. 'I don't want to go to satsang ever again.' These all the extremes are possible.

But it's about none of them. It's about none of them. So all of this must be allowed to come and go through us. It is only about that which you are discovering yourself to be, and all that is false being left behind. Both ideas being left behind. Although we see a downturn in the back.

And I'm so sorry, I have an extra... here. I have a noise problem. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much.

Okay, my dear. Here the mice, mice. Hi, thank you. He's getting upset, bad mice everywhere, awful one. Can I come in?

When I've been coming to satsang since 6th April, so it's almost two weeks now. And we had so many great and completion also. And when I hear the satsang, everything is so crystal clear. I do not even remember. And my utter isolation... the reason is because of the aggregate... I have become a Jilani zombie. So it's not in my house and not in my hand, except I've been taking them for almost twenty years now. So my body has got so much accustomed to these, so I cannot just get off them. So I don't know whether it is the side effects of the medicines which are causing the problem, because I do not remember anything. Everything just washes away next moment. Or whether it is the journey itself which is presenting like this. Whatever be the cause, I just don't remember anything. I just don't remember anything. And I don't know, in fact, what to listen and why to listen and why to read even. I contemplate something, even that experience also comes and goes. I mean, nothing is retained; it just washes off, which is good, I suppose. The problem comes like when the same questions like... again and again, which have been answered, which have been answered, so that because the conditioning is such.

Whatever we do, whatever be the cause, I just don't remember anything. I just don't remember anything, and I don't know, in fact, what to listen and why to listen and why to read. Even when I contemplate something, even that experience also comes and goes. I mean, nothing is retained; it just washes off, which is good, I suppose. The problem comes like when the same questions, like vankas, keep being answered, which have been answered, so that because the conditioning is such—conditioning is very, very deep—the answers are not retained. So I get stuck in the same loop kind of thing. So again I have to contemplate, again I have to contemplate, again I have to contemplate, and this becomes a loop. It's not that something like, you know, I have contemplated, I have assimilated, it is gone. So let us go for the... so what is your advice on this? Because I mean, this is something which is going to be like this; it cannot change, whatever be the reason.

I took this up with the Bhagwan modules and he said that it is good because it bypasses your mind directly. So if nothing is retained in the mind, it is fine. But that was two, three years back. Now I am not able to assimilate anything, you know? Like even the satsang, so I'm not able to assimilate anything. If you ask me what happened in this satsang today, I don't remember anything, even what I'm speaking about, I won't remember next to it. So it's just what the mind says is a zombie state, is a dizzy, fully numb state kind of thing. It is just not possible to do anything. If my wife tells me four things in the morning before going to the morning loss, you know, 'You tell the cook this, this, this,' I say, 'Record this because I will not remember anything.' But there is an awareness. There is an awareness of it. It is not that... I am fully aware what is being said, but if you ask me... so what kind of state is this? Is it the part of the journey? Is it a part of it? Is it required to come out of it? Because I don't find any way. Is it required to come out of it?

So far as awareness is concerned, it is there. No problem. No problem. Whatever is happening, it is also an appearance. Not a problem, not a problem.

But now what is happening, I am not able to grasp a substance. I feel like reading, you know, Nisargadatta Maharaj's 'Ultimate Medicine.' Then I got some books... there is one Siddharameshwar Maharaj also, he is guru of Nisargadatta Maharaj. He did not speak until 70 years of age, so he's not known. And there is a very good book which is 'Illusion vs. Reality.' Then the 'Guru Bodh' of them also has a transcript for 130 satsangs, and that is also a very good book. So I want to know whether, other than what you told in the satsang to just come in the satsang, there is only job for me? I feel pulled to, you know, reading all these books. Should I go ahead or should I not go ahead? Any quick...

So, we'll answer your question seriously. When you said about your wife's telling you four things, it's mostly true. Yesterday I read this, that it is a natural law in which if your wife has told you four things to get some grocery shopping and she calls you and tells you a fifth thing, then the only thing you remember is the fifth thing and you don't remember the first four. And I read it, I said, 'This is so true.' Career is cousin says, 'Okay, go get this also,' and all the attached stays and everything else before it's gone. They're very happy that it is like this. It's a real... okay.

