Asking Self-Inquiry Questions? - 8th June 2016

So the thoughts come through this voice, isn't it? What we can see is that if you drop everything that is mind, then allow these concepts—'Who am I?', 'Am I aware now?'—the ones that are pointing you to your true position, allow them to be dropped last. Because the mind is so tricky, it can say, 'But these pointers are also the mind,' you see? Ramakrishna Paramahansa said that these are just thorns that we are using to remove other thorns from a finger, and then both the thorns are thrown away. So even 'Who am I?' is a concept. 'Don't believe your next thought' is a concept. But these are just concepts we're moving. There are very few concepts which can be used in this way to help us come to our true nature, to our reality of what we are. So then after they are done, once you remove the thorn from a finger, we don't need to hold on to this thorn anymore; even this is thrown away. So as we say that this entire voice of the mind is now not going to be believed, we drop the allegiance to the mind, then we see that what I am is this awareness which is aware of the presence of my being. I don't need a thought for that. I don't need a crutch for that, a tool for that anymore, you see? But if you drop the inquiry thoughts while you still believe other thoughts, then you better pick up the inquiry thoughts again.

Okay, that makes sense. I understand that. But yeah, sometimes these thorns that I'm using to remove the other thorns, sometimes they get very proactive.

Yes, the mind tries to come in and now pretends to be the ally in the search for the Self. But even this will be withdrawn. If it is coming through actively and saying 'Who am I?', then mostly it can be used like this as a pointer to check on who you are. But this also, you are absolutely right, sometimes is taken too far. Because I find people who are not using 'Who am I?' as an inquiry; they're just going 'Who am I? Who am I?' like a mantra or something.

I find that happens because sometimes when the mind comes really strong and it's really hard to disentangle, I almost have to use it as a mantra for a little bit before I can start sinking into the depth of the question, you know what I mean?

Yeah. One thing we can inquire into together here right now is: that 'I' that wants to sink into the depth of the question is which one? Which is the inquiry itself, isn't it? So the inquiry is 'Who am I?', and then there's an 'I' which is coming and saying 'I need to use the Who am I to inquire into the depth of Who I am.' So who is this 'I' that is trying to use 'Who am I?'

Yeah, that 'I' can also be observed. It's in front of the lens as well. It's observable, so it's an object, right? So it's not really me.

Can you find this object?

No, not physically. Because this person idea is not even found like atoms and molecules. It is not even found like the body. I can point to the body and see, 'Okay, this body is the person,' but is it really the body? The body doesn't want freedom. The body doesn't want better relationships. The body doesn't want money, you see? So all of these are personal. That's why I say that the person is the second-level delusion, actually. We can't even find it in this phenomenal world; even our imagination of it is not very clear. And that is the whole mystery: how something which is not even here, that we don't even have a clear picture of, seems to get so much of our belief. That is the mystery.

Yeah, and it's very sneaky because all that you find of this person is a representative voice. It always seems to be in our head saying, 'I must do this' or 'I must not do this. Now I must do it like this. I am doing it right.' So we are still buying into this idea that I am a separate entity without actually being able to find the separate entity. Therefore, one's question 'Who am I?' is so pristine because not only does it wipe away the belief in this false one, it also points us to what is really here. So now even this idea that 'I am using the inquiry'—although relative to all other ideas you can see it is very auspicious—but even this idea can be used for our inquiry itself: who is the one that is using the inquiry?

Nice. Yeah, I need to start that because there's some 'I' forming around that the person is doing the inquiry now. It's like a 'good cop,' you know? Somebody that gets it, kind of, and is going to use the inquiry.