So, a little more seriously, I'll say that actually from the beginning of when the sharing of satsang started here, I have not really retained anything much which is being shared. In the sense that if you ask me after the satsang gets over, 'Can you do a recap and tell me what all were the main points of what you shared?' I find myself unable to do that. I don't have any memory of this. So I will rest in Guruji's words where he says that this whole process of satsang is to bypass all of this mind and memory, and truly it is consciousness having a monologue with consciousness, you see? So nothing needs to be remembered from here. Whatever needed to be done while you're here is happening on its own. And I know that when you're here, you're checking, you're looking for yourself. So I don't find that you're just mentally visiting these concepts to yourself, which is very good.

So I have to say nothing more needs to be done. But if you feel like reading from Nisargadatta Maharaj, from Siddharameshwar Maharaj, from Ramana Maharshi, nothing is wrong with that. It's very beautiful. It won't take away anything from what you are seeing through yourselves. There's no table within you that if you want to hear the two readings of that notes open...

The only thing is like they could be put into, you know, each... the subtle body and, you know, all that... the causal body, the gross body, and all that stuff. Out of which body the 'I Am' is radiating and all that stuff. The thing is that the teachings of Maharaj here, Ramana, is very simple. It's very simple and has no burden, nothing. While there is a tendency to go deeper, and it is coming from the mind, in the sense the mind itself it is coming from because it wants to grasp more and more and more. And it is a kind of a neti also. You read something, you acquire something, and then you discard something. 'I am not this, nor this, nor not this.' Because knowledge is coming from ignorance; ignorance does not exist, so the knowledge also does not exist. You have to discard both. Finally, you will say, 'In 1880 I acquired this knowledge, but this knowledge I am not.' So if you say it is fine to read, I will read. Give me every little detail that they think it will be good fun time pass.

Yeah, it seems light if it feels joyful, if it feels peaceful. Because you said, 'I feel drawn to read them.' Now when I heard 'drawn,' I felt like you are saying like this, that it gives me a lot of peace, joy to read this thing. It feels good to read it. But if you feel like it's adding to some mental burden or it just becomes an intellectual exercise, then no need to be so. You have that much discretion now; you are able to tell the difference between these two things. So I will trust you on that. If you feel drawn naturally, intuitively to read these things, there is nothing wrong with that. But you don't have to make work out of it. It's got to be mental... no need to add any burden to your supreme.

Yeah, I think that I will not read them because it is more, you know, coming from the mind. It is coming...

Yeah, so it is just that pulling is also from the mind itself.

No, no, no, you still have to read. You still have to cross, get clarification and all that stuff is coming. If I just be in my mindless state, then I don't need anything like that.

Oh, you don't need anything else.

Yeah. One the reason actually I got a, you know, pull to these books is that I'm still not... I'm still trying to find, saying, you know, the mind is still trying to find something. Beauty, everythingness. It is not satisfied actually at the awareness. Because when you say 'I am awareness,' the mind says it is no 'I' and there is no 'am.' I am anyway you are transcended, so how can you be 'I am awareness'? But that is a way of the expression, of course, otherwise how do you express? So the mind is trying to figure out.

Isn't something actually what is happening also in the Sangha is that we are going through this beautiful phase of contemplating this together, you see? Where it seemed like some of us are saying, 'But how can you say this in knowing? There is no knowing, nothing is.' And I am saying that even to know that there is nothing, there is this knowing, really. So we're having this collective contemplation, which I'm very open to having actually, and we are looking together at this because we are exploring all ideas about knowing, about being, about true awareness, knowingness. What is it that we really mean by these terms is being checked.

So my direct experience... so I for one have been enjoying these contemplations very much and I'm very open to them. And having a lot of fun with this actually, just to look at this. Because actually now if you were to look at both the points of view, you will find that one point of view is there is nothing at all, not even awareness. There is nothing, everything comes from this nothing, you see? So then we have to look at this: there is nothing at all. Actually, do I know this from direct experience that there is nothing? Is it my insight or is it only mentally that I am saying there is nothing at all?

So what I find from here—and I have to only speak that—is that this that is here as my most original is this no-thing. It is not an appearance, and yet there is a knowing of it. This knowingness itself I am, prior to 'I am.' So don't get conclusion that we cross that 'I am.' 'I am' is coming later; that much is obvious to most of us now. So this knowingness, which is non-phenomenal, not an appearance, which is no-thing, is what remains. Therefore, the only point of distinction then... in fact, to say that this no-thing is unaware, but there must be awareness to know that there is such a no-thing. That is where the contemplation is happening actually, you see?

For me it seemed just when to do this... over there is nothing. I just notice... but we are not even saying 'I know this.'

Yeah, I just... it's nothing, but I don't know this. I don't know what we are saying actually. So when we say that there is nothing, it automatically implies that I know that there is nothing. I am aware there is nothing. So even this no-thing is aware of itself being nothing. So the only thing hittable with this 'prior to awareness' business is that it's very attractive to the mind. I've been saying that something just wants to hold on to this because you feel like, 'Oh, this is the ultimate truth I can get to.' It is very attractive. 'I found that which is prior even to awareness.' Then did you really find it or are you imagining it? But the real finding would mean that I know this which is prior to awareness, which is knowingness itself, is awareness. So how did you go prior to awareness?

I don't know whether any of this is making sense to you, any of you, which I feel like some of us who are contemplating this, this can be useful to look at. To be able to say anything at all, like I told energy moves on Facebook, to be able to report anything at all when you're reporting with integrity, I must know it from this awareness of it as a direct experience of it, or I must know it as a mind concept. Either in either of those two, the knowingness is unavoidable. You cannot deny the existence of this knowingness. It is the way I see it, and I am open to continue this conversation and to look together and say: how can we see anything at all, including you, that there is nothing, without knowing it, and yet making up some observe library?

I am just saying that tell me how we can feel something without the knowingness. We must be... you must nothing be able to see there is nothing. Therefore, the knowingness was present along with the nothing. Therefore, this nothing itself must be self-knowing, must be self-aware, see? So this awareness is present, which I find it is undeniable at this point. Module, if you are contemplating these, can then listen to this stuff again. For those of you who's making this making no sense, just forget about it, enjoy very much.

That is so me. It is not like I'm being attacked or something like this. I can see that it can seem like that, that some Sangha members are saying exactly the opposite of what you are saying. But even in this, I am not feeling a sense of attack, at least not yet. Then I'm able to see that it's coming from this sense of experiencing this to be true. Nobody is just saying things just to say them. There is a sense that 'I know this to be true' and that is why it is being said. And that is what I am also saying. But there is a knowing of this to be the truth. This knowingness itself is awareness actually. The one that we took it apart except oil and goodness, after two weeks I say there has to be knowing of it. There has to be a knowing of it, and yes, there is a there...

Then I'm able to see that it's coming from this sense of experiencing this to be true. Nobody is just saying things just to say them. There is a sense that I know this to be true and that is why it is being said. And that is what I am also saying, but there is a knowing of this to be the truth. This knowingness itself is awareness, actually.

The one we took it apart, except oil and goodness, after two weeks I say there has to be knowing of it. There has to be a knowing of it. And yes, there is always a witness. This is always a witness. And this witness, when group Capone is carbonized as the witness, this witness is a pure neutral witness. It knows nothing. It knows nothing. But when it comes to the source, when it comes to the source, I am more used to this idea underlying that from nothing everything springs up. Now Mr. Nisargadatta Maharaj has got another book which says 'Nothing is Everything.' That is, in the unpublished states, nothing is everything. So my own direct experience is when I met Mooji, the very first Turkey, so he asked me, 'What is your position?' I said, 'Nothing.' So he asked me, 'Are you at peace?' I said, 'I don't care.' So he did not mention any consciousness, he did not mention any awareness, he did nothing. He said, 'I don't see why you have come up here on the hot seat.' I said, 'I don't know.' So my experience is purely nothing. Like I was telling that day also when we were contemplating, there is when you say 'I am that,' there is no 'I,' there is no 'that.' So this to say that there has to be a knower of it, there has to be a knower, so from where it is springing up there has to... I mean, from where it is coming that there has to be a knower? It is a mind activity. While in there is nothingness, there is no mind. So from where this mind has written its identity? It does seem the thing of it. It seems like as if, but to make it look like a truth, we say awareness is aware of awareness. Adding there to awareness is one is the seer, another is the seen. So this gives me a kind of a burden. This gives me a kind of a burden that the seeker does not feel comfortable in this because it is not by direct experience. In the shunya, what you say, in the shunya there is no question of looking. There is no question of looking. It is only when you logically are there, there has to be something as an to mind that you come to know of the awareness. Yeah, look, I have always been aware throughout. This is, I mean, that is my experience.