Okay, thank you so much. You reminded me of this story that I used to share very often, but I haven't shared for a few months, so maybe I can share now again. Suppose we were born into this world which had no mirrors, so we could not see who we are. And everyone around us, starting from our parents, told us that you are a cat. They said, 'You're a cat, you're a cat.' Then we have even this mind game which said, 'You're a cat, and what you have to do is get the next bowl of milk.' So the entirety of our life became about this belief that 'I am a cat' and 'What is my next bowl of milk? How do I get this next bowl of milk?' Then various bowls of milk came: relationships came, money came, even health of the body came. When all of these bowls of milk came and they went, and something still did not feel satisfied, we did not find the internal sense of peace and joy. Then someone comes and says that there is one ultimate bowl of milk: it is freedom. You get that nectar, you know, the nectarine milk, the bowl of milk which is never-ending nectar, and then you will be full of bliss and joy. Then we went to various places trying to get this bowl of milk. The cat wants freedom, you see? It said, 'This is the ultimate bowl of milk, the never-ending nectar. Now I only want freedom.' We tried various things to get it. So even this freedom seems so elusive. The cat trying to get to freedom wants to become a free cat. And then you come to a sage like Mooji who says, 'You are not a cat. Can you show me the cat?' Initially, for many, there can be resistance. They say, 'No, no, I came for my bowl of milk because I am a cat. So give me my joy and bliss which was promised. Don't ask me whether I'm a cat or not.' So many will leave from Satsang, you see? Because it is only the sage which is carrying a mirror now. He's showing you—I am showing you the mirror. Can you show me the cat? So this question 'Who am I?', this inquiry, is actually the mirror. It's helping you to see that there is no person here. Many times even the inquiry, even the greatest pointings of the sages, the cat itself takes on, hoping that it will lead to some bowl of milk at the end. But freedom is not coming to a cat; it is freedom from the identity of being the cat. So notice that the mind will come in and say, 'See, now you have to do the inquiry properly. You found your way, now do the inquiry.' But that's just the cat trying to become free. You see that there is no cat here, there is no tool, there is nobody here that will become free. Then that is freedom. Freedom from the false belief in the idea that I exist as a person.

That's a great story, thank you. I find it very helpful. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm the cat that's trying to find my freedom bowl a little bit.

Okay, now if we take even this away from you, now what are you supposed to do? That's why I say that as long as we are not buying the next thought, 'don't believe your next thought' is freedom now. Because there is no cat. You only pull up the cat conditioning when we believe our next thought. When we target this tree of conditioning through our belief in our thoughts, only then can we pretend to be a cat that even wants freedom. Although it must be said that amongst all endeavors, I would still say that the endeavor for freedom is still auspicious. But sometimes what happens is that this cat either ends up being a very frustrated cat because there is no freedom for the cat, or it becomes a very spiritually egoistic cat: 'I caught it, I found it, I made it, I'm the best inquirer ever,' you see? So it's very useful even to see who is the one that's saying 'I am using the inquiry now.' Who is this 'I'? And to see that even this is the non-existent one. By the way, this does not mean that we have to drop the inquiry, because the dropping of the inquiry prematurely is also a conclusion which comes from the mind. For a while it can seem very wobbly because you had a path, and now he's taken the path also away from me. I don't know what to do. But he said also don't drop the inquiry. It can seem completely confusing and frustrating to the mind. But if you can just stay with this and see what is happening now, the dropping of this mental knowing what I must do is surrender. As we surrender to this, not buying the content of our thoughts and continuing very naturally to inquire into 'Who am I?', 'Who is aware of even these words of mine?', 'Who is aware of the thoughts which are coming in response to these words?'—if the inquiry can be very restrained in this way, just sincere asking 'Who am I?' not as a practice but as a genuine questioning. A sincere question: 'I don't know why but I am here. Who knows even that I am here?' With this kind of openness, this kind of emptiness, some fear can come, not knowing what to do next. Just as you continue to remain in Satsang, you find very quickly that these words which are pointing you to what you are, these pointers, seem more and more clear. And you've not made a practitioner out of yourself, you've not made a career seeker out of yourself. You don't know what is going to happen next. I'd be very happy next time when we speak if you can say what is your finding when you ask 'Who am I?' What is your discovery about who you are? Not just how it moves your attention back away from the mind and away from the content of the world. The question was 'Who am I?' Although all the beautiful byproducts can be there, the root of the question still remains: who are you? So if you sincerely ask this question 'Who am I?', including asking yourself 'Who is asking the question Who am I?', it becomes so strong like this. Not even taking on the perspective of the one who's using 'Who am I' now.

Right. Right now when I ask the question, all I get is just silence, and it's a peaceful silence. But then the silence gets disrupted with thoughts after a little bit, and then that's where it sort of ends. Then I have to like ask other questions about who's thinking those thoughts and come back to the 'Who am I?' question. So that's where I'm at right now.

As you continue with this inquiry, we can also look together to see whether it can come to the discovery of who you are, the recognition of who you are. Because often I say that there are things which are happening in Satsang: the first is the simpler thing, which is the recognition of who you are, and the second is the dropping of the old conditioning, the false beliefs that we carried about ourselves. So my feeling is that very soon, just as we look together, we will come to this recognition of who we are. Then it is just the old garbage which remains to be thrown out, which will also happen automatically as you remain in Satsang. Thank you so much for this beautiful interaction and welcome, welcome to Satsang.

Thank you so much, really appreciate it. Love you, thank you.