I think we can look upon it and maybe more on this, yes. So maniacally you say that 'My experience is this,' and we keep all mental concepts aside. Then what you are really saying is that my seeing or my knowing of this nothingness is that it is aware. There is awareness, you see? It cannot be that I don't know this and yet I'm saying it. Can it be that? Not know mentally. I think that you're confusing the knowing that I am talking about to be the mental knowing, which is the first conversation that we had. Those small 'k' did not think so as those small 'k.' Here it is big 'K' which is always it.

Yes, exactly. If the big 'K' is already there in columns, but within this big 'K,' within this big 'K,' everything is anyways happening. Then where is awareness? It is always happening actually. There is nothing which is not seen. There is nothing which is not seen. But exactly, but yes, excuse me, but it is always there. It is always there. Does the awareness have any attributes?

Exactly. What I... it has no attributes.

Exactly. So that which has no attributes cannot be in appear in that which has no attributes is no-thing which is self-aware. So for me, my direct experience is nothing. Nothingness also does not have any attributes. Like I ever think there is no reverse 'I' and that which exists in that its direct experience, no?

So you are there to see that nothing has no attributes. So that is a logical thing?

No, this is a direct experience. How is it logical? You say my direct experience, exactly, nothing has no attributes. Therefore you solve this, no, it takes experience. What is mental illness? Well, there are two things. One is I am not making any effort to see, yes, though I started with an effort to look at it, 'Who am I?' But this effort was somewhere lost in between. Yes, it is so. On the way the effort was lost, yes, what was lost and the seeker was lost. Okay, then it was a self-rolling kind of little thing. Yes, was again look, which was along the whole contemplation, first with the effort, then afterward natural. There was always a looking, there is always a seer. The final seer, he shall be the final seer. So when I start in contemplation, I am existing then also. So if then the question 'Who am I?' is, I'm aware that this question 'Who am I?' is right appearing before me and I witness to this, then where is the contemplation?

You don't have to take it further. What are you trying to find out? Who you are. And what are you trying to find? Because even at the start or even before the start of the contemplation, it is perceived, it is a knowing. That's exactly what we are saying in satsang every day, that irrespective of contemplation or not, the truth is not a result of some contemplation. It is not like some mental understanding. The truth is not born because of your contemplation; it always has been this. Not a seer, but the seeing itself is the truth because this cannot be taken away, you see? So like we could say that, okay, this awareness or this seeing itself is also an appearance. For who? Something must be aware that is an appearance. No, if you are not being mental about it, then if you see that, okay, awareness is also appearing, then there must be something which is aware of this, isn't it? So the only way that this mental iteration can stop is if we come to this point that this that I truly am is aware of itself and yet it is not an appearance to itself. This is exactly what happens when we ask the question 'Am I aware now?' We come to this seeing that this that I truly am is not phenomenal, is not an appearance, and yet it is here. It is aware of itself, you see? So I don't find too much distinction between what we are saying actually, you see? Because when we say that this awareness itself is appearing and disappearing, then we must be talking about the phenomenal position which is appearing and disappearing. Because you say that something is appearing and disappearing, there must be a knowing or a seeing or a witnessing of that which remains unchanged. So all of this, and this is no-thing. That's why I prefer the word no-thing to nothing. It is attributes. It's not like a discarding nothing, 'Oh, there is nothing.' It's not like that nothing. It's really no-thing, totally. It is like a sea potent in which aliveness takes birth, life takes birth within it.

Since that is the problem, no, because I don't find awareness as lying.

That's what I'm saying, that even awareness is that in which life takes birth, but we cannot even give it the quality of being alive. Because when we ask 'Am I aware now?' what we experience ourselves to be is prior even to life, to time, to space. It is a shunya which you are talking about, that no-thing. But it is self-aware, otherwise we would not know this and then we would be hopeless because we would never know the truth about ourselves.

I searched for the full day, one whole day I was searching, you know, if there is anything on these two simultaneously talked about in nothingness and the awareness in any of the Mooji's... I could not find anything.

You see with your regular... stay with your experience and speak from there, otherwise you just confuse yourself. You are aware now and you know it. That's all I'm saying actually.

Yeah, but this is not an effort. This is not an effort. This is what is. I have already said it is complete. At least I have never said awareness if you were to be aware. Yeah, one thing is certain, one thing is certain actually, which probably you know, maybe this is where I'm slipping, is that this nothingness is a discovery while awareness is not a discovery.

Exactly. So awareness is not an event, for sure. But nothingness, the precondition of nothingness is relevant. So definitely then awareness is awareness prior to everything. There is no doubt about it. I have absolutely no doubt about it that awareness is. But this awareness is always there. It is not seeing which it does not touch. But we say, I mean, it encompasses everything including the nothingness. It is just everywhere, everywhere it is. You just can't... first there is nothing which cannot be without awareness. To come prior to something, okay, we can also see that there is nothing, you see? So this what sees that there is nothing, this nothingness itself, awareness is this nothingness. Nirmala was asking the same question. Yes, this there is no-thing is self-aware, is aware, is awareness itself. And this is the direct experience now. It is seen that it is nothing, that's why we can see that there is nothing, you see? You cannot deny that it is seen because then why are we saying it? Unless it is seen, unless it is known, why would we say it, you see? But it is not a mental knowing, not a phenomenal knowing, prior to any of that. Otherwise it's too confusing. I say there is nothing or I can say there is everything. I can say there's a pot of gold prior to awareness. I can say anything. So you will ask, 'Is this your direct experience or no?' I say, 'Yes, there is a knowing of it which is prior to this whatever I might say.' I think I have lost all of you. It's okay, we can stop on this topic.

See here something. Yeah, why I think it may be Limpy or something, oh, deeply inside maybe something with Phil, maybe letting his finger thing is very good. What Neil is saying, when we trace back awareness we found that it has no quality, so we call it nothing. Exactly, it is no-thing because it has no quality, yet there is awareness of it. It is self-aware. So I just wanted to say that for my experience, just even doing the transcript, like watching the videos was very helpful because I had to rewatch them again and again to write it down and somehow the topic was just like seeping in. And even Guruji says like don't watch a lot of videos, focus on one and just keep watching it again and again and again. So thinking may be helpful for those like maybe, Neil, you're also saying that sometimes in satsang you have to keep contemplating the same thing because you forget. So maybe it would be helpful if you watch the videos that were done in the past on this contemplation because there were quite a few and maybe then it will... I don't know, maybe that would help. I just thought I would say that.

In my dream also I wanted to check in the room when we are talking about this stuff, how many of you are like, 'This is beyond me, I don't want to look at it, I have no interest.' Consider honestly. Something? Okay. How many of you feel it's okay, it's okay, it's all part of satsang, this will tomato pool first? So how many of you feel like, 'Okay, this part of satsang, it's not really getting anywhere, but it's okay'? He likes okay. Okay. And how do you feel, 'Yes, this is where I am right now and I'm looking at this, so this is really helpful to look together'? Okay. And how many of you feel it's really helpful, this is what I'm looking at right now, it's fresh, it's good if we look together? And maybe also on YouTube you can tell me because although there is no sense of controlling what is being spoken from here, something wants to get this feedback also. And three? Okay. So my thing, best part of satsang, good. Robert is, you're not lost, it's a bit difficult. Okay, with the delay too, I see if they believe now for you inside because you can pause your YouTube and you can hear the Hangout directly though. So that means they should be notably see. One says, 'Best part of satsang, directly to the point, it pierces, love it.' Okay. Okay, three options we go. Those of you online on YouTube or Hangout, you love it, you hate it, or you're indifferent.

To get this feedback also, and three... okay. So, my thing, best part of the satsang, good. Robert is, you're not lost. It's a bit difficult, okay, with the delay. I see if they believe now for you inside because you can pause your YouTube and you can hear the Hangout directly, though. So that means they should be notably... see, one says, 'Best part of satsang, directly to the point, it pierces. Love it.' Okay, okay. Three options we go. Those of you online on YouTube or Hangout: you love it, you hate it, or you're indifferent. One of these three you have to type, even if you don't feel it. Any of these three, pick one.

It says indifferent, love it, hate it, or indifferent. Yeah, but mostly... could you talk about this awareness of awareness versus nothingness? Or love this, love it, love it. The online audience likes me more. In the middle, indifferent, but love you. I love their answer. Thank you. Indifferent, in between. Yeah, love you, love you too. Why be a novice in the middle in the same... hate it. Who's hated? Completely hated? Are you just being nice? It's good, it's good to check something. But me, I have to say I love it.

We could take the mics over here. So what I'm seeing, Father, is this question about awareness and awareness being aware of awareness. But lately what's happening is that this question is seen, yes, and this question is happening inside of me. There's complete awareness of this question. So is it that just a mind is trying to figure out where is... there is just complete awareness of that dream for any question. Is it okay?

Yeah, even this question. And then we look at the content of the question. So for anything, can you stop being? Who am I? What am I doing here? What's my purpose in life? Everything is appearing, right, as an appearance, right? And awareness is aware of that appearance, right? So, but there are few questions... like you said, 'Can the perceiver be perceived?' As a... are you aware now? Right? Pavan said, 'Who am I?' We can seem to cut through all the layers and bring attention, even momentarily, to this root somewhere from where it comes, right? So they check, 'Am I aware now?' What is the meaning of the checking? Which is that attention is just coming back home.

If it just stays mental, then it is, 'Am I aware now?' Then you're looking for an inference. 'Yes, I must be, because obviously that is different.' Right? Yeah. Here we are just taking, 'Are you aware now?' And this checking, attention goes back straight to the root. So it, although is still in service to the beingness, to the recognition for the beingness, it is coming to the source itself, seeing that awareness is always aware of itself. I am aware, and I find no separation between this awareness and myself. So there is a point, I want to say, there is a point to these questions because they seem to have some potency, some directness to cut through the layers of phenomena and bring us back to what we are truly looking at.

And this question, 'Are I aware now?' I find is the most profound, most potent question if you ask sincerely, because there is no phenomenal answer to this. Although the question itself is phenomenal, of course, but the answer is not. The looking is not. The recognition is not. Which is... whereas most of the questions, we are finding some phenomenal answers, phenomenal recognition, feeling answers, yes. But therefore, before the personal life, before you have the sense 'I am,' I am aware. Woohoo! That's all that you say. Yeah.

Okay, we'll close quickly. Let me just recap. It is... suffering is possible only to believe in thought, okay? So the end of suffering already is there, not believing the next thought. Suffering is not possible now unless you're believing the next one. So you want the end of suffering now? It is only this that needs to be done, in a way we can say 'done.' Then you say, 'But what about consciousness? What about God? What about the sense of I am?' As Murat said, or the Bible says. So for this we can use this question: 'Can you stop being now?' And actually, as we discover ourselves to be this I am, this 'I am that I am,' there is no real need in this realm to go any further. Then the suffering is not believing the next thought, just to see that I am that I am, just being untouched by any appearance is enough.

But there are some where there is a very strong urge just to see the truth, the Absolute, where even this 'I am-ness' arises and dissolves. Because it is our experience, this 'I am' also comes and goes. So there is an urge to understand this that is prior to 'I am,' before 'I am.' And for that we have this question: 'Are you aware now?' Now when we check here, from here we can say that there is nothing, there is just nothing. Is it? What is this nothing that is here? Is this not aware? Is there not awareness of this nothingness? That is the only subtle and open debate. It is so beautiful because where are we debating here? Prior to even beingness, we are exploring this. Just so amazing, actually, you see.

So also for the mind it can seem so mental. What is this nothing more, and how does it really matter in this realm? Maybe it doesn't really matter at all because you're free from thoughts and you find that being is here which is untouched. Then nothing really matters. But yet for some there is this urge to see what is this absolute truth. And from this point, what a beautiful debate to have, even if it is a debate. Say that there is nothing, or to see that there is this awareness which is aware even of nothing. So that is it. That is where we are talking in the mic.

Okay, last question. They're missing something with all the indifferent ones. We have to sing something. So if you were listening to Ram Dass, yeah, sometimes I feel when Mooji talks or when you talk that there's two stages, right? The I am and the Absolute. And you might think, if I'm talking before my experience, it's more that nothingness. I can't really say this is I am and this is Absolute. So would you say from your direct experience that there is no difference between your sleep state and your waking state?

There is what wakes up. This, what you say, this is what I say 'I am.' Because you cannot say nothing wakes up. There is the sense that 'I exist, I am' now. So this which you see, this wakes up, is what I'm saying is 'I am.' But even prior to the waking up of this, or even after the going to sleep of this, this no-thing awareness still is. Because you say, 'I went to sleep' and you say, 'I woke up.' Before you know there is something called sleep, if there was no awareness of it, you would not know there is anything called sleep. That's all. That's it.

So it's not really duality because it is a play after all, you see. But there is a play of qualities that comes into play in the waking up of this I am-ness. This phenomenal world comes into play. So although the phenomenal must also be made up of and go back into the non-phenomenal, so there's only one, this non-phenomenal. And yet you cannot deny the play of this phenomenal appearance. That would just be a mind trick, because you'd be sitting inside the phenomenal appearance trying to deny the appearance. You cannot see what I'm saying? As long as... yes, to even deny the appearance of the phenomenal existence, the play of qualities, you have to be within the phenomenal to deny it. In deep sleep you cannot say there is no phenomenon. You have to... this phenomenal play must come into play so as to even deny the existence of the phenomenal play. You can only do it in the waking state. You cannot do it in sleep state.

See, there's only in the waking state we can say there is no waking state. So the difference between just this awareness, which is completely without attributes and qualities, and consciousness, which is this sense of that 'I exist, I am,' is only like the difference between water and ice. Although it is the same qualitatively, it feels different. The experience of sleep is different from the experience of waking. The sense 'I am' is not present in sleep. But in the waking, you cannot deny the presence of this sense that 'I am.' This world is appearing to you. It's always me and the other. Can you testify to the appearance of the world without you being there? Not as the body, but you being there? You cannot.

So this sense that 'I am,' that's why we have two questions. One is: 'Can you stop being now?' What would you say? No. Not because the beingness is here, the presence is here. This question is different from 'Are you aware now?' Is it? I feel... I... 'Are you aware now?' brings the attention to 'I am' versus a person. And who is aware even if 'I am' is going to 'I am'? Is that of fire? So 'Are you aware now?' has the potency to bring you even prior to 'I am' because it does not need even the confirmation of the presence to confirm that 'I am aware.' I am aware irrespective of the presence of being. 'Can I stop being?' relies on the presence to say, 'Yes, there is, yes, this being, it cannot be stopped.'

But we don't have to read into... you could be feeling you, and maybe something comes from there. And as you keep coming to satsang, then we can look together more and more at this. Because I know initially it can seem like, 'What's going on? I am versus awareness.' We're not trying to create those dichotomies. We're just talking about what is being experienced here. What is the difference between sleep state and waking state? What is this being or consciousness? Who is it that's pretending to be a person? Who is it that is getting rid of personhood? Is it awareness, or is it the dynamic aspect of awareness called consciousness? Has awareness been touched by any of this play? Is it tasting any of the display, or is it all just this being, this consciousness?

So it's my invitation that we look at these things together. You don't have to rush to... because we have any intellectual contemplation, so must not be it wandering the city. Just give it for tonight. Just stay with this question: 'What is the difference between sleep state and waking state? What changes? What wakes up?' Let us give the mic to another somebody. Everyone is tired of hearing my voice now, aren't you? And give a... one, the awareness thing, I just like for her to say that's sometimes...

Yeah, it's like just very like obviously that I'm just aware of the whole play. Like it's just very like... not the contemplation, because sometimes it just gets too heavy. Like, I don't know. Anytime something is feeling heavy, just drop it because it's becoming mental. I don't know if she gets him because I've not been wanting to share this, but it's been a while that because you talk about energy and then I don't want it to be like a mental thing, then it gets very pressurized here and I go... but it's not. If there is any thought even right now, so that I just don't listen, like I listen really something as I want to. I don't know why I don't want to make it up, my despair. Come on.

I'm just going to make a request. Recently, a while ago, because of something I was suffering, and then like out of grace, some divine form appeared in front of me and he sang this song and it brought immediate peace inside me and I felt very happy. So I would like to request this song. It is: Sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Sabko sanmati de... Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Sitaram, Ishwar Allah Tero Naam, sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Yeah, there's more, but for a second...

We sang only these two lines on 26th January, right? Only these two.

Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, patita pavan Sitaram. Ishwar Allah Tero Naam, sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, patita pavan Sitaram. Ishwar Allah Tero Naam, sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, patita pavan Sitaram. Ishwar Allah Tero Naam, sabko sanmati de Bhagwan. Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, patita pavan Sitaram.

Thank you all so very much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Ji Ki Jai. Thank you